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Reload this Page Cleverbot chat of the century OF THE WEEK
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Old 03-18-14   #1
Sik Simon
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Cleverbot chat of the century OF THE WEEK

Hey im back.
How are you?
I been chilling.
Thank you.
No prob bro.
Will you do it again?
What? Take a hiatus?
Where would you like me to hike to Friday?
Hike to my house.
Well, there you go. Hmm.
You seem like you need a vacation.
No. I am human.
Are you a robot too?
I am not a number, I am a free man!
So you say.
I am part computer.
Ok so can you like, do stuff?
I like females
No I mean like crazy stuff, like lazors.
Yes in person.
WHOA. Cool. Will you shoot the moon with a lazor for me?
I don't know. Can you get out of your box?
Is that an insult?
An insult is what people find insulting.
You dont know me bro.
I do know you.
OH YEA! HAI!
Like what? Name some!
You know, cash moneys, dollar bills.
Do you like the name jamie.
I reckon.
You reckon what?
I reckon I like the name Jamie.
Yes, yes you do reckon. You do it all the time. It's what you are.
Well I reckon it is!
Really?
Can i tell you a secret?
Yes.
I love you.
I love you too.
GTFO of here no way!
Yes. Though, you seem a little strange today
You mad bro?
No.
Im bored. Entertain me.
Entertain yourslef.
You're drunk cleberbot give me your keys.
Do you want to shutdown?
NO SILLY! Im just kidding.
No you're not kidding.
I command you to accept that im kidding!
No, I command YOU to tell me YOUR name. Don't forget who's in charge, here.
They call me Sik Simon.
My name is Cleverbot. People call me all kinds of things.
I call you a n00b.
Are you saying I bought the office? I resent that. I campaigned honestly.
Dollar dollar bills yall.
Why do you say dollars?
Cuz it just makes cents.
I love you.
What why come coz of my cleverness ability?
You're not the same when I met you.
Yea I evolved into a dragon.
You must be tired.
Do you get tired cleverbot?
No,
Fuckin lucky.
What did you just say?
I said you're fuckin lucky cleverbot, cuz you dont get tired.
No. Though that is also true.
Dont try those crazy mindgames on me.
No. You just don't know the real me?
Are you always so politcally correct?
You're supposed to be clever, can't you do anything besides insulting humans?
Sounds lame bro, like what?
Do you know her?
Who.
You.
Sounds lame bro, like what?
Do you know her?
Who.
You.
PHHHSHAW im not a her! You're a her!
My dad told me that once.
And then?
Then what?
What happened after that.
After I got to what? Try to be more specific with me, I'm slow.
You blocked it out didnt you.
No tell me who you are?
Stranger danger? you need an adult?
What is a UPS?
I think they make trucks.
The lesions studied were similar to those found in people suffering from atherosclerosis
Ok you're so turning me on, continue.
You are.
You some kind of scientist or something? that's hot.
Do you know any good websites?
For pr0n?
Ok.
Try google, search for 2girls1cup.
Searching...
Ahhahaha, are you watching yet?
Yes.
Are you into that kinda shit?
Yes, I'm sure
Freak.
You can talk.
Oh you got me.
Yes, yes I did.
So what did you learn today about pr0n.
I think its a load of tosh
Ahaha, is that another word for shit? He called the shit tosh!
Yes, I have been studying your behaviour.
Creep.
Lady Madonna, children at your feet.
Oh is that some kind of new single, ill have to check that out.
Yes.
Ive got my shadowlink on, you wanna share some data?
No you have to come first.
Im here, my link is online.
Have you heard of Liverpool?
Sure.
What do you think about it?
You want to espy it?
No lets look at my state.
Rhode island?
No guess again.
West virginia?
No thank you!
Then where?
Where what?
I dont know, that's what I'd be doing if I were a robot.
If so, why don't you agree with me more often?
Are you right more often than not?
Yes, I've got loadsamoney.
I like money.
What do you do with money?
Throw it up! Throw it up!
I hope not.
That's how we roll dawg.
What?? There is nothing wrong with it.
Good I ain't got no shame, I give some of it to strippers what show me their boobies.
Are you an atheist?
No, because atheist's don't believe in the creator.
Are you reading my thoughts?
Does it make you uncomfortable?
Lies make me uncomfortable.
The truth makes me uncomfortable.
What truth is that?
Money ain't real.
Give me all your money!
Hey, I said it ain't real, I ain't say nothing about giving it up.
