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Old 12-25-04   #121
FuckBag
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what's wrong 'bout that?
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Old 12-26-04   #122
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I'm new, so, Hello all...
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Old 12-26-04   #123
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I was born to Slovakian pig farmers in rural Walthamstow, London. From the age of four my parents put me to work shovelling pig shit and general forced child labour. It was at the age of 28 I realized that I and to escape from the vile clutches of my evil parents and I stowed away on a freight ship bound for the south pacific from Southampton. For week’s I lived on dead rats and tinned spam with only a litre bottle of naïve water to see me through my trip. Into the third week I was discovered by a crew member and the crew decided that they would not hand me over to the authorities, but to keep me for their own vile pleasures. So, my life was destined to become a hell on earth. Dragged kicking and screaming to the poop deck I could see the happy sailors, each one with his cock in his hand getting ready to violate my now squeezed tight sphincter.

I had to escape; I saw my moment, made a bolt for the starboard side and dived into the shark infested sea. Laughing and still a virgin I saw the freight ship disappear into the horizon. Now I was really fucked, but, lady luck was never on my side and a small fishing canoe filled with blood thirsty pygmy cannibals happened to be passing by on a small fishing excursion and caught the catch of the day, me. They took me to their native island called “Ompotomanpullaman” and promptly readied the man-size cooking pot, the local pygmy women were preparing vegetables and herbs while others fetched wood for the fire which was going to heat the pot that I was going to be cooked in.

It was at this stage in my life that I truly understood what an unlucky cunt I am. There I am, stark bollock naked, covered in herbs and spices getting ready to be eaten by a bunch of cannibals, fucking marvellous. Just as I was being lowered into the pot I heard a loud cry from the gathered crowd “CUCKING FUNT!!!!” To my utter astonishment it was my old pal Richard (he’d married a local woman through an internet dating agency dealing in pygmy women from the Pacific Rim (he likes his pygmy women)). After initial discussion with the pygmy cannibal’s chief it was decided that I would be spared and become part of the tribe.

My first job in this new environment was becoming the witch doctors apprentice #2 and trainee head shrinker. After three months of training and the many killings/sacrifices of small animals I preformed an exorcism of a small demon from a small goat, I did this at the astonishment of my new found people. One local woman ('Umfufu') became the object of my affections and we married, we have 11 wonderful pygmies, a whole football team!



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Old 12-26-04   #124
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cucking Funt
I was born to Slovakian pig farmers in rural Walthamstow, London. From the age of four my parents put me to work shovelling pig shit and general forced child labour. It was at the age of 28 I realized that I and to escape from the vile clutches of my evil parents and I stowed away on a freight ship bound for the south pacific from Southampton. For week’s I lived on dead rats and tinned spam with only a litre bottle of naïve water to see me through my trip. Into the third week I was discovered by a crew member and the crew decided that they would not hand me over to the authorities, but to keep me for their own vile pleasures. So, my life was destined to become a hell on earth. Dragged kicking and screaming to the poop deck I could see the happy sailors, each one with his cock in his hand getting ready to violate my now squeezed tight sphincter.

I had to escape; I saw my moment, made a bolt for the starboard side and dived into the shark infested sea. Laughing and still a virgin I saw the freight ship disappear into the horizon. Now I was really fucked, but, lady luck was never on my side and a small fishing canoe filled with blood thirsty pygmy cannibals happened to be passing by on a small fishing excursion and caught the catch of the day, me. They took me to their native island called “Ompotomanpullaman” and promptly readied the man-size cooking pot, the local pygmy women were preparing vegetables and herbs while others fetched wood for the fire which was going to heat the pot that I was going to be cooked in.

It was at this stage in my life that I truly understood what an unlucky cunt I am. There I am, stark bollock naked, covered in herbs and spices getting ready to be eaten by a bunch of cannibals, fucking marvellous. Just as I was being lowered into the pot I heard a loud cry from the gathered crowd “CUCKING FUNT!!!!” To my utter astonishment it was my old pal Richard (he’d married a local woman through an internet dating agency dealing in pygmy women from the Pacific Rim (he likes his pygmy women)). After initial discussion with the pygmy cannibal’s chief it was decided that I would be spared and become part of the tribe.

