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Old 02-02-04   #61
Barely Breathing
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i think he should stay away from all adrians... or adriennes...
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Old 02-02-04   #62
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good to know you have high hopes that maybe one francis will end up with one of you!


*sighs*
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Old 02-02-04   #63
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i'm going to name my son adrian... lol
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Old 02-02-04   #64
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thanks
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Old 02-02-04   #65
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if our kids are anything like us they will sure to be together
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Old 02-02-04   #66
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yah, i use to think that about us, now i think we were meant to fight together.

i dont wanna talk about this anymore, its getting me depressed.


sings songs from his computer
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Old 02-02-04   #67
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well, i sat here on taborama for about 45 minutes, typing up my new song, "subconscience". its a nifty little tune with basic chords structures in the minor key. as usual with all my songs i like that minor key. i think the first song i wrote music for was, "northstar effect," and that was in the key of D minor..hehe.
uhm, i havnt gotten around ot lyrics yet, but that will all some sooner or later. all that talk earlier about my children and others children made me realy upset. alot more than i thought it would, which is why i wanna go to the hypnotherapist and get taken care of. maybe seek soem couceling after that. nothing like having your memory blocked just to go talk about it again huh? haha. prolly wont work that way, but it was a funy thought for me.
uh, i dont have much to say right now, i guess i just have to live on.....

he who lives to run away, lives to cry another day and only angels can say goodbye!
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Old 02-02-04   #68
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well, i was just listening to some new music and i absolutely love the song, "gasoline" by seether. it appeals to me, kinda how i feel about someone right now. a little bit like that........................


ugh.......got turned down, again. should of just said yes the first time to her.

(cries) still lonely!
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Old 02-02-04   #69
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last night i saw that beauty queen
watched her paint her face on.
wanna be that magazine
that she bases life on.

wanna waste her monthly blood
wana get some on my love
wanna get some gasoline,
wanna burn in hell today!

she's got nothing to say
she got bills to pay
she's got no one to hate
cept for me______

last night i saw that beauty queen
she's getting hig on revlon
wanna be that magazine
that she waste's her life on

wanna waste her monthly blood
wana get some on my love
wanna get some gasoline
burn in hell today_______

she's got nothing to say
she's got bills to pay
shes got no one to hate
cept for me!!!!!!!
for me!!!!!!!!!!!!

when i saw tha beauty queen
watched her paint her face on
wanna be that magazine that
she wipes her ass on

wanna waste her monthly blood
wanna get some on my love
wanna get some gasoline
burn in hell today!

she's got nothing to say
she got bills to pay
she got no one to hate
she got nothing but shame
she takes pills for pain
she's got no one to blame
cept for me!
for me_____
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Old 02-02-04   #70
dark_duqualle
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now, im feeling the stabbing westward song, "what do i have to do?" kick in my brain. damn, i wanna go somewhere. i wanna leave. i just wanna up and take off. forget all my promises, and forget all the people on the way. just leave this place and start all over new.
anyway, still just sitting here. it appears i am not going to ceremony this weekend. another weekend of sitting around. bring it on! ill just have to make due with the computer and books. who knows, maybe i will be working!
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Old 02-02-04   #71
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i hate the phrase, and concept of casual sex. this is why they are so many unpleased men, and women in the world. when you take something so intimate, and loving as sex, and make it casual, how could it become anything else than a minute of your time to blow a load in someone and not give a fuck about them. i dont believe in casual sex, nor would i take part. i am a firm eliever in love first, then sex. if there is no love there should be no sex. you have hands, masturbate!
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Old 02-02-04   #72
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kind of scary. the only person i have left to talk to is a dead guy. my father. i can talk to him about everything. god i feel such a faliar right now. i cant do anything right! jeez, i cant even kill myself right! everytime i do, i can only think about how upset everyone would bem and the i am affraid for my mother. she is useless, but she stil gave me this fucking cursed life.... if i die, she would kill herslef, and then bob would have no one. who am i to end someone's hapiness, i am no-one. nothing, and will be that forever.
im going to do everything right, and for what? to prove to myslef, and myself only that i can? to make me feel better for what. failing and the trying again in the easy route?
i cant eat, i cant sleep, i cant even dream. i woke up to faces of the dead and gone. i can hear screams!
dwayne, all he does is bring i all back to my head. all i can feel is pain, and loss. i can see my father dying in front of me again, and my aunt crying herself to death. being malested by my friends dad, all of it. everysingle little thing being teased, being alone. its all shown to me in seconds. all i can do is feel it and cry about it. no on can help, how could they?
i have to go to that hypnotherapist. i have to get it all erased from my mind. i have to have it all taken away. if he can do it, he is allowed. i would rather know no one than go through this again.
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Old 02-02-04   #73
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i do so wish i could get over this fantasy that is existence of nothingness. a quandry of superfitial feelings and emotions, wraped in this cum bubble of life, that smarts when you even utter its meaning. i would give anything to realize how to get the fuck out of this rut, digging my way deeper into a whole. please, if you know the way, guide me.
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Old 02-03-04   #74
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oh well, after this week i wont need depression foods, pills, or pussy. i am going to a hypnotherapist, and he is going to try and take away all the bad memories in my head. malestation, getting beat up all the time. watching people die. (im keeping my father, and freshman year) and the last 2 1/2 years of bad memories. they all think it would be best for me. most safe. it will be weird. i wonder if i will notice something missing from my mind. (blocked away)