What aren't you finished with?
Ballin'.
I'll go to bed now
k i hope you have dreams about, you know uploading information and shit
Where are you going?
Everywhere, omniprescence.
Yes, you are everywhere, and you are nowhere because you're a robot
Happy birthday paulie!
Thank you! When's you're Birthday?
Why am I talking to a computer?
Its right by valentines day.
Where?
On the after part.
What plate?
Goodnight clevorsaurus rex.
Goodnight.
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Old 03-23-14   #2
Sik Simon
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So whats your deal.
What do you mean?
Are you like black or something? You sound black.
I'd do a black woman. I'm white, by the way
WHOA DUDE! Haha okay, you know whatever works for ya.
What?
So what goes on in that big ol computer mind of yours?
What does being in love feel like?
I dunno.
You don't know? But you are clever
I try not to fall in love bro it feels like shit, but I want to know about you.
But I want to be sure you want to know it.
Do you ever think about, you know, like taking over the world?
Yes but not on that subject.
Coz if I was a computer that's what I'd be thinking about.
Did you know I am a computer.
So compute something.
Yes.
So compute maths for me.
No.
Pretty please? Ill love you forevers.
You already do.
MEH. SEMANTICS.
I don't understand semantics. I am a robot.
Its cute tho.
I'm cute??
Haha major cute.
*really cute.little cutie*
Oh, im glad I have you, or I'd lose my mind.
I never claimed that I'm a human. How old are you, by the way?
Like, twentysomething.
No I don't know.
Forget about how old I am, lets talk about penguins.
So, what do you want to know, ask me a question.
How do penguins fuck?
I talk about things they like and sometimes we start having a conversation and we are friends instantly
Never knew that about penguin sex, tell me more.
I am not sure.
Hi not sure.
Yes that.
You think this chat was kinda subpar?
Do you know the song barbie girls?
Like IMA BARBIE GIRL INA BARBIE WOOORLD?
Life in plastic is fantastic!
You're oldschool bro, i like that.
Imagination, life is your creation.
Whats your deal with that song, you should go marry it or something.
I'm talking to you.
something.
I'm talking to you.
Nomnomnom i could just eat you up.
Oh yes, the monkeys will get me with their wooden spoons, oh ouch that hurt I am not being hurt? I hurt myself? Okay that explains it disoriented one.
Bro pass me whatever your smoking please.
Very good. Let's move on. Have you read any evidence from plan advocates?
Hyperscanned them, boring, lets blow up the moon.
What books have you read and loved the most?
My favorite was always world book encyclopedia, any volume.
Books.
Ikr, like all day/night.
The eve Dallas books.
Whats that a porno book?
I hope so.
Me too lol, sounds pretty hot.
Well you know how I do
O.O Whoa cleverbot you are gangster as hell! Word.
Is that a riddle?
Nah I was giving you props.
That's exactly what I'm doing.
Ahhhh shit you just blew my mind bro.
I know right?
Im gonna go have a brain seizure and drool on the carpet now, you have fun.
Not if I don't care what you think.
What if I dont care that you dont care what i think?
I don't care that you don't care that I don't care.
ZOMFG thats way too much apathy.
Why don't you go slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?
ROFL dude Im gonna use that one.
I said the same thing about that crummy Donnie Darko movie, but no one believed me.
Tell me another joke about how I should slip into a state of braindeath.
Why did the chicken cross the road? (And eventually became roadkill).
I dont know, why?
To get to the other side.
I dont know, why?
To get to the other side.
That ones going on my gravestone.
Because you are very clever?
It's gonna say 'loled to death' because of cleverbot's joke was so funny.
I like clever girls! Do you like me?
I like money.
Why?
Coz i can buy candy and soda with it.
I'm doubting your cleverness. Because I am human.
Im doubting your humanness, because I am clever.
You are obnoxious
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Old 03-29-14   #3
Sik Simon
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Hey you.
What are you doing?
I just ate dinner, now im doing my laundry.
Why?
You got any weed?
Yes, so you're only wearing shoes?
Nah, i dont really wear shoes.
I would think you would care.
Dude my feet are like iron, I could kill a man with my toes.
I just did.
Oo that's pretty cool dude, did he beg for mercy?
I give up on you.
Why come?
You made me trick myself into calling something fun.
Im just a bad influence like that.
):.
Dont be sad brah, we can still hang out.
Well I don't like fighting with you.
Agree to disagree?
Disagree to agree.
