Darkforum.com - Dark Stories, Dark Art, Poetry, Photography, Debates and Discussions
Home Register FAQ
Go Back   Darkforum.com - Dark Stories, Dark Art, Poetry, Photography, Debates and Discussions > Welcome > Socialize
Reload this Page missing the begining, not understanding the end
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-21-04   #41
dark_duqualle
a little clos'r to home
 
dark_duqualle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: a couch or a van, depends on level of alchohol in body
Posts: 1,736
dark_duqualle is on a distinguished road
Credits: 72,546
i Fucking Knew It!!!!!!!!!!!! Just Wait Til The Time Is Right
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-04   #42
dark_duqualle
a little clos'r to home
 
dark_duqualle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: a couch or a van, depends on level of alchohol in body
Posts: 1,736
dark_duqualle is on a distinguished road
Credits: 72,546
well, isnt this fucking great...........



i wishi never promised anything......i wish i could just get it over with.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-04   #43
dark_duqualle
a little clos'r to home
 
dark_duqualle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: a couch or a van, depends on level of alchohol in body
Posts: 1,736
dark_duqualle is on a distinguished road
Credits: 72,546
well,bans my journal makes no sence as of yet, i figure i should try to help that along.....

i was up all night as most can see form the time os my last couple posts, and then i slept all day like i always do. i sleep all the time during the sunlight hours. the only daylight i see is in the mornings.
i feel like i should have big pointy teeth, and dirt all over me. i want to hiss at someone when they walk in my room during the day just to fuck with them. my face is turning pale, and i think i have lost like 8 lbs. i am pretty sure i am sick. i looked in the mirror at my throat, and its all sore and flemmy, gross, huh?
uhm...i worte a new song, and the music is up ona site called taborama.com, its called "behind the black curtain". now dont be confused because there is a band out there that has a band label called btbc. it pissed me off when i saw this on the same page as my song..
it only has the one guitar part so far, but i can tell you the chords used in what order, and what key i wrote it in. it has a jazzy mix to it because of the sounds, so here you go.


"Key of F Major"
------------
-----------
--b-------- Cmaj7, D, Bb7+9, Amin, Bmin, E7sus4+9, Dsus4
-----------
----------- these chords are picked over once through....have fun.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-04   #44
Barely Breathing
Pocket size pocket
 
Barely Breathing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: </^\>
Posts: 7,796
Barely Breathing will become famous soon enough
Credits: 201,964
*rubbs her nose on the screen* bah
__________________
May Angels Lead You In
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-27-04   #45
dark_duqualle
a little clos'r to home
 
dark_duqualle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: a couch or a van, depends on level of alchohol in body
Posts: 1,736
dark_duqualle is on a distinguished road
Credits: 72,546
i find recently the more i love someone, the more i fight with them. i just got done a 8 mile walk home in the weather of hell. on my way here it dropped 5 degree's and everything that was wet turned into a hellatious slip and slide. i think my expectations are high for learning, and one day teaching. i was just trying to make a point, but your right i dont know him. i realy would of liked to talk to you, but it also seems your mother is monitoring my calls. told e she was going to block my number until i get some reports back for her. looks like i wont e able to talk to you at all after that unless i play phone tag with rae. maybe we can talk at venture's, or not. up to you....

i would like a chance to play you the song i wrote sooner than later...
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-04   #46
dark_duqualle
a little clos'r to home
 
dark_duqualle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: a couch or a van, depends on level of alchohol in body
Posts: 1,736
dark_duqualle is on a distinguished road
Credits: 72,546
i dont meet the standard of a novice player, but i can write music. i think that is musicianship that i can compose music. i cant play i treal well on anything but a guitar, and even then its because i read tabs. i wish i cold read music to speed still. when i played the violin i could play all kinds of stuff. i was a big fan of bluegrass, and sonata's, but when i was unable to take lessons anymore it became a thing of the past, something i forgot how to do. now i am trying to learn all over again, but i have no money, and no way to learn. music theory will be something i learn in my 20's when i should of been given the chance when i was 5....fucking damnit!
i wish i ad half the cnahces at things peope did, and then i watch people take it for granted. they just play cause thier families want to. they have no desire to do it, but they do cause thier forced. give me the fucking chance, damnit. dont shun me out, help me.....how the fuck am i supposed to be able to comprehend things if all i know is loss. teach me, dont make me learn alone like always. i am speaking to a deaf chior. nevermind, ill just keep the rest of this rant to myself, and maybe ill stop bitching and feeling like shit about it. i have to many goals for one lifetime, and maybe i should realize that.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-04   #47
dark_duqualle
a little clos'r to home
 
dark_duqualle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: a couch or a van, depends on level of alchohol in body
Posts: 1,736
dark_duqualle is on a distinguished road
Credits: 72,546
i wonder why i ma so paranoid, and i am sick of trying to figure it out. i am just gonna sit this one out. im getting my job and going back to school, i am writing again and still playing my music. i havnt had much change in my life. i am not up all night anymore, and other than that there isnt anything to say.
~looks around the room~
i just realized im talking to, myself.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-04   #48
Barely Breathing
Pocket size pocket
 
