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Old 01-24-05   #1
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Ecstatic in the Poison

Well, well, well... here we are again. Yet another beginning to yet another journal. Of course the ultimate hope is to keep up something going for a lengthy period of time. Something that reveals my inner thoughts. Something that gives a glimpse of me... maybe even to myself.

I think it's interesting to look back on old journals and/or diaries and read about the things I thought were interesting at the time. Or the woes of yesteryear. Or that guilty, tingly, excited feeling you get when you touch someone's flesh for the first time. It's always there... whether you're 15 or 29. It's always there.

I think that's my favorite feeling.



(In case you're wondering about the title of this journal, it's the title of a book by a pretty decent poet named Andrew Hudgins. (ty for turning me on, if you happen upon this you know who you are) It just fit for me, so I used it. Check him out if you have the chance.)
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Old 01-24-05   #2
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hehe, i read your diary
plz don't tell mom
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Old 01-25-05   #3
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Second post, so that means I must really be trying. I worked my ass off today and am no better for it. Well, maybe a little. At least physically. It's good to breathe fresh air as long as it's not clogged with gnats.

I had to drive into downtown LA this morning at about 6am. Traffic was a bitch. Thousands upon thousands of cars and I was the only one that seemed to really have someplace to go. Let's give a big hand to whoever invented the carpool lane, you rock.

The weather is nice but they say the rain will return tomorrow. As long as it's gone in a day or two or three I'm cool, but I can't deal with another sixteen. Well, not unless I have to.

oh, and lost graves: I won't tell if you won't.
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Old 01-25-05   #4
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if you hate traffic, S.A. has virtually none
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Old 01-26-05   #5
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I wouldn't move because of the traffic. I'd move because I found a place that fits me better. Not that this place fits me at all, but it's what I got for now.

I told myself it's too early to write anything useful in here as the day has just begun and I've not yet had to endure any madness.

There was a metrolink accident today. The Metrolink is so cal's commuter train. So, it's kind of bad cause they're usually jammed with people, and these two (or three) were. They crashed into each other, and now they have 4 dead, 40+ critically injured, and hundreds hurt. All hapless people on their way to work to support their families and their over-inflated lives. It's sad really, I wonder how many of them heard, "I love you" before they walked out the door this morning.
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Old 01-26-05   #6
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They're saying the train accident was caused by a car parked on the train tracks. The LA Sheriff chief is up in arms, even saying that this is a multiple homicide investigation. An LA County sheriff was one of the dead. He was killed in uniform on their way to work. Two deputies were hurt. Which explains why this horrible accident got such immediate and ongoing attention. The chief of the glendale police (the actual city it occured in) is a bit more subdued and held together.

The death toll is currently up to nine.
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Old 01-26-05   #7
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oh, and the driver of car is still alive. Apparently he/she wasn't in the now obliterated car.
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Old 01-26-05   #8
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We had one of those, the wanker in the car died. People are so selfish.
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Old 01-27-05   #9
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yeah, it turns out this guy wanted to commit suicide. He tried to slash his wrists, but that didn't work, so he drove his jeep cherokee on to some train tracks. Then he changed his mind. He tried to move it but it was wedged in to the tracks. He saw the train coming so he got out of the way and watched as first one train came, hit the cherokee and derailed. Then, along came a second train which did the same thing and ran into a parked southern pacific engine. In all, 12 people died. The guy with the cherokee is in police custody.
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Old 01-27-05   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by >FuckDoll<
(In case you're wondering about the title of this journal, it's the title of a book by a pretty decent poet named Andrew Hudgins. (ty for turning me on, if you happen upon this you know who you are) It just fit for me, so I used it. Check him out if you have the chance.)
I had dinner with Andrew Hudgins and 2 of my professors. Be jealous of me.
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Old 01-27-05   #11
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Actually I know this. You posted that a long time ago in some influences thread in poetry, along with a poem of his. So I checked him out. cool, eh?
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Old 01-27-05   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by >FuckDoll<
Actually I know this. You posted that a long time ago in some influences thread in poetry, along with a poem of his. So I checked him out. cool, eh?
stalker.
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Old 01-27-05   #13
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Quote:
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stalker.
Buy a bunny and I'm on the first flight to Cleveland.
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Old 01-28-05   #14
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What a week of hard work, and I have relativly little to show for it. (Of course, this happens again and again.) Money matters are extra tight right now. So tight I"m not even sure where my rent is going to come from. I hate stressing out about this crap. I shouldn't have to. What makes it even worse is the IRS who won't be mailing out my refund until the 4th of February. Damn slow bastards. Afterall the time I sat there doing the taxes you would think they could take two minutes to throw my check in the mail now. Damn tax man.

