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Old 05-22-02   #1
Moridin
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What do you do when you just can't stop loving someone?

There was a woman.. I loved her dearly, more than life itself. This was an online thing, so if you're one of those people who thinks online relationships aren't "real", fuck off. I don't need to hear it.

I'm talking commitment forever here.. I loved her for well over two years. But she always seemed so far out of my reach.. She always had a boyfriend or.. even if she didn't, she was beautiful, she was smart, she was sexy, she was richer than god.. And I'm just poor, fat, ugly white trash.

In October.. It came out that I loved her, I confessed it. She said that she loved me too, but that she didn't think it would work. I accepted that.. I adjusted, I adapted, I moved on. But I never stopped loving her. Then she got involved with another guy.

A month later, it turned out the guy had been a liar, and basically used her for sex.. She was heartbroken. I was there, as a friend, I never tried to take advantage of the situation.

Just after Christmas, she came to visit me... There was an.. electricity between us.. Needless to say, things happened. I said that I loved her, that I wanted to be with her. She said that she loved me, but she needed time.

I was okay with that, I was willing to wait. But then a new problem cropped up.. My best friend fell for her. She said she didn't want to split us apart, and that she loved him too, and that she didn't want to hurt either one of us.

I almost killed myself that night, but I kept on, for her. I waited, patiently, as always. My friend lost interest, but still, nothing. Finally, in March, she and I got into a fight, and all the frustration I'd been carrying around exploded. Suddenly she was saying that she did love me, and wanted to be with me, but she was afraid that I hated her or some such..

We got together.. And for the first time in over a decade, I was really happy. I tried my best to be a good boyfriend.. But, by this point, I'd gotten into a bad way.. After a while, I'd started smoking pot, way, way too much pot, so I wouldn't have to deal with all the pain I felt while I was waiting for her. And it was a hard habit to break. She'd said she was okay with it, she said she was okay with my smoking it, so I cut down, but I didn't stop entirely.

Fast forward to three weeks ago. She was visiting a friend and ex-girlfriend (she's bi). For the weeks before that.. she'd been steadily growing distant from me. When I tried to talk to her on AIM, she'd take fifteen or twenty minutes to respond, and then it would be only a few words. She was always talking to other people, never really seemed to have much time for me.

I called her at the friend's house.. She was cold on the phone, distant.. Told me she couldn't talk long. When she hung up, she did so without saying she loved me. Then she sent me a letter, breaking up with me.

She'd been having all these problems with the relationship and not talking with me about them. They'd been building and building and building.. until she snapped and broke it off with me. I tried everything to make it up to her, but she said that I'd hurt her too badly, that I'd been a terrible boyfriend, that I'd done nothing but make her unhappy. She said she wanted to be my friend, but that she couldn't go through all that again.

I tried to be friends with her, but I couldn't. I couldn't bear hearing her talk about her new girlfriend (The one she'd gone to visit, they hooked up less than two days after she broke up with me). Just seeing her name on the screen, or hearing her voice on the phone, made me want to die.

I ran, I changed my AIM s/n, I stopped replying to her emails... I hardened my heart, tried to forget. But still, it hurts.. Just now, I checked another messageboard I used to post on a lot with her. I was hoping to have somewhere to go where I could talk to people, but first I checked.. She was still a frequent poster on there.. her title changed to GivingLoveAnotherTry...

I cannot go back there.

It hurts.. It hurts so badly sometimes...

Does anybody have any advice at all?
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Old 05-22-02   #2
Count Crapula
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I am probably the last person you need to hear advice from. Yours is a long and complicated story. Mine is as well. I was married to the love of my life for so many years I can't remember, and she left me, for a homeless loser...it hurts. I don;t know how you get over it. You can only hang on, and wait for life to offer you another option. I'm still waiting for mine, with the gun in one hand, and the phone in the other. I'm waiting for someone to offer me something worth going on for. It isn't easy. When your heart is gone, there is little to keep you grounded. But, you have to keep holding on, waiting. Give it some time. Surely, something is out there to make it worth while. Obviously, my advise should be taken for what it is, but I do have a free ear, and if you care to talk, PM me, or email me at Count_Crapula@darksites.com. My advise may not be what you need, but I have been through it all, trust me, and I can at least offer some support. Hang in there. If I can, anyone can. Stay strong.
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Old 05-22-02   #3
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Quote:
Originally posted by Count Crapula
I am probably the last person you need to hear advice from. Yours is a long and complicated story.
The sad part is... That was the extremely abridged version.

Y'know.. I can't help but find it amusing.. Women are known to complain about how men are unfaithful, uncommunicative, dishonest, and not very loving.

Then when they find a guy who is faithful, loves to talk, is honest to the point of it almost being a fault, and is extremely loving.. They switch around and become what they complain about..

