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Old 08-16-03   #1
~Straven~
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The beginning of again..

this is the beginning... to another beginning....


... its always the beginning to something....


.. I feel like I can fly.. I have been givin wings.... but there cut at the seams....
... my soul wont let me get past the barrier its created.. it doesnt want to go on with this wound bleeding inside it...
.. it wants someone else.... ... so do I... but every time I try to be social.. I end up looking like the little quiet kid in the corner of a school dance... Im tired of feeling like people look right through me... I want to meet someones eyes and feel a connection... not emptiness...
... but... the agressive ones are those who prevail in the end...
... and as much as I try... Im not the best at being aggressive... though thats not true sometimes.. I have shocked a lot of people with how forward I can be... but as soon as my heart starts getting that feeling.. the one that makes your knees week..... thats when I crawl inside and make the world disapear... and I hate it....but... untill I have the confidance that people will actually give a shit.... I wont ever be able to do what I want... ....
... Im just tired of games.... I want win.. or lose.. and get it over with,..
.. either way... I will hold my honor in the way I played... and be proud that im a nice guy.. evan if I finnish dead last..... ... so fuck all you people who tell me to change... I fight my own wars.. and I have my own ways.... if the world will reject me.. than I'll finnish myself..
.. I'll finnish alone...
but I would rather have help....
.. survival is adapting to what you have..... that doesnt mean you have to like it....
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Old 08-17-03   #2
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... Why do I walk away!?..
..Why do I fear the day..
That I might not be alone....

I dont know...
but I care.. if I could..
I'd show you how.. .
But I stare.. at the clouds..
Im breaking now...

Why do I walk away!?..
when my heart starts to beat..
Why do have no way?
to move with my own feet...

you sit there.. I sometimes stare..
at the way you look today...
I wish I knew... I wish I'd dare...
to try and find the words to say!
BUT I WALK AWAY!...
and I take the blame...
its a fucking game I play...
That I always lose!
Im not free to choose.. .
...I just walk away...

why do I hide myself..
when all I want is someone else...
to find me..
why do I hate myself..
is it someone else..
or the demon here inside me?

so I stay... I wont walk away!...
I have to fight to be myself!
so I pray.. never walk away...
I just want something else!

Find me here..
Bring a tear.. and watch the sky fall from above..
I live in fear..
I need you here.. I need to feel what they call love.

- Jeff*
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Old 08-18-03   #3
harli
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*hugs you*


why love! i didnt know you were such a poet!
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Old 08-18-03   #4
~Straven~
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*smirk*.. *hugs*.. you obviously dont check out poetry party or anything huh?.. I wrtie a bit *wink*
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Old 08-18-03   #5
xiaphon
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yes..he writes well
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Old 08-18-03   #6
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*bows*.. thank you xiaphon..

well.. todays been rather blah... just another mindless copy of another day that I dont remember happening.. probly cause its not worth note...
anyways.. yeah.. I need a break.. go somewhere new.... but that takes time and money.. .. I dont have enough of either.. so Im stuck here in this redundant cycle... .. well.. maybe tomorrow will be differant.. who knows..
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Old 08-18-03   #7
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anytime, hun.
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Old 08-18-03   #8
~Straven~
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*tickles and bites*.. hehehe..
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Old 08-19-03   #9
harli
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you are more than welcome to pay me a visit on the east coast sometime when ya got the cash and the hours to do so.


i do a bit of writing as well.....i have a poetry thread also. feel free to check it out some time if you wish. *lix*
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Old 08-19-03   #10
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I will do that.. as for the east coast.. the money isnt much of a problem.. its the time.. Im learning a new business and everything.. and its kinda requiring me to be here for a while.. no vacation time yet.. but I'll let you know *smirk*
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Old 08-20-03   #11
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please do let me know when you have time, love.

in the meantime here is something to keep your mind where it belongs.........*sexy strip tease and lix all over*
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Old 08-20-03   #12
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ooooh.... *sits down like a good little boy and watches*... hehehe..
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Old 08-20-03   #13
harli
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watch...join in.....whatever feels good.
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Old 08-20-03   #14
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hehe...wow I missed the show
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Old 08-20-03   #15
harli
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*dances for kitty*
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Old 08-20-03   #16
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~Straven~..empty your pm thingy....
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Old 08-21-03   #17
~Straven~
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oops... *obbeys*... its clean *grins*..

*pulls the five dollar bill outta the pocket and waves it around*.. lol..
.come on kitty join in.. *smirk*
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Old 08-21-03   #18
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for $5..no way.. $100???
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Old 08-21-03   #19
~Straven~
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...well i guess you get what you pay for *smirk*..
.. *breaks out a wod of hundreds*... hehehe.. I just got payed...
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Old 08-21-03   #20
evilkitty
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get on my knee..here you can put the $100 bill on my clevage
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