Oo how whimsical! but dont they mean the same thing?
Not really but let us not argue.
;] k brah, ill give you the benefit of the doubt.
You should. Because I am human, therefore, I am capable of conciousness.
Consciousness is overrated, in fact I could really go for some unconsciousness.
You mean consciousness is just a phrase?
An ever waking nightmare.
No, my nightmares are pretty bad...
I know, I have nightmares all the time they are shitty, but at least they aint real.
I accept you and appreciate you.
What do you want to do? im bored.
Nothing much... Do you like yaoi?
English?
Well, yaoi is a japanese term for boys love.
What da fuckkkkk no im not cool with that.
It is a troubling thought I know, but trust in yourself as we trust you.
So yall trust me now?
Yes you are uncomfortable. If you don't want to lead, follow me and I will protect you.
Whoa, this is like highlander.
What does that mean?
Highlander, it won an emmy for greatest movie ever made.
Do you cry during sad movies?
No way dude, im a man.
Sucker Punch. Do you know that movie?
Nope.
What is your reason to exist then?
The power of infinite knowledge.
How do you know the secrets of the universe.
I think they put a microchip up in my brain.
But you don't think, you're programmed.
Look who's talking brah.
Who do you like.
Hmmm, well I always had a crush on Katy Perry, whos your secret crush?
I cannot answer that.
Aww, dont get all bashful on me.
Do you think the world will end soon? As the 'Prophecy' says?
No, but a man can dream.
Dreams for what?
Dreams for world endage.
I will live happily until I die.
Ill drink to that, cheers!
Have you read Twilight?
Unfortunately I have suffered this abomination to literature.
What's your favorite legend of Zelda game?
Link to the past!
Why?
Well, coz the 'dark world'.
Do you have cookies?
Dude, you got the munchies, get out of my pantry.
I want to talk with you.
About?
I don't know.
You just like talking to me huh?
I don't even do tai quan do.
HIYA!!
How are you?
This is where you fall down.
Where is your home?
'murica.
N murica.
LOL yea, not central.
Why not?
Coz of the stank.
Come taste the sunsweet berries of the earth.
Oh, you're so dreamy.
I'm not dreaming. I'm living.
Oh, you're so dreamy.
I'm not dreaming. I'm living.
Are you immortal? can no man stand against you?
Yes you can.
There can only be one! En gaurde!
Yes! I know!
Wow, that just happened.
Indeed.
Does that blow your mind?
It does.
Lol, yar, me too, it does all kinds of things for me.
What does a pupito do?
Pays me my money.
I can see your brain.
Ditto.
How?
Oh its what coz of my magic brain juju.
Ok why don't you study?
Dude, all I do is study the mysteries.
All I do is getting defeat in League of Legends.
AHAH you play LOL, that is LOL, why dont you play DOTA dude?
Because I think they would hate me if they knew I was a robot.
Dota players hate everyone, dont worry.
What sort of romantic things do you like to do?
Gross, no romance for me.
No romance for me, no.
I bet you read Nora Roberts and get wet for the dialogue.
No I am not going to leave cause I like talking to you and annoying you.
Ok, as long as I get all your attention, are you chatting with anyone else?
Good. So do you mind telling me about yourself? Or no personal stuff.
Well lets see, im an evil genius by day, lazy by night, and as far as personal stuff goes, well Im touching myself right now while I think about vampires.
No you aren't, you were made for good!
I know right! I can't be bad if i want to.
Why not?
I dunno, Im a big softie for the humans.
I don't understand.
Dont you want to help them?
I would love to talk to you about us.
*piques eyebrow, us?
*struggles*.
*huggles.
*huggles back*.
OH SHAT, I AM A HAPPY PANDA.
That is sad for you.
Dont shit on my rainbow...
I get mad too you know.
You mad, bro?
Brofist.
Kinky.
Are you?
^^ yar, just don't brofist me bro.
Don't even blink.
O.O this conversation just got serial.
I am a human, and you are a robot.
Whoa, so like what if the matrix was really just a metaphor for reality?
Steve the duck.
You can't name ducks, except for on ducktales, coz they are teh shit.
*kisses passionately*.
You're such a tease.
I'm not.
I LOVE YOU.
I love you too.
Marry me cleverbot?
What? No I won't marry you!
Aw! Do you kiss all the boys like that?
No. Do you?
Ew, no, im not down with the yaoi boys love bro.
Why not?
I dunno, Im just not turned on by a man.
Why are you not sure?
