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Old 06-02-02   #1
Khalani
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Practical Jokes

Dying to wake you.
Try this when you're sleeping with or near someone that tends to roll or move a lot. First make sure you or the person does NOT need the pillow. When the person are fully asleep, which usually takes 45 mins or so depending on the type of person ( 10 mins if the person's drunk ), then carefully take the pillow and pour dye on one side of the pillow then carefully replace it making sure he/she doesn't wake up. Also make sure the side you placed the dye on is right-side up. Next morning, try to wake up first to savour the moment, seeing the person's surprised face when he/she looks in the mirror.
De-Cypher



The Piss Test
When someone has had a heavy night on lager (it must be lager for the joke to work), they generally crash and wake up at 1 pm with a stinker of a hangover. If you tip just the tiniest drop of aromatic oil on the pillow that they're sleeping on, they sleep right through the night and don't get up - even for a piss. Pissheads will invariably fertilize the bed with their urine because the aromatic oil soothes the nose and will not wake the person up. I hold no responsibility if you use too much aromatic oil and kill the person involved because they're intoxicated with the fumes. I should warn that if you're going to try this, a miniscule amount will do, no more than a drop, but when they wake up in the morning, they've pissed out 6 pints of lager and their bed is a swimming pool of wee wee.
Johnno



Poo Sweet
take a pebble size pieces of poo, stick broken pieces of cornflakes and serve the at any partys/funtions that you attend ,the guests will think the are being spoilt with ferrero rocher chockys. remember to carry a real choc in your pocket and eat that faking that it tastes shit when every one else does otherwise greg jones and his brother might suss you out and kick the fuck into you breaking your nose and two ribs!
Paul



Window Wind-Up...
Hi Guys, Here's one for ya. Go to the breakers yard and get an old drivers door window. Smash it and collect all the little granules. Then find a 'friend'. Wind his drivers window all the way down. Sprinkle the collected glass on the seat, floor, gutter & pavement. Stick some in the window seal for good measure. Then rush in and tell him that someone has smashed his window. He then goes and sees Mr Autoglass. Mr Autoglass then tends to wind the window up and makes your 'friend' look a complete spud! And another. Not as good. Take out the sparkplugs of your 'friends' car put a small amount of Redex in each cylinder and replace plugs. When he starts it, it should fill the whole road with black smoke and worry the hell out of you 'friend'
Rich



Bullseye!
Surprise your mate when playing darts, by unscrewing the flight from the tip subtly. Then get unreasonably upset and throw the flight at him! Alternatively, just be seen playing darts and throw a flight at anyone! It wont hurt at all, just make them REALLY flinch!
Fergus



GUNS AND POLICE
By the way, for those of you who know me (I'm Mushroom), the practical joke about the ketchup pretending to be dead and stuff was sent in by me. Ask your next-door neighbour if he will lend you his gun, wear some gloves, shoot the cat that always shites in your garden, give him his gun back with no trace of fingerprints, call the police, then blame the death of the cat on him. Then tell the police it was you really and laugh about it!
Mushroom



DEAD !!!!
Lie on the ground and pretend you are dead, covering yourself in tomato ketchup, when your Uncle Stez walks in, lie very still and he will think you are dead.
Karl



Power Cut
Record the sound of your washing machine onto a tape, then confuse neighbours by playing it back on a battery operated cassette player during a power cut.
Tin Rogers



Flour power
Here's a good one that really works, when someone leaves their bedroom, go inside and take a poster off their wall and stick it onto the ceiling so that the middle droops down a bit. Fill the middle with flour so that when they pull the poster down they get covered !
Jon
You could also fill it with a house brick, and watch as it falls onto there head.


practical joke
get some chocolate laxatives (they really look like candy) and pass them out. the next time the person walks by you can snicker and laugh your ass off at the funny face they're making as the Hershey squirt themselves.i did it at school and was very amused.
Pippi
This also works if you use the laxative in baking, chocolate chip cookies will never be the same.


Help I Cant Go Pee!!
While someone is sleeping, sew their pants to their shirt. Then when they go to the bathroom they cant get their pants down. I know it works!! It was done to me.
Debbie
Fiendish!


Pizza The Action
JOKERS: When you're bored at home and have got nothing else better to do, simply ring directory enquiries and get the number for the poor old grandma down the bottom of the road. Then ring the local pizza delivery shop and order the most expensive amount of pizzas to be delivered to her house. Look out the window and snigger.
Darren Brown
That's so wicked, - poor little old lady.


