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Old 08-03-03   #1
heartsicle
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Too Late

So, most everyone has been here: You break up with someone for whatever reason and then you want them back.... like realizing the horrible mistake you've made....

My search for advice is.... when they say no, they don't want to come back, what then? Waiting for it to get better or else just feel better is feeling like years and it's only been days. I'm so heartbroken and nothing takes my mind from it.
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Old 08-03-03   #2
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Time, it sucks, but that is honestly the only truth. If it's days it's too soon for them to even consider anything but what they are going through. You left them, you are the one who made the decision. Right now this person is hurt, and may also feel anger and the whole gamut of feelings associated with being "dumped". You need to respect that, as much as it's not an easy thing to keep your distance. Give this person and yourself some time, a couple of weeks at the very least. Let the proverbial dust settle before you attempt to rationally talk about your decision for dumping them. It's too soon for you to fully know that you made a mistake, it's too soon seriously. There obviously were reasons why you did what you did. Think on them, rationally. And if it all seems like bullshit take a few days and then perhaps write to this person, express all your thoughts and feelings, about why you broke it off, how you're feeling now, and what they mean to you. Don't expect an immediate reply, let them at the very least understand and attempt to take your words to heart. Remember, this was YOUR decision, you need to try and understand what this person is feeling and going through, as much as you are overwhelmed by your own feelings.
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Old 08-03-03   #3
heartsicle
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well, by a few days I meant it's only been a few days since I asked him back and he said no. We broke up at least a month ago... maybe more like two.
I know him seeming "over it" is the best sign that it wouldn't work anyway, because who falls out of love this fast? But still.... all my friends say he'll come back eventually because it was meant to be and all that sappy bullshit. And my brother said he hoped when we got back together we got married this time so I wouldn't let him get away again.....
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Old 08-04-03   #4
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i feel the same way. only, my girlfriend, or ex- was at one time very scary. i dont know what to do
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Old 08-05-03   #5
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heartsicle, You move on. Nothing will undo what you did the day up dumped him, anyway. No matter what you did it would never go away. So move on.
Do things you enjoy doing, whatever that is.
And each day you'll think about him less.
Friends are always important here, why becuase they make sure you dont slit your wrists with a darning needle(it can be done), as well as taking you out and having fun with them. So go have fun, and enjoy life, its little enough as it is.
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Old 08-05-03   #6
heartsicle
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ministry Of Sin
So go have fun, and enjoy life, its little enough as it is.

It certainly seems small now.

He told me he wants us to get back together someday but not now. He never would say yes or no, just 'not now' or 'maybe later'. I asked him to just tell me no, never, and leave it at that because I don't feel like being kept on the string until he's sure there's nothing better out there. I've treated him badly before but no one deserves that.

It's not the NO that breaks your heart
It's the HOPE the answer will change that tears you apart.
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Old 08-05-03   #7
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unfortunatly i ve experienced this bullshit.

and it really does tear you apart, i understand what youre going through and my best advice would be not to hang on to that shred of hope. youre safer that way. this one guy kept me on a string for months and it all resulted in nothing but more heartache. needless to say i can give a shit if he dies today and i think it was really stupid that i actually held on for that long. theres no promise he s coming back, i d say dont get your hopes up regardless of whether he makes it sound like theres a chance or not.
wait around if you must but dont put your life on hold. you know what i mean? give yourself the chance to start moving on.
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Old 08-06-03   #8
heartsicle
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I feel better today. Thanks guys.
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Old 08-07-03   #9
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glad some one here helped...
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Old 08-07-03   #10
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My ex-husband and I are speaking again. He wants to get back together now, but I don't know.
Hell, maybe I'll be the first woman in my town to have all her children by the same man. heh
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Old 08-07-03   #11
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good luck to you, hope things work out for the two of you.
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Old 08-08-03   #12
DarkLameth
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your choice. you cause. your fate. good luck.
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Old 08-08-03   #13
heartsicle
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......thanks
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Old 08-13-03   #14
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I know what it feels like to be standing there pouring your heart out only to be rejected and even if your in a crowded room (or a parking lot outside a Kings) you feel so alone. I hope things start getting better. has anything else happened?

Before you move to quickly into things try and find out why he said no at first and then later changed his mind. Good luck!
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Old 08-13-03   #15
heartsicle
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He didn't change his mind. It is still no. He kept giving me that "maybe we'll get back together later" bullshit. I told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore because a "maybe later" would just keep me on the string, keep me hoping......
So I haven't talked to him. But I think about him every day. It doesn't change. My daughter still asks about him. But he just doesn't care about us anymore and that's the way it is.
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Old 08-13-03   #16
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Then looks like you need to move on. Spend some time by yourself and then some time with your friends. if your daughter talking about him bothers you talk to her about it.
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Old 08-13-03   #17
heartsicle
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that's kindof hard to do, she is only two years old. if I explained, she wouldn't understand. She will forget him soon. And I am moving on.
It's a weird situation because I have fawned over this guy (on and off) since I was 12. We've always lived just a mile or two apart. We used to walk to each others houses or meet halfway and sit on the church steps in town. I wrote a poem about it when I was little.

I know, I know.... I watch too many chick flicks.
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Old 08-13-03   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lillith
Time, it sucks, but that is honestly the only truth. If it's days it's too soon for them to even consider anything but what they are going through. You left them, you are the one who made the decision. Right now this person is hurt, and may also feel anger and the whole gamut of feelings associated with being "dumped". You need to respect that, as much as it's not an easy thing to keep your distance. Give this person and yourself some time, a couple of weeks at the very least. Let the proverbial dust settle before you attempt to rationally talk about your decision for dumping them. It's too soon for you to fully know that you made a mistake, it's too soon seriously. There obviously were reasons why you did what you did. Think on them, rationally. And if it all seems like bullshit take a few days and then perhaps write to this person, express all your thoughts and feelings, about why you broke it off, how you're feeling now, and what they mean to you. Don't expect an immediate reply, let them at the very least understand and attempt to take your words to heart. Remember, this was YOUR decision, you need to try and understand what this person is feeling and going through, as much as you are overwhelmed by your own feelings.

Yep.
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Old 08-13-03   #19
heartsicle
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yep.

It's getting easier to remember the good things in a good way instead of just missing them. And much easier to forget the bad things. I'm so glad that you guys helped
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Old 08-16-03   #20
DarkLameth
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somemost of us guys are just A-holes... when in doubt try to find a younger nice guy or an older nice guy that you can learn to love and love you?
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