[ArSiNiK]

what porno's would have you believe:

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men cum on their face.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy fucks.

11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other (and the girl isn't disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

7. Asian men don't exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes,the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

19. There's a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

21. Nurses suck patients cocks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.

24. Women never have headaches... or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".

26. Assholes are clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.

29. Men don't have to beg.

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

[Duddy]

I've read this before somewhere.....I still find it hilarious.

[Pyrric Dicktory]

'tis true. you grow up learning sex through porn and then you finally undergo the grueling expenditour of energy and figure its nothing more the aerobic masterbation.

maybe i just havnt met the right girl....:ducks the smack from xbeautyx

[ArSiNiK]

Originally posted by Pyrric Dicktory
its nothing more the aerobic masterbation. maybe i just havnt met the right girl...

if all you're getting out of sex is aerobic masturbation, then maybe you need to pick up a kama sutra book... or start bringing in farm animals.

[midnightsorrow]

*chokes and sputters*
This list is so bad yet so damn true.
I still can't stop laughing.

[Duchess Nocturn]

Originally posted by Pyrric Dicktory
'tis true. you grow up learning sex through porn

Speak for yourself!!!

I found it as funny as one could without ever having seen a pornographic movie.

[midnightsorrow]

You forgot one Arsinik--
Porno would like you to believe that women dress up for phone sex.

[Vashti]

that was quite hilarious

[thumbs101]

that was funny, I'm still laughing. This is a good one arsinik

[ArSiNiK]

yeah, i thought it was pretty funny too...

[Stitch]

OK... man I could see ALL of those happening in my mind! Either those are really well thought out or I watch too much porn! Prolly the last one though:metalhead