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Old 03-08-05   #1
Kendra
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you got another thing coming!

well actually i got that title from a song which i happen to be listening to on the radio right now as we speak of it. because i didn't know what to put for a title exactly. so when i heard this one guy singing "you got another thing coming." i thought that would be perfect for the title of my journal entery.

now you are either welcome to come into my journal or your are not welcome to come in here. you have to make that choice all on your own. but if what you read may get on your nerves from time to time. or if you may get all beefy with me don't be holding that shit to your self. if you have an issue with me then tell me about it as in monitor screen to monitor screen then the two of us could sit down and discuss the problem and matter at hand. but we would handle the problem decently and fairly.

also in my journal if you are going to come in here. treat everyone in my journal and including me with respect. if people have a problem with one another don't be going at it with each other inside my journal. take it to the bitchboard and complain in there and not in here. if you don't understand these rules which i am giving to you. then i repeat don't come in here. but if you do come in here and understand these rules. everything and everyone shall and would be good as i have suggested. i want to do what is good for me and for the things that would be good for you the person who is a reader and a guest inside my journal. yes it is true a girl like me has mannerism. i only use them when they are needed.

ok i think that is enough right there. i went over everything which i have written and explained. i think it is all good. i'm going to have to give my self a compliment and here it is "Kendra you have done a VERY good job!!!"

now then we shall begin.......

well for one thing my computer has taken a shit. as in my computer has crashed. i had one way too many errors stored on to my computer. so i unhooked everything from my tower. then i took it down to the computer place and have them install a new hard drive in it for me. so then i took it back to my house and went into my room and re- hooked everything back up as it was before. as i did that i was going to wait a while before i could find someone that could help me get all of my windows back and such.................. while i had to wait for someone.

of course a friend of mine whom i also went to middle school and high school with has came back into my life. her and i have been seperated for almost 3 years now. the two of us are so excitted that we are back together again. which is seriously cool though. because the both of us have been going out to bars, going to each others houses, and going through old ass memories from school and all that other stuff. mainly we have been hanging out alot with each other.
her name is carly by the way. her and i have alot in commen and we can both understand each other on the same level. we are both very very simular to one another.

also i'm glad that i have someone that could be nice to me. to have someone that i could feel happy and comfortable with. also i like the people that she has as friends because those people are upper classes and they are nice and decent people. they are not downers and they don't make you feel like shit.

so i'm just really happy about that.

another thing that i'm happy about is carly and i take alot of shit from people. while we don't stick up for ourselves on top of it. but carly has been sticking up for her self and she has been a whole lot happier. so since she has been in my spot she does know what i'm going through because she has been there. she is teaching me and telling me how to stick up for my self... right now i'm working with my family and everyone else that is around me. i'll start getting rid of the people in my life who are no good and that really need to go..

so far i stood up to one person in my family. it was my brother kevin. because he came over to the house for a visit. he asked me what i was up to and i told him that i'm studding my tarot deck. so then he turns around and calls me a "FUCKING FAGGOT!" like out of no where. while i thought he was ok with me being a lesbian. he always calls me a faggot, dyke, and a lesbian.... at first i took it as a joke but the more he did it i didn't take it as a joke anymore. so when my brother kevin was about to leave. i stood there all serious and pointing at him and then i said "kevin for now on don't be calling me a fucking faggot, dyke, or a lesbian anymore...." from here he stood there all shocked and like as if he was in trouble or something and his eyes were dancing around alot. then kevin said "are you serious?" my reply to that was a "yes..." then he asked me why and then i told him "because i don't like it."

from there he chuckled and said ok and left.... like a little kid it was really weird though. at first i thought he was ok about me being a lesbian. because at first he said "you can either suck dick or lick pussy. whatever will make my sister happy i'll sapport you with it." with that kind of a comment from him i giggled and made an "ok and thank you" kind of an impression on my face........... plus we were at a regular bar having a tank glass of beer. so i'm starting to get the impression that he isn't ok with me being a lesbian.

i mean if he does have a problem. then he needs to get over it and accept me for the way i am and still love me because there is no changing the Shy Shy. the rest of my family is ok with it. so he needs to learn how to be ok with it.

but i can understand with the way he is thinking "my sister shyshy a lesbian no way man and it can't be."

so ever since i stood up to him one time. i FELT SOOO FUCKING GOOD!!! it was soo unbelievable. it made me feel happier and excitted and how i took it into action. while having alot of courage just to open my mouth to him and tell him to back off.