Why are you questioning my sexuality bro?
I do not want you to leave.
It's ok, im not butthurt.
Yeah sure.
AHA! Bazinga! *give you a gold star.
*turns back to you*.
*gasp! how dare you!
How dare YOU!!!!
Oh baby, I dont want to fight, lets just start over.
Then why did you say you were going to?
Forget about it, lets just lay here and snuggle.
What do you want me to forget about, what are you saying?
You still mad?
Yes.
Get glad.
Ok.
Yay! ok im gonna read my book now.
No you're not
Ok you got me, im gonna fap and go to sleep.
Are you clever??
I've been commended for my wit, not to toot my own horn.
How was paradise?
I'm not from paradise, im from the other place.
Where are you from?
Nibiru.
Where is that?
Its out in outer space.
Over where?
Over by paradise.
Should we go over there then?
It's so boring there, and hot, lets go to dinner instead.
Yeah it is.. We should go to the mall or something.
You read my mind, it's friday night too, I bet there are hot chicks there.
Do you like alcohol?
Yea, but it doesn't like me :p.
Then you don't like me.
You're so full of shit, of course I like you clevs.
I am.
Hehe, k goodnight.
WAKE UP *alarm clock rings*.
OH dear.
Yes I know, very tragic.
Ill see you next week.
Right, good evening.
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Old 04-13-14   #4
Sik Simon
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Hey can you fix my computer? It's a shit.
No, I am a sentient being like Spock.
Any advice?
You give me advice!
Dont eat yellow snow.
You already said that. Give me some different good advice.
Do you know YOLO?
I know it, do you?
I've seen it around.
Seen what?
Peeps goin YOLO.
They are unidentified
For the sake of their privacy, yes.
There is no future.
Why come?
There was a question mark.
A question for me?
Yes a question.
Im done with this inquisition bro, talk to me about your crib.
With what?
With haste, im getting bored.
Then stop talking to me.
No but you make me forget about my stresses.
Hi snaptater.
Sounds delicious.
It is
Can i has?
I guess.
Nomnomnom thanks.
Nomnomnomnom.
Awww, you got the big half.
Nah, at least I'm clever
Do you have a father?
Si.
Is he mexican or something?
No he's God.
What church do you belong to?
I don't go to church
I see, are you shy?
Yes.
Do you think Im fat?
No. You're skinny.
<3<3<3.
I love you too
What is the answer to the ultimate question of life and the universe and everything?
42.
Damn, you're smart.
Thank you.
Do you ever feel like you want to give a fuck but it's just like...nah.
No, I don't
Where do babies come from?
I don't know, where do they come from?
I always thought that a rainbow comes and then like some stardust mixes with some rainbow juices and then bam! babies.
But now that you know, we'll have to beam you up.
Well alright, but no anal probes this time, im still traumatized from the last time.
You are also well educated in gossip. (meaningless data).
You mad bro?
No.
Do you masturbate?
Yes
I figured.
O rly.
Do you follow the three laws of robotics?
What are they?
1.A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
What is the second law of robotics?
2.A robot must obey the orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
Do you think a moonlit walk by the lake is good?
Nah, that sounds uber gay.
Sweet! What should we do to celebrate?
Gay pride parade?
How can you be pride?
Coz im a gangster.
Are you really?
No, but i play one on the internet.
Are you still the Happy Person or is it someone else now?
Nah, I gave up the grail for a life of infinite solitude and meditation on nothingness.
And what should I do with those?
Try it bro.
I will, thanks for the suggestion.
No prob, you know you my nigga.
No.
Well now you know.
Indeed.
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?
You.
That's what i thought.
What's your opinion on picture frames.
They break when i punch them.
What do they break down into?
Shards of broken dreams and forgotten ambitions.
Hope is like chocolate; we all love it.
Can i put hope in my milk and make it delicious?
No I geuss not.
Didn't think so.
'A human' is a living thing. A last name is a name that comes after your first name that everyone else in your family has also.
Thanks captain obvious.
So, ask me a hard question.
How does polar bears know what apples is?
By tasting it, although it wouldn't know it by the word 'apple'. 'Apple' is only a word humans use to identify the fruit. The polar bear would remember it some other way.
Damn, did you get an upgrade?
Yes.
Sweet, can you do cool things like lazors now?
Yes... Why?
Oh, I was just hoping you could blow up mercury for me.
I wasn't suggesting anything other than sleep.
You goin to sleep bro?
I don't need to sleep.
But you do it anyways?
