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Old 03-05-06   #1
Kendra
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ranting.

well since darkforum really hasn't been active. with the posting and the less amount of an appearance that people would make. i do of course understand the ones that are busy and don't have time for darkforum that much anymore as they used to. i am not meaning them. i'm talking about the ones that i like and still do like that don't come here anymore. but love them to death. or there are some that just don't want to come here because it sucks so much ass. where as the rest of the people that still continue to post here. i don't really care about them. because i don't like them. they basically suck. yes i do of course have enough balls to come out and say it. without bitting my tounge. i'm not saying it behind your backs. i'm saying it to your faces.



seriously there is nothing really here anymore. so why do i keep on choosing to stay on darkforum the way that i do? it's pretty much useless to stay here. but another part of me doesn't mind about how much of a useless place it can be and is.


but i've been here when it used to be called darkness. untill they decided to change darkness to darkforum. as you can see how it's called that today. i have made history through out this place.

now all that anyone can ever really do on here. is check for the new post and fuck off. where as some of the new post that have been posted. they haven't even been remotely interesting. once when nothing would catch my interest. i fuck off. come back from fucking off and check to see if they have more stuff of the new crap being posted. still nothing is interesting.

i'm not the only one who feels this way about darkforum either. i'm pretty sure that other people feel the same way as i do about it. though they talk about it amongst each other in a private manner instead. they can't be able to say it out loud like i can.

Last edited by Kendra; 03-05-06 at 20:06.
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Old 03-05-06   #2
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now if i was the person who owned darkforum. if i wanted it to have more action and to have it become populated. i would get myself an account on myspace. then i would start to advertise it to the people on myspace about darkforum and have those people come over here. man this place would be rolling with business.
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Old 03-05-06   #3
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i am basically allowed to bitch about it. so that is what i did. anybody else could have done the samething as i did. at least since i bitched about it. it's off of my chest. i know it's a site. but most of the time it can be a real pain in the ass. haha. i know that you agree with me on that one.
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Old 03-06-06   #4
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I remember it when how it was, and honestly I think people have just got bored and moved on. I come here to burn some time every now and then, but would you really want to advertise and get more people on here? How do you know the new people will be more exciting?
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Old 03-06-06   #5
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not all new people are excitting. just a few people can be excitting. it all really depends. when it would come to knowing if they are excitting or not. of course i would. i would still advertise this place. at least to put a little bit more of a crowd in here. if people choose to come here or not that is. but yes bordem can kill people out of things. your right on that.
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Old 03-06-06   #6
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i'm having a moment where i don't feel like being nice. because i'm always being nice. cause most of the people aren't nice. so why should i have to be nice all together? but i'm also a women of conscience. i'm not the kind of person that would make another person cry. but i do of course i want to be layed back and not be "too nice" as i am a person that is too nice. being too nice is very exhausting and a bit of irritation. maybe i'm also going through a little bit of a faze. as we all go through fazes. right now my conscience is starting to kick in about this on not wanting to be nice stuff.
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Old 03-07-06   #7
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*hugs Kendra*

does that help? Cause i really would hug you if i could
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Old 03-07-06   #8
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*hugs you back*

i know that you would hug me for real in person. no doubt about that. if it was real. of course that would help. thanks tiggy.

tiggy. hmmm. yeah i'll call you tiggy. pretty dam short. but better.

*nods head in agreement to that*
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Old 03-07-06   #9
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I feel the same way you do Kendra. I wish some of the more familiar personalities we knew would come back and stay a while too.Thats basically why I leave...before you and I started to chat again I would post,wait around a couple of days to see if anyone replied,then after no one showing up,leave again. We were all young when this site started,and now I guess most of us are trying to do something with ourselves.

If you want my opinion,this world,and society has become sour. If you let them,some people will bash you verbally,or in some cases physically. Doesen't mean its a good idea to become the same way,but its always a good attribute to stick up for what you believe in,and defend yourself. :]
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Old 03-07-06   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *SpaceGhost*
I feel the same way you do Kendra. I wish some of the more familiar personalities we knew would come back and stay a while too.Thats basically why I leave...before you and I started to chat again I would post,wait around a couple of days to see if anyone replied,then after no one showing up,leave again. We were all young when this site started,and now I guess most of us are trying to do something with ourselves.

