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Old 10-15-12   #1
Jordyn
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Since the best meanies i know are here!!!

How do you grow a backbone?

I need to develop some balls so i can tell people who are constantly walking all over me to fuck you!!!

it frustrates me that i can sit and dwell on how stupid i am consistently letting people treat me like this but fail to have the will to stand up and stop them. :/

so how do i do it?
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Old 10-15-12   #2
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in words, you speak to them what goes on in your mind. no need to get physical, that is for stupid people. Just be assertive. No need to kill them, which is what I wish to do often at times when I am around irritation. Refrain from actions. Speak up.
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Old 10-15-12   #3
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Honestly I give you a lot of shit on here but you never crumple up and take it, you always state your position clearly, which usually leaves me with nowhere to go but "Oh, and you're fat too!". So do to them just what you do on DF. State your case and don't engage any further. If someone gets hostile tell them you don't want to be party to it, and bow out.

The biggest defense against being bullied is self confidence, because then no matter what someone says to you, you don't give a shit, because other people's opinions don't count toward your self worth. Do what you have to do to get some self confidence and fuck the haters.
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Old 10-15-12   #4
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The best defense is a good offense. Never acknowledge anything they say as true, never answer any questions, just defer to a question of your own. Never give them the answer they want, once you do that, you have given them a semblance of power. Never become angry, happy, sad, frustrated - you are the true epitome of grace. Never do what they ask you to, never go where they want you to, never say what they think you will say, never be afraid to show your face at the worst possible time for no apparent reason. Meet them eye to eye, but only for a moment, because staring is impolite, and you are the epitome of civility. You are justice, and you are never wrong, thus you are truth, and thus you are divine. You are not only a leader, but you are the leader of all. You have no rival. No man can stand against you. You are the princes of the universe.
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Old 10-16-12   #5
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It would help to get more specifics since there's different ways to get stepped on, which require different approaches.
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Old 10-16-12   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sik Simon View Post
The best defense is a good offense. Never acknowledge anything they say as true, never answer any questions, just defer to a question of your own. Never give them the answer they want, once you do that, you have given them a semblance of power. Never become angry, happy, sad, frustrated - you are the true epitome of grace. Never do what they ask you to, never go where they want you to, never say what they think you will say, never be afraid to show your face at the worst possible time for no apparent reason. Meet them eye to eye, but only for a moment, because staring is impolite, and you are the epitome of civility. You are justice, and you are never wrong, thus you are truth, and thus you are divine. You are not only a leader, but you are the leader of all. You have no rival. No man can stand against you. You are the princes of the universe.
You are immortal? You have, inside you, blood of kings?
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Old 10-16-12   #7
Wicked Lady
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He has no rival? No man can be his equal?
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Old 10-16-12   #8
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*BLAZING GUITAR SOLO*
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Old 10-16-12   #9
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thank you for the heartwarming sentiments.

It's easy to assert myself on line, i can retain my cool, discussing topics i'm passionate about and know it's just online and don't really hurt people.(unless they take it too seriously ). My issue is doing and doing and difficulty saying no in my actual life...i'm a passive pansy that's tired of feeling like the dumb girl that does everything for nothing and being treated depending on how much i have to give.

maybe i'm at this point because i'm not as fat as i once was , i am gaining self confidence, just having issues enforcing it because i don't want to ruffle any feathers, not use to enforcing myself, becoming an egotistical bitch concerns me( i already spend too much time looking at myself in the mirror and marveling at my waist and bones that have been hidden for way to long) and i'm most definitly not the violent type.

I'm tired of being a doormat and through some new and reconnecting relationships finally realizing that there are people who want to be around me, for me...not because i do so much for them and expect so little in return.

I don't want to give eveything for those who treat me like a friend when i have something they want or need and being nothing when i have nothing for them!

you guys do help.
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Old 10-16-12   #10
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Maybe what you need to do is combine your two problems. Put yourself outside your comfort zone and look for a job in retail, some place where you will be forced to deal with angry customers. Forcing yourself to do unpleasant things in the name of self improvement makes you grow as a person. I try to do it as often as possible, even though I hate it and would rather be at home playing World of Warcraft.
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Old 10-16-12   #11
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Who cares if you're an egotistical bitch? I mean seriously. Have you not spent the last 11 years in my company? I am seriously one of the most conceited people on the planet. With good reason, I might add. But even if I was dog ass ugly I'd probably still be a narcissist.
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Old 10-16-12   #12
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As evidenced by the fact I turn every conversation back to me and my awesomeness.

Did I mention my awesomeness?