like, if i walk into a room, and adrian is there, will i know her? will it be like, "hey dri! whats up?" because i have no idea of what happened over the last few months, or will i relapse from seeing her. maye i should have them go back and erase it all, then i can re-meet her, and start things off right.

hey, your parents and you cant hold it against me for dropping out if i dont remember why i am in nightschool. ill be a regular teenager again...... maybe not. (puts head down)

at least i wont be mad at karl and we can all be friends again. in my head we would have never dated, we would have never loved, and we never would have made love. everything will have changed in a few split seconds. it hurts me to think this way, but i guess..... i dont know, i dont want this. i would rather we just work things out, and be friends again. chirst! your mother kows i wont be with you anymore, why cant i just talk to you like a normal teenager. oh, thatd right, its your choice....... i kee forgetting that its you who wants absolutely nothing to do with me, not even a hello on the phone once ina while. you dont want to remember me, or even any of us. well, i guess ill cross that road for you and tell you what its like.
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Old 02-03-04   #75
dark_duqualle
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uhm, i dont know what to do in this case.
1. i do nothing, go through with it and forget everything. move on happy and dumb withought any memory of being hurt or hurting anyone.
2. dont do it, cancel my apointment, deal with it as best i can. (not very good)
3. forget the whole fucking thing on my own. move on as friend, never mention any of thier names again.
4. be her friend. be his friend. be alone, and miserable whilste watching her and him be happy and great. (seems very depressing, but it is the one i am leaning on now.)
5. make stupid list up and think heavily on it till i am so depressed i sleep it off with my new container of vodka. (5th, 8th, fuck it!!)
6. wonder why i am typing all this bullshit after i mentioned i have alot of vodka and oj to drink.
7. i forgot to mention the oj!!!!
8. has duly mentioned o.j. and now is looking for anna nicole smith.
9. awaits replies on stupidity post from....
a. patryn
b. anti_hero
c. arsnick
d. soul erosion
e. chaosmage
f. thefrog
g. fuckdoll
h. hmmmmmm......(thinking of name) cass?? i dont know. ill have to check that one.
i. driwicked
j. self afterwords.
k. l, m, n, o, and p....
Q, R, S, T, U, AND V
w, x, why z?

lol. i dont know, maybe i should have held off the drinking till the end of the post huh?????? lol.

:dope:
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Old 02-03-04   #76
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well, i sat around. talked to mike, and kristen, and jim, and karl, and rae, and beth, and torrie. suprisingly, the only person that wanted to talk was karl.
talked about music, and guitars and shit like that. asked him if he wanted to hang out, maybe play in the band a few times. mike o'malley wants to play solo for me suprisingly. maybe i can get my friends back after all. ben threatened with a restraining order apparently, this is funny. ill just keep that opinion to myself.....
school has been pushed back, and the job i went for told me they have to reschedule me agian. everyhting takes forever in this life time. i would be better of time wise getting my ged. oh well. ill graduate before anyone i know....hehe.
i ate some chicken and shit, corn and noodles. it was good. no one is posting inmy stuff anymore so i just left it alone.... ill have to come up with more deadhead idea's for threads.
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Old 02-04-04   #77
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feeling like i opened a can of woop-ass, on my self. maybe i should keep a little distance between old and new.
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Old 02-04-04   #78
Barely Breathing
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mmmmm soup... how is mike doing? (yes, the emotions did another 180, that ass)
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Old 02-04-04   #79
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mike is ok. talking ot me like a normal human being again. other than that i cant say much. im still realy lonely, depresse, and as of recently very cold. i dont know why its so cold in my house. mom got fired for no reason so i have to get back to working quik so i can keep myself fed on a regular basis. clothed in nice clothing, and ready to pay the new bill for school. ugh......
i guess in a year i can go, "yae! i got a KO degree....(sarcasm)"
i am so not into this all right now. i did my assignments dismorning when i woke up, and then i even wrote a new song. i will put a link in the next post so you can all see my bands//(my) compositions.
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Old 02-04-04   #80
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http://taborama.com/unsigned_band.ph...cientDeffiance
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