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Reload this Page the asylum
View Poll Results: my favourite pastime...
spanking my monkey.....yeaaaaaaaah......niiiiiiiiiiiice 14 26.42%
torturing small, defenceless creatures...'here, newbie, newbie, newbie' 6 11.32%
mocking the afflicted...i.e. people more stupid than myself 15 28.30%
eating strange things...'damn that lemming meringue pie was stringy' 7 13.21%
exploiting child labour...'work harder goddamnit! i want this to be the biggest pyramid in the world! put your backs into it or i'll use you as rollers' CRUNCH...oooops 3 5.66%
all of the above...i live here and can give you a guided tour of the asylum's torture chambers without a map come see solitary confinement...it's a blast...hehe..hehehe..hehe... 19 35.85%
none of the above...i am normal and should fuck off before the asylum's other inhabitants string me up and place my genitalia in a blender with some olive oil and a little grey poupon mustard...aaaaaaahhhh 6 11.32%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 53. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 12-27-01   #1
doebathory
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the asylum

get yer butts in here.......





ok, anyone wishing to post material by your fave stand-ups, your own material, or just chat come on in. stupidity, random thoughts, off-topic, and insanity are also welcome.


*conveniently forgets to tell everyone that once she has them in her clutches they will not be allowed to leave*


mwuahahaha


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Old 12-27-01   #2
doebathory
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have the strangest feeling we may be seeing a fair amount of ali g from a certain someone *cough*sensi*cough*



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Old 12-27-01   #3
Duddy
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la la la
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Old 12-27-01   #4
doebathory
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yo!

*pounces on duddy*


*lixx duddy for being first in thread to go la la la*


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Old 12-27-01   #5
doebathory
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I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for.

Jasper Carrott
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Old 12-27-01   #6
Duddy
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Quote:
Originally posted by doebathory
I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for.

Jasper Carrott
FM stands for Jasper Carrott??? Wow, that's neat!:p
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Old 12-27-01   #7
doebathory
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doooooooooofess! JC is a stand-up here in the uk.


*chases duddy round the room for being facetious*





*laughs at duddy's sig for being so not funny*
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Old 12-27-01   #8
Duddy
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Well, I think it's funny :p
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Old 12-27-01   #9
ArSiNiK
beer 12fl.oz (355ml)
 
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ArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these parts
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that makes one of us...
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Old 12-27-01   #10
Darky Dark Dark
GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBEEEEEEEEE
 
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Speaking of insanity...

http://iqx.ionichost.com/other/instest.html
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Old 12-27-01   #11
Shiny Goat
I Wish You Were Here
 
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Jeff Green

Jeff: found my first grey pubic hair today
Audience: "aww"
Jeff: in a kebab



i always piss myself at that one
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I am all fucked up, and i am ready to break, i don't wanna be the guy, who is always on the outside, i wanna find my own, good place

All fucked up, and i don't know how, how i ever got to where i feel, like i am dying on the inside, i want to be happy, but i don't know how
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Old 12-28-01   #12
doebathory
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*walks in with a neatly trussed midget*


anyone for a game of twister? i have pliers and a staplegun?


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Old 12-28-01   #13
doebathory
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alright, i want to know the weirdest substance any of you lot has ever tried to smoke





my brother started smoking at the age of 12 - he came upon my friend rhiannon and i in my room (we were 15) smoking, and, being the lovely young ladies we were then, we forced him to smoke half a pack of malrboro lights so that he couldn't - we were using teen logic ok? - tell on us. after this, he became convinced that he could get 'high' on various substances and he and his friend - who shall remain nameless *cough*owen*cough* - smoked everything they could lay their hands on, from teabags and drinking chocolate to bananaskins and tree bark.

so....in tribute to the many hours i spent in agony from laughing at my brother and his friend and their pathetic, pre-pubescent attempts to get 'stoned' what i want to know is WHAT'S THE WEIRDEST THING YOU'VE EVER SMOKED/TRIED TO SMOKE (i've added the 'tried to' option for those of you whose lungs were sensible enough to get the nasty stuff out in the best possible manner i.e. choking and turning your face a lovely shade of purple) ?????????







anyone ever tried frogskin? hey! i read about it ok?!