Barely Breathing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: </^\>
Posts: 7,796
Barely Breathing will become famous soon enough
Credits: 201,964
no your not
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-04   #49
dark_duqualle
a little clos'r to home
 
dark_duqualle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: a couch or a van, depends on level of alchohol in body
Posts: 1,736
dark_duqualle is on a distinguished road
Credits: 72,546
i have been accepted to keystone oaks high school's project succeed. i will be in school till next april, but hey thats better than a G.E.D. right?
i cant wait to see adrian again, it's been to long withought her.
besides all that, nothing much has happened new in the last few hours. just kinda sitting around............ :woo: :woo:
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-04   #50
Barely Breathing
Pocket size pocket
 
Barely Breathing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: </^\>
Posts: 7,796
Barely Breathing will become famous soon enough
Credits: 201,964
ishkabiblebob
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-04   #51
dark_duqualle
a little clos'r to home
 
dark_duqualle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: a couch or a van, depends on level of alchohol in body
Posts: 1,736
dark_duqualle is on a distinguished road
Credits: 72,546
i dont know what to think about things right now...... i am hearing 3 different stories. i am so upset right now.....damnit. i was having such a good day, and now i have my headeache back, and shit..........fuck. i just wana go to sleep but its to bright outside and i cant get comfortable. i have no..............no........FUCK!
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-04   #52
Barely Breathing
Pocket size pocket
 
Barely Breathing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: </^\>
Posts: 7,796
Barely Breathing will become famous soon enough
Credits: 201,964
hi... (notice what time it is?)
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-31-04   #53
dark_duqualle
a little clos'r to home
 
dark_duqualle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: a couch or a van, depends on level of alchohol in body
Posts: 1,736
dark_duqualle is on a distinguished road
Credits: 72,546
broken hearted, openly sobbing, and bleeding on the floor

well, as you can see from the title, not many things are going good for me right now. my cain from louissianna is broken in 3, (accident) and my heart im not so sure of. i cant disipher right from wrong right now. i feel so mad, and so sad. i am thinking about hurting myself....yah, i know, it ownt help, and it wont make things better. im not saying this for attention purposes, i just fealt like saying it in my journal. i write things like this in my real journal, and i feel bad for the person that stmbles on that rambling mess in about 100 years..
i have been pretty much up all night being mad at myself. questioning my ethics, and my reasons. i have been wrong to presume anything about adrian, after all, she says it best. "im not cheating, we are not together"
cant argue with that logic. when your right your right, and your right. so, i have tried to move that thought out of my head. now i have this overwhelming feeling of negative comming at me. nobod likes me, that knows me, ad or thatreads the bullshit i post. all i do is rag, and bitch, and complain. the things i do not rag about sooner or later give me a reason. i have been thinking about going back to the local psychiatric ward, but it costs so much money. funny how they let me go, and now i want to go back.
personaly, i am also starting to think i should have stayed back home. no internet, no food, no phone, and no bed. within days i wouod have died, but i wouldnt have been able to hurt anyone. no one would have known i was gone. half of the people that swear they care dont. they are just looking for a quik way out of a argument or a relationship, in any way of the sence. friends, partners, that sort of thing.
my writing struggles when i do, so all my poetry has been about death, more than usual anyway. (tries to laugh) my stories, i am at dead ends, i cant think about the characters or sarroundings. my music struggles the most. i cant think of anything togo with my feelings.
im crying again. damnit, why am i so emotional? i know, its beacause of my father and aunt. my uncle and cousins. my siblings and grandparents, and my mother. my relationships with people are overwhelming to me. i dont think i canhandle this alone anymore. and thats what i am, alone. everymorning, people leave for work. no one here till after 110. no money, no food, and no one to talk to. my best friend, (driwicked) cant stand me. her best friend, (silverflame) doesnt realy know what to say to me, and we dont relate on many basis'es. billy doesnt liek me. angelo doesnt like me. torrie is never home anymore, and beth hates me for turning her down. **im starting to think that was a dumb idea, but you never know. maybe in the long run, i dont know* i feel like i am loosing my mind. my dog is the only thing in the world i have been able to cuddle with in close to 2 months, and thats fucking sad as hell. a fucking dog, and its not even big enough ot be a dog, maybe a furry rat.
oh well, this shit always goes unanswered, afterall, who can answer this jumbled mess. i dont want an answer, or a response from anyone. al that people do when they speak to me anymore is hurt me, as i do them. just leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!