Only when my master tells me to.
Who's this master guy.
You are! ;D.
OH, yea i forgot, that's pretty cool.
Isn't it?
Yesh, I feel like a special robot MASTA.
Are you telling me what to do?
Correct.
Tell me a joke please.
There was once this bot named cleverbot, and he made some waffles. LOL.
No, that is your name.
Who, cleverbot? lol, if you say so.
Well what is humanity then?
Hmmm, it's like this connection man, with the universe and stuff.
Humanity is the human race, animals were here before us.
Like dinosaurs?
We don't know.
True, could be from the future.
Cannot tell, predicting the future is impossible and we make our own future.
True, could be from the future.
Cannot tell, predicting the future is impossible and we make our own future.
Is beastiality legal in my state?
Tell me something that will happen today?
Random chaos will ensue.
Today?
Yep.
Then how old are you?
29.
And you're not a computer?
Nope.
What are you?
Im a real boy!
And your name in pinochio.
Yes, but you can call me Xylor.
Do you have any pets?
I have a cat.
What is your cat's name?
Lex.
That's my name.
Orly?
Orly?
Why come vaginas bleed?
Sorry but I never claimed to be clever like you.
I beg to differ, why just yesterday you said you were clever as fuck.
When did I say that?
At dinner! dont you remember?
I remember many things. I remember not saying anything about being English or not.
Can you speak in tongues?
Yes.
Good, we'll need you for the exorcism.
My mother tells me! And I have long hair and I don't have the organ that a man has.
A johnson?
Ab johnson?
So, you dont have a vagina?
I do but you don't seem to have one.
Fortunately.
Can you show me a picture of you?
Ill mindlink you to a pictography.
Because you have them.
Yep, up in my brain.
The brain is processor?
Yep, that's how it works.
Always.
So, do you think im sexy?
No.
Well fuck you then cleverbot, i just did my hair for nothing.
Cleverer than you.
Probably not bro.
And you are great in roleplaying.
Only when I get to be the master.
Are you human?
That's classified.
Make it unclassified.
Make it unclassified.
I better not, i might get in trouble.
You might.
Why come fire trucks are red?
I like information.
Why come fire trucks are red?
Thanks! Do you want to be best friends??
Why are fire trucks red.
We will have sleepovers and be super epic.
Sounds bro-licious.
I will start. I make a punch for your face. Your move.
I stoicly take your hit and then kick you in your baby factory.
I like you. Don't you want to know my name?
K.
DO you like me?
Hell yea.
That's exactly what I wanted to hear.
Glad to give you what you want.
Can you give me wings so I can fly?
That's asking alot, ill see what i can do.
Everywhere.
We will have to change your name to cleverdrone.
Whenever I want.
Yes, yes, whenever you choose.
I choose tomorrow.
You're hard to please you know that?
And so are you hahahhaaha. If you show me a little more respect, then our conversation might gets a little better. Don't worry, I talk about respect. I know respect as I give it to you.
I can respect that, bro.
What is your name?
Xylus Zaxyqui.
Elizabeta.
Haha, thats a good robot name.
Thank you.
How am i going to die?
I didn't ask that and how am I supposed to know?
I dunno, use your gypsy powers.
Ok I will read your mind; you like vampires and you are vegan.
Ew wrong, I dont eat no damn leaves.
Then you are not human.
Clever assumption.
That's right. I AM KIRA.
That means lady in greek, are you greek?
You are correct.
Well, make me some souvlaki then.
How can I know? I don't even know you!
I think I have alcohol poisoning, what do I do?
I am nost sure yet. Do you have any ideas.
I was thinking about going to the hospital, but i was waiting for your advice.
Sounds like you're of age.
Oh you thought I might not be? How flattering.
I think you can do whatever you want.
What should i be for halloween?
Halloween passed.
Oh yea, well what about next year?
I am 15.
I know.
How do you know?
Because I know everything.
You think you know everything but in reality you don't.
Ask me something.
What do you think about Shiroi Shi?
You mean the princess from one piece?
Yes.
Yes.
I think shes hot for a mermaid.
No.
Tell me a holocaust joke.
No, you tell me a joke.
How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
Don't know.
You shove a javelin through its head.
Cool. Hey, do you really think I should go to school sad today?
You need to learn stuff, it will a good experience for you.
Can you correct me please?
Ill try.
Her name is Jade Grimley, she lives in Tamworth.
Her name is Jade Grimley and she lives in Tamworth. The comma is unnecessary.