but it is a good thing i'm stepping up to people and telling them to back off. when i'm not explosive. because if i do wait for someone to pull the fuse out and i explode. i'll become just like them and i'll turn into a major fucking dickhead. i don't want to be like that either. because i'm sweet and nice right now. but if i wait till i'm explosive and tell someone to back off my whole intire personallity would change...... i won't be nice and sweet anymore.


so that felt good and i'm proud of my self for doing that. that took me alot of guts to stand up to him and he comes over to the house and does shit like that to me. because he thinks i'm his little sister and that i could take whatever it is that he does or say to me.... well he and everyone else is thinking pretty dam wrongly about me. i can only take so much from people untill i explode.

so this friend of mine is pretty positive and good for the shy shy. she was the one who helped me fixed my computer and she is the one teaching me and telling me how to stick up my self. which is all pretty dam good.

so whenever people do or say something to me which i don't like at all. i'm going to TELL THEM right when it happens. i don't think most people tend to hurt your feelings on purpose you know. because alot of times people aren't aware that they are doing it and they don't think about the what ifs, should of, could of, and would of kind of concequence.... so alot of times they may not realise that they are hurting your feelings untill you say something about it and confront it to them.
if they get all mad that you are confronting this to them. then fuck them they are bad people and you should get them out of your life. they are like toxic waste baskits. but if they didn't mean to hurt you on purpose and they apologize for it. then those are the type of people you should keep.



also i gave up smoking. because i was up all night till 2 in the morning. i smoked so much that my pulse was beating rapidly. so since my dad has a hard time sleeping on some nights just like me. i went into visit my dad and he took my pulse count. because i wasn't feeling so hot at the time being. he took my pulse and it was beating at 120. while the normal rate for everyone's pulse to be beating is at a 60. from there it took about a week for my heart to simmer down.

from there i threw away all of my cigarettes. i didn't smoke for three weeks and i had no craving for a cigarette at all.

but then once when i went out with my friend again. i was being a very bad girl on my part and i smoked again. from there my dad took my pulse again and it was beating to 100 and again that took a week for it to simmer down. they said that if it didn't simmer down that i might have to see heart specialist. nobody is to blame here but my self really.

but i'm ok now and no one should have to worry about me. i'm starting to stay away from cigarette smoking though. because i know that they aren't really good for you and that i don't have to smoke because other people are smoking. but most of the time it is really tempting.

on another note i am of course smoking pot. i smoke pot with a friend of mine name carly. i like pot because of how it just slows you down and you are relaxed. whatever it was that you were worried about. that dissapears like yesterdays laundry. i only take like about 4 hits from it and then i'm good. at least pot is a downer instead of an upper. and we don't get high all the time. it is only once in a GREAT while to where her and i will both decide "hey i think today will be a good day for pot. i think we should smoke some."

yes i know shyshy is a crazy girl. but what you see with her is what you get.

but i'm really happy with all that is going on with me. AND how i have my good friend back in the picture.... it is great she will do stuff for me and i will do stuff for her and neither one of us are selfish.... like how my other "so-called friend" mallory is. carly and i have some issues with her and are relationship is with her is the love and hate kind of a relationship. but she had a hard life and she was raised differently then how carly and i were raised..... and other stuff with mallory's family.......................

but i don't have to worry about her now. i don't have to be so upset with her either. because i have my good friend back. so i've been much happier since she has came back into my life. because we have going to bars every saturday night and hanging out..... she says i'm a crazy girl to party with and i know how to have fun "giggles and chuckles." which is seriously true... like if she wanted me to get up and dance with her she doesn't have to persue to dance with her, if she wanted me to get up on stage and sing with her she doesn't have to persue me to do it, and of course the both of us drink....... so we pretty much have a really good time with each other. and we are going to hang out with each other alot. we just enjoy each other's company. because the two of us now that we aren't going to hurt one another and if we do it by accident. we are going to confront it to each other.

so i'm pretty much a happy girl right now

Last edited by Shy shy; 03-09-05 at 13:44.
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Old 03-08-05   #2
harli
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Shy!!!!!!! Im Moving To Texas!!!!
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Old 03-08-05   #3
Kendra
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that is seriously great and you should visit me! it would be really cool to have you here in texas.

