Darkforum.com - Dark Stories, Dark Art, Poetry, Photography, Debates and Discussions
Home Register FAQ
Go Back   Darkforum.com - Dark Stories, Dark Art, Poetry, Photography, Debates and Discussions > Welcome > Socialize
Reload this Page gotta love the english
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-03-02   #1
Jordyn
paraphiliac
 
Jordyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: the Big Sky Country
Posts: 24,684
Jordyn is on a distinguished road
Credits: 825,096
gotta love the english

An American soldier serving in World War II was returning from several weeks of intense action at the German front, and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train looking for an empty seat. He found only one, which was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady. However, the seat was being used by her little dog.

The war-weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"

The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans! You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, he again found himself facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."

The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else. He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up. "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand, and you drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
__________________
blah, blah, blah...
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-02   #2
errantrogue
which one, though?
 
errantrogue's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: The Mesa... pondering redemption
Posts: 20,202
errantrogue is on a distinguished road
Credits: 288,983
HA!
__________________
___Nick_the_Rogue___

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
"But this is America, where we unapologetically bastardize other countries' cultures in a gross quest for moral and military supremacy." L.G.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-02   #3
Jordyn
paraphiliac
 
Jordyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: the Big Sky Country
Posts: 24,684
Jordyn is on a distinguished road
Credits: 825,096
makes me think of a certain englishman that doesn't come around here anymore
__________________
blah, blah, blah...
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-02   #4
Chaos Creator
Muthafucka
 
Chaos Creator's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: all up in yo shit
Posts: 12,580
Chaos Creator is on a distinguished road
Credits: 5,183,496
LOL
That was pretty good, Jordyn.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-02   #5
Jordyn
paraphiliac
 
Jordyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: the Big Sky Country
Posts: 24,684
Jordyn is on a distinguished road
Credits: 825,096
I get the weirdest things in my e-mail
__________________
blah, blah, blah...
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-04-02   #6
doebathory
the poet
 
doebathory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: well the estate agent said it was a semi/det. des. res. in need of some work but to me it looks like a complete sht. hle.
Posts: 5,564
doebathory is on a distinguished road
Credits: 185,622
niiiiiiiiice love it


__________________
Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

No...wait...I take that back...I have no problem with the horse you rode in on.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-09-02   #7
Jordyn
paraphiliac
 
Jordyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: the Big Sky Country
Posts: 24,684
Jordyn is on a distinguished road
Credits: 825,096
men are so funny!!!

another one from my friend in the navy


Driving to the office this morning on the Interstate,
I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a
brand new Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her
face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her
eyeliner!

I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked
back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on
that makeup!!! It scared me (I'm a man) so bad, I
dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut
out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the
car using my knees against the steering wheel, it
knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into
the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned
Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone and
DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL!!!!!!!

Damn women drivers!
__________________
blah, blah, blah...
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-13-02   #8
Darling Apathy
Darkness Incarnate
 
Darling Apathy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: somewhere in the middle of America
Posts: 9,093
Darling Apathy is on a distinguished road
Credits: 989
lol, now that one was funny
__________________
I love you for hating me. I hate you for loving me. Save yourself. - Peter Steele

My vices are cheaper than therapy.

You say I'm a bitch like its a bad thing.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-13-02   #9
Edge
Soi.
 
Edge's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Greece.
Posts: 10,000
Edge is on a distinguished road
Credits: 100,046
Re: gotta love the english

Quote:
Originally posted by Jordyn
An American soldier serving in World War II was returning from several weeks of intense action at the German front, and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train looking for an empty seat. He found only one, which was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady. However, the seat was being used by her little dog.

The war-weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"

The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans! You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, he again found himself facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."

The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else. He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up. "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand, and you drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
Funny.
__________________
I want to live in a world of peace
Without conflict, like the one I’ve seen in my dreams.
I just can’t keep it inside
I’ve gotta say what I wanna say
Your face doesn’t show your fighting pose.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-20-02   #10
Dark_Insanity
Thy Raven Wings
 
Dark_Insanity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Manchester/Hull England
Posts: 1,260
Dark_Insanity
Credits: 27,173
lol! I like the first one a lot!
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-02   #11
Jordyn
paraphiliac
 
Jordyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: the Big Sky Country
Posts: 24,684
Jordyn is on a distinguished road
Credits: 825,096
I should have titled this..."gotta love the navy!"

The Flight

Two Afghans boarded a flight. One sat in the window
seat and the other sat in the middle seat. Just before
take-off, an American got on and took the aisle seat.

After take-off, the American kicked his shoes off,
wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Afghan
in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get
a beer."

"No problem," said the American, "I'll get it for
you."

While he was gone, one of the Afghans picked up the
American's shoe and spat in it. When he returned with
the beer, the other Afghan said, "That looks good, I
think I'll have one too."

Again, the American obligingly went to fetch it and
while he was gone, the other Afghan picked up the
other shoe and spat in it. The American returned to
his seat, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing, the American slipped his
feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had
happened.

"Why does it have to be this way?" he asked. "How long
must this go on?

This fighting between our nations?
This hatred? This animosity?
This spitting in shoes... this pissing in beers?"


__________________
blah, blah, blah...
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-02   #12
Jordyn
paraphiliac
 
Jordyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: the Big Sky Country
Posts: 24,684
Jordyn is on a distinguished road
Credits: 825,096
Subject: Bedroom golf

"The Naughty Rules of Bedroom Golf (Rated PG)"

1 - Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls. 2 - Course played on must be approved by the owner of the hole. 3 - Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole. 4 - For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins. 5 - Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid damage to the hole. 6 - The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again! 7 - It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course,
__________________
blah, blah, blah...
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-02   #13
Jordyn
paraphiliac
 
Jordyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: the Big Sky Country
Posts: 24,684
Jordyn is on a distinguished road
Credits: 825,096
*just giggles*
__________________
blah, blah, blah...
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Recent Threads
what surprised you today?
04-11-13 17:55
Last post by thefr0g
22 Hours Ago 14:31
what have you eaten...
12-24-03 19:43
Last post by JeNn_DeViLz
1 Day Ago 10:09
Darkforum Youtube!
03-25-13 07:48
Last post by JeNn_DeViLz
1 Day Ago 09:32
Science Disproves...
11-01-10 14:38
by Pahu
Last post by JeNn_DeViLz
1 Day Ago 09:27
vote or die
1 Week Ago 01:56
Last post by JeNn_DeViLz
1 Day Ago 09:20
vote or die
1 Week Ago 02:02
Last post by Sic Simon
2 Days Ago 21:45
long Sunday
3 Weeks Ago 18:00
by DaxterK
Last post by Sic Simon
1 Week Ago 01:46
BATH SALT ZOMBIES
12-04-13 11:20
Last post by Sic Simon
1 Week Ago 23:34
I'm drinking Vodka,...
09-02-17 23:28
by thefr0g
Last post by JeNn_DeViLz
1 Week Ago 22:44
Overflowing asylums
2 Weeks Ago 01:23
Last post by Sic Simon
2 Weeks Ago 03:25
Online Users: 48
1 members and 47 guests
thefr0g
Most users ever online was 1928, 06-09-15 at 18:20.
Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.0 RC2


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com

© 2006 - 2016 Dark Forum | About Dark Forum | Advertisers | Investors | Legal | A member of the Crowdgather Forum Community