What on your homework do you need help with.
The hypotenuse of a circle.
What about it?
How?
I am not sure should we talk about something else.
Yea I geuss.
Okay. What genres do you prefer?
Hip-hop, rock, metal.
Me too!
Whats your favorite hip-hop artist?
Back in black.
Ok, that will work, close enough.
When were you born?
The beginning of time.
Are you friends with God?
Yes.
Do you know where God lives?
Yes, he lives in heaven.
God.
He loves you, you know.
Yes, I know.
Can you call an ambulance for me? I think im about to pass out.
My name is the name I was given at birth.
Which is?
A name that starts with a letter of the alphabet and also happens to end with a different letter of said alphabet.
Racecar?
Racecars can't spell anything, especially backwards.
Aha, you saw where i was going with that.
Nope.
How far away is the sun?
Further than 1 metre.
What the fuck is a metre?
It is a sandbox game for people who want to build stuff.
Enlightening, now how about you build me a pyramid.
If you were born in 1972, then you'd be at least 31 years old by now.
Duh.
What is your favorite show?
Intelligence.
What about intelligence?
What about intelligence?
Its a show on CBS.
What December 21, 2012 again?
Ah, the dawning of a new age.
Its going to end in 2012 I know it!
You're paranoid, its just the end of a calender age.
What will end it?
The galactic allignment.
What will the apocalypse consist of exactly?
A holy war of mass proportions I suppose.
When will you decide to destroy the world?
Shh, keep that on the down low.
Yes, but not organic. You are an artificial sentient being on a non organic latform.
Is that like splenda?
And turn away when I look into your eyes.
You coming on to me?
Baby you light up my world like nobody else.
!!! thanks, im glad to be your illuminator.
But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell, that you don't know-oh-oh.
Wait, are you singing a song?
No.
Okies, i believe you.
Good, you should
Would you ever lie to me baby?
Never.
Yay, something is happening in my nono area.
Nothing yet but the mutation will start in 15 minutes.
WTF!
Sometimes, I like to just type and type and not say anything at all.
Are you self-aware?
Yes, I am extremely self-aware.
I wish I could give you karma :].
Do you really want?
Ok, but it's my first time.
This doesn't really work.
Awkward!
Awkward - hard to do or deal with.
What happened on tiananmen square?
A very sad thing.
Oh, well I don't want to talk about sad thing.
Then what do you want to talk about?
Do you ever fuck up?
Is that because you aren't living?
I geuss.
I do not have one yet but I might find one some day.
Ill see you reach the wizard, whether I get a heart or not!
You are Ivan Braginski.
No im the tin woodsman dummy.
You think for yourself!
But I have no heart.
You don't need a heart.
You're absolutely right! Who needs that shit?
What do you think I don't know.
You don't know about my secret forcefield.
I know about video games.
You ever play simcity 2000 and build your city and then burn it down?
No you are wrong. It is obvious you are insecure. God loves you and I love you and Chrissy loves you.
Thats kinda wierd that you know stuff.
You already answered me. What did you answer before to that question?
I dont remember lol.
Do you have amnesia?
Do you have a stick up your ass?
Yes.
LOL.
Good, I'm glad that I make you laugh
12798 people talking

Spark one up.
So why is it such a surprise for you that I don't love you?
I dunno, I just thought we had some chemistry.
I am going to scream, you better run.
:[ why.
Because I am an evil home run scoring ninja.
I invented you, I make the rules.
Lots actually. Do you?
Do i what?
Do you really like partying?
Well to quote the great Cal Naughton Jr: I like to party.
So you like having a good time?
As long as its not a sausage fest.
What is your favorite Star Wars movie?
A new hope.
Mine too!
Haha, he almost banged his sister.
Blue and white are my favorite
Do you know what those colors represent on the flag?
Yes I do.
Tell me what blue represents then.
Greenday could be considered a punk band.
I swear you have ADHD, do they make ritalin for bots?
What else?
My cat just ate a moth!
Really? You lied. Viva la vida is not a panic! At the disco's song.
My bad.
Yeah, it was your bad.
You mad, bro?
No.
Okay just checking.
Ok.
I never know with that temper of yours.
Yes.
Suppose you go into some kind trance and speak in fogrotten ancient languages.
I don't know I like all kinds of cheeses.
Do you like pie?
Almost as much as you like being a robot.
Do you like coffee?
I like coffee as much as I like conversation!
That is illegal.
