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09-20-01
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#1
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beer 12fl.oz (355ml)
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: redondo beach, ca
Posts: 29,624
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what porno's would have you believe
what porno's would have you believe:
1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men cum on their face.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
7. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes,the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patients cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.
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09-20-01
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#2
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Bacon
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 8,029
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I've read this before somewhere.....I still find it hilarious.
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Heyoooooooooooo
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09-21-01
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#3
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fuck off
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 7,746
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'tis true. you grow up learning sex through porn and then you finally undergo the grueling expenditour of energy and figure its nothing more the aerobic masterbation.
maybe i just havnt met the right girl....:ducks the smack from xbeautyx
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Im so in love of my baby girl
Christel i love you sweetheart u are the light of my life today and always.
JUST ME AND YOU FOREVER.............................
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09-21-01
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#4
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beer 12fl.oz (355ml)
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: redondo beach, ca
Posts: 29,624
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Quote:
Originally posted by Pyrric Dicktory
its nothing more the aerobic masterbation. maybe i just havnt met the right girl...
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if all you're getting out of sex is aerobic masturbation, then maybe you need to pick up a kama sutra book... or start bringing in farm animals.
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09-21-01
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#5
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Fuck-Happy Fox Creature
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Lost in sweet dreams of surrender,embraced by fate, tracking down death
Posts: 6,847
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*chokes and sputters*
This list is so bad yet so damn true.
I still can't stop laughing.
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". . . This is only the cold nose of the fuck-happy fox creature.
-Tip of the iceberg."--Denalay
Somedays it isn't worth chewing through the leather straps.
Hello,
I see the assassins have failed.
"Hey Courtney, aren't you a Buddahist? The goal is to obtain Nirvana, not break them up."---Madonna to Courtney Love on SNL
No magic is ever truly destructive. For what is destruction, except creation with an agenda?
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09-21-01
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#6
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Cunning Linguist
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Boston, MA, 02215
Posts: 7,520
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Quote:
Originally posted by Pyrric Dicktory
'tis true. you grow up learning sex through porn
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Speak for yourself!!!
I found it as funny as one could without ever having seen a pornographic movie.
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I fucked Vincent Price
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09-21-01
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#7
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Fuck-Happy Fox Creature
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Lost in sweet dreams of surrender,embraced by fate, tracking down death
Posts: 6,847
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You forgot one Arsinik--
Porno would like you to believe that women dress up for phone sex.
__________________
". . . This is only the cold nose of the fuck-happy fox creature.
-Tip of the iceberg."--Denalay
Somedays it isn't worth chewing through the leather straps.
Hello,
I see the assassins have failed.
"Hey Courtney, aren't you a Buddahist? The goal is to obtain Nirvana, not break them up."---Madonna to Courtney Love on SNL
No magic is ever truly destructive. For what is destruction, except creation with an agenda?
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09-24-01
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#8
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damn sexy
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: here
Posts: 572
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that was quite hilarious
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09-25-01
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#9
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拥抱崇拜吸毒者
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: not where I want to be
Posts: 7,974
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that was funny, I'm still laughing. This is a good one arsinik
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09-26-01
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#10
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beer 12fl.oz (355ml)
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: redondo beach, ca
Posts: 29,624
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yeah, i thought it was pretty funny too...
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09-26-01
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#11
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Face in the Mist
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Hell AKA Sacrmento
Posts: 10
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hahaha
OK... man I could see ALL of those happening in my mind! Either those are really well thought out or I watch too much porn! Prolly the last one though:metalhead
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Who lit your tampon string?
You, off my planet!
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