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Old 07-09-02   #1
Drago Scuro
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First post...bout a girl

Hey everyone...yup, my first post...Im not sure how much Ill be on here, but I have to get this out somewhere. We broke up in January, for reasons I will never live down. For now, lets just say that I was VERY stupid and did something that I would never see myself doing and looking back now I dont know how I couldve done it to her. Ok, Ill just say it: I cheated on her, and it was the biggest mistake of my life. We had only been going out for just a few weeks but for some dumb reason I couldnt pull away from my ex, at least physically. One day my ex told her all about it, and the obvious consequences insued. I begged and pleaded for what must have been a week, but seemed like forever. At one point she said she would take me back and I woke up that next morning a brand new person. Really, I felt so good that it seemed like I had changed completely somehow. Get home from work that night and she tells me that she changed her mind and basically have a nice life BTW, all of this happened over AOL IM because she goes to school up near NY and I'm in Philly. It tore me apart that I couldnt see her to talk to her or have her see how I really felt, not just read it off the computer screen. So its been since then, and I cant remember a day that I havent thought of her. Some nights I cant fall asleep...I hear certain songs and I have to hide my tears from my friends, the words remind me of her...of us. I dont know what to do. I want to see her, talk to her again, even just email her...but I'm affraid that she wont care, that shell just see the email, see its from me, and delete it without even reading it. I wouldnt even know what to say. Ive never been this way over a girl before, it seems almost pathetic in my own eyes. Its like Im haunted forever for what I did, but I feel that I need to do something. Should I though? I want to just let go, so I can stop feeling like this, but I cant. Any ideas? Sorry for the whole sob story/novel, but hopefully someone can give me a hand. Thanks.
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Old 07-09-02   #2
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You will love her still, 'till your heart finds another. But open your heart, to let it be so. The chances of you and her getting back together are nonexistant...
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Old 07-09-02   #3
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There are two things that come to mind here.

First:

your obvious guilt over such a major screwup, I know that feeling well. The sickness sits in the pit of your stomach, the fact that it was YOU that betrayed her trust, and your own belief systems. You never thought you would do it, but you did.

That makes you human, not bad. Everyone makes mistakes, the important thing is to face up to them and take the consequences, whatever they may be. You don't deserve to be miserable over a mistake forever. Search yourself, and forgive yourself, it's the only possibility, don't hang onto the mistakes, just remember you made them, so you can be sure not to make them again.

Second:

are you sure that's it's love that you feel, or do you need absolution from her? That she understands what you did and why, and that she forgives you for it?

if this is what you seek, you may never get it. Some people are not big enough to forgive, and some people do not wish to try. It's easier to be angry then it is to search your heart and let the truth free.

if you miss her because you loved her that much, I am afraid you may be out of luck this time. As I said before, she may not forgive you. But you must forgive yourself and move on. Do not adopt other peoples ideals, or their issues.

And most of all, never let anyone validate the person that you are. Every single one of us is special, every one has something to offer, find the value in yourself and let that shine forth.

Love will find you. You will not find it.

Be well, and good luck.
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Old 07-09-02   #4
ordeith
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getting her back is almost not an option now. mourn, learn, and move on. my only advice of any value is wounds of the heart tend to fester when there hid behind hate or lothing (either for yourself or others) leave it open to heal. if you allow hate and anger to infect your heart it will only hurt worse when you finally decide to heal.
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Old 07-09-02   #5
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Love.. it's as whimsical as a butterfly.
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Now that the wind called my name,
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In the sky stilled my flame.

For the ones who stood me near,
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I ask of thee to have no doubts and no fears.