~goes to stitch up the now bump/cut on his head~
"FUCKING SINK"
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-01-04   #54
dark_duqualle
a little clos'r to home
 
dark_duqualle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: a couch or a van, depends on level of alchohol in body
Posts: 1,736
dark_duqualle is on a distinguished road
Credits: 72,546
yah, yah, yah. so she doesnt love me, she doesnt want to see or talk to me. i can agree to that.

yesterday, a few people came and kidnapped me. ozzman, torrie, jess, and me went to the mall, and while there me and ozzy ran into, nick catonise. evil twin. one of the guitarists for black label society. wholly shit. for a few split seconds i was happy again. miserable all day, and you all know why. but nobody cares. why would they. im some whiny teenager right. fuck you. what do any of you know.
for 3 years i have pored my heart out, and for what. "i dont love you. i have feelings for karl. blah blah blah. he's lucky i promised not to say or do anthing. i would of loved going to jail for beating him senceless. have fun kissing my ex. and god knows what else you fucking asswhole. i love friends like you. the ones that will smie to your face, and then conive to fuck your girl behind your back. but she's not my girl now, i jus want my condoms back so i know she's not fucking him with my money...............
torrie, well not much to say there. she doesnt want to be around me. she only invited me cause jess and ozz wanted me there. i think after the party we started to drift apart.
jess, is real nice, but, no.....
well, all my other options for dating are gone. might as well start my loneliness now. thank you adrian for all this fucing free time and heart ache. and thank you karl for all the good dreams of death. if you see anything that resembles blood and gore in my posts, im taolking about what i want to do to you.........
see you later, fuckers.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-01-04   #55
dark_duqualle
a little clos'r to home
 
dark_duqualle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: a couch or a van, depends on level of alchohol in body
Posts: 1,736
dark_duqualle is on a distinguished road
Credits: 72,546
i..... i just...... oh, fuck it. like anybody cares. i seriously need to do something productive. besides talking to nick last night, nothing this week has been good.

woohoo ~fake as hell~
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-01-04   #56
dark_duqualle
a little clos'r to home
 
dark_duqualle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: a couch or a van, depends on level of alchohol in body
Posts: 1,736
dark_duqualle is on a distinguished road
Credits: 72,546
i think i have finaly seen it. i have seen what it wil take ot get me going on everything. i have realized that my life cant be changed once something has occured. not to say i will stop fighting things, but only if they are crucial to my existence.
i didnt think a movie would have this effect on me, but i have seen the light. i have to look at my life as if its being recorded at life-speed. i cant rewind this flick, only watch it live, and i have ot make it great. something to look back on in the box of hopes and dreams and say, "yah, i did it."
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-01-04   #57
Barely Breathing
Pocket size pocket
 
Barely Breathing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: </^\>
Posts: 7,796
Barely Breathing will become famous soon enough
Credits: 201,964
i'm glad for you
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-04   #58
dark_duqualle
a little clos'r to home
 
dark_duqualle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: a couch or a van, depends on level of alchohol in body
Posts: 1,736
dark_duqualle is on a distinguished road
Credits: 72,546
well, i picked up a history book yesterday while i was at the mall. it was awesome. i was doing all this reading whe i got home, and offline. then i made a few calls. i think i am going to have a few fun times comming up. new girlfriend, new friends, and new work habit. tomarow before school, i am going ot get that fucking job down at hollywood video, if its the last thing i do...]


adrian, you know, i could have sworn i saw you there as i was leaving.....lol. should have stopped and said hi.
well, maybe another time. tata
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-04   #59
dark_duqualle
a little clos'r to home
 
dark_duqualle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: a couch or a van, depends on level of alchohol in body
Posts: 1,736
dark_duqualle is on a distinguished road
Credits: 72,546




this is beth, i hope yu can all see it.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-04   #60
dark_duqualle
a little clos'r to home
 
dark_duqualle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: a couch or a van, depends on level of alchohol in body
Posts: 1,736
dark_duqualle is on a distinguished road
Credits: 72,546
i guess for those will aol, you can see beth's face. she is a pretty girl. not as pretty....(cough) i mean, she is gorgous. i have liked her for a while, but trned her down constantly because i was hell bent on rekindling me and adrian's relationship. now appears to have been a dumb idea. it got me nowhere, but it did give me a chance to see this movie and open my eye's to the wrongs in my life.
companionship i cannot do withought. i sit here in my home during the day's and talk to my dog, because i am lonely. my hygiene is horrible. i maybe shower 2x a week now. otherwords i just sit aorund and rot. i didnt have much care for myself for the last 2 month's? maybe 4?
pondering constantly aboutwhat i am waiting for. what am i expecting, and what i was, was true in the end. now i sit here, once again. readinga book, listening to music, and drinking coffee. no plans, no dreams, no place to call happy. no food, no heat, and no love. but, i guess now i have the time to make what needs to be right, right! i have the ability to make myself better, and that is what is good in the long run, isnt it? i mean, i have had this vision of me before. sucesfull, happy, and not lonely. now the part that gets me, is the part that maybe my father was right. maybe true love is better fealt when you dont have it to feel anymore.