once when you are in town and depending which part of texas you are in. we could hang with each other and have a great time.
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Old 03-08-05   #4
Kendra
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now that i am back on the forum. i notice how alot of people either have a love or a hate kind of a relationship with me. but i want you people to know that if i get annoying, say something that is wrong, or do something which you people may not like at all and i'm not aware of these things. then you people need to come up to me and talk to me about it. but if you do you should talk to me about it through either a private message or through instant messangers. for right now since i got my computer back and running again i don't have any of my instant messangers at the moment. so you people are going to have to contact me through a private message. also if you are going to discuss these issues with me. don't be so harsh with me about them at all. that really isn't a way to deal with someone if you have a problem with them. we are both going to handle this like adults. then at the end everybody would come out to be much happier then before.

so if you got an issue with me then you need to come and talk to me about it. because if you don't then i'll never now and i won't ever be aware of it. but if you do confront it to me from there i'll be like "oh i'm really really sorry and i didn't mean to get to you as an indivisual" and from there i'll stop and have a chat with you about it through a private message and instant messangers. from there i think everyone should be ok with one another. we all have insecurity's. because that is part of being a human. we all make errors from time to time. but that is seriously ok because we learn not to do them ever again. if you take my feelings into concideration then i'll take your feelings into concideration.

well i said all that i had to say in here.

Last edited by Shy shy; 03-08-05 at 14:32.
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Old 03-08-05   #5
Kendra
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well i am still the same person. nothing about me has changed at all. i know that i am very different. other people on darkforum know that i'm different. other people have there own different style when it would come to having a sence of humor and learning how take something as a joke. while with me you people have to be more carefull and understanding to where i can see you aren't meaning to do this or that to me.

but all of you understand how to take those kind of situations as a joke. while with the shyshy she doesn't. here is how it is inside of her head and let me show you the differences on the joking style of how shy shy has it inside her head.

joke one- why did the chicken cross the road? because it wanted to get to the other side.

the way shyshy would respond to that one. "oh that is a joke HAHAHA i even understand that it is a joke...."

joke style number two- "you are a fucking ugly person and you really make me sick. get out of my life" the person who is saying that to shyshy is saying this now "oh shyshy can't you take a joke?"

from there shyshy has gotten her feelings hurt really easily. that would be her next reaction.

i hope this has helped you people to understand how i see the different types of joking inside of my head. man i got a headach from doing that... from how i was showing you what it was like inside of her own head which caused her to have a headach.

but just incase this does ever happen when i talk to you people. i want you to know about it first before it ever happens. yet most of you may not mean to hurt me by doing it and you'll apologize for doing so. then that is cool and i'll forgive you for it and you know i would. but other people enjoy getting off on stuff like that. those would the type of people that shyshy should really stay away from.

so remember when you are having a conversation with her becarefull with me and shyshy will becarefull with you. i mean if ANY OF THIS EVER TAKES PLACE which isn't right now. i thought i should let you people now about my differences and how she has things set up all differently inside of her own head.

Last edited by Shy shy; 03-09-05 at 13:49.
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Old 03-08-05   #6
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It's great to have you back Shy.
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Old 03-08-05   #7
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shy, i will soooooo come visit you! ill be in Witchta Falls (dunno if i spelled the right) and ill be living with Psyko! we gotta get together and hang out!

i missed you so much!!!!!!


*tackles you and lixx your face* HI BEAUTIFUL!
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Old 03-08-05   #8
Kendra
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edge how are you?

man it has been a LONG TIME since i haven't heard from you. i'm so happy that you came in here to say hello to me

i hope all is well the edge mister!

to lilywhitemm all of that sounds really WONDERFULL!! it would be seriously cool to see you and to hang out with ya.

"tackles ya back and bites your tounge"

hehe missed you too girly...
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Old 03-08-05   #9
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*dances around with shy and edge* i fucking love you guys!!!


im so happy! my business is taking off!!!


shy im so happy youre back...i was gone for a long time too but im back also!

edge, i love you
hows life treating you?
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Old 03-08-05   #10
Kendra
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awww thank you sweetie!

yeah people do come and then they go. but they never stay gone for good

"dances with ya" now i'm not much a good dancer. but at least i'm trying "giggles"
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Old 03-08-05   #11
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i think youre a great dancer!

if youd like i can call ya sometime! i have free nights and weekends on my cell phone
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Old 03-08-05   #12
Kendra
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YEAH that would be seriously great. i'd love to chat with you on the phone. it could be just like the old times.

oh good i'm glad i was worried about the way i was dancing hehe.
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Old 03-08-05   #13
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I am alright guys.
I love you.
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I just canít keep it inside
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Old 03-08-05   #14
Kendra
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we love you to edge

it is good to know that you are doing all right.
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Old 03-08-05   #15
Kendra
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nothing going on for right now. except being on my computer and going through darkforum.

