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Old 08-05-05   #1
*SpaceGhost*
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This is my 3rd online journal at DF, I believe.The others are failed, because I just did'int keep up with them I guess.Its weird to know that I've been on this message board for about five years.Ive evolved alot-alot,but the bare bones of my persona has always been the same. I remember I was just doing a search on "Gothic Girls".hahaha,Dont ask me why, I have no damn idea.I was fairly new to the gothic subculture. I remember the black lipstick/mascara.Fingernails painted,4-inch platform boots I wore back in Highschool.The main attire was black.The only thing was I could never grow my hair out long,like most 'Rocker' types.If it got long enough it would always start curling,ah well.So heres a rundown of me,now.

5'11
22 years of age
150 lbs

Although I hate to buy clothes at the mall, (everyone wears the exact same thing in this city) If I do its usually at hollister or pacific sunwear.

When it comes to music, I am absolutely in love with Electronic/Trance.I'd say about a month after I joined this site, I began to shed the goth style pretty quickly.The music was just so...dull,and depressing.I wanted more emotion,euphoric strings,something that stimulates the brain.

I tend to fade into the background at times.I hate to be the center of attention,and like to envelope myself in some kind of mystery.Im one of those types that seem really shy,but then can become outgoing when needed.

I dont have very many friends,because I don't trust many people.I feel like I can tell when people are fake,or have bad intentions.Maybe its just paranoia?
I have'nt talked to maria (friend from highschool) in a long time.Last I heard she got serious with her boyfriend,and moved in with him.James enlisted in the military.Thats about it.

Girls.ha,thats a funny subject. Well my history with girls has been rather weird.I tend to attract the poisonous girls.The bad ones.I say Im a good judge of character,but I become a sucker for a pretty face and my mind clouds.That was the old me,though.So here are my past mistakes. I always ended up being very empathic,and caring in the relationship.But I also did'nt want to crowd the girl,so I kept a good distance,let her have a life,etc. So the girl always ends up taking advantage,eating all my positive vibes,and leaves when I burn out.I've been cheated on,alot in the past.

So whats my deal now? Well the last girl I dated was Lisa.She was angelic looking on the outside,satan on the inside.hah.I look back on the relationship,and think "What the fuckin' hell was I thinking?" We dated a month, tops.I left, I could'ent deal with her anymore.We were two different people. I was happy,and she was depressed all the time. How could it have soured so fast you ask?Well we both were quite content with eachother for the first half of the month,and then she started to drift away.Talking about how she hated life,wanted to die,etc,etc.I was very willing to help her with her problem,until she managed to go out with three other guys that I worked with (we all worked together) and fool around with them. She wanted to die alright,but I guess she still liked sex.Good thing I did'int sleep with her.

Im not a virgin,but I am being very careful about who the next girl is.Shes gotta be the right one.When i lost my virginity, I regretted it.Wrong girl,wrong time.It was all wrong.

So now I have been single for a long time.I really have'nt been thinking about sex or girls all that much.Im trying to be healthy,stay positive,and get a career that I can be pleased with.Girls are fine as friends,but when you become mixed up with them in relationships--blah.

I had a job,but I quit.I used to be a busser at a five star hotel restaurant.It was too demanding, I worked six days a week,12 hour shifts,and barely any sleep.It was a fucking grind.My diet was fucked up,and my mind was'ent all that sound.I ended up burning myself out,and eventually snapped.One day I drove up to the gates of the hotel,and just could'ent go in.I turned the car around,and stayed home. Over the years I have acquired a slight glitch in my mind.I tend to maximize my imperfections 100 times bigger than what they are. In the midst of too much working,poor eating habits,and sleep, I started to see things wrong with me.Things that were'nt really there.But I was convinced.I guess I was having a total mental breakdown.I ended up calling work,and telling them, I was leaving town.So I did,and went to new braunfels,texas for a month. I dropped everything,and it severley crippled my status. No money coming in,no money to pay the bills,or eat.Thats where the good part of having a big family comes in.I have three brothers,and five sisters.All within range.So when i fell,they caught me.Since, I have been living with my sister.

I think the breakdown happened for a reason.Before I became a workaholic, I was a believer.I believed in many things.God,Creativity,aliens,time travel.I was starting to grow up,and I hated it.So I found myself again,and ditched what I was starting to turn into.

So now my life is a party,and I have sex with many girls!!

hah,kidding.

