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Old 11-07-03   #1
>FuckDoll<
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.

If you want to know me, read on:






mood: relatively mellow

sobriety: head change

I think I'm kinda bored. That's really strange since I love being alone, am alone now, (and rarely so). Yeah, but here I am. I'm having a smoke. I have the news on. They're talking about a lady putting together Christmas care packages for the US troops over in Iraq. I think it would be a better present to get them the hell out of there, but still that's pretty cool. I still think this is going to be another Vietnam. Our men and women over there forever, getting killed off everyday, and for what point? God Damn president bush.

Yeah, anyway my best friend emailed me yesterday with a new phone number. I haven't called him yet. Tomorrow I guess I will. Free to call on weekends. I haven't talked to him for about a month now. I miss him a lot. Haven't seen him in 5 years on Xmas. It's kind of weird. And he's only about 400 miles away. I've been all around the country in that time. Several times back and forth to the East coast, But I haven't been able to get to Northern CA. The thought of seeing him face to face actually makes me quite nervous... He's like, my soul mate. We are so much the same person, him a bit more evil than I but still... And he is the only one who truly knows me, know about me, knows all the pieces of me. I mean, it wouldn't take much for the random person on the internet to know the real me, as I am able to be myself here more than I am in my day to day life. At least at this point in time. But still nobody I know on the net rally cares that much or would want to take the time to really know me... friend-wise anyway. And the people in my real life, know small bits and pieces. I learned long ago though about trusting people, and not, and if I don't trust you, you only get bits. I can't trust most of the people in my life at the moment.

Which also makes it nice to have a best friend who is so removed from everything. I still tell him everything. He asked me to marry him a couple times. If there were anybody I would marry at this point I suppose it would be him, but marriage scares me. I don't know if I'll ever go there. Things relationship wise are just so fucked up for me right now. They have been for quite some time and I predict they will be for some time to come. I think I need another lover. I had a pretty good one, but he got too attached, and I was in it for the sex. I have a boyfriend, so I don't need the other shit. Just some good sex.

My bf and I don't fit sexually speaking. I'm wild, he's not. I'm submissive, he's pretty much passive. I can't stand the same ol' missionary sex time & time again. It literally makes me crazy... I need rough sweaty beast fucking, heh... I suppose that's just the girl I am.
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Old 11-07-03   #2
Mia~ow
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Be who you are Jo, the people that love you most will understand that. They are the ones that will pick you up when you're down. Will forgive you when you've acted like an ass, will stand by you, because they care.

*hugs tight* You are so honest on here, and you need to find people in real life that accept that honesty too, then you will be free.

*hugs*
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Old 11-07-03   #3
>FuckDoll<
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mia~ow
Be who you are Jo, the people that love you most will understand that. They are the ones that will pick you up when you're down. Will forgive you when you've acted like an ass, will stand by you, because they care.

*hugs tight* You are so honest on here, and you need to find people in real life that accept that honesty too, then you will be free.

*hugs*

yeah, I know know what you're saying babe... I just don't really have that first part... Basically my life is pretty closed off... I moved away from all my friends and keep in touch with none of them...(except my best friend) They've all moved on now anyway... I pretty much have my mother and my bf, and my son. THat's about it. There are a couple of my bf's friends that we hang out with but they're not my friends... but yeah, it's weird... I've always prided myself on being myself... if ya don't like it shove off, but I'm in a tight space right now, and to be myself would be to throw away what little i'm using to get by.

I guess I figure as long as I know who I still am, and keep traces of me in my general life (the way I dress, think, etc.) I'm cool. I learned young how to survive, and can always find a way to amuse myself. :yoink:
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Old 11-07-03   #4
Kendra
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well i know how you are about trusting people. each person that i come across i'm scared about. cause i have been hurt numerious of times when it comes to trusting that is. i don't want to let a person know to much about me. cause once when they know alot about you. they can use it againt's you.
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Old 11-07-03   #5
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yeah.... that they can..,
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Old 11-07-03   #6
Kendra
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that is what i hate the most and it really does suck. that hasn't happened to me in real life. but it happens to me all the time here on darkforum.
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Old 11-07-03   #7
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I wrote a poem today... the first one in quite some time:



The Forgotten War

Plug into the new age:
The Americanized revolution.
We don't like what is not like us
And we invade what we don't like.
It's our way.

How many more have to die
Before the imperial regime turns green.
Raising money for campaigns
While nineteen year old GI's fight
Their power war. Founded on lies
And built on shock and awe; watch
Us flex our gigantic war muscle. You

Can't play with our nuclear toys,
We're the only ones allowed to have them.
Was there no lesson learned from Vietnam?
It's not our way,
We do what we do in the name of democracy.
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Old 11-07-03   #8
Kendra
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i never new you wrote poetry. i wish i could say something about it. but i'm not telling you that your poem is bad though. i'm just not good at making comments about them is all. i just read them.
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Old 11-07-03   #9
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if ya look right under my flames there is a link to my poetry silly girl... always has been... heh... I've written some stories too...
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Old 11-07-03   #10
Kendra
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Quote:
Originally Posted by >FuckDoll<
if ya look right under my flames there is a link to my poetry silly girl... always has been... heh... I've written some stories too...

