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Reload this Page How (not) to order a pizza .....
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Old 07-10-04   #1
AbstractEvil
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How (not) to order a pizza .....

This thing cracked me up on another forum:

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.

2. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

3. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

4. Give them your address, exclaim, "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.

5. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.

6. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

7. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "garlic bread."

8. Ask what the order taker is wearing.

9. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.

10. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

11. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.

12. Change your accent every three seconds.

13. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.

14. Start your order with "I'd like. . .". A little later, slap yourself and say, "No, I don't."

15. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say, "Okay, that'll be £10.99; please pull up to the first window."

16. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

17. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream GOODBYE at the top of your lungs.

18. Imitate the order taker's voice.

19. Eliminate verbs from your speech.

20. When they say, "What would you like?"--say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."

21. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.

22. Ask to see a menu.

23. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.

24. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.

25. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.

26. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say, "Where was I? Who are you?"

27. Ask what the pizza place's phone number is. Hang up, and call again.

28. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."

29. Start the conversation with "My Call to Pizza Place, Take 1, and. . . action!"

30. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.

31. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.

32. Be vague in your order.

33. When they repeat your order, say, "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."

34. If using a touch-tone press 9-9-9 every 5 seconds throughout the order.

35. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."

36. Put them on hold.

37. Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.

38. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say, "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.

39. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say, "You just don't get it, do you?"

40. When you're given the price, say, "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."

41. When they say, "Will that be all?"--snicker and say, "We'll find out, won't we?"

42. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.

43. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If (s)he says it, say, "Please don't mention that word."

44. Order a steamed pizza.

45. If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, say, in your best pouty voice, "Last guy let me do it."
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Old 07-10-04   #2
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Niccccee....
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Old 07-11-04   #3
AbstractEvil
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Good aint it? I sound crazy when Im sat at the computer giggling to myself. I hate the computer being in the hallway
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LUCAS:Joe, I think its gonna be ok
JOE:What makes you think that?
LUCAS:Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear.

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Old 07-11-04   #4
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In the hallway?? that must bite... I can't even imagine that. The one hallway we have is WAY too narrow...

This actually reminds me of some other things i've read. Like, 136 (or something) ways to piss off your room mate.

And remember, kids,
It's better to be pissed off than pissed on!
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Old 07-11-04   #5
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lol yeah. I was beginning to think nobody shared my humour then and then I would have just felt stupid.
Yeah our hallway isnt really that narrow at all. The computers under the stairs Id say that the hallway was like probably 3 and a bit foot at least not including space under the stairs.
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LUCAS:Joe, I think its gonna be ok
JOE:What makes you think that?
LUCAS:Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear.

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Velvet - Bar mans "assistant"
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Old 07-11-04   #6
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HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! OH GOD I LOVE STUPID HUMOR! Oooh.. That is some funny stuff, I so am going to do that next time I order pizza, "No mushrooms please" AHAHAHAHA! God I'm dumb lol
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Old 07-11-04   #7
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heh - I would do this... if I ate pizza
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Old 07-11-04   #8
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i like pizza. I would try some of these if pizza guys didnt intimidate the shit out of me.... dont ask, they just do.
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Old 07-12-04   #9
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i tried some of those, i don't think i'll be getting my pizza any time soon.
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Old 07-13-04   #10
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Old 07-13-04   #11
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m00p w00t
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Old 07-13-04   #12
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Go, Dri
So, was the reaction any good?
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Old 07-13-04   #13
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wha?
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Old 07-13-04   #14
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the pizza guy =P
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Old 07-13-04   #15
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oh sorry, yeah, fricken great, the poor sap was so confuzzled. he ended up hanging up on me, so i called again, it was fun.
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Old 07-13-04   #16
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the scary thing is i know people who would do that...i'll have to be careful my hubby doesn't see this thread
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blah, blah, blah...
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Old 07-13-04   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DriWicked
oh sorry, yeah, fricken great, the poor sap was so confuzzled. he ended up hanging up on me, so i called again, it was fun.
Poor guy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jordyn
the scary thing is i know people who would do that...i'll have to be careful my hubby doesn't see this thread
Aw, you know you're curious what the guy on the other end would do
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Old 07-13-04   #18
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LOL gonna try this next time I order pizza, I hate pizza guys esp the delivary ones that take long finding ur change on purpose so u will go its grand just keep it, they are the ones I never tip.
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Old 07-13-04   #19
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I like the pizza delivery guys when they're hawt
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Old 07-13-04   #20
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pizza delivary guys aren't hot they are all depressed and bored lookin, except maybe that Itlian ones.
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