So now Im back on Darkforum.Its been a long ass time,and all my net buddies have either gone or we just don't talk much.I would definately say the best years I had on DF was 2001/2002.Those were the days, I remember listening to some al green while puffing up my fro in front of the mirror.hah,ignore that last part.Im watching some stupid infomercial for old soul jams.Look at the lil' alien by the thread title!Ah well Im pretty sure I'll write some more crap tomorrow.
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Old 08-05-05   #2
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Its fun to stay up til 5am,and sleep til 2.I better enjoy it while it lasts,Im going to go job hunting pretty soon.Yet another boring 9-5 job.Im going to at least try and work at the movie theatre or somewhere where I can get discounts on movies or see them for free.

I've been reading these other journals,they are pretty interesting.I never really stopped to observe someone elses life and notice how alike some problems are.I've just gotten through with Kain,and Kendra's.

Dear Diary,
Well today he finally asked me out!!one one one!!

Alright,back to the real stuff.

Got two new tracks of music. The Main title to "One perfect day" remixed by one of my fav Dj's Paul van dyk; and an Armin Van Burren/Dj Tiesto collaboration called Alibi.
The Track is called 'Eternity'.Its trance from Holland.It kicks ass.

Well Im not feelin' very melancholy right now,so Im out.
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Old 08-05-05   #3
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Ack, I got two Damned traffic tickets,and one is overdue.The other is about to be overdue.Good thing they are in different sections of the city.One in S.A. and the other in L.V. I don't participate in bank accounts or credit cards or carrying proper identification so thats where I get kicked in the ass. All at once, I had to go get a Social Security card,bank account,pay off an old IBC bank account,and come up with three hundred sumthin' dollars to pay off these bastards at the court.So my dad sent me three hundred bucks to help me get out of debt.So I go to the bank,and the stupid teller there,said I needed Two forms of ID.So I give her my Social,and drivers license.Well that was'ent good enough,they needed a credit card.To cash a check?The check was from their bank! What an outrage.I hate credit cards.I wanted to tell that bitch to fuck off,and I could have.I was about to,I know she saw it in my eyes.But instead I smirked,and walked out the door.I'll find some way of cashing it.Stupid bastards.
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Old 08-05-05   #4
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Couldnt you get a debit card with your new bank account? I refuse to have credit cards too but I find the debit card useful.
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Old 08-05-05   #5
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Yeah,but to get the account I need another ID.Which is why I guess Im going to the DMV tomorrow to get a plain identification card.Blah!oh woe is me.
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Old 08-05-05   #6
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id be lost without my debit/check card. its got the visa logo so its accepted everywhere. good stuff. aquired thru my bank. helpful online and off.


on a side note: nice journal ya got here.
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Old 08-05-05   #7
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Yeah, I feel weird.Seeing is how most journals go in depth about feelings and whatnot,and Im over here complaining about not cashing a check my rich daddy gave me.Well theres more to that then meets the eye,much like Transformers.I am not a spoiled rich kid.I grew up on a bad side of Texas,gang shootings,not safe to walk down the street alone at any time of the day.I basically got beat up until I eventually learned to fend for myself.I was poor as hell,had nothing but family.Mom was always at work,so my sisters and I were left to figure life out alone, I guess.I had alot of wonky adventures.Fast forward until I finally meet my father for the first time at age 12...or 13...or somewhere around there.I just get a call from him one day,asking me to go visit him in houston.So,that is where the really weak relationship between my father,and I begins.He's got alot of money,but still never gave any to my sisters and I all our teenage years.So we were still poor.He was kinda selfish in a sense.So one day he has some kind of heart disruption or attack or whatever,and rethinks life.He begins to finally take me,and my sisters under his wing,by that time,we were all old and already adults.So blah,he's now helping and is all nice and shit.

Oh,and thanks for the comments,girls. I took a glance at ya'lls journal thingies. (yes...Ya'll) The more I read,the more reality I see.I am usually not in reality.Im always in my mind.Thinking of ways to fix things,understanding stuff.Or Im watching cartoons.
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Old 08-05-05   #8
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The future...