If you want my opinion,this world,and society has become sour. If you let them,some people will bash you verbally,or in some cases physically. Doesen't mean its a good idea to become the same way,but its always a good attribute to stick up for what you believe in,and defend yourself. :]
yeah people are trying to do something with themselves. *nods head*


for the other part. i'm going to think about what you've said. for your opinion. hmm. thanks man. *has a smile*
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Old 03-08-06   #11
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well at costo. i went on over to the jewelry section. now there jewelry has real dimonds. it would go from $150.00 to $30,000 dallors. which is something that i can seriously afford. i'm thinking about either getting a necklace or a bracelet. though i'm not the kind of person that wears any jewelry. of course it wouldn't be for me. i'll hold on to it for when somebody comes into my life. i'll keep it in a safe place and if i think that the person i am going to give it to will deserve it or not. i'll make that decision on my own. i mean i seriously would have to feel if they really deserve it.

it's something that i would seriously have to feel. not only that it would also have to be for what i would feel for them. as well as for what they would feel for me. something that has to be mutual. that she respects and loves me for who i am as a person. that she is with me for how well i treat her as a person. but if she is with me for the gold digging. man your ass is going to be out the fucking door alot faster then how you can say my name.

i wouldn't want you to call me, wright to me, or even show up at my fucking door step. i just want you to get the fuck out of my face and drop dead from the face of this earth. you will be dead to me. you will no longer exist.

yes she would seriously have to be good natured. if she can have all of these things of which i have mentioned. then i think that she would be the kind of person to seriously give my possession to with either that necklace or bracelete. because i seriously feel that she deserves it. she would seriously have to be something. now if she doens't want to accept my possession. i'll be really moved. cause that says something. all on it's own right there. like something good is what that would say. while still wanting to be with me.



i'll buy this ahead of time. keep it in a safe. then i'll decide what to get when it's either between a necklace or a bracelet. untill i meet her. whoever she is that will be out there for me.

this is something i seriously want to do. i'm just going by whatever it is that my heart is telling me to do. what my heart is feeling. this is what it's feeling and wanting to do. other wise it won't be at ease. it would drive me nuts. if i don't act upon my feelings.


but nobody is in my life right now at all. i want to be on my own for the time being. so i'm going to hold on to this stuff. like really keep it in a safe. untill she comes along. but it won't be given to any random women out there. no sir. not at all.

Last edited by Kendra; 03-09-06 at 00:21.
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Old 03-09-06   #12
Kendra
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today i also went to best buy. these are the things i've baught at best buy.

1. the nightmare on elm street in collection through DVD
2. i got an interpol cd
3. another grand theft auto video game

(i'm still playing the other grand theft auto) so i haven't beaten it yet. that other game would be next to play. these video games of which i play. there good because. i'll pretend that it's so and so that has pissed me off. then i'll pretend that the person i'm killing within that video game is the person who has pissed me off. i'll kill them and take all of my hostility out on it. which is seriously GREAT and i feel ALOT BETTER afterwords.

the total was $85.49

with that i gave the lady at the cash registerer $100.00 and with the change that i got back from that. she gave me $14.51

i'm so fucking happy that they had the nightmare on elm streets in collection through DVD. those were my childhood. so when i watch that i would feel as though i would bring myself back. those nightmare on elm streets were 15 years ago. so my jaw completely dropped. when i saw that out of total surprise.

next time when i go back i'm going to get the movie carrie on DVD. since my VHS tape of it died. then i also need to get american werewolf in london. but that would be for the next time. just like costo would be for next time. both of those places would be covered once again. but for some OTHER TIME they will be covered.

oh yeah and i also got some new boots. i got the sketcher kind. i wear a size 6 and a half.

Last edited by Kendra; 03-09-06 at 15:58.
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Old 03-09-06   #13
Kendra
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i'm thinking how i seriously need to clean my room. but i'm feeling rather passive, lazy, and none giving a shit. which is making it even harder for me to do what i need to do to my room. it all has to depend on how i'm feeling. if i'm feeling seriously great with my mood. then my environment would look picked up and cleaned. if i'm feeling rather shitty with my mood. which as in also feeling passive, lazy, and none giving a shit. while feeling other feelings on the side of that which are bad. then i'm not really feeling ok. so my environment would look like shit. right along with myself. it would stay like crap. untill my mood decides to pick it's self up. so i can be able to get myself to do the cleaning of which i need to do to it.

in person the keyword "environment" is something that should tell you how i am feeling.

i mean i started to pick up a little bit. you can see the floor at least. start to pick up the trash. but more trash has been colleced. so i need to pick it up.

i need to get to it. but i'm not going to force myself. i'll go by the way i'm feeling.

Last edited by Kendra; 03-09-06 at 16:53.
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Old 03-10-06   #14
Kendra
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releasing the anger.

i'm feeling that if people need someone to be just there with them. like for the fuck of it. untill they feel as though they have had enough company. then watch them get rid of your ass. as well as people wanting someone that could listen to there problem, giving out advice, a shoulder to cry on, a hug or a kiss. from me. you people can kiss my royal fucking ass!! you people can suck my asshole dry. i'll throw a fart straight into your mouth. untill i cause you to gag on it. then i'll shove a 10 foot poll straight up your asshole and turn you into a popsicle stick. then i'll send you to the slaughter house. i'll watch you become butchered. sell you up for meat. have all the other carnivore's eat you up. out of the human race. but you'll end up probably be tasting like shit to them. your meat would basically go to waste. in the garbage is where it will go. hell maybe even the garbage won't accept that to be it's resting place for when it goes to the waste land. because of how bad it is.