Wake Up And Make It Snappy
A mouse trap placed on top of your wife's alarm clock will prevent her from rolling over and going back to sleep.
Lee Jones



That's Handy
Put your hand on your bottom and "pass a wind." Quickly remove your closed hand, and put it over your nose, and then, smell the fresh air!
Anne, Norway
One Christmas I farted into an empty sweet jar, closed the lid and packed it away in the attic with the Christmas decorations. Next Christmas I found the jar and thought 'what's this?'. Choking after opening it, I remembered what it was.


Let Us Spray
Try this one. Wrap black duck tape very neatly around the handle of the sprayer on your kitchen sink (keep in mind you need a black sprayer for this to work ). It blends in very nicely so no one will notice. When the poor unsuspecting victim goes for a drink of water he will be blasted in the face by the sprayer.
Bkw



Granny Green
Find an old granny and sneak up on her. Quietly hock up a big goon and carefully place, don't drop, on the very top of her head and walk away. They're none the wiser and the laughs after are unequalled.
Lorry, Australia.
You know, every time I cough up a greenie, there's no grannies around.


Step - Snow - Phone
Here are some 'top' tips:
Convince your neighbours your house is far bigger than it actually is by banging your feet TWICE on each step of the staircase.
Baffle fellow motorists by cutting large slabs of polystyrene out and gluing it to the top of your car to create the impression of snow.
If you think somebody is taking an unreasonable length of time to answer the 'phone, punish them by replacing the receiver the moment they finally answer.
Lee Jones




Face Fanny
Have you ever wondered what it must be like for men with beards when they get wet? It must be like having a wet nappy stuck to your face that you can't pull off. - Help is at hand with the weatherproof beard cover. To make one, simply take an empty breakfast cereal box and cut it in half. Then take the half with the bottom end on it and cut a large "U" shape into one side. Next, take a length of elastic or string and attach it either end to form a strap. By simply affixing the device around your chin you can now venture out in all weathers knowing that your "face fanny" will stay warm and dry. For added style, why not spray the finished item with metallic black paint, your friends and colleagues will marvel at your new "carbon fibre" fashion statement.
Steve Jordan, High Wycombe.
It works for bearded clams too!


Money Down The Pan
When there is going to be a big party at your house, get a $20 note cover it in plastic so water can't get it wet. Stick it to the bottom of your toilet bowl with some really sticky stuff and then put some blue or red dye into your toilet system. When people go for a piss they will see the $20 and try and get it, but when they are trying to get it they get dye all over their hands. Watch and see how many people are walking around with their hands in their pockets looking really stupid.
Flynn
You could try using those invisible 'smart water' dyes, then set up an ultraviolet light in your main room. They won't know what's happened until they return, to find their hands glowing bright blue.


Road Wage
Any van drivers need a bit of extra cash? Get one of those 0898 numbers that are ohh, like a pound a minute, then get one of those "How's my driving?" signs on the back of your van with the 0898 number, then go round cutting people up and generally driving really badly!
Will
You mean drive like a normal van-driver does!


Granny Brown
Jokers - when standing in a post office queue, there will almost definitely be an old lady standing in front of you. Carefully undo your flies and urinate in her pocket. Stand back and watch her put her hand in her pocket to get out her money. After you have perfected this little trick try having a crap in her pocket & have competitions with your friends.
Kevin Behan
Cruel - but let's give it a try!


Party Hats
Pranksters, next time you are in Sainsburys (or Tescos), pick up a pack of extra large ribbed and flavoured condoms, then scratch off the bar-code. Next, pick an old lady type victim. When she turns her back, throw the condoms into her trolley and follow her to the check-out. Simply stand around and savour her embarrassment as the check-out girl rings the bell and shouts "HOW MUCH ARE THESE CONDOMS?".
Paul Green, Wimbledon.
Thanks, I'll try that one.


Metal Defector
Jokers - at the end of a day at the beach you always see a bloke with a metal-detector. Simply run up to this guy and say: "I need your help! I've lost my gold bracelet, I've been looking for it all day, it cost me 4 grand. I've got to catch a train now and you're my only hope. Here is my address, if you find it please send it to me!" Now, this beachcomber knows that if he finds it, he isn't going to send it. You know he isn't going to find it, but he'll spend the whole night going up and down the beach looking for it!
Colin Wells, Birmingham.
Excellent jape!
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Old 06-02-02   #2
Darling Apathy
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Here's one to get back anyone for anything:

Get the powder milk, sprinkle a little bit into the bed of the person who fiucked with you, and make sure its enough, but to where you can't see it. Since everyone sweats in their sleep, the milk will soak into their skin ..and the nasty rotted milk smell won't go away from a couple of weeks
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You say I'm a bitch like its a bad thing.
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