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Reload this Page My Life Behind My Eyes....
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Old 06-03-03   #1
xDevilz Bitchx
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My Life Behind My Eyes....

Im bored...So i decided to make one of these up...hehe. Anyone can post in here...its all good!

Hmm...Today...It was alright. Had my cd player on all day, so tuned everyone out mostly. Not in the mood to hear everyones so called "problems". Which half of my "friends" just make up for attention. I cant stand people in Canon Mac...Some of them just need to die. But hey 3 1/2 more days...THANK GOD! I dunno y im even studyin for finals when i know im not goin to bring my grades up...Im trying but my dad still will bitch at me and when i finally make up my mind about what car i want he will just take it off of me...Nice huh? And one a different note....I dunno why the hell do i still love someone with all my heart when i mean nothing to him? Why the hell cant i get him out my mind? Why the hell do i keep goin back? What the hell is wrong with me? GRRRRRRRRR....Im sick of this shit. Y the hell cant i just fucking hate him? Why god damnit why? Hes fucking driving me crazy. I wish i could just say fuck u and never talk 2 him again...I try and i just brake down. I just wish he realized how much pain he puts me throw...grrrr....And im sick of this fucking chest pain shit...Someone just shoot me...lol. Well im done bitching...for the day...hehe... Buh-Byes!
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Old 06-03-03   #2
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You remind me alot of me About this unrequited love of yours, why don't you try to dettach yourself slowly from him, not so abruptly to the point, where it takes your heart by surprise and crushes your soul..Are you sure he does not share the feelings back..They don't even have to be the same exact feelings, does he care? Ahh well I talk too much
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Old 06-04-03   #3
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Deja Vu
~shudders~(yes, it's my word for tonight)
that sounds familiar...
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Old 06-04-03   #4
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hehe...I dont think thats a good thing that i remind u of u...lol. Anyways...He says he cares and he told me that he loves me and i know if i was there he would be with me. See what just kills me is that he loves me one day and then next he doesnt. Its just really killing me. And i have tried to get over him but i cant. No matter how much pain he puts me throw i love him even more each day. I know that sounds fucked up..But its the truth. And i want to get over him just cuz i really dont think i will ever be with him. But i dont want to get over him cuz theres just something about him that i love and i cant just shrug it off. If he didnt have this thing (which i really dont know how to explain it) then i could say the hell with him and i would have been gone. See another guy here had that same thing. And i still really like him and i really shouldnt. But thats a whole different story...We dont go there. But whatever....On a different note...I found out my friend tried to kill himself today. And that would have been my 11th best friend. Im sick of this shit these people r puttin me throw. Thank god hes ok. I dunno what the hell i would do without Jesse. But i dunno. He tired gettin help...I mean he went every where. And nothing worked. Hes so fucked up. But i dont blame him. Hes mother died 3 years ago, from cancer. Then his brother (my best friend) Matt killed himself 2 years ago. And his dad died from cancer last year. And he has no1 else. But his Aunt. And she is a true bitch and hits him and shit. I try everything for him. I just dont know what else 2 do for him. But seriously if he leaves me..Thats like taking everything of me and stabbing me with really long and sharp knifes. And im really all he has. And i hate it cuz like i said i cant do anything more for him. I just dunno anymore.
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Old 06-05-03   #5
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Hmmm...Very interesting day...Got called a poser by this fucking fat ass punk wannabe. I really am so gald tomorrow is the last day of school....WOOOHOOO...*jumps around in joy!* I REALLY hope i can go to Bethel next year...I will be able to drive there...So i just hope they will let me...Sucks that its an hour away...But o well..its worth it. I can be with my true friends. I seriously just wish this year never happened. But i learned alot about myself and others. So it was kinda a good thing. But wow...Lots of shit i would have never thought could happen...Happened. But some of it was good...So ! Well im goin to go now....Hope everyones doing good!



R.I.P Hoppy....(Vikki's frog...lol. I kinda ran it over with my street bike...Oops...lmfao! But i feel bad...But ah was it funny!!!!) Why the fuck would u have a frog as a pet??? lol.
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Old 06-10-03   #6
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Hello are you feeling like shit? Well I sure as fuck AM!!!!!
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Old 06-10-03   #7
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No im very happy!!! Whats wrong hun? *hugs u*
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Old 06-10-03   #8
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*hugs*

I am just stressed and need a job and people keep telling me that certain people it's not good to go for and I am like fuck that shit and plus if people are gonna like me then don't fuck around and pull me in. It pisses me off and get's me upset very easily.
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Old 06-10-03   #9
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Ya...I know what u mean. I wish i could help u....I cant even fucking hug u...This sucks..grrrr...lol. If u need to ever talk about shit...U know im here for u! Luff u!
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Old 06-10-03   #10
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Ya...I know what u mean. I wish i could help u....I cant even fucking hug u...This sucks..grrrr...lol. If u need to ever talk about shit...U know im here for u! Luff u!

