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Reload this Page The Journal of uhhhhh...hmmmm....
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Old 07-28-03   #1
bullethead
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The Journal of uhhhhh...hmmmm....

Well Im not very good at these cause If never had one of em. SO what Im gonna do is just randomly say whats on my mind and how I feel about life. So here we go...

Lately I've been feeling like crap. Like I have no meaning to go on anymore. I dont tell anyone this cause I dont feel like getting asked a million questions on if its there fault or if they can help in anyway cause to me it just seems to make things worse.

I've been drinking alot lately. More then usual. Normally it would be like maybe every weekend but now its becoming everyday. And I dont know why...I guess I have a couple of things to keep me going in life that make me very happy and loved. Those being my Girlfriend who love to death, my father cause I dont know what I would do if he wasnt around me when growing up, unlike my mother who acted like I didnt exist.

My problems are not the worst in the world. Im sure that people are having alot harder of time with life then I am. Theres people without parents, no family, nothing. Which kinda makes me a little happier in life(Im not trying to say im better then them).

Well back to the whole feeling like crap thing. I just came to a conclusion on why Im drinking non stop and why im really feeling like crap. Lets start from the begining.

About a month and half ago my dad was asking me to go with him to Ohio by my uncles house to pick up something he had ffor my dad. He said I could bring my Girlfriend with me. I really wanted to go but something told me not too. And for informational purposes My dad just bought a new truck at this time. Back to the story.

So the day comes when he is leaving and I find out that he is taking my sister with him. He says his goodbyes and is off onto the road. Id say about 5 hours later he calls me on his cell asking to check something on the internet for him. So Im doing what he asked and All of a sudden I hear my sister start to scream. I thought she was pulling a joke on my cause thats how she is. But she kept on screaming for another good 2 minutes. and while she is my dads swearing off the top of his lungs and I can hear metal crashing into the ground and rolling non stop.

Im screaming for my dad to say something but I hear nothing at all. I thought they both died. I broke down crying. I wouldnt know what to do if that ever happened. So I call his cell back in a little bit and I hear his voice. He said A deer jumped in front of the truck. He swerved to miss it, but at the same time his brakes locked up and they were ABS. and it just so happens there was a puddle of water on the ground where he hit the brakes. So they started to hydro plane. while this was happening they hit a bump and went airborne. They then crashed in to the ground head on and proceeded to roll 3 to 6 times on the ground. and skidded Id say for about 50 feet. The people behind them said it looked just like in the movies.

My sister was damn lucky because just before the accident she took her seatbelt off. And a second before it all happend she put it back on. And get this, when they crashed head on the AIRBAGS DIDNT EVEN COME OUT!!!!!! During the accident my sister smashed her head into the windshield giving her a concusion. and my dad reached over to her to hold her in her seat during the accident and his injury for doing that was a broken scapula.

The hospital said they were damn lucky. they said the survival rate for a crash like that is...wait they said there isnt a survival rate. No one has survived a crash like that. My sister no how has chronic back problems and my dad is still healing.

SO....I guess Im going trough all of this depression cause I was on the phone while it all happened. The only thing that somewhat helped me through the accident was Metallicas new CD St Anger. I must have listened to it like 2000 times by now. Well Ill talk more later in my next entry cause my fingers are starting to hurt.lol.
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Old 07-29-03   #2
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Damn not being able to sleep SUCKS!!!!! Its now almost been a year since Ive had a job. Im gonna be going to a new furniture store that opened up saturday to apply. Im soo goddamn tired But I cant sleep. I was laying down in bed for 4 to 5 hours and still couldnt sleep. This has been happening for about 2 to 3 months now. Actually a little longer then that.

Im in a pissed off rage cause Im trying to start a band and now one wants to cooperate. THe only person I cant find is a drummer. I have been searching TWO FUCKING YEARS FOR A GODDAMN DRUMMER!!!!!!. God Im starting to really hate those pricks. In that 2 year span. Ive contacted around 20 drummers. Maybe more.

And with every drummer here is how the story goes. I reply to a drummers ad. We talk for 3 to 4 days. He says he wants to come over and jam. But forgets to come over. Then After talking for a couple more days he says he will be in the band. Then after that, I never fucking hear from them again. That has been the same situation every goddamn time for 2 years now. My main goal right now is to play summerfest at the mountain dew rock stage but doesnt look like thats happening anytime soon. Hopefully I can get a demo slapped together soon.

Well Im still tired even though I drank half a bottle of Southern Comfort. Goddamn it. What I would give for some Weed right now. But I promised my Girl I wouldnt do that anymore. Damn how good that stuff made me feel. I cant say I dont miss it, cause I do. But I would do anything for my girl. Do I hear a whip sound.lol. well. Its 9 am by me now. Im gonna try, KEYWORD, "TRY" to go to sleep again.

Also you can post all you want in here. it dont bother me none. Just as long as stuff stays somewhat on topic.hehe. Hopefully soon Ill be like this .goodnight/morning to everyone.
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Old 08-02-03   #3
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Well Ill be off to Battle of the bands at state fair in a little bit. One last chance to have actual fun. even though ill be secretly mad cause I should be playing on that fucking stage!!!!!!! Oh well. I gotta let it go and wait till next year which is to far away. blah blah blah shiggity noks yeah. I think im on mental crack right now.lol, well gotta finish getting ready. talks later
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Old 08-06-03   #4
bullethead
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Well guess what. There was no battle of the bands the day I went. AHHHH. I was so pissed. Cause I wanted to see whats happening in the music world here. but there was nothing for it. Oh well I one a stuffed penguin for my girlfriend and a dora the explorer doll for my niece. Well thats it for now. talks later
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Old 08-15-03   #5
bullethead
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I AM SUCH A NERD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got into this game modding thing for RA2 and The expansion pack Yuris Revenge. Modding has been going ok except now ive set my sights on modding the game.exe file. And its so stressful cause now a whole bunch of people are expecting me to translate the whole thing and apply new things that are not in the game.

THe reason its stressful is cause I dont understanda bit of what im seeing.lol. and All Ive been doing for the past 2 or 3 days is figuring out how to read this shit. :vampire: talks later
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