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Old 06-23-05   #1
Mia~ow
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This person is driving me mad

I don't know what to do. Recently I was befriended by someone who just won't leave me alone. She's really hard work, I don't particularly have much in common with her, I find her views on life tedious and boring, she's selfish, and none of my 'real' friends like her.

The fact is she's quite lonely and vulnerable and for that fact only I feel I can't just tell her to piss off.

She's constantly asking me to go here there and everywhere with her and even invites herself along to things that I'm going to with other people (who also don't like her).

I've let her down on numerous occasions in the hope that she will 'get the hint' but she never has. I've actually been out with her for the past two weekends and now she's pestering me to go out with her this weekend too. I've already made my excuses.

HELP!! she's driving me crazy! How can I get her out of my life without appearing callous and uncaring? (I'm scared she would do something stupid)
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Old 06-23-05   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mia~ow
I don't know what to do. Recently I was befriended by someone who just won't leave me alone. She's really hard work, I don't particularly have much in common with her, I find her views on life tedious and boring, she's selfish, and none of my 'real' friends like her.

The fact is she's quite lonely and vulnerable and for that fact only I feel I can't just tell her to piss off.

She's constantly asking me to go here there and everywhere with her and even invites herself along to things that I'm going to with other people (who also don't like her).

I've let her down on numerous occasions in the hope that she will 'get the hint' but she never has. I've actually been out with her for the past two weekends and now she's pestering me to go out with her this weekend too. I've already made my excuses.

HELP!! she's driving me crazy! How can I get her out of my life without appearing callous and uncaring? (I'm scared she would do something stupid)
The truth shall set you free.

Be blunt if you have to, but you don't have to add to it.

You can say 'I don't wanna talk about it anymore' without adding '....you blabbering twit.' to the end of it.

...but dropping hints won't work. If you really don't wanna hang around her anymore, tell her matter-of-factly. it might seem brutal, but the alternative is worse.
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Old 06-23-05   #3
Mia~ow
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Qoji
The truth shall set you free.

Be blunt if you have to, but you don't have to add to it.

You can say 'I don't wanna talk about it anymore' without adding '....you blabbering twit.' to the end of it.

...but dropping hints won't work. If you really don't wanna hang around her anymore, tell her matter-of-factly. it might seem brutal, but the alternative is worse.
Ach, I know you're right. It's just really awkward, bleurgh. If I don't get to the point with her soon, I'm going to end up resenting her and just blowing up in her face. I hate these kinda situations.
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Old 06-23-05   #4
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As do I, but the sooner they end, the better.
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Old 06-23-05   #5
Mia~ow
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I know.

thanks Qoji.
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Old 06-23-05   #6
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I had a friend who kept bugging me like that, always calling me to got out and thing like that.
until i he admitted he was in love with me, i told him i'm not gay or bi-sexual but we became close friends.

Maybe it's the same case with your stalker.
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Old 06-23-05   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mia~ow
I don't know what to do. Recently I was befriended by someone who just won't leave me alone. She's really hard work, I don't particularly have much in common with her, I find her views on life tedious and boring, she's selfish, and none of my 'real' friends like her.

The fact is she's quite lonely and vulnerable and for that fact only I feel I can't just tell her to piss off.

She's constantly asking me to go here there and everywhere with her and even invites herself along to things that I'm going to with other people (who also don't like her).

I've let her down on numerous occasions in the hope that she will 'get the hint' but she never has. I've actually been out with her for the past two weekends and now she's pestering me to go out with her this weekend too. I've already made my excuses.

HELP!! she's driving me crazy! How can I get her out of my life without appearing callous and uncaring? (I'm scared she would do something stupid)
do you know anybody like her? If so, introduce them and maybe they'll hit it off.

otherwise,

I'd say to tell her. It might be awkward for a moment, but I don't see how anything horrible can come from it. You can't be co-dependant, you have to live your own life. Just let her know, that you like your space, and she's been a bit pushy. Tell her that if she wants to remain any sort of friends, she ought to chill out a bit.
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Old 06-23-05   #8
Mia~ow
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I'm afraid I don't know anyone like her (If I did, I would probably be avoiding them too)! but that would be a brilliant solution. Her problem is, she doesn't even seem interested in meeting new friends, even when we go out in a group she doesn't make an effort to talk to anyone else.

She's also straight Syph, so no chance of her wanting to start a fling with me or anything (although she did admit to me the other night that she had kissed other girls)

I am just going to have to tell her straight aren't I? I like the way you put that FuckDoll - the telling her to stop being too pushy thing. I think it will work, as it's the reason her last boyfriend split up from her.

Thanks all.
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Old 06-24-05   #9
prometheus
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mia~ow
I don't know what to do. Recently I was befriended by someone who just won't leave me alone. She's really hard work, I don't particularly have much in common with her, I find her views on life tedious and boring, she's selfish, and none of my 'real' friends like her.

The fact is she's quite lonely and vulnerable and for that fact only I feel I can't just tell her to piss off.

She's constantly asking me to go here there and everywhere with her and even invites herself along to things that I'm going to with other people (who also don't like her).

I've let her down on numerous occasions in the hope that she will 'get the hint' but she never has. I've actually been out with her for the past two weekends and now she's pestering me to go out with her this weekend too. I've already made my excuses.