HAHA i have never noticed that. i have only noticed your flames. but they hypnatize me all the time. all right i'll take a look at that since i know discovered that you have something underneath your flames. know that i have noticed that. its like you took me on this path journey to your poems and stories. that is kind of wicked if you know what i mean.
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Old 11-08-03   #11
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mood: groggy

sobriety: sober

My throat is scratchy cause I just woke up not too long ago. I need to get more sleep... as it is usually live with about 5 or 6 hours a night. I wonder if the race is going to be on today... I also wonder if my post in the suggestion forum has been addressed yet. I know it hasn't been answered. I really don't want to PM garg about it, but it seems like that is the best way to get some action. Oh bleh... I always feel like such a bother when I do that... I hate complaining. Especially since I was complaining about another issue just a few days ago. Weird, as that issue seems to be getting better. I wonder how that was handled... heh...
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Old 11-08-03   #12
Kendra
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what kind of an issue was it?
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Old 11-08-03   #13
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It had to do with a Df'er that I was not able to put on 'ignore'... but that is really all I should say.
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Old 11-08-03   #14
Kendra
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Quote:
Originally Posted by >FuckDoll<
It had to do with a Df'er that I was not able to put on 'ignore'... but that is really all I should say.


oh i see. well the ignoring system here sucks anyways. i mean you can put them on ignore but you could still see there post.
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Old 11-09-03   #15
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mood: funky

sobriety: morning high... woohoo

music: Youth Brigade - Punk Rock Mom

So today I should get some crap done, but we'll see... this time actually alone is so valuable to me to basically chill and do nothing. I could do the laundry and the house cleaning anytime... or so I tell myself, but I should get something done today... the house is getting pretty bad, and I still need to start packing too. Next weeK I am leaving on holiday, and will be in Pennsylvania. So yeah, I have to get to packing. I have all the laundry done, so packing shouldn't be too hard. Just a matter of locating shit and putting it in the suitcase.

So, there is this chick here at Df... her 'name' is ~forever~ SHe is one stupid bitch... 19 years old, 7 months pregnant, smoking weed, AND... the real kick in the head: bragging about it. I would just like to say that she's a fucking moron. I mean we all know how much I advocate marijuana, but when you are 7 months pregnant, hell no. I quit all that shit when I was pregnant to give my baby the best chance at being healthy, and he was still born deaf. I suppose that's what pisses me off the most, my baby's deaf, and I did everything right and here is this bitch going around smoking weed 7 mnths along, and letting the entire free world know about it... some people would probably say it's a cry for help... I say it's a cry to be bitch slapped. Ah well, not too much I can do about it unless I get her to send me her name and address... muahahahha

I'm in a decent mood... i think it's the music... punk always does this to me. The weed my be helping a little too... lol. Now I just need some real good sex. I think a threesome would be pretty nice right out now... I've had a craving the past couple weeks to get my hands on some hot chick...mmm... fuck yeah, but I could also go for some big sturdy man to take me any ol' way he wants... yeah... a threesome would be perfect... I should stop this talk before I get carried away... or maybe I should write another story... naaaaa, i'm enjoying myself too much....
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Old 11-10-03   #16
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mood: annoyed

sobriety: mild head change

music: The Misfits

So, all this shit going on around Df is kinda fucking annoying. Well, when I say that what I really mean is MD is getting really fucking annoying.

I understand that the general board has turned into an 'open board' which is 'loosely moderated', but I just don't think that someone who is a mod should act the way he does.

Every comment he makes is 'shudup faggot' this and 'shudup faggot' that. Beyond the fact that it is annoying and very old already, it offends me. No, I am not gay per se... bi, yes, but still. It offends me. He doesn't seem to want to stop, or even let up a bit.

I think a mod should have a certain level of decency and maturity beyond what the regular members are expected to have. If, he wants to go on as such I say fine, then de-mod him, so I can put his ass on 'ignore' and be done with it. If he's going to run on and on and on and on as he has, then, in my opinion it will seriously affect the respect moderators in general will receive.

I'm considering just popping out and making a thread in the bitch forum regarding this subject. If I see one more, 'shudup faggot', I just might... GRRRRRRRRRR.
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Old 11-10-03   #17
Kendra
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yeah that "shudup faggot" has been getting to me to. but once when i was in his thread and i saw frog, heathen, and md saying nothing but "shudup faggot" alot in there. that made me laugh. because i knew that they were doing that as a joke and i jumped right on in and posted the fag comment as well. sometimes it does get to me and other times i just laugh it off. but i do agree with you that he really needs to cool down on the whole "shudup faggot" seen. but oh well that is md for you.
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Old 11-10-03   #18
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true that shy, but you, fr0g, and heathen arn't mods... my point is that a mod shouldn't resort to that bullshit.
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Old 11-10-03   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by >FuckDoll<
true that shy, but you, fr0g, and heathen arn't mods... my point is that a mod shouldn't resort to that bullshit.

yeah i know. i know they should at least tell people to stop saying the word faggot. because when thoughs words come across they hurt me to. know redmeat is starting in on the whole gay's shouldn't be in the millitary. but they do have the right to me in the millitary because at least they are willing to serve there country. so at least give them some creatit if the gay people want to be in the millitary. but since this is an open forum people are allowed to say what ever they want. but they should stop using these words.
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Old 11-10-03   #20
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yeah, it sucks... but red isn't a mod either... i think mods should be held to a slightly higher standard then us regular Df'ers.
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