Maybe that's irony? I'm too tired to really decide right now.
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I really don't mind if you sit this one out.. My words but a whisper, your deafness a shout.
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"Marijuana grows naturally, it comes from nature. And yet it's outlawed. Doesn't banning nature seem a bit.. I dunno... Unnatural??"
-Bill Hicks
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Old 05-22-02   #4
Count Crapula
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Quote:
Originally posted by Moridin


The sad part is... That was the extremely abridged version.

Y'know.. I can't help but find it amusing.. Women are known to complain about how men are unfaithful, uncommunicative, dishonest, and not very loving.

Then when they find a guy who is faithful, loves to talk, is honest to the point of it almost being a fault, and is extremely loving.. They switch around and become what they complain about..

Maybe that's irony? I'm too tired to really decide right now.
Irony? If so, it is truly cruel, fucking, Irony....I too, am too tired, to decide. I'm too tired to aim properly. I found recently that the old adage is true...good guys really do finish last...goddammit...
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**Vamptress is my beautiful sculptress.
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**The DarkRain is so soothing to my soul...
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Old 05-22-02   #5
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*comes to join the club*

my affairs of the heart have been talked about alot here on DF

I really feel for you man, I really do
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Old 05-22-02   #6
SirVLCIV
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Let me join you guys here.
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Old 05-22-02   #7
Moridin
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Maybe I should change the thread title to Sgt. Mori's Lonely Hearts Club Band?
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"Marijuana grows naturally, it comes from nature. And yet it's outlawed. Doesn't banning nature seem a bit.. I dunno... Unnatural??"
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Old 05-22-02   #8
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Maybe you were too clingy... to me it doesnt sound like she actually loved you at all, she may have just been saying that because you trapped her in a situation and so thats why she could break away so easily. my only advice would be to get over her plain and simple, thats the way the world goes... sucks to hell i know but you cant do anything about it. Just focus on you and yourself until youre prepared to venture out again and find someone who is more receptive.
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Old 05-22-02   #9
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honestly there is nothing anyone can say to take the pain away or even lessen it..once u love u love forever, even after you to are broken up. love is forever, not something u say to someone everytime u find someone u like...but thats another story....
my advice to you is exactally what you did, talk it out w/ people u dont really know so u can get an honest oppinion. its almost obviouse that this gurl just didnt know what she wanted (sounds like myself) and was not ready for the kind of commitment u were offering (hey once again i find myself) but after a wile she will understand what she gave up. lets just hope she dosnt realise it too late. but nothing can take the pain away, just wait it out and keep saying to yourself, well fait didnt want it to happen wich means there is something SO much better out there for me, but just wait out the pain.......and good luck, i know how it is to give ur heart to someone and be pushed down and kicked, dark angel i still love you even though u hurt me bad, so good luck to you..........hope things get better
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Old 05-22-02   #10
Moridin
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sins Of Khardis
to me it doesnt sound like she actually loved you at all,
You make some good points.. I've kinda been wondering about that myself.. I didn't really trap her in the situation. When we actually got together, it was HER who precipitated it.
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"Marijuana grows naturally, it comes from nature. And yet it's outlawed. Doesn't banning nature seem a bit.. I dunno... Unnatural??"
-Bill Hicks
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Old 05-22-02   #11
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There are a lot of different viewpoints you could put on this.

But I'll relate a story. Maybe it'll help.

I had known this one girl for a while. I discover she's interested. Great. Except I totally missed the signals earlier, so by the time I had figured it out it was too late and she was going out with one of my good friends. What's scary is since I was blind, I was the one who ended up getting them together. Its very confusing how it got to that point.

But we flirted on and off during that time. She kept telling me how much she cared, I said the same things, but we didn't want to hurt my friend, and such.

So finally, they broke up. He just wasn't "in" it. And she had told me before she did it, we were talking about how great it was going to be, etc. etc. So she breaks up with him, we give a little time to make sure she was over him....

But then, she was my "girlfriend" for about a day, and we pretty much stopped talking totally. She only recently started talking to me again. There are a lot of stupid decisions that could have been slightly different last fall that would have made everything different, and me and my friend both were kicking ourselves.

But I got over her. And now I'm with the most amazing girl I have ever met, and things are going great. She's with a guy and they're doing fine. We're friends again, more or less. We're both happy in our relationships. So when it seemed like things were shitty based on either me being blind, my friend saying "yes" to her when he really was interested in someone else, or her having to be strange in the first place, and we were all agonizing over that for a while, now things are alright. Very alright on my part...We were just talking about how everything ended up great in the end, because she's happy with her boyfriend now, and I'm very happy with my girlfriend. So things turn out right, in their own weird way.

Just have faith that things will turn out as they should. It sounds to me like you were handling it very well by avoiding her as best as you could. I don't know if this helped any, but I hope it did.
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Last edited by thefinalw0rd; 05-23-02 at 21:06.
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Old 05-23-02   #12
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I'd post my happy story... but I don't have one as of this past Wednesday.

Although, I AM over the chick I almost hooked up with on three occasions, as of two months ago.
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