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Old 01-04-02   #14
Duddy
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i'M EATING A MONKEY SALAD

cause my friend says it tastes gooooood

the monkey tried not to be a salad

but I stabbed him with my FORK and my KNIFE
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Old 01-04-02   #15
doebathory
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did you spank him first?


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Old 01-15-02   #16
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Seems that newbietorturturing is in the lead. Hurrah for fried newbie!
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Old 01-22-02   #17
doebathory
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VOTE!

hey all of ya! i wanna see more people spanking their monkeys!

my utmost respect though goes out to the three people (so far) that voted to say they're normal and should fuck off (they do say it's the quiet ones you need to watch out for and, personally, i worry very seriously about anyone who claims to be normal). i'm not surprised to see that newbie torturing has been coming out on top - it is such fun after all


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Old 01-29-02   #18
mightydreamer
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Re: the asylum

Quote:
Originally posted by doebathory
get yer butts in here.......





ok, anyone wishing to post material by your fave stand-ups, your own material, or just chat come on in. stupidity, random thoughts, off-topic, and insanity are also welcome.


*conveniently forgets to tell everyone that once she has them in.....


mwuahahaha


Ehhhhhhhh, hehehehe~seemingly can not stop smilling long enough to speak~hehehehe, heh eh ehummmmm, Ok I'm here to.........U know, hehehe
I quote".... her clutches they will not be allowed to leave*"hehehehe
I'm ready, hehehehe

Alright I guess I'll bust some jokes to warm up the crowd~looks over to the dumbasses(newbies)~and the rookies, I guess~shakes his head~

Somedays when I walk through my house, I get the urge and stick my head out the livingroom's window and smile for a satellite picture
I like to tease my plants, so I water them with icecubes
In a job interview, during the questioning I pulled out a book and told the man "hold on, okay its my turn. I would like to ask U a question, If U are in space travelling at the speed of light and U turn on Ure headlights, what would happen?" he said"I don know" I says"I'm sorry then, I'm afraid I can not work for U" and left.
I bought a dog and named him stay, so now he stuttersteps when I call him;"here buddy, come stay, come stay......."

Alright fartknockers thats more entertaining than I've donein fucking years, bitchasses.......~walks in to his room talkin all kinds of shit~hun I'll be waiting, when ever Ure done dealing with the retards~hangs the familiar old sign on the DOOR, reads"DO NOT DISTURB OR FUCKING DIE A SLOW MISERABLE FUCKING DEATH(and Ure cunting mother, fucking wanker)"

LUV
Me
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"...he came out of nowhere, always a friend of the victim at the slaughter of the innocents."
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Old 01-29-02   #19
mightydreamer
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Re: VOTE!

Quote:
Originally posted by doebathory
hey all of ya! i wanna see more people spanking their monkeys!

my utmost respect though goes out to the three people (so far) that voted to say they're normal and should fuck off (they do say it's the quiet ones you need to watch out for and, personally, i worry very seriously about anyone who claims to be normal). i'm not surprised to see that newbie torturing has been coming out on top - it is such fun after all


Hey how did U know what I voted, hehehe
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"...he came out of nowhere, always a friend of the victim at the slaughter of the innocents."
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Old 02-01-02   #20
doebathory
the poet
 
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man steve wright rules!!!!!


I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..."|Steven Wright

I like to pick up hitchhikers. When they get in the car I say, "Put on your seat belt. I want to try something. I saw it once in a cartoon, but I think I can do it."|Steven Wright

sponges grow at the bottom of the ocean. that just kills me. i wonder how deep it'd be if that didn't happen?|Steven Wright

I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me - and I didn't hear it.|Steven Wright

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.|Steven Wright





*kisses* baby
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