What Do I want to do with the rest of my life?If I don't want to be stuck working the 9-5 daily grind,and going insane, what else is there to do?Well, when we are little kids,we don't think "I want to be General Manager at some bullshit customer service job!" or enlisting in the army (Maybe a few do) but for the most part,children have dreams.Becoming an astronaut,Fireman,artist,singer,etc.Real careers. So what do I want to do?Well, I like performing.I like to be able to be other people.Do things that are'nt possible.Go to places that don't exist.Someday I hope to make my way into entertainment.
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Old 08-05-05   #9
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Blah,night is falling upon this side of the world again.I have been lazy all day! I got to get up and workout again.Its been a while since I have had a full on workout.Back when I was working at the hyatt I worked out everyday,and gained about six or seven pounds of muscle. I think I weighed somewhere around 157 or 160. I lost the weight though.Its hard to keep muscle mass on.My genes are skinny I guess.If I dont work out for a while, i start getting skinny.Ah damn, I hate working out now.I got nothing to motivate me.But I still got to keep active.Keep the blood running I guess.Blegh.
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Old 08-05-05   #10
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hahaha, Im not working out yet. I still got some garbage to post.I like food. I like italian food.I may make the rest of the pasta.yes, Im going to *attempt* to cook.I can't worth shit.I burned it last time.It still tasted good.
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Old 08-05-05   #11
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*thinking food*
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Old 08-05-05   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *SpaceGhost*
The future...

What Do I want to do with the rest of my life?If I don't want to be stuck working the 9-5 daily grind,and going insane, what else is there to do?Well, when we are little kids,we don't think "I want to be General Manager at some bullshit customer service job!" or enlisting in the army (Maybe a few do) but for the most part,children have dreams.Becoming an astronaut,Fireman,artist,singer,etc.Real careers. So what do I want to do?Well, I like performing.I like to be able to be other people.Do things that are'nt possible.Go to places that don't exist.Someday I hope to make my way into entertainment.
id like to write and draw my own comic book. and be published by Slavelabor Graphics.
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Old 08-05-05   #13
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How weird,once upon a time I wanted to publish my own comic by slavelabor graphics.No shit,either.But that was ages ago, I have since abandoned my drawing habits.I've got an artistic knack for all sorts of stuff though. *wanders off*
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Old 08-06-05   #14
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so you want me to merge the other two into this one for you??
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Old 08-06-05   #15
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haha,nah thats okay.The time frame is weird.I think the first one was when this section was first opened,and the other one was like a year off.It would be slightly odd...well for me anyway.but thanks.

On another note, I remember when I was Mod of the friendship board.I think I gave it up,after the board got desolate.
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Old 08-06-05   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *SpaceGhost*
How weird,once upon a time I wanted to publish my own comic by slavelabor graphics.No shit,either.But that was ages ago, I have since abandoned my drawing habits.I've got an artistic knack for all sorts of stuff though. *wanders off*
i almost cant believe that.....i mean...seriously...what are the chances??

id like to see some of your art sometime....drawings, sketches, whatever.
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Old 08-06-05   #17
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Well looks like I gotta wake up early to do grown up adult crap.Ah well, Im still waking up at 4 am to see Planet of the apes tv series on Sci fi.They play all the good shows so freaking late.I have to stay up til 1,if I want to see Quantum leap.Bastards.But I gotta watch those shows,I was practically raised on them.More later kiddies,unfortunately.
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Old 08-06-05   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilywhitemm
i almost cant believe that.....i mean...seriously...what are the chances??

id like to see some of your art sometime....drawings, sketches, whatever.
Well I have my old acrylic paintings on my wall,and some sketches I did with some kind of chalky black art pencil. I cant remember.They are all about five years old.As for sketches, I dont have those at all. I could take up drawing again,but hmm..The paintings and stuff are all alien/sasqautch related.

As for Slavelabor...I was a fan of Roman Dirge.I have'nt read any of his comic's lately maybe thats something I should look into.I like the stuff published by that company,it reminds me alot of Tim burton.
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Old 08-06-05   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *SpaceGhost*
Well I have my old acrylic paintings on my wall,and some sketches I did with some kind of chalky black art pencil. I cant remember.They are all about five years old.As for sketches, I dont have those at all. I could take up drawing again,but hmm..The paintings and stuff are all alien/sasqautch related.

As for Slavelabor...I was a fan of Roman Dirge.I have'nt read any of his comic's lately maybe thats something I should look into.I like the stuff published by that company,it reminds me alot of Tim burton.
i LOVE dirge! ive taked to the guy via email a few times, hes really decent! i like JTHM too. (jhonen vasquez draws that one). i hand drew a picture of Lenore on my leg with pen a good number of years ago (upside down to me, right side up to everyone else) and had my friend tattoo over it

you should take up drawing again! id love to see some of it! its really cool to learn this stuff about you, especially since ive been here 2 years now and have seen you but never really learned anything. im sorry my journals dull.
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Old 08-06-05   #20
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haha,your journal is'ent dull.We all have exciting lives.We just gotta be more perceptive to them,at times we forget.Mayhaps I will take up drawing again.*shrugs*If I get out of being so lazy. :]
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