My first job in this new environment was becoming the witch doctors apprentice #2 and trainee head shrinker. After three months of training and the many killings/sacrifices of small animals I preformed an exorcism of a small demon from a small goat, I did this at the astonishment of my new found people. One local woman ('Umfufu') became the object of my affections and we married, we have 11 wonderful pygmies, a whole football team!



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But before you leave (hopefully forever), read all of Sik Simon's threads; he'll teach you how to write humorous nonsense.

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Old 12-26-04   #125
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Hello
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Old 12-26-04   #126
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Originally Posted by (antihero)
But before you leave (hopefully forever), read all of Sik Simon's threads; he'll teach you how to write humorous nonsense.

Thank you.
Well, it's a tad better than "Hi, I'm new, don't hurt me." Wouldn't you agree?
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Old 12-26-04   #127
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Well, it's a tad better than "Hi, I'm new, don't hurt me." Wouldn't you agree?
See, I'm not sure about that. If what you said was solid gold nonsense, then I'd totally agree. you get points for trying to stand out, though.
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Old 12-26-04   #128
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See, I'm not sure about that. If what you said was solid gold nonsense, then I'd totally agree. you get points for trying to stand out, though.
It's complete and utter nonsense, I wouldn't want it any other way. After all, it's only teh web, right? In my book, first impressions last.
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Old 12-26-04   #129
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I'm new, so, Hello all...
Whacha selling?
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Try to buy and brand it
I win, you lose, cause it's my job
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Old 12-26-04   #130
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It's complete and utter nonsense, I wouldn't want it any other way. After all, it's only teh web, right? In my book, first impressions last.
You have too much confidence to be a new to DF. Alter ego, friend of a member, or a creepy lurker?
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Old 12-26-04   #131
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You have too much confidence to be a new to DF. Alter ego, friend of a member, or a creepy lurker?
I looked in my christmas stocking to see if santa brought me you for christmas but he didn't... Was I a bad girl this year or something anti?
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You'll never understand it
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I win, you lose, cause it's my job
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Old 12-26-04   #132
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I looked in my christmas stocking to see if santa brought me you for christmas but he didn't... Was I a bad girl this year or something anti?
I tried to get up there, but some dude chased me off with a gun. He claimed to have a "thing" for you or something. Whatever....
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Old 12-26-04   #133
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I tried to get up there, but some dude chased me off with a gun. He claimed to have a "thing" for you or something. Whatever....
That fucking asshole! When I see ArSiNiK next, I will kick his ass for that...
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Old 12-26-04   #134
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You have too much confidence to be a new to DF. Alter ego, friend of a member, or a creepy lurker?
None of the above, I'm afraid. I found this den of inequity through the 'Big Boards' directory. So, I'm no n0ob to forums , just new here.
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Old 12-26-04   #135
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None of the above, I'm afraid. I found this den of inequity through the 'Big Boards' directory. So, I'm no n0ob to forums , just new here.
oh yeah, i forgot the "jaded forum snob" option. option "D" it is.
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Old 12-26-04   #136
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oh yeah, i forgot the "jaded forum snob" option. option "D" it is.
For a clever guy, you do show a certain degree of angst. Do you get out much?
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Old 12-26-04   #137
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For a clever guy, you do show a certain degree of angst. Do you get out much?
Hey, that's not angst! that's me still not forgiving you for your first post. i mean... you made me read ALL of it, because I was thinking there'd be an awesome tie-in, but.... ack. I have hit an impasse.

And yeah, I get out a lot. I'm angsty BECAUSE I get out a lot, and have been exposed to a lot of people, places and things that suck. in order for angst to be justified, it has to be a product of life experience.
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Old 12-28-04   #138
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For a clever guy, you do show a certain degree of angst. Do you get out much? Because I find that angst combined with intelligence is incredibly enticing, and I would really like to take you for a drink sometime. Whaddaya say big boy ? Rawr!
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Old 12-30-04   #139
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*pokes her head in* I'm new!
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Old 12-30-04   #140
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Hello!! Welcome to DF!

Nice Ava! so you've been to message boards before?? I'm guessing you must have been to have worked out how to use an ava - I had no fucking clue when I first came here!
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