Also, it freaks me out when fr0g is nice to Jordyn.
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Old 10-16-12   #13
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Who cares if you're an egotistical bitch? I mean seriously. Have you not spent the last 11 years in my company? I am seriously one of the most conceited people on the planet. With good reason, I might add. But even if I was dog ass ugly I'd probably still be a narcissist.
Case in point is me. I am ugly and I use it to my advantage. A bad impression is still an impression. Usually you can get people the maddest if your ugly nub and you act like a God among men. Like it's a confidence you don't deserve. See they want you to act subservient, it's human nature to want to be in control. Control is the key factor, it is the power. We are animals in a state of grace. We are unpredictable and we are uncontrollable.
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Old 10-17-12   #14
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Sik for the win!! Confidence and control, even if you do not have them, if you are capable of displaying them others will react accordingly.

Never step back from the furnaces maw!!
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Old 10-18-12   #15
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you guys are awesome! and the opportunity to freak out dy makes this thread golden.

" Put yourself outside your comfort zone and look for a job in retail, some place where you will be forced to deal with angry customers."

funny enough, i like working with angry people, it makes me feel good because they don't stay angry long, I find it's hard for people to be mean to a nice girl and a sick sense of satisfaction when they feel bad for being an asshole.

I think a job where i need to have patience with a person's inability to grasp the most simple of understandings would be more of a test to my nature. I'm impatient which causes a lot of problems in my life and get upset when people fail to have common courtesy, not using turn signals for example. If they don't know what they're doing, how the hell am i going to know?

Oh wait, i'm the mother of a teenager!!! I should be used to it by now.

Good point though, i'm thinking about going back to a convenience store, you need patience working late hours with the drunken idiots who argue because they can't buy beer and already to drunk to drive from the bars that closed at 2 am, homeless people that use the place as their personal bathroom that you have to clean up after(ewwie gross) and teenagers that come in and loiter because they don't know what to do or have nothing to do but sit around, prevent you from doing work in the back and use the public phone to arrange parties and drug deals!!!

Thinking about it, I was pretty bitchy in my personal life when i worked at town pump! I couldn't get fired for taking my frustrations out on people who were complicating my down time.
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Old 10-19-12   #16
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'The town pump" lol. SOmething tells me you live in some far off place where everybody knows everybody and hangs out at walmart. Dont get me wrong, I love living in the country. It's just funny when I hear about other people doing it.
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Old 10-22-12   #17
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'The town pump" lol. SOmething tells me you live in some far off place where everybody knows everybody and hangs out at walmart. Dont get me wrong, I love living in the country. It's just funny when I hear about other people doing it.
You've been here?!?!

Even now i get the..."don't i know you from somewhere?" usually it's a place i worked or from the town i grew up in, over half the people on my Facebook are people i grew up with, babysat or partied with.

The closer you get to glacier park the smaller the people pool gets.
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Old 10-22-12   #18
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You've been here?!?!
no
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Old 10-23-12   #19
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no
you just pretty accurately described it, i imagine it's like that in a lot of small town societies though.
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Old 10-28-12   #20
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Man small towns suck.

Anyway. People are pretty easy to deal with if you understand them.

The first thing to keep in mind is that everyone's just guessing at who they are and what they're supposed to do and looking for cues from people around them. This is why sociopaths are able to get away with shit, they're just really good at acting like they know what they and you are supposed to do. People respond to that projected authority. Also why we have wars and genocide etc., but nevermind that for now.

Even deeper than that people want someone to tell them not just what to do, but who they are. Confirm or build up someone's self-identity and they'll pretty much worship you for it. Even if that identity is riddled with contradictions. See: Republicans.

It's important to keep in mind that people are always approaching social situations selfishly, even if they're doing nominally selfless things that's just because that's the identify they've built for themselves.

If people aren't pulling their weight and putting their work on you, call them out on it and do it publicly and with confidence. Don't be petty or nasty, just say, "Shouldn't you be doing this? Isn't this your job?" Most people will feel that they should be duty-oriented and want to perform their job well, at least to the extent of feeling shame when called out on it publicly.

Of course other people can be manipulative and sociopaths too, and those people are dangerous as fuck. If you're dealing with a drama hosebeast you wanna have a grounding of allies. Friends are easy to make, people will tend to respond well to the same characteristics; be honest, consistent, and forthright, affirm their self-identity and offer friendship. Especially the latter; if you like people (or at least act like you do) and le them know it, they'll like you back. Well, one thing that makes that a bit tricky though; don't be needy; no one likes someone who wants to be friends because they want you to be their friend; what you want is for someone to be your friend, if that makes sense. Be the giver and not the taker, even if that just means listening to their bullshit and showing interest in their stupid opinions, or inviting them to events. Make sure you come off as generous and not needy, again confidence is the biggest thing here.

Fake confidence and the rest is pretty easy. Don't feel bad about faking it because that's what everyone else is doing anyway. I mean at least to start with, people start believing their own bullshit after a while.
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