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Old 09-05-01   #1
Death's Grip
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Seminars For Men (Given by Females

1. Combating Stupidity

2. You, too, can do housework

3. PMS -- Learn when to keep your mouth shut

4. How to fill an ice tray

5. We do not want sleazy underthings for Christmas -- Give us money

6. Understanding the female response to your coming in drunk at 40a.m.

7. Wonderful laundry techniques (formerly titled, "Don't wash my silks")

8. Parenting -- No, it doesn't end with conception

9. Get a life -- learn to cook

10. How not to act like an asshole when you're obviously wrong

11. Spelling -- Even you can get it right

12. Understanding your financial incompetence

13. You -- The Weaker Sex

14. Reasons to give flowers

15. How to stay awake after sex

16. Why it is unacceptable to relieve yourself anywhere but the bathroom

17. Garbage -- Getting it to the curb

18. You can fall asleep without "it" if you really try

19. The morning dilemma if "it's" awake -- Take a shower

20. I'll wear it if I damn well please

21. How to put the toilet lid down (formerly, "No, it's not a bidet")

22. "The weekend" and "sports" are not synonyms

23. Give me a break! -- Why we know your excuses are bullshit

24. How to go shopping with your mate and not get lost

25. The remote control -- Overcoming your dependency

26. Romanticism -- Ideas other than sex

27. Helpful