I was thinking dirty thoughts about a certain online friend of mine this morning. He's really super cool. He's a big dork (which in turn ups his coolness factor), he's smart, he's sharp, and he's witty. Wit is good. I really like people that can make me laugh. Especially if it's in a smart way. Oh, and he's cute too, which makes him almost unbelievable. Anyway, I'd do him. A lot of people would say no I think. They would say they wouldn't want to ruin the friendship, and blah blah blah. But I'd do him. I'm a bit different when it comes to sex, so I have that liberty. To me sex is something that if fun, and exciting, and feels fucking great, so why not share it with great people? (ie my friends) Ha, I think that sounded even stranger, but I know what I mean so it's all good.
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Old 01-28-05   #15
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Ah sex. Good. Fun. More please.

You're so cute, if I wasn't feeling so wretched (and what with the massive geographical separation) I'd totally make you my hot best friend. You know how it works with friends: you have the hot one, and then the kinda dorky one. I'd be your dork
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Old 01-28-05   #16
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I'm creepy.

Or maybe not. It's raining again. Today will be busy and tomorrow even busier. I've also got a butt load of laundry to do. Blue cheese steak sounds good. I've not worked out today and my mind seems mushed. Correlation? Drop and give me twenty.
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Old 01-28-05   #17
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You can have my dinner. It's nice, just shove it in the microwave and voila, bangers and mash.
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Old 01-28-05   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sybs
Ah sex. Good. Fun. More please.

You're so cute, if I wasn't feeling so wretched (and what with the massive geographical separation) I'd totally make you my hot best friend. You know how it works with friends: you have the hot one, and then the kinda dorky one. I'd be your dork
trust, I have my dorksational moments (often).
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Old 01-28-05   #19
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Quote:
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You can have my dinner. It's nice, just shove it in the microwave and voila, bangers and mash.
I'm gonna stick with the Blue Cheese Steak. oh yes.
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Old 02-01-05   #20
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See there, I almost forgot about this journal. I'd really like to keep some life in it though, so I am here.

Things are stirring today. As anyone can now see by the bright red lettering under my name (which I must say makes me a bit self-conscious) that I have been re-modded as the poetry mod. It's cool, cause I was really excited about the whole poetry mod deal in the first place. Granted, I don't have quite the same excitement, but I imagine I'll be able to muster it up again.

The whole purging and lillith mess took a lot out of me, but everyone involved seems to have risen above it, including myself. I'm sure there will be some negative reaction; don't know if it will be external, or even be mentioned in any public way, but I'm sure there will be some negative reaction. I believe there are some who don't trust me, or believe they can't trust me. That all boils down to listening to half-truths, and buying in to hype. Not only for those who don't trust me, but for myself as well.

I bought into someone's comments to me and believed they had more power than they did (and therefore became agitated and felt betrayed). And as a result of that gave this person the ammunition they needed and wanted to fling in the face of others to join the 'against me' side.

Ah well, shit happens.

I can't say I'm going to make too many waves... shit, there's barely any water to stir up at this point, but I will still go by the same credo: Any member here at df should be treated the same and held to the same standards as any other member of df. This seems to be the norm now, it wasn't before, if my previous modding/demodding had any influence in this change, then it was well worth it.

Clearly I enjoy df, even if I won't readily admit to it. Sure, I took some time off... maybe a month at the most, and then I stuck to the arcade for a couple more months, but the air needed to be cleared.

Also, in case anyone is wondering, yes, I am still an Admin at devientcircle.net, yes, I still frequent dc regularly, and yes, I will continue to. Yes, there are regular members of dc that have been banned from df, yes, I interact with them, and yes, I even respect some of them.

There are people there that don't like df, or some of the people here. They're entitled to their opinion. Yes, there are idiots as well. As anyone who has frequented dc for any period of time (as quite a few of you have) it's unmoderated. It's a sort of, 'you better stand up for yourself, or get kicked while your down' board. We all tend to get along there, antagonists and all. Not everybody likes everybody, and nobody is afraid to say it. However, you can come in as a newb, and if you have a decent head on your shoulders, be welcomed and gain respect. It's a bit of an older crowd as well.

That's different than here. Df gets more traffic through it and needs to maintain some level of civility among posters. Df does allow us the bitch board to say whatever we need, and that's all well and good. Different strokes for different folks, but both boards are still going strong, and are completely independent of each other. One has nothing to do with the other except that they both have some of the same members. Sure, there was occasion for dc members to go on about df, but again, shit happens. They're allowed that there. They've gone on about other boards they post on as well.

There was also a lot of talk by someone now df banned saying he had 'inside lair sources'. I bought into it for about a second before realizing he was just totally full of shit. It wasn't me, and I don't think it was ever anybody. In fact, he still claims to have 'inside lair sources'. lol, I think it's just a tool to try to get certain people riled up. After all, look where it's coming from. You kind of have to face the fact that with a board this large (df) there are going to be at least a few intelligent members. If these members are regulars here, they're going to know our (mods) personalities, and they're going to know any general board issues. Doesn't mean anybody gave them top secret info, just means that some people can add 2+2.

I don't really know what the point of this long winded post is, but I do know that I'm cool with everyone, and I hope everyone is cool with me. If you have any misgivings about me, keep an 'eye on me', (so to speak), check out dc if you'd like, post stalk me here if you like, really you'll see I have the best intentions.
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