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Old 06-23-05   #1
Uncletiggs
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Mom's

My Mother.....

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle
of next week!"

4.My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going
to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8 My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12 My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who
don't have the wondeful things you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE! .
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19... My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
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Beware the ex's.. They ARE out to get you...

Nice guys finish last
It isn't just a saying.. It's a fact of life!

Those things that produced your ex......you know, the bitchmakers! Metagion

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

You're not who you are, you're only what other people think you are

Your more Delusional than you think I am! {Duck Dodgers}
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Old 06-23-05   #2
Mia~ow
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Haha!! So true!
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Old 06-23-05   #3
harli
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wow. i think my moms told me just about every one of those.
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quit your fucking whining.
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Old 06-23-05   #4
Uncletiggs
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Heh, my stepdad sent it to me.. Guess thats what i get for emailing him for fathers day...
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Beware the ex's.. They ARE out to get you...

Nice guys finish last
It isn't just a saying.. It's a fact of life!

Those things that produced your ex......you know, the bitchmakers! Metagion

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

You're not who you are, you're only what other people think you are

Your more Delusional than you think I am! {Duck Dodgers}
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Old 06-23-05   #5
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hmm, i heard of few of those from my old man, not my mother. best response i gave was when he said to me "i brought you into this world, I can take you out" My response was "i never asked to be broguth into this world to begin with so what difference does it make to me if you take me out of it?"
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You can look at it as a metaphor for the fleeting nature of human life, or just chalk it up to my being a sick, bloodthirsty monster. Either way, it's all the same.

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person

" It is easier to write words on water then to try to use argument on a christian"
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Old 06-23-05   #6
Quiet.....
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good stuff. funny.
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i believe in practicing compassion.
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