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Old 10-16-02   #1
Darling Apathy
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Just thoughts written down.

Questions

Here we go again.
We're right back where we began.
Please don't act surprised
And don't pretend that you can't understand
What all of this is about.
You know that I'm always going to be me
Wondering, curious, stupid little me
Asking the questions that I can never keep at bay.
I mean, is this love the best for me?
Or does it hold me down?
By clipping my wings
Making me as useless
And as pathetic as the caged eagle.
Do I make you happy?
Or is this love an illusion
Another trick my mind has played on me?
And what about all of the fun
That I could have had?
And the things I'll never see?
I have to wonder if happiness is eluding me
Or if I am deluding myself
Drinking deep from the liquor
Of infatuation and selfish pride.
Would I be happier with someone else?
Could they make me feel special?
Could they make me feel loved?
Could we survive long nights alone?
You know, maybe this is all out of convenience
Perhaps love is just another shortcut through life
And we're just too lazy
To pack our stuff and move away.
Maybe, just too scared to try.
Am I fooling myself?
Pretending you were someone else.
Wondering why you stay around
When you know I get this way.
You have to face it my dear
I'll always bring you tears
I'll always play upon your fears
I'm always going to bring you down.
I just wish I were as strong as you.
Oh well, I guess that makes me envious too.
Maybe I just don't have a clue
Of what love means anymore.
I guess I'm just not the kind of girl
Who was meant to settle down
Or the kind that was meant to have a home
Sleeping with the same man night after night.
Sometimes the only thing
That makes me want to stay
Is how you're always there for me.
Because whenever the questions disappear
And I wipe away the tears
I see you smiling back at me.
You've never once gotten mad at me
Nor the least bit bitter for what I've said.
You've just calmly held my hand
And told me that you understand.
No matter what hell I've put you through
You're there for me
Comforting me
And that's why I can't push you away.
Because every time I wipe my tears
I want to see you there
Smiling back at me.
You know, perhaps I question
Purely for the sake of questioning
Or perhaps it's my messed up human nature
Making me always wonder what I'm missing.
But as long as you stand by my side
And calmly hold my hand
I promise to pull through
Because even in my darkest hour
I cannot question how you feel.
It's all too obvious that you love me.
Even though I'll never know why.
Until the day I die, I'll never doubt
What you feel for me
And how you're always there for me
With your smiling face
And your loving eyes
Peeking through my tears
As I wipe them from my face.
You make me love you
And even though sometimes
I want to hate you for that
All I can do is love you back.
Because to find someone as special as you
Is such a rare and beautiful thing
That to pass it up now for any reason
Or anyone
Is an idea so ridiculous
It is beyond all questioning.
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Old 10-16-02   #2
Darling Apathy
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Green (revised)

Green
Dead like the wind
Fallen silent
Fallen prey to the sun

Green
Quiet
Growing under my feet
Draping over
Weeping
Smothered by me

The green green grass
Dying
Dead
Silent like me

He is the sun
Burning me
Killing me

Dead is the grass
Falling
Fallen silent
Fallen prey to him
He called
And I died
Just like the grass
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Old 10-16-02   #3
IdleParis
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very heartfelt vamptress
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Old 10-16-02   #4
Darling Apathy
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thanks ..
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Old 10-17-02   #5
Darling Apathy
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Unsaid Things

The hopes and fears
of endless years
buried 'neath the pain stings:
the stings and burns of unsaid things.

The infinite number
of dreams and wishes,
all cast at a target
that each one misses;
away from the joy of little things:
embedded in mounds
of unsaid things.

A spark, and an idea grows,
but is shunned away for none to know;
the spark from which
imagination swings:
buried forever in unsaid things.

A dark, well-kept and priceless secret,
hidden away by those who keep it;
away from the pain exposure brings:
protected by layers of unsaid things.

Dreams and wishes, hopes and fears,
covered with the dust of endless years.
Well-protected from the pain
of any harm.
Away from the joy
that all things bring:
protected forever in unsaid things.
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Old 10-17-02   #6
laazarus
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such a sweet synphony of sorrow, Feeding on your pain can never warm this ice of my flesh, yet with the taste of your blood im bound and enthralled , what Im trying to say is I love your writting!
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Old 10-17-02   #7
Darling Apathy
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lol
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Old 10-17-02   #8
mightydreamer
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Re: Just thoughts written down.

