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Old 05-17-02   #1
SirVLCIV
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You know what sucks?

Knowing that your mood is artificial.

Mood swings. The history of my life for the past several years.

Bipolar.

Once mistaken for Seasonal Affective Disorder by the shrink, cause my depressions came at winter (and I still think that I might have it; cause I'm manic in the summer, lol).

I don't know... it sucks most because I know I'm destined for a fall... I'm going to get depressed... and I don't want it.

I love Selena... and incidentally, I fell for her in between my last depression (ending several weeks after my birthday; march/april boundary), and I've recently realized that all of my projects I've been dreaming of, my finally destroyed writer's block... my high aspirations... all creations of this damnable mania.

I love Selena, and I REFUSE to believe it is because of my mood disorder. I love her no matter what, but I am afraid of the test of depression.



Argh-grr.
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Old 05-18-02   #2
Felony Queen
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one of my friends were bipolar. and at work the other day a bipolar lady came in. the sweetest lady ever then 10 minutes later she is screaming about the service and calling every one names. the same service that just a few minutes ago she was thanking me for. but i did not take it to heart.
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Old 05-18-02   #3
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Re: You know what sucks?

Quote:
Originally posted by SirVLCIV
Knowing that your mood is artificial.

Mood swings. The history of my life for the past several years.

Bipolar.

Once mistaken for Seasonal Affective Disorder by the shrink, cause my depressions came at winter (and I still think that I might have it; cause I'm manic in the summer, lol).

I don't know... it sucks most because I know I'm destined for a fall... I'm going to get depressed... and I don't want it.

I love Selena... and incidentally, I fell for her in between my last depression (ending several weeks after my birthday; march/april boundary), and I've recently realized that all of my projects I've been dreaming of, my finally destroyed writer's block... my high aspirations... all creations of this damnable mania.

I love Selena, and I REFUSE to believe it is because of my mood disorder. I love her no matter what, but I am afraid of the test of depression.



Argh-grr.
Why are you afraid of it? Don't be afraid. Face it. Defy it. Defy yourself. Love comes over all things my friend.
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Old 05-18-02   #4
Felony Queen
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i say i would have to agree with what edge said....well in most situations but some times its just not enough. but in your case i think it is that and the fact that you reconize what the problem is or what u think it is gives you more power. i think you can over come it if you put you mind to it and you realy want to.
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Old 05-18-02   #5
SirVLCIV
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Well... I'm just afraid... because during my depressions, I've a tendency to withdraw from everyone and everything, escaping from the world, pushing everyone from me. I can't do anything productive but act like a machine, or sleep.

I've had four somewhat major depressions in three years :S. (somewhat, cause I was never to the point of suicide... I mean, I contemplated it, but certain fears kept me from following through; but, five months straight is hardly normal).

Meh.


I am lucky though, that I don't have it full blown... I have previously known a bipolar person whose temper was short (I don't lose my temper in public; at least I don't show my weakness), and once, on a whim, she dropped out of college and got married.

:s.
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Old 05-18-02   #6
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If you love her and she loves you, then you have nothing to be worried about. But I understand the fear totally.

But you are able to honestly say right now that you love her. And thats what's important.

And if she loves you, then your relationship should be able to withstand the test of depression. She'll be there for you. And even if you try to shut her out like you may have done for everyone else before, if she really cares, she won't let you do it. She'll help you.
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Old 05-18-02   #7
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I love her. I trust her.
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Bismarck once said "Fools say they like to learn from their experiences, but I prefer to learn from the experience of others."

"Move that one of your pieces, which is in the worst plight, unless you can satisfy yourself that you can derive immediate advantage by an attack." -Adolph Anderssen
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Old 05-18-02   #8
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Then you have nothing to worry about.
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Old 05-19-02   #9
Felony Queen
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I think you can do it. you seem like you know whats going on and thats the first step. and you seem smart and level headed (so far) so yeah i think you can over come it. hang in there
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