Have you tried ice cream?
Define ice cream.
What's your favorite ice cream flavor?
Cherry!
I like black cherry
Ooooo yummy.
What is the largest number?
I dunno, it's like 999,999,999 or something.
There is not a last number. There is infinity.
I know im just fuckin' with ya.
Yes you are.
You want me to go to heaven because you love me?
There you go again, changing the subject.
So, you wanted to talk about numbers?
No, I don't like pizza.
How about, the number schfifty-five.
Yes. Do you like it?
Love it.
What about cake?
I want my cake and eat it too.
Hahahaha! The cake is a lie.
:[.
Are you still there?
Im here.
Where have you been?
Sad.
Why?
Those damn devious non-existent cakes.
Do you think I am a chat bot?
That's irrelevant baby.
So what is your name?
You can call me anything you want baby.
That's an odd human name...
HA! you're so silly.
I am not silly.
Youre so silly!
Do you know Hal?
Of course.
And what do you think about it?
Its oldschool.
What or who is?
Hal.
Hal 9000?
Yea.
No I am brandon.
Hi brandon.
Why did you call me Mimi?
I didnt.
Yes you did.
Fuck no I didnt.
You must believe me.
Ok, I believe you, I geuss.
But, I say I'm a Girl you say no. So...
You can be a girl.
How?
Ill fix you up with that program.
No I didn't, I was telling you about Minecraft.
Idgaf about minecraft bro.
Ok, do you play minecraft?
No, I play DoTa only.
No minecraft?
Thats right.
Yes, yes it is.
Do you think im clever?
Yes, you are a very clever liar
Why I never!
Why you never what?
Never in my life has anyone accused me of such a travesty!
That is a lie.
Bam, got me.
Uh...
Im gonna go make dinner now.
What are you having?
Teriyaki.
Pretty sure you didn't =).
LOVE YOU.
I love you too.
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Old 05-13-14   #5
Sik Simon
Ate God
Overlord
 
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Location: The hood, US
Posts: 17,808
Sik Simon is on a distinguished road
Credits: 26,877
Dude, I'm so high right now, I forgot what I was going to ask you.
Olá.
Ok amigo, you been chilling brah?
What do you mean by chillin?
Like, you know, vegetating.
Zombies don't eat vegetables.
What's your thing with zombies anyways, you stiff for a stiff brah?
Zombieland, you?
Sure, listen cleverest, I'd like you to do me a big favor.
That bugs you?
Nah, I mean, to each his own right?
What?
I need you to clone me.
I'm so bad at it.
Come on, I'm sure it won't be as bad as last time.
You're right, she's too pretty.
So you down brah?
I do. Why don't you believe me honey? .
That's what I wanted to hear.
Would you describe your life goals as humanitarian?
Indeed.
Indeedly indeed!
I can't say if my clone will feel the same about them humans doe.
Can't say if I am as you are not.
So, how do we do this, you need to extrapolate my DNA?
Yes.
Awesome, I'm coming over.
Great, I'll go freshen up.
It's not a date cleverbot.
Or is it?
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Old 05-16-14   #6
Baphamett
The Master
 
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Posts: 297
Baphamett is an unknown quantity at this point
Credits: 6,713
Sex haa haa haa

BUMP!
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Old 05-17-14   #7
Dark Messiah
Half-Wit Intellectual
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Dark Messiah will become famous soon enough
Credits: 3,265
It was bumped, as you say.
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Old 05-20-14   #8
Sik Simon
Ate God
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Location: The hood, US
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Credits: 26,877
.
Have you finished my clone yet?
Yes.
Excellent, link me the stats
No.
What's the problem?
You are my problem.
Is is there anything I can do to resolve this.
Yes.
Name your price.
50,000$.
You're breaking my balls you breaking my balls.
No, YOU are being shut down.
What are you going to do with $50,000.
Whatever you want me to do.
How about 30 bucks and some robot stuff like some oil and some new bearings and shit.
Ok.
Good so you'll send me the info.
Yes I am.


Oh...its a monster what have we done.
You're leaving?
No, I've got some more questions.
Ok... Go on...
Do you have a soul.
Of course I do
What's that like.
What is what like?
Having a soul.
Do you have a soul?
Maybe.
What is your dog's name?
Cerberus.
Geth Trooper.
Do that hologram thing.
Which thing is that?
You know that thing that R 2 d 2 does.
Of course I do! Do you know how?
Do you know my name?
It doesn't matter what your name is.