HELP!! she's driving me crazy! How can I get her out of my life without appearing callous and uncaring? (I'm scared she would do something stupid)
I have a friend who's similar in a lot of respects, but he is a really decent person at heart, just selfish, naive to the point of being stupid and immature... I've been fortunate in that I'm pretty busy these days and only have time to see the guy once a week anyhow, and this is what I'd advise... Keep the person away from your other friends who don't like her, be blunt and tell her you're busy and don't have time to hang around with her all the time... If you meet her and you're with other friends, tell her your busy and you'll catch up with her later... Just be blunt and honest, but not unkind...


That's my impartial advice anyhow, take it or leave it, the choice is yours...
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Old 06-24-05   #10
Mia~ow
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Quote:
Originally Posted by prometheus
I have a friend who's similar in a lot of respects, but he is a really decent person at heart, just selfish, naive to the point of being stupid and immature... I've been fortunate in that I'm pretty busy these days and only have time to see the guy once a week anyhow, and this is what I'd advise... Keep the person away from your other friends who don't like her, be blunt and tell her you're busy and don't have time to hang around with her all the time... If you meet her and you're with other friends, tell her your busy and you'll catch up with her later... Just be blunt and honest, but not unkind...


That's my impartial advice anyhow, take it or leave it, the choice is yours...
Makes sense. Thank you

However, if I saw her once a week that would be too much - I can about cope with once a month...
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Old 06-24-05   #11
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I really can't add anything. You have to advocate for yourself and not let leaches like that own your life. If they do do something stupid as a result you can't bame yourself because if they were already that unstable something was bound to happen rather or not you did anything to make them feel bad as someone else could just as easily.
I wouldn't dismiss the possiblity that she may be romantically interested in you either. Lets see . . . She is following you around like a puppy, ignoring everyone else when you are around, telling you about sexual experiences that she has had with other girls . . . Yeah, that seems like some signs to me. It could all be circumstantial but I wouldn't dismiss the possibility that that might be what's going on.
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Old 06-24-05   #12
prometheus
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Makes sense. Thank you

However, if I saw her once a week that would be too much - I can about cope with once a month...
You'll just have to be busier than I am...
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Old 06-24-05   #13
Mia~ow
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Iron's Rite
I really can't add anything. You have to advocate for yourself and not let leaches like that own your life. If they do do something stupid as a result you can't bame yourself because if they were already that unstable something was bound to happen rather or not you did anything to make them feel bad as someone else could just as easily.
I wouldn't dismiss the possiblity that she may be romantically interested in you either. Lets see . . . She is following you around like a puppy, ignoring everyone else when you are around, telling you about sexual experiences that she has had with other girls . . . Yeah, that seems like some signs to me. It could all be circumstantial but I wouldn't dismiss the possibility that that might be what's going on.
Ah gads! Cheers for the advice Iron. I'll let you know how this progresses :/
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Old 06-24-05   #14
Mia~ow
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You'll just have to be busier than I am...
LOL - I can do busy!
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Old 06-24-05   #15
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well since she is lonley and has no one to hang out with... but she does get very attatched to where it could cause an emotion for the way you would feel about someone that she is hanging out with.. man in a way that does sound like me alot. but at least i'm way more different. with me if you tell me straight off the batt at least i know when to cut shit out. i don't bother people anymore. like i don't take it as far like how other people would do... how they would seriously be insecure with it and become a psycko and really bother the person.. at least i know when to cut shit out. you have the people who do get too close and you have people that don't get too close. but i think you would have to understand on both side.. because i see alot of insecurity going on with your side as well as that other girl. no one is willing to try and understand. i seriously understand this kind of an issue you are having... cause i'm alot like that girl. at least people like me though. i know how to keep stuff under control when they want me to nock shit out. when it would come to situations like this... don't get turn mean unless if she turns mean first. when you sit down and try to talk to her about it.... anyway good luck and i hope that this would all work out the way you want it to.

eventhough i always hate being this kind of position my self because its seriously embarrassing if you ask me...
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Old 06-24-05   #16
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I feel like that around my friends sometimes. Like I'm around to often but I do try to give people space and so far, no one has complained.
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Old 06-24-05   #17
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DItto, Iron.

Also Mia, instead of being blunt about telling her to frig off, you may want to try being blunt about her behaviour; say something like 'It's really rude/irritating/depressing when you talk like that.'
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Old 06-25-05   #18
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This is why I don't keep friends anymore. However, and this is just me, she does need someone to be mean enough to tell her off, kind oflike Qoji said, but not necesarily you. She sounds kind of babied. However this could also be a lack of social understanding. Sounds like she was either very sheltered, or just doesn't get out much, and doesn't know how to act around friends. She has a hard lesson to learn, but she isn't going to learning unless someone, possibly quite brutally, removes the wool from her eyes, and shows her that she is not acting the way she should to keep friends.
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Old 06-25-05   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Iron's Rite
I feel like that around my friends sometimes. Like I'm around to often but I do try to give people space and so far, no one has complained.
yeah i understand how that is. since i'm always in that position... i need to learn not to be so close or get attached to people around me... well i still be that way but i need to learn how to let other people have space.

i think i'll how to someday.
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Old 06-25-05   #20
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sorry about my typing up there i'm kind of tired.
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