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Old 07-20-02   #1
shalamar
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Reflections of me

Not the usual journal style... but like the title says, this is just the differents reflections of me... my inner thoughts and feelings.


Another soul binding night under an old oak tree of creaking limbs and rustling leaves.

The feeling of simplicity…as a cold dusky breeze raises goose bumps on her arms. Her eyes close in blatant disregard for the humble night scenery.

Ears attuned to every echo of sound…the night creatures that chirp, crick and shrill with the cool winds…slight fluttering of feathers so light, heard in flight…steady steps of hooves so nimble, soft rustles of grass heard in the distance.

Breezes whisper in her ears of dark secrets it gives to those who will listen. Eerie shivers chill through her spine…bringing coldness to her core.

An echo of loneliness thumping softly and rhythmically to its own soulful beat...her own heart felt and heard as a gentle tapping upon the chest, low in tone to one outside, but loud in intensity to her own sensitive ears.
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Old 07-20-02   #2
xiaphon
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that's so cool..btw..HI!
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Old 07-20-02   #3
shalamar
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Quote:
Originally posted by xiaphon
that's so cool..btw..HI!
hi thanks xia
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Old 07-20-02   #4
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np shal
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Old 07-21-02   #5
shalamar
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still awake.... lamenting

Bound in steel ties that drip of crystal tears. Her hands stay immobilized…trying to wriggle through cold wet binds. Her body shivers, drenched of cold raindrops…the tears of angels sad songs.

Her desperate struggle to voice warm comfort…huddles in the darkness of her throat, trapped behind closed doors as her dark eyes burn in shame to see the work of angels crumble in vain…to see the world in such tortured disarray.

Bound by rules of the land…it’s force met in innocent compliance. Head bowed in despair, heart crying in pain for what it cannot embrace.
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Old 07-21-02   #6
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*thinks about shal and twisted and grins* heehee
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Old 07-21-02   #7
shalamar
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Quote:
Originally posted by xiaphon
*thinks about shal and twisted and grins* heehee
you silly ...

.. i'm trapped in too deep in a dark well of shadows.... don't think anyone will be getting me out anytime soon.... but they can try...

*hugs xia*
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Old 07-21-02   #8
shalamar
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nightmares waking me again

So vague…echoes of the past…

shadows of them surround her heart and soul, yelling at its tiny pulses…in such small encasement.

Her arms bat out blindly as the dreams pass by in a series of hectic painful stabs. As pleading soft murmurs come from untouched lips…pleas of mercy to untie the tight binds of history.

Perhaps someday she’ll awake during the day.
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Old 07-22-02   #9
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Quote:
Originally posted by shalamar


you silly ...

.. i'm trapped in too deep in a dark well of shadows.... don't think anyone will be getting me out anytime soon.... but they can try...

*hugs xia*
:p yep i'm a sillyhead sometimes.. yet another beautiful entry. *hugs shal*
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Old 07-22-02   #10
shalamar
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Quote:
Originally posted by xiaphon

:p yep i'm a sillyhead sometimes.. yet another beautiful entry. *hugs shal*
awww.. thanks xia *hugs you back*
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Old 07-22-02   #11
shalamar
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contemplating...

She drifts asleep as the sun rides the sky. Lying on a bed of soft petals, delicately quiet…her steady slow breath taints the light of day. Quietly she sleeps…surrounded by the evil specters that taunt and tease…wearing her mind and soul of its precious life…as she sleeps on in quiet peaceful oblivion.

In Darkness she awakens…with tasks already at hand…tensed in fear and strong will… ready to absorb the pains of spirits that toil through life’s daily grind. Seconds, minutes, hours…they matter not to her web of painful despair.

This night she recoils in the dark valley of luscious vegetation…careful not to draw attention…she shivers…scared to touch the wings of mercy from an angel above. The pain now routine…the very purpose of her nightly expeditions. Chained to her torments and haunts, the darkness echoes in eternal chaos.

Why should she deserve better?
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Old 07-23-02   #12
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i love how you do your entries..it's really cool.
-xia-
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Old 07-23-02   #13
shalamar
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Quote:
Originally posted by xiaphon
i love how you do your entries..it's really cool.
-xia-
thanks xia *hugs you*
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Old 07-23-02   #14
shalamar
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little no one of darkness...

Searching in the dark for the home she desperately wants…warm apple and cinnamon, sweet fragrant air…melody so light, it floats on air…fuzzy haze of light, just right for a smile…infinite space of beautiful meadows…

…she sits pondering as something seems amiss. Among the dream of cotton candy…feeling of shared warmth is absent…its presence so significant that reality comes crashing down to the mind, body and soul.

…delicately she dabbles in paint…outlining the vision of one to share with…she paints…the strong features of a male…strong in will, understanding and caring.

Tears fall down on the painting as she finishes the last outline…the colors starting to melt, as her vision blurs from tears anew. The painting falls to the cold ground as she stands and runs to the darkness of her painful safe haven...

Hiding down in a pit of blackness. Voices of Fear and Shame cloud her mind…weaving a web of doubt…leaving questions of whether one could be so deserving.
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Old 07-23-02   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by shalamar


thanks xia *hugs you*
np *hugs back*
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Old 07-24-02   #16
shalamar
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peering into the night...

She sits looking up at the sky…wondering if the days of life are worth its weight in sweaty tasks and brain draining nights. Will it give her the happiness she longs for so deeply?

The dark tunnel thickens and distorts…seeming not to have that ‘ray of light’ that everyone talks of. Or maybe she’s looking through the wrong glasses…ones worn with scratches over time, making the vision a dismal blur at best.

So she wanders in continual turmoil…searching for the light or even a little bit of warmth.
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Old 07-25-02   #17
shalamar
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....so lonesome today....

*woke up crying and a headache this morning .....too much stress and lonesomeness.....*

i'll post more later *sniffles*
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Old 07-25-02   #18
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Re: ....so lonesome today....

Quote:
Originally posted by shalamar
*woke up crying and a headache this morning .....too much stress and lonesomeness.....*

i'll post more later *sniffles*
aww poor shala *hugs*..i went to sleep and woke up like that..
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Old 07-25-02   #19
shalamar
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Re: Re: ....so lonesome today....

Quote:
Originally posted by xiaphon

aww poor shala *hugs*..i went to sleep and woke up like that..
thanks for the hugs.... *hugs you back*

feel a little better..... still lonesome though
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Old 07-25-02   #20
shalamar
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*sighs*...

She peers into the black hole contemplating what makes up all the particles. Content to stay and sit in her little space…survive her surroundings and disturb not a soul.

Many a soul plays on the outer rim…jumping and skipping in joyful laughter. A few familiar souls beckon to her…trying to tempt her out of her dark corner and into the sliver of light that ties the worlds of Love and Care. She smiles shyly and waves…but hesitates…wanting to go and be accepted…yet holding back as she thinks of the pains of the past.

She believes it will be like this…her looking at the outside from within…keeping the lonesome heart locked inside its humble abode…wishfully sighing once again.
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