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Old 07-17-02   #1
Darkling
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Parametanoid

Parametanoia (n): change of heart; conversion

Paranoid (adj): Exhibiting or characterized by extreme and irrational fear or distrust of others

Warning: "If thee stares too long into the abyss, the abyss stares back through thee."

Last edited by Darkling; 07-17-02 at 06:28.
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Old 07-17-02   #2
Darkling
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So begins the tale of summer. Boring, vibrant, bursting summer. I'm deliberately not getting dressed, though I have ten minutes before I depart from my abode. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and all I can see are those eyes, sheltered within the moving sacks of flesh. Those eyes that will watch me when I leave my house. Those... murmurs. The judging. The low-grade hum of their low-grade thoughts, thoughts which, in all intents and purposes, are probably created from my own mind. But do I care? No. Because they're real to me, godammit. And I feel that their existence troubles mine.

Filth follows me where ever I go.
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Old 07-17-02   #3
Darkling
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I went to my girlfriend's house today. I've gone farther with her than I've ever had with any girl I've ever met. It's... odd. The way she makes me feel. It's as if... as if... I'm human. I feel like when I say "I love you", I actually mean it this time. That this time I won't cheat on her. That this time I won't fuck around with her, babble about "open relationships" and "no commitment", then leave her in the dust for someone she had gone out with before.

I have gone inside the darkest places of her soul, her heart, her body. She has drunk my blood, and I've drunk hers. I'd give her my soul... if I hadn't already given it to someone else.

Fuck. That's the problem with three-way relationships. Inequality. I wonder how her boyfriend would feel, if he knew what me and her say about him... I wonder how my boyfriend would feel...

Welcome to the soap opera.

*smiles ruefully*
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Old 07-18-02   #4
Darkling
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Listening to "Have A Nice Day" by Stereophonics. It's about 6:30am in the morning, and I'm feeling all right. Had a fight with Sandor last night right before I went to sleep. I think I broke his heart. It's hard going out with me, I'll admit that. I do love him. I just dunno... things have become extremely complicated. They always have, actually. Complications run amuck in my life because I set them there and shoved a red hot poker up their ass to get them started.

I don't think I can leave him of my own accord. But then, I've grown... too much... with Emily. This will only end in heartbreak.

But then again, knowing my sick, fucktard self, I probably planned it that way.
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