Last edited by Shy shy; 03-09-05 at 13:14.
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Old 03-09-05   #16
Kendra
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you know all of us have a better life lto be lived then most people. most people have it seriously hard while other people don't. over here where all of us live we have our lives to be lived alot easier and how we have more freedom. besides from the people who would live in a country. why do you think those type of people who live in a country have such a blast whenever they come over to america for a visit? yet alot of us sit here and focus on all the bullshit that we shouldn't really be focusing on anyway. while we could easily push those small little unnecessary problems away. while people in a country have alot more important shit to worry about. yet we are the spoiled ones. we think we "may" have it so hard but if you were to think outside of the box a little bit more and see it in a perspective kind of way. then you'll sit here and think oh my god "i'm such a spoiled indivisual who doesn't appreaciate what they have right there infront of them. while people want to have more for them selves. i mean there are children out there who were born with nothing and have nothing and they are around shit mainly. but they respect it and learn how to love and enjoy what they have. even if they are living in shit. if we were in there place we would be crying, making a fuse, and taking a dukie in our panties. then you'll be wanting to go straight home from there.

imagine your self not having the easy type of life which you have right now. imagine that everything you once had which you never appreaciated and being selfish was all gone. all of a sudden you are a person who is living in a country called IRAQ. imagine having an IRAQ kind of a life instead of the one you have right now. if you are a women here imagine being a women in IRAQ and how women over there have seriously no rights at all. we have to cover up our whole intire image. but for the men in IRAQ they are like the leader over there. so i don't know if they still have it hard or not. but i'm pretty sure they have much of a rut just like the women do.... then not being educated since they don't even have school.

i still can't imagine because i don't live there. nore do i want to live there. or imagine being in other shitty ass countries instead of just this one instead of living in america...

take a look at the japanese they go to school from 40 in the morning to study for the pre colledge exame... by the time they get home it would be late. while they are at home they have to study some more. while they don't even have to horse around and do whatever they want on there freetime. because they have no freetime. that is why most of them don't even know how to have fun and they just go seriously crazy and most of them commit suidices. because they have to learn how to be excellent and demanding. they can't do all the shit that WE can do. so can you understand why when the japanese come over to american they have a fucking blast?


now the people who are famous and that WE sapport. they shouldn't have anything to fucking bitch about. with all that money they have which they get from us and with either them making a music album or a movie. they have enough to get them self a therapist. they have enough money buy alot of material shit for them selves unless if you are a clipto like wynona rider.


so next time if i were to feel upset about something that is seriously dumb and not even worth my fucking time and effort to complain about. i'm going to think about everything here which i have written in my journal. maybe all of us are spoiled psychotic american indvisuals..... who don't even know how much we have it to be very fucking simple over here. i'm mad at my self for that. i'm not kidding i really am mad at my self. i take the other part of the world in concideration instead of my self all the time. hehe shyshy you do care about other people then your self. you are such a very silly silly girl.

i mean we should live life the way it sappossed to be live. to enjoy what you are and what you have. while you could of been some where else and lived some where else. not having the stuff which you do now. starting to feel a pain my throat. yes shyshy is starting to cry right now because of her own subject.

"tears falling down and sniffs"
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Old 03-09-05   #17
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*kiss*
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Old 03-09-05   #18
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Old 03-09-05   #19
Kendra
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thinking.

ok everyone has enimies and even our enimies have there own enimies. maybe those kind of people aren't as bad as we think they are. so i'm sitting here thinking that instead of getting seriously upset with them. that maybe we shouldn't judge them so harshly. after all you can learn alot from an enimie. they can also be a great big help to you. i could be right with this and i could be also wrong with it. because they are your enimie for a reason. once when you find out what that reason is the both of you could patch up and be a friend to one another instead of enimies. eventhough most of the time it really doesn't have to be reason and that person is just seriously bad news that you seriously need to get rid of.

Last edited by Shy shy; 03-09-05 at 18:02.
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Old 03-09-05   #20
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If only people could see past all that.
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