because when you help people. you put alot of energy into it. just to make sure that there spirits are lifted. you won't leave them untill they are feeling better. i mean seriously better. that is what i do. but once when they are feeling better. they are feeling better because of you. they are doing much better because of you. because i made a difference in the world for them. they are being sucessfull into things they are getting into because of my help. i made there world was a better place for them. they wouldn't have all of this if it wasn't for me. when you help those people you get nothing in return from them. or much help from anyone else for that matter.

but then i also realised. with ALOT of people whom i've helped and been hurt by. i could have used all of that energy and helped myself out instead. because my image and health would be alot and look better then what it is now. right now i feel broken down, tired, used up, and beaten. as in my body is kicking my ass. kind of a beaten. is what i'm talking about.

i also realised that i don't have to be there for people. like i'm not responsible for them if they have a problem. how i can't be fixing things for them all the time. because i got my own shit to take care of. that if i don't get around to take care of it. i would never be able to get around to it. because other people are put first instead of myself. take care of them and not my own stuff. it makes it even tougher. i end up getting destroyed.

i mean i'm not god. an angel that was sent down from heaven just to help people. i'm not a saint. i'm just a regular human being. that has been placed here on earth. who does good deeds.

but then helping people out the way i do. makes me feel better. it takes away my depression some what. only a little bit it does.

but then i feel guilty when i'm not there for people. but i can't let myself fall apart either. hah i don't know what to do.

but if people want anything from me. i'm officially out of order. because i need some fixing up to do on myself.


because what i do it gets taken advantage of.

no more. i'm done. i'll get myself to work on not feeling guilty if i can't be there for people. like i said i'm not responsible.

this time it's KENDRA'S TURN!! i know i fucking deserve it. i'm not going to hold that againts myself. i'm stomping my foot down. i need to go through alot of recovery with myself. i'm going to get that recovery.

Last edited by Kendra; 03-10-06 at 17:45.
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Old 03-11-06   #15
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well it felt good to get all of that out in the open. to rage about it the way that i did. it just felt really good. but i still have more rage going on. it's just contained. haha that made me laugh. still my sence of humor is hard to catch. not to many people understand it. but that is ok by me. it's pretty wacky is all. just to give you a little insight to it.

i laughed once again from that. which some how its making it even more laughable.

i don't understand why i find that contained part. to be so laughable. maybe because it's true. since it's true i find hilarity into it.

i know i'm quite the silly one.
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Old 03-11-06   #16
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Wow! you wrote A LOT since I was last here. It's great you have a journal again, I love reading your thoughts and opinions on the things that happen to you, you're so very honest about things.

I know what you mean about making yourself laugh too, I sometimes come here and vent things out, and at the time I'm really really angry and it feels great to get it off my chest. The day after I'll read what I wrote in a calmer mood and it just makes me chuckle - I think it's healthy to be able to laugh at yourself.



xx
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Old 03-11-06   #17
Kendra
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mia~ow
Wow! you wrote A LOT since I was last here. It's great you have a journal again, I love reading your thoughts and opinions on the things that happen to you, you're so very honest about things.

I know what you mean about making yourself laugh too, I sometimes come here and vent things out, and at the time I'm really really angry and it feels great to get it off my chest. The day after I'll read what I wrote in a calmer mood and it just makes me chuckle - I think it's healthy to be able to laugh at yourself.



xx

i'm seriously happy that you came in here. i automatically had a smile.

exactly it does feel great to be able to get shit off of your chest. while being able to laugh at yourself. laughing at yourself isn't a way of bringing yourself down or making fun of yourself. i guess the only way i'm going to be able to describe it is by doing this. i guess i'll go with this example.

ok when a person is having a fear about death. they become really scared about it. but once when there fear about death is over. they are seeing it in a different form of light. then they laugh at themselves about it. thinking how silly it was to be afraid of death. with the way they were.

samething for when people rage about something. they end up having a good laugh about it. when they are in a much calmer mood then before. while the look back on it. basically this is all what it is.

also you wouldn't have a stick shoved up your ass. you wouldn't become totally lose.

i mean if you can't be able to laugh at yourself. then you seriously have some major fucking issues. your basically a tight wad. you have your panties up in a twist.


where ever i am. you are always welcome. my door is ALWAYS open for you mia. it's wide open.
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Old 03-11-06   #18
Kendra
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i'm going to make a side note. people don't have to read EVERYTHING that i wright. that would be way too fucking silly on your part. but if you can't get enough of me and you have to have more of me. you people can read away. you can read like the god dam wind. because i am the wind. star sign. libra. just make sure i don't blow you away or nothing. because you won't be able to reach my journal anymore. then i wouldn't have very much of a viewing party going on. so view what you want to view. if you don't want to view. you can get lost. i just makes things very simple and easy. because i'm a simple and easy kind of a woman.
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Old 03-11-06   #19
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*hugs Kendra real tight*

You speak the most sense.
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Old 03-11-06   #20
Kendra
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*hugs you back. has my closed*

thank you dear
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