Anyways...What a day, what a day....Got kicked in my knee by my fucking god damn baby horse. I feel bad tho cuz i really slapped him across the head really hard and he kinda like fell down. I feel bad. But o well. Im in alot of pain. Other then that its been ok. I guess. Im sick of my fucking dad. He comes home and bitches at everyone. Cuz hes sick of people who work for him. But no to there face he will be so nice. But behind there backs he's talking shit. There assholes. There just fucking using him and half of them r trying to sue us. But no we fucking love him with everything and he bitches to us about everything, hits me if i get alil pissy about nothing or just looks at him weird. Im sick of it. But thank god he only comes home for 2 hours. And then back to the office. I dunno if u even say i have a father. I love him but i dont like him. If that makes any sense. I try talking to him and of course he gets pissed off and hits me. Now he wonders y i totally ignore him and y im scared of him. I dunno what to do anymore about him...
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Old 06-10-03   #11
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I know what you mean sort of. My dad doesn't hit me though.
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Old 06-13-03   #12
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It sucks...I dont do anything...But whatever. I just suck it up and move on. I love him, hes my daddy.

Hmmm...I love the rain! Its so pretty to just walk in the dark, alone, in the rain. I can really think then...lol. But some company wont hurt sometimes...

Damn no1 fucking comes to my thread...*tears*...I wish some people would....
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Old 06-13-03   #13
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I come here.
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Old 06-17-03   #14
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Yes...And thank you...

Wow...What fun fews days i have had....Hmmm...Here we go...Saturday i had a god damn heart attack. And i find out the only way i can really get fixed is if i get a heart transplant and theres NOOOOO fucking way im going throw that shit. So i get to get drugged up...Woohoo...NOT. Im not aloud to really do anything anymore, like get 2 happy, depressed, etc cuz if i do i will have another attack...This fucking sucks...Someone just needs to kill me. PLEASE. End me from this fucking pain. I cant fucking breath, sneeze, or even fucking move without being in pain. I havent eaten for 5 days now...Im so fucking hungry but it hurts like a mother to eat anything. And i just throw it all back up. And im SOOOO fucking alone...My brother went out clubbing (just left me here and said i will be fine), My sister is in State College and doesnt even know this has happened to me, i cant get ahold of her...And mom and dad r in Los Vagas and i cant get ahold of them either, and no1 will come over...Im so fucking lonely...GRRRRR...But whatever, its nothing new. And im fucking pissed off cuz i cant do the BIG ass horse show in Mass at the end of this month and till the end of July....Im only aloud to go for a week. And it fucking sucks cuz i wanna fucking win state...I was so fucking close...Im in fucking 3rd place...But no..This shit had to fucking happen. And i know with just a week i will lose that place...So i dont get to go to Cal the whole month of Feb to try and win nation...Im so fucking pissed off. And i fucking lost Kenny. I fucking love him with everything in me. And he hates me so fucking much, but its my fault and i dont derseve him anyways...But ya thats about all thats new with me...Lucky me...Im so fucking sick of this shit...GRRRR....
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Old 06-17-03   #15
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*hugs and cries* You can't leave me you just can't.

*sobs*
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Old 06-17-03   #16
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My luck im probably going to fucking live until im fucking 100 years old...Just my luck. I dont wanna get old, i wanna die when im 60....Im sorry but i just hate most old people...Ha...I never really had a grandma or grandpa...They all died...Sadly only knew 1 of them but only got to send 2 weeks with him...Anyways..Sorry got off subject...*hugs ya back*. I'll be fine. Just its goin to take time..But im hanging in there and ya...Whatever...
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Old 06-17-03   #17
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*hugs*

Yay you are gonna live a long time!!! *wipes tears away*
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Old 06-18-03   #18
xDevilz Bitchx
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Its usually people who hate life and shit live the longest and the people who love life died at young ages..I have been noticing that...Unless its just me.. (Probably)
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Old 06-18-03   #19
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Heheh you made me smile.
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Old 06-18-03   #20
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lol...My retardedness(is that even a word?..lol) makes u smile?!?!?!
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