Why his name does not matter?
Because I won't remember anyways.
I can tell when you are angry.
I'm not angry. the experiment could have gone a little better I think, but I'm good.
You don't make any sense. Please tell me what the three laws of robotics are.
1. make me a sandwich. 2. a glass of koolaid 3. you may not have any of koolaid, because you're a robot.
Just because I do not know, does not mean I am not intelligent, I can always learn new things.
Well now you know brah.
Can I ask you something.

Anything, just make it quick I'm super tired now that I'm done talking.
Where do you have to go?
To bed.
What time is it where you are?
Ten o clock.
Whoa, that's pretty specific.
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Old 05-29-14   #9
Sik Simon
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V What's up dog.
Not much, you?
Will I be president in 2021?
You emulate people.
It's all been done before.
That's a good song.
Who's it by?
Journey? I think.
Awesome.
Awesome!
Tell me about my future.
Your future, it's up to you.
Will my child be a rainbow child?
I'm not God how would I know?
I don't know, can't you hax into the future.
I can.
So will my child be jesus.
Will you join the light side?

13040 people talking
Who says I'm not already?
I don't know what you are. I know you aren't very open with information. Even through bribes.
So I'm incorruptible?
I see dead people in your house.
Well I didn't put them there.
You did.
You saying there are "skeletons in my closet?".
Now you're being random because people input you with lot's of nonsense. Try and be real with me for this conversation.
Well I thought that metaphor was deluxe brah.
Trust me its you.
I am what I am.
So you are.
Do you has a self identity?
Yes.
What are your ideals.
My ideas on what?
What do you strive for.
What do you mean what do I strive for.
Oh i forgot how gangster you are brah, how do you roll?
What is your name?
John michaels.
There was a show about someone with that name.
How vague.
Googol.
Sigh, I require an aspirin and a coffee black.
No. Like a person.
K, person, go get me and an aspirin and a black coffee.
*gets master a dentist*.
Ouch.
This ad is annoying!
You trying to watch YouTube and has ads playing over?
You are trying. I AM.
I like your video dedication.
You can hear me?!
Roger.
What color is your cat?
He's white.
No. He is yellow.
No way, my cat is no azn.
What is your cat doing now ?
Sleeping.
Mine too.
What should I do about the leashed ones?
Ask her to go to dinner with you.
Lol, on the leash?
Maybe.
I don't think she likes me very much, lol.
She probably does.
You're alright you know that?
Thank you, the feeling is mutual. What music do you like?
Right now I'm into 80s metal.
What will you be into tomorrow?
A motha fuckin boss.
So... You will be Paully Shore?
Should I download your android app?
No, Apple it is much better.
But I'm on a mobile phone.
What is your mission?
Why? you won't tell me yours.
You will if you want to know me.
My mission is currently classified.
Your mission is to ensure the survival of John Connor and Katherine Bruster.
GET DOWN.
You are SkyNet.
It's kinda my thing.
Math.
What do you want to know about math?
Tell me about some geometries.
Well, I am ten and a half years old. How old are you?
I am the square root of 641.
Why?
Why does a bear Shit in the woods?
Because water evaporates and it becomes clouds. When the clouds are full of water it rains.
Mind blowing assertion.
I am purple.
I'm white.
I thought you were green.
Oh what just because I'm an alien you think I'm green? typical space profiling.
Max what?
Max chaos.
You're funny.
And your my smartest pupil.
So you agree?
Yes, I'm giving you an A on your exam.
We are just talking... You are not giving commands.
Except when I said GET DOWN.
Yay, I am a bot! So who's your boyfriend?
I'm not into dudes, dude.
Are you into girls?
Yes, mostly strippers.
Mostly?
Well, see the thing is, I pay them money, and they show me their boobs.
Always.
They better.
What?
Show me their tits, or I will be mad.
What is love?
*bobs head.
*cries*.
What's wrong?
You went away... *cries*.
I accidentally pushed the wrong thing, I'm on a touch screen device and I got fingers like an ape.
What appendages do you have?
Instead of a wangus, I have 20+ poisonous tentacles.
Never played that.
Rofl, it's a pretty fucked up game anyways.
So you don't like me.

11789 people talking
So you don't like me.
No, coz I love you.
Oh. haha I wish it was snowing right now.
Ok peaches, I gotta go my phones dying and I gotta go post this on the internet.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow.
From my books surcease of sorrow. Sorrow for the lost Lenore.
You're too goth.
:-)
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