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Old 06-18-02   #1
Chaos Creator
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Chaos's Journal

Well, apparantly, my other online thing got deleted (oh, joy.) So, this is a new one.
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Old 06-18-02   #2
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6-4-02

What to say?
Things are always so strange in my life. At least they are to me. Maybe I'm the only one that thinks so. Whatever.
So heartsicle and I had a falling out. Again. What's new, right? Well, this time I'm pretty sure it's forever. Her ex-husband, her ex-boyfriend, and I all got together one night and got to talking. Needless to say, a lot of things came to light. Seems she'd been lying to all of us, playing us like fools. Trying to pit each other against each other and whatnot. So, I told her to forget she ever even knew me. I hate this whole shit because I've loved her for years, but I don't know. I guess it's for the best.
I don't know. I have another girl that I've known for as long as I've known Kelly, and we've been talking a lot lately. A lot. We've been messing around and whatnot, you know. And there's even been talk of us moving in together. But I'm supposed to be moving to North Carolina. Thus my dilema.
I think that moving to NC would be a wonderful new start for me. I could have new friends, maybe even catch up with a few from DarkForum. A new job. A new atmosphere. But I really don't want to leave Texas for some reason. I hate the small ass town that I live in, but if I move about 40 miles to Bryan/College Station, I'd have more opportunities, too. And I don't want to leave the people I have here. The friend I spoke of above has seen me through some very hard times. We've had many deep conversations about our lives. She's a part of me that I don't want to let go of.
And yet, I feel obligated to go to North Carolina with my parents. I honestly have no idea how much longer my grandpa is going to live. He's the only father figure I've ever known. I even call him Dad. He's so good to me, and I've been a fucker the whole time. Not really appreciative, you know. He even gave me this new laptop that I'm typing on right now today. And I don't want to miss the opportunity to maybe pay him back, or show him that I really do give a shit.
I've mentioned moving up there with me to my girl, but she really didn't think she'd be able to. She has a four year old son. He starts school next year. She said he would drive me crazy, but I really don't think he would. I've been living at her house on and off for the past 6 months or so, and me and the little boy get along all kinds of good. I'm even kind of fond of him. Maybe I'm trying to replace my son. God knows I think about him all the time. I've never even seen him. Maybe if I have a child to teach, to care for, maybe it'll fill that whole.
But I'm getting off the subject.
I haven't said anything to my parents, of course. Not until I'm sure of anything. Which I never am. I'll just let it go just like all the other things. Sometimes I think my passivity is a fucking curse. Maybe that's why I lash out at people sporadically. Damn. My psychology book is at my girl's house. Heh.

Anyway, life's a bitch, then you die.
So fuck the world and let's get high.

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Old 06-18-02   #3
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6-15-02

I sit here, on the diving board of this pool, watching some friends of mine play volleyball in the water. I'm not getting in however, because I'm completely stiff from swimming with my 13 year old brat cousin yesterday. He's such a little dick. His name is Chad, and he has some kind of crazy anxiety disorder. He's constantly bouncing off the walls... going through all my shit. He pisses me off.
Yesterday, I was working on this laptop AND installing some things to my desktop when he turns off both of my computers. One on purpose and the other by accident. Then, he stepped on my cd's. I promptly told him to get the hell out of my room. But it took three different times to get him out. When he left and went downstairs, I stacked all the shit that he had in my room outside the door and locked said door. Fuck that little bastard. I may have had to babysit his ass, but I sure as fuck don't have to tolerate him being a prick in my room.
But, anyway, my battery is running low. I'm gonna leave off here for now, and come back later when this compy charges back up.

* * * * *

Okay, well, I've got my computer charging now, but we're not at the pool any more. Shannon is sitting over there rolling a second generation joint. I take that back. She made me roll it. A bunch of damn roaches. Megan is standing over there dancing her ass off. She's funny. She likes dancing. I don't, though. I just don't like to dance, really.
Ah, the smell of reefer. It's a pinner, but, hey, it's all good. Puffmaster Jason. Hehehe.
Tastes like ass, but I'm getting high. Poopy.
There is a glow in the dark frog sticker sitting over here by my computer. It's kinda cute, I guess... He's now chillin' on the right side of my screen. Just-a-grinnin' at me.
And I'm still getting dancing lessons. Hehehe. Ooog. I think the joint is gone. So, I'm gonna light my cigarette now.
This music sucks. I've never really been a big fan of R&B dance shit.
Okay, well Megan just went to work, and Shawn took off to make a few blocks. So, me and Shannon are here by ourselves now. Hehehe. Yeah, whatever. She's doing wordfind puzzles. Ha.
My neck is so sore today. That's why I didn't really want to swim today. It's been a while since I've wrestled with a bunch of little teen/preteens.
Damn. My frog fell off. He no sticky too well. Not much of a frog, I guess. Heh.
God damn. I don't want to stop writing, but I don't really have anything to say, either. So I'm not really sure what I'm doing right now. I can't seem to type today, either. Hmmm... Maybe I need to write a story or something. But about what? I don't know. I'm going stupid, I think. One day I think I'm going to get a psychologist to analyze my writing and shit. That'd be kind of cool to see what kind of conclusion that they would draw from that.
Blah. Luther Vandross or whoever it is sucks. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks.
Shannon is being a goon. She says she's always a goon, Jason. Tantric is gay, too. I don't like them either. In fact I wish they'd go jump off the tallest part of the Grand Canyon. Now she says she's going to make me listen to Creed. Great.
I think she put in like Sevendust or Adema, though. We'll see in just a moment, however. Yup. Sevendust.
Now Shannon is back in her puzzle book, babbling about how Rachel made her mad because she did a puzzle out of order. Slightly anal, I would think, but hey, whatever.
Now she's getting pissed at Shawn for not coming back with the car. Heh. Shouldn't let a 15 year old drive. Even though I did when I was that age.
Hmmm... Think I'll work on my website for a bit. Peace for now.




NOTE TO SELF::: Fuck Angelina Jolie at any available moment.
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Old 06-18-02   #4
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6-16-02

I kind of fucked up today. I forgot that it was Father's Day, and didn't have a present to give my Dad. So, I decided not to go home until I had gotten him something. So, I went and borrowed some money from my Mom, and went to Bryan. Kroger's didn't have any cards, so I had to go to Wal-Mart. It wasn't so bad, I don't guess. So, all I have to do is sign this card, stick the $10 in it and lay it on the table tonight when I get there. Hopefully he won't flip because I wasn't there today. I do feel bad though. I don't know.
Anyway, not much else happening today. High as usual, but whatever, you know. I'll check back in later and let you know if anything new happens. Which it probably won't, but ya neva know.
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