For when the great clouds fill the air,
And the thunder roars from O, so far away up in the sky,
Then for sure you will know that I have reached the joyous halls up high.
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Old 07-09-02   #6
Drago Scuro
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Thanks guys, this really helped. Everything that was said makes sense, and I just need to move on. Waterbearer, you are so right. A close friend of mine said the same thing about some people just not being able to forgive. I guess this will go down in the books as another learning experience that will only better me as a person from now on. Again, thank you all for the help.
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Old 07-09-02   #7
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i´ve had a lot of pain because of my ex in the nearer past and i learned: time heals, but that is not going to help you a lot, i think...
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Old 07-09-02   #8
waterRTBH
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Quote:
Originally posted by Drago Scuro
Thanks guys, this really helped. Everything that was said makes sense, and I just need to move on. Waterbearer, you are so right. A close friend of mine said the same thing about some people just not being able to forgive. I guess this will go down in the books as another learning experience that will only better me as a person from now on. Again, thank you all for the help.
remember - find the beauty within you .

once you find that, love will come for you, you won't go find it.

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Old 07-10-02   #9
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and hey, sweetie, welcome to DarkForum.

moving on is hard, too, but it's worth it in the end. well, i think so.

good luck, and blessed be.

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Old 07-10-02   #10
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give it time. if you love her, let her live her life, its her loss if u feel that deeply. time heals all.
and at least the upside to her being that far is the rule "out of sight out of mind." when i broke up w/ my first "love" i had to sit there everday and still have to be in the same room as him. it hurt so bad. but i gave it time, and i'm glad i did. 8 months later i'm still recovering (i held on to a hopless situation for way to long, dont make the same mistake, realise now she's not worth it and u 2 will probably not get back together) but i've found someone else.

good luck

Your Dark Princess

-Dri-

(welcome to the frorum)
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Old 07-10-02   #11
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yeah look man, u screwed up, now u pay the price. it mi\ght seem as if you cant live now, but trust me. you will. it will be hard, even to the point where you dont think you can go on and you try something stupid. dont theres always something better waiting for you on the other side man. just move on, and do better next time. some real good advice that i didnt see on there was, dont cheat.....................:metalhead
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Old 07-10-02   #12
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ok i know what you are going through with the lose me and my bf broke up for what reson he never told me but i still do love him it's been 6 months and i know where the lose comes in but what i have been told it does get easyer but it takes time so if you ever need to talk i'm here i can relate
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Old 07-11-02   #13
Drago Scuro
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Thanks again guys, Im feelin better already. LoverNo1, haha, yeah, definite good lesson here! DriWicked, I was thinkin that same thing, out of site, out of mind...good thing I have that on my side! And LittleGirlBlue, thanks for the welcome!

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Old 07-11-02   #14
waterRTBH
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Quote:
Originally posted by Drago Scuro
Thanks again guys, Im feelin better already. LoverNo1, haha, yeah, definite good lesson here! DriWicked, I was thinkin that same thing, out of site, out of mind...good thing I have that on my side! And LittleBlueGirl, thanks for the welcome!
It will get easier, but remember...

... don't forget the lesson you learn, or you will be very much like history, reapeating yourself, over and over and over....
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Last edited by waterbearer; 07-11-02 at 10:03.
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Old 07-11-02   #15
Drago Scuro
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Oh, dont worry, I will definitely NOT be pulling any stunts like this again! And yes, you did make me smile (RE: your sig.)
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Old 07-11-02   #16
waterRTBH
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Quote:
Originally posted by Drago Scuro
Oh, dont worry, I will definitely NOT be pulling any stunts like this again! And yes, you did make me smile (RE: your sig.)
*smiles* which line?
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Old 07-11-02   #17
Drago Scuro
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"..or the darkest of Dragon's smile" Oh, and that Yoda thing is pretty damn funny too!
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Old 07-11-02   #18
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Glad to see that you are recovering! Hope things go well.

Your Dark Princess

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Old 07-11-02   #19
waterRTBH
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Quote:
Originally posted by Drago Scuro
"..or the darkest of Dragon's smile" Oh, and that Yoda thing is pretty damn funny too!
*grins*

A reference to a particularly special friend of mine...
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Old 07-11-02   #20
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hope everything works out for you
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