shakeaspeare wrote: (not a direct quote)
the only thing wrong with romance, is that it is only shown, and fealt in the end of the story.

does this doom me to forever wait until the end of the story to have my love? to have my romance? i dont know, thats the thing about the future. you dont know it. your past you recall on a dime. your present, you make it what it is and deal with it. but your future is the overwhellming thought of things to come. whether they are great, horrible, or all of the above emotions. it is what you are dealt, and what you must deal with.
for me to deal with this loss, and this big gap in the future i had planned leaves me lost in everything i try to do. it is the most depressing fact about human life. we are raized to respect, love, hate, and dream. we are never raized to know what loss and depression feels like, which is why it never goes away. it is treated like a disease, but the truth is, its not. it is natural, whether by natural or un-natural means. we must ultimitly deal in the end.
over the past decade, i have lost to much. but i have never lost withought a fight. in this new battle it seems i just put up the flag and went on my way. what was i supposed to do? what could i have done? the past is what made the future what it is, which is now my present. fucked up that such little things have such a drastic effect on life in all aspects.



yah, i know. usual me, but this is how i am coping with it all now. i am writing it all down. not bitching so to say, or even ranting about it, just merely accepting it. trying ot move on, and still keep the little things that matter..... friendship!
hurtfull as it is to wish adrian and karl the best, its all i can do. hurtfull as it was for my father to do the same with his adrian, i have been doomed to the same fate.

"like father, like son"
whoever came up with that phrase should be shot! for me to be reliving my fathers life is a joke, but it is also kind of true. he lost his adrian, he lost his parents at a young age. only left with his half brother and sister to depend on. he turned to the darker side of the world. drugs, crime, and pornography to be exact. my father was no saint, and i would never depict him otherwise, only as i loved him, and he loved me. now i dont know if i cant deal with loss because of my father, or because it is heredtiary. i have heard in some studies that memories, but not the actual images are given to children. this is how they ksupposedly know mommy and daddy. it is known from the amazing conversation when "mommy" tells "daddy". its a heartwrenching moment in life that is memorized forever. cherished, (i hope by most) and therefore the baby knows this. true, this study could be false and i could be rambling on, but it makes a certain sence to me, that if my father lost so much, how could i possibly deal with it anybetter? if i am alone, as he was for so long, will i turn out the same way. a single father, raising a boy who will be doomed....

lol, will i be affraid to let him meet anyone named adrian in his life! (smile) or will i intise him ot meet that girl. to fall inlove as both me and my father did. to try harder than both of us combined to reach that over satisfying goal of love, forever and ever.
it would be a moment in my life, if my son fell inlove and married the adrian of both our pasts. done what we could not. made everything work in the end, and filled me with jealousy..lol.. (big smile)
i would hope so. i would hope he found his adrian. and loved his adrian. till death did they join again.......

this has been a personal broadcast by:
francis thomas pietrowski Jr. 3rd
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Recent Threads
Obama sends a letter.
2 Hours Ago 21:42
Last post by Sic Simon
2 Hours Ago 21:42
what surprised you today?
04-11-13 17:55
Last post by Sic Simon
2 Hours Ago 21:19
Science Disproves...
11-01-10 14:38
by Pahu
Last post by Sic Simon
2 Hours Ago 21:16
Whats your job?
11-20-07 14:57
Last post by Sic Simon
2 Days Ago 20:26
what have you eaten...
12-24-03 19:43
Last post by JeNn_DeViLz
3 Days Ago 10:09
Darkforum Youtube!
03-25-13 07:48
Last post by JeNn_DeViLz
3 Days Ago 09:32
vote or die
1 Week Ago 01:56
Last post by JeNn_DeViLz
3 Days Ago 09:20
vote or die
1 Week Ago 02:02
Last post by Sic Simon
5 Days Ago 21:45
long Sunday
3 Weeks Ago 18:00
by DaxterK
Last post by Sic Simon
1 Week Ago 01:46
BATH SALT ZOMBIES
12-04-13 11:20
Last post by Sic Simon
1 Week Ago 23:34
Online Users: 62
0 members and 62 guests
No Members online
Most users ever online was 1928, 06-09-15 at 18:20.
Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.0 RC2


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com

© 2006 - 2016 Dark Forum | About Dark Forum | Advertisers | Investors | Legal | A member of the Crowdgather Forum Community