Quote:
Originally posted by Vamptress
Questions

Here we go again.
We're right back where we began.
Please don't act surprised
And don't pretend that you can't understand
What all of this is about.
You know that I'm always going to be me
Wondering, curious, stupid little me
Asking the questions that I can never keep at bay.
I mean, is this love the best for me?
Or does it hold me down?
By clipping my wings
Making me as useless
And as pathetic as the caged eagle.
Do I make you happy?
Or is this love an illusion
Another trick my mind has played on me?
And what about all of the fun
That I could have had?
And the things I'll never see?
I have to wonder if happiness is eluding me
Or if I am deluding myself
Drinking deep from the liquor
Of infatuation and selfish pride.
Would I be happier with someone else?
Could they make me feel special?
Could they make me feel loved?
Could we survive long nights alone?
You know, maybe this is all out of convenience
Perhaps love is just another shortcut through life
And we're just too lazy
To pack our stuff and move away.
Maybe, just too scared to try.
Am I fooling myself?
Pretending you were someone else.
Wondering why you stay around
When you know I get this way.
You have to face it my dear
I'll always bring you tears
I'll always play upon your fears
I'm always going to bring you down.
I just wish I were as strong as you.
Oh well, I guess that makes me envious too.
Maybe I just don't have a clue
Of what love means anymore.
I guess I'm just not the kind of girl
Who was meant to settle down
Or the kind that was meant to have a home
Sleeping with the same man night after night.
Sometimes the only thing
That makes me want to stay
Is how you're always there for me.
Because whenever the questions disappear
And I wipe away the tears
I see you smiling back at me.
You've never once gotten mad at me
Nor the least bit bitter for what I've said.
You've just calmly held my hand
And told me that you understand.
No matter what hell I've put you through
You're there for me
Comforting me
And that's why I can't push you away.
Because every time I wipe my tears
I want to see you there
Smiling back at me.
You know, perhaps I question
Purely for the sake of questioning
Or perhaps it's my messed up human nature
Making me always wonder what I'm missing.
But as long as you stand by my side
And calmly hold my hand
I promise to pull through
Because even in my darkest hour
I cannot question how you feel.
It's all too obvious that you love me.
Even though I'll never know why.
Until the day I die, I'll never doubt
What you feel for me
And how you're always there for me
With your smiling face
And your loving eyes
Peeking through my tears
As I wipe them from my face.
You make me love you
And even though sometimes
I want to hate you for that
All I can do is love you back.
Because to find someone as special as you
Is such a rare and beautiful thing
That to pass it up now for any reason
Or anyone
Is an idea so ridiculous
It is beyond all questioning.

Do I ever feel that sweet words sweet ~hugs~


LuV
Me
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Old 10-18-02   #9
Darling Apathy
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*smiles* I'll take that as a compliment.
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Old 10-18-02   #10
mightydreamer
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U bet'ya
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Old 10-18-02   #11
Darling Apathy
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I don't have enough tears
For the pain of the years
No words to describe the pain
That drives me insane
I look at a heart
That has been torn apart
I watch it bleed
The unfulfilled needs
I see an empty soul
Before it was torn at the seams
I see the child
So carefree and wild
Now she is me
With no reason to be
I find a new hope
Maybe a way to cope
Then the hope was taken
Staring at this child
Who is no longer carefree and wild
The light within her growing dim
I watch this child asking what happened to her
All the years of pain
Come rushing back again
I want to explain
Why she has this pain
But I can only stare
And she decides I don't care
I try to run from this place
But all I see is her face
The pain she will see in upcoming years
I know she won't have enough tears
No way to tell
Others about her hell
I watch her die for her very first time
When her heart committed its first crime
Seeing this made things more unclear
I decided as I step away from the mirror
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Old 10-18-02   #12
mightydreamer
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......................saaaaaaaaawy................this is where I stand....



Waves~still the Waves~.........

Yes, here again, today a slow
Slow death I can hear it coming
To drown my cries away, suffering

Rides upon its bale, carried out
Through a gentle summer breeze
He whispers my name through

The grizzly breeze, taunting and
Teasing all through out this eve
Do I hide and gyp him again today
Think not, I will stay here dreaming

Yet one more day, incomplete I値l
Stay, discouraged at times, eternal
My cries, uncompromising remains

Love's aggravated perpetual battery
Today you値l not see me, I will pray
You値l hear me dream of you through

The waves of this nightmare, faint
Distant, alas a tenacious earshot
Away, I may lay dead but forever

Dreaming, you値l come for me, you値l
Come and free me, shouting through
The waves, amid an ocean of tears

I致e shed through, my voice drowning
Beneath the waves of my desperate

Hours, my days, as time counts away
I lay unheralded through waves today.

AK
Copyright ゥ2002 AK
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Last edited by mightydreamer; 10-18-02 at 01:49.
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Old 10-18-02   #13
Darling Apathy
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That was wonderful, yet sad. You are very good.
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Old 10-18-02   #14
mightydreamer
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~bows in humble appreciation~so are U ~hugs~
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Old 10-18-02   #15
Darling Apathy
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Oh I think not. I actually haven't written in a long time. I just found some poems I wrote and decided to sift through them and post the ones I like.
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Old 10-18-02   #16
mightydreamer
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well however you say, alas they are still beautiful and heartfelt, certainly speak well for my heart.
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Old 10-18-02   #17
Darling Apathy
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*nods* Thank you.
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Old 10-18-02   #18
mightydreamer
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~bows with humility~
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Old 10-18-02   #19
Darling Apathy
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Sorry

I stand helpless as the consequences of my mistakes crush me. My life lays shattered and splintered. Somehow i find the strength to stand up. I walk over to the wreckage that used to be my life. As I sift through the debris, I see a life I can barely remember. The pieces look familiar, but they're jagged and broken now. I know the pieces fit perfectly together, before. But when I look at them now I know they will never be whole again. An old life has died. I don't know if I can start a new. I'm numbed by the pain, alone and paralyzed. The will to go on withers and crumbles along with my love. The light that used to be in my eyes fades into darkness. I let it all go, I let go of myself. Another lost soul in this world of sadness. My purpose has been stripped of me. All I was, is lost. With nothing to hold on to, I fall deeper and deeper into this hole. With every excruciating second I pray for the bottom. I've had enough of it all, there's nothing left for me. I long to feel the last moment before the ground approaches to break me. In that moment two last words echo in my mind, the two words that started everything. I'm sorry.
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Old 10-18-02   #20
mightydreamer
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a little tool in there hehehe I like it
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