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Old 07-08-03   #1
Harry Hard-On
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The Happy Harry Hard-on Show

ALRIGHT EVERYBODY IT"S TIME FOR
THE AMAZING
THE WONDERFUL
THE VERY WELL EQUIPPED
HAPPY HARRY HARD-ON SHOW!
DADUM DADUM DUM DUM ITS THE HAPPY HARRY HARD-ON SHOW!!!! DADUM CHHHHH!!!!
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! HOWS MY LOVELY STUDIO AUDIENCE DOING TONIGHT! *CRICKET CHIRP**CRICKET CHIRP* OK...WELL HEY LETS GET STARTED WITH MY DEAR FRIEND AND WOULD BE LOVER MR. PAUL UBANKS!!!!
"Thank you Harry you flatter me!"
Hey! Hey don't go there Paul! Ha Ha Ha! Alright everybody give it up for PAUL UBANKS AND THE HAPPY HARD-ONS!

DADUM DADUM DUM DUM DA DA DA DAAAAAAAAA! DADUM CHHHHH!!!!
Thank you Paul and to your lovely Husband as well!
*rim shot*
Ok now it's time HAPPY HARD-ON NEWS!
DADUM DADUM DUM
Thanks again Paul, alright first on the News tonight, ohh Well it seems our lovely "President" Bush has declared war on another poverty stricken, starving, poor middle-eastern counry with a moderately affective military!
Well I hope this will settle once and for all who has the bigger penis Georgie.
By the by have we found those "WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION" yet or is it still just the starter pistol and the sharpened stick?
*rim shot*
Oh well they deserved it picking on dear old dad don't they Georgie!
Ok whats next Oh Jennifer Lopez has decided on a NEW wedding dress for her up and coming wedding to Mr. Daredevil! And it's only 25 thousand dollars!
What a bargain, because as we all know it just wouldn't make sense to use one of the old ones.
Also we hear that J-lo has replaced the priest for this next
wedding with a recording machine, thats right folks when time for the vows the machine will say "DO YOU [STATE YOUR NAME] TAKE JENNIFER TO BE YOUR AWFUL SINGING WIFE, TILL DEATH OR SOMETHING BETTER COMES ALONG AND YOU REALIZE WHAT A BIG FUCKING MISTAKE YOU ARE "INGAGED" IN?"
Yeah I give the marrige 2 months or one more record, which ever comes first. How about you Paul?
"Well Harry I.."
Thats great Paul, but THATS IT FOR THE NEWS THIS WEEK!
*cricket chirp**cricket chirp*
PAUSE.
Well it apears as though our applause machine is broken, Hey Paul could you call your husband in to fix it?
*rim shot*
Alright where are we...Oh time to bring out our first guest, sorry Paul its not your husband!
"Alrigtht, thats not funny anymore Harry."
Well fuck you Paul I think its hillarious! HAHAHAHOHOHOHEHEHEHAHAHA...
Ohhhh I love ya Paul, but don't take that the wrong way you Goofy Bastard.
Where was I...Oh yeah our first guest...Ladies and Gent..ohh lets just face it Gentleman And Gentleman please
WELCOME THE WONDERFUL THE AMAZING THE MAGICAL ME!! HAPPY HARRY HARD-ON!!!!
*cricket chirp**cricket chirp*
OK IF I DON"T HEAR SOMEONE CLAP I"M GONNA START HANDING OUT ASSWHOPPINGS!
*clap, clap*
Thats more like it.
OK WHO WANTS TO SEE ME TAKE A SHIT ON PAULS HEAD!!!!!
HEY PAUL WHERE YOU GOING, PAUL GET BACK HERE!
Sorry Gentleman and Gentleman we must take a small comercial break to find Paul and remind him we still have his family locked in the basement!
So go make a sandwich and take a minute to beat your kids, and remember
I'm not really like this, accept when I am!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!

DADUM DADUM DUM DUM ITS THE HAPPY HARRY HARD-ON SHOW!!!! DADUM CHHHHH!!!!
AND WERE BACK!
I'm sorry to inform you guys that Paul has taken ill, but he'll be back for next weeks show, if he knows whats good for him.
Alright you guys give a HUGE HAPPY HARRY WELCOME TO OUR SECOND GUEST THE WONDERFUL THE AMAZING THE MAN WITH THE LARGEST PECKER SECOND ONLY TO ME! AH-NULD SCHWARZENEGGR!!! *YEAHWOOHOOYOUFUCKINGRULEARNOLD!!*
Alright settle down you harpies.
"Dank you for dad warm welcome Mr. Hard-On."
You bet Arnold baby!
So what have you been up to since last we talked?
"Harry, dis is da firsd dime we have met."
Ohh, yeah, well how is the wife and mistress?
"Harry are you drying do ged me indo drouble?"
I'm sorry, what the HELL did you just say? Speak American!
"Grrrrrrr"
So Terminator 3 just hit theaters last week, I saw it and I have to say I think an oranganatang could have done a better job at kicking ass then you did!
"Well dat would be your opinion Harry."
Well it is and it's also the only one that counts, so how about that Kristanna Loken Heh, talk about a fine cut of ASS! So tell me Arnold did you show her your Austrian Trouser Snake?
"Firsd off I am married, second you are sdarding to annoy me Harry."
Oh no look out, AH-NULD, has a bit of a temper. Do you relly think you could take me nancy boy? CAUSE I DON'T THINK YOU GOT THE GRAPES!
"OK Harry, you have pushed me do far!"
OH YEAH WHATCHA GONNA DO, SPANK ME AND TAKE MY BIRTHDAY AWAY, YOU OVERGROWN LAB EXPERIMENT!
"YOU HAVE ONE LASD CHANCE DO APOLOGIZE HARRY BEFORE I SPLID YOU IN DWO!
ONE LAST CHANCE, HA, AH-NULD WHY DON'T YOU JUST "JINGLE ALL DHE WAY" OFF DHE FUKIN SDAGE AND SAY HI DO "JR" FOR ME!
"DAT IS ID! ID'S GO DIME! YOU ARE A FUCKING CHOIR BOY COMPARED DO ME!
*PUNCHKICKPUNCHSLAMSCREAMPUNCHKCIKKICKKCIKSNAPCRACKPUNCHSCREAMPUNCHKICKSPIT!*
"SEE YOU AD DA PARDY HARRY!"*walks off stage*
........pause........
*cough weez cough*
Alright that *cough*is all the*cough*time we..owww..have for ths week*cough*this is HApPy*cough*HaRrY HArd-On saying Good-nigHT*weez*aNd I'Ll SeE*cough*yoU NeXt WeEk!*ohh Jesus call the DOCTOR!*
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Old 07-08-03   #2
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Well, I will be the first one to say that I like your show, Harry. I will be with you to the end, which I hope will be a long ways down the road.
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Old 07-08-03   #3
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Quote:
Originally posted by Kain424
Well, I will be the first one to say that I like your show, Harry. I will be with you to the end, which I hope will be a long ways down the road.
I'd like to say thank you to my small, but cheeke fan club. What up Mr. Kain, glad you enjoyed the first show, I of course hope The show does go well. For anyone else who reads this and likes THE HARRY HARD-ON SHOW, please drop me a line.
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Old 07-08-03   #4
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u scare me!

*-*tickles*-*
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Old 07-08-03   #5
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Scared? Ha! Harry, you must see this! You have garnered emotions from your audience! Your show is a success!
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Old 07-08-03   #6
Harry Hard-On
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Quote:
Originally posted by so_confused999
u scare me!

*-*tickles*-*
I SCARE MYSELF....FREQUENTLY!
Well, thanks for reading, I shall retire now, I going to do some light reading in my closet*ahem*
BYE BYE!
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Old 07-08-03   #7
Harry Hard-On
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Quote:
Originally posted by Kain424
Scared? Ha! Harry, you must see this! You have garnered emotions from your audience! Your show is a success!
I CAN'T BELIVE IT YOU LIKE ME YOU REALLY LIKE ME!
Well I would like to thank the Acasadame! and all two of my viewers THANK YOU THANK YOU!
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Old 07-09-03   #8
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Pretty funny, I look forward to seeing more.
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Old 07-09-03   #9
Harry Hard-On
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Originally posted by Soul Burner
Pretty funny, I look forward to seeing more.
Thank you, next show should be on Monday.
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Old 07-10-03   #10
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pump up the volume was a kick ass flick... you seem to do it justice... good stuff.
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Old 07-10-03   #11
Harry Hard-On
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Quote:
Originally posted by >FuckDoll<
pump up the volume was a kick ass flick... you seem to do it justice... good stuff.
Finally a name more obscene than mine!
CONGRATES FUCK DOLL!
You are the first to get my name origin. I bow to you. Yes it is my favorite movie, I thank you for saying I give it justice, I don't think I'll ever be as great as the first Harry Hard-On, but there is fun in trying. Glad you liked the show.

P.S. LIKE THE AVATAR.
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Old 07-10-03   #12
Harry Hard-On
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Quote:
Originally posted by >FuckDoll<
pump up the volume was a kick ass flick... you seem to do it justice... good stuff.
I almost forgot, I wanted to invite you to feel free to visit me at UP LATE AND BORED, SO BE IT. Its in the Friendship threads. There is crazy shit going down there every night.

LATER.
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Old 07-10-03   #13
>FuckDoll<
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why thank ya...
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Old 07-11-03   #14
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Yes, isn't it nice to see someone else recognize the root of your genius? The muse of you um,...yeah!
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Old 07-12-03   #15
Harry Hard-On
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Re: The Happy Harry Hard-on Show

I LOVE ME!
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Old 07-12-03   #16
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how coincidental... I love me too...
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Old 07-12-03   #17
Harry Hard-On
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Originally posted by >FuckDoll<
how coincidental... I love me too...
YEAH BUT HOW FREQUENTLY?
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Old 07-12-03   #18
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at the very least, twice a day... more if the need strikes me.
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Old 07-12-03   #19
Harry Hard-On
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Originally posted by >FuckDoll<
at the very least, twice a day... more if the need strikes me.
HAHAHA! I got you beat ten fold!
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Old 07-14-03   #20
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IT"S SUNDAY NIGHT, DO YOU NO WHERE YOUR PARENTS ARE?
BEACUSE IT"S TIME FOR
THE AMAZING
THE WONDERFUL
THE VERY WELL EQUIPPED

HAPPY HARRY HARD-ON SHOW!

DADUM DADUM DUM DUM ITS THE HAPPY HARRY HARD-ON SHOW!!!! DADUM CHHHHH!!!!

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! EVERYBODY!
HOW IS MY STUDIO AUDIENCE DOING TONIGHT!
*cricket chirp**cricket chirp*
Ok I thought this might be a problem, So I took the liberty of equipping all your seats with ELECTRIC SHOCKS!, I'll ask you guys one more time...*grumble*

HOW IS MY FUCKING STUDIO AUDIENCE DOING TONIGHT!
*YEAHWOOHOOYEAHWELOVEHARDONSGOHARRYYEAH!*

THATS MORE FUCKING LIKE IT!
EVERBODY I WANT YOU TO GIVE A SPEACIAL WELCOME BACK TO MY CLOSEST FRIEND, AND PART TIME JIZZ MOPPER, PAUL UBANKS!!!!
*Thank you so much Harry, its great to be back, I missed being here! *
Jesus Paul, need a tissue? This isn't the View!
*Sorry Harry! *
As you should be, how the kids doing?
*As you know I haven't seen them lately Harry..*
Might that be because you spent the week in the hole?
HAHAHA!
Your screams still put a smile on my face ya goofy bastard!
All right everybody give it up for PAUL UBANKS AND THE HAPPY HARD-ONS!

DADUM DADUM DUM DUM DA DA DA DAAAAAAAAA! DADUM CHHHHH!!!!
*YEAHWOOHOOYEAHYOUROCKWOO!!!*

THANK YOU PAUL, We have a great show planned for you viewers, tonight on the show we have, a new segment called "SINGING WITH KIDS!" and later on the show the very talented and big packaged Mr. RUSSLE CROW!
But now we must do the News, and WHY NOT PAULS MOM WHILE WE"RE AT IT?
*YEAHWOOHOOYEAHWELOVEHARDONSGOHARRYYEAH!*
*Oh, COME ON Harry!*
OK, HOW ABOUT ON HER ASS AFTER I JUMP START IT!?!
*RIM SHOT*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....

Ohhh you are so my bitch tonight Paul!
*Grumble.. *

Alrightey! First on the news tonight, we should all know Justin Timberlake and Christina Hagulara are going on a huge tour together this summer. I KNOW I"LL BE THERE! I a current interview with MTV News correspondent Kurt Loader, Christina talked about getting in shape for all the dancing she will be doing on tour, and that she has lost 15 pounds!
Wow that’s like one of your wife’s tits Paul!
*It certainly is Harry. *
So now Chistina has finally achieved her goal body weight of 78 pounds, her head is still majority weighing in at 50lbs.
Well thank god for that, and Justin is still a pussy.

Ohh what else, lets see...Ok, as we all know the amazingly controversial, Slim Shady AKA Eminem was recently caught on tape poking fun at Pop legend Michael Jackson.

In which Eminem, mock dressed as Michael, dangled a baby doll over a window patio, poking fun at Michael’s mishaps with his real child a few month prior.

Now in recent events a tape has surfaced of Eminem being castrated!

*WOW REALLY?*
Put it back in your pants Paul, there's more.....

Also on the tape is some disturbing footage of some naked young boys wrestling in a pool of jell-o!
AND Mr. Mathers dancing around them wearing nothing but chaps and a cowboy hat!

It appears he really wants to one-up Michael.
I think that’s taking it a little to far Em!

Hmmmm say Paul didn't your son go to Eminem's concert last night?
*Uhhmm Yeah?*
Have you seen him since then?
*Well..no.*
HMMM, Interesting?
*Yeah, hey I gotta go Harry, I'll see ya next week..!*
Ladies and Gentlemen Paul Ubanks RUNNING OUT THE DOOR!
*CLAPCLAPCLAP*

Alrighty Looks like its time for
SINGING WITH KIDS!
*YEAHWOOHOOYEAHWELOVEHARDONSGOHARRYYEAH!*

GET THE KIDS IN HERE!
*shuffleshuffle*

Gather Around Kids!
Is Everybody Ready!

*YEAHYEAHLETSDOITYEAHWOOHOO*
*YOUSUCKHARRY!*

What the hell, who fucking said that?
*I did!*
And who the hell are you!
*My name is Timmy and I think you suck dick!*
Ohhh is that so...get this little shit outa here!

I WILL HAVE NO NEGATIVITY!

Ahem.....Sorry kids, we don't spread negativity around here.

Now that Timmy broke the rules he has to take a trip to the MEAT GRINDER!
*YEAHYEAHLETSDOITYEAHWOOHOO*

Everyone put on his or her raincoats; we don't want his poison to infect you good kids!

IN YOU GO YOU LITTLE BASTARD!
Flick the switch!*AHHHHHCRUNCHCRUNCHOWWWWWSNAPCRACKAHHHHHCRACKSNAPCRUNCH......*

Well there you go!

Ok now time for that song...providing there is no further negativity?
*Cricket chirp**cricket chirp*
Alright!
OK KIDDIES WHEN THE TIME COMES I WANT YOU ALL TO JOIN IN OK!
*OK, HARRY!*
Here we go!

I......HATE EVERYTHING! I......HATE NOTHING!
WHATS THE POINT IN CARING!
YOU'LL ONLY END UP HURT!!!!!!!!!
SO HERES ALL I HAVE TO SAY!!!!!!
FUCK YOU! *FUCK YOU!*
FUCK YOU! *FUCK YOU!*
FUCK YOU! *FUCK YOU!*
YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Great job kids!
ISN'T IT FUN BEING POSITIVE!
*YEAH!YEAH!*

NOW FOR A SHORT BREAK!

DADUM DADUM DUM DUM ITS THE HAPPY HARRY HARD-ON SHOW!!!! DADUM CHHHHH!!!!
AND WERE BACK!

That was better then a HIGH COLONIC IN ZERO GRAVITY!

Alright you guys give a HUGE HAPPY HARRY WELCOME TO OUR GEUST TONIGHT, THE AMAZING, THE FANTASTIC, THE MAN FROM DOWN UNDER*snicker*
THE GLADIATOR MR. RUSSLE CROWE!

*YEAHWOOHOOYOUFUCKINGRULERUSSLE!!*

*Ellow Arry, Thanks for tha warm welcome.*
YOU BET "CID!"
*Yeah, very good.*
Well I guess my first question is are you GLADHEATEHER?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*What?*
Don't let it bother ya, so do you own one of those "OUTBACK" cars?
*No, why would I?*
Do you always answer a question with a question?
*I don't know, do I?*
Christ!...So are you friends with Steve Irwin?
*Who?*
FUCKIN A MAN! STOP THAT! THE CROCADILE HUNTER!
*What’s a Crocodile?*
All right you’re starting to piss me off.
*What do you mean?*
OK GET HIM OTTA HERE!
*Oh are we done?*
Yeah we're fuckin done!
*Alright, but before I go I'd like to recite this poem I wrote for tonight occasion.*
No I don't think so!
*You mean I can't read my poem?*
NO YOU CAN"T READ YOUR FUCKING POEM!
A BEAUTIFUL MIND INDEED, FUCKIN NIMROD!
*NOW YA DONE IT!*

*PUNCHKICKPUNCHSLAMSCREAMPUNCHKCIKKICKKCIKSNAPCRACKPUNCHSCREAMPUNCHKICKSPIT!*

*walks off stage*
........pause........
*cough weez cough*
Alright that *cough*is all the*cough*time we..owww..have for this week*cough*this is HApPy*cough*HaRrY HArd-On saying Good-nigHT*weez*aNd I'Ll SeE*cough*yoU NeXt WeEk!*ohh See if I ever watch Romper Stomper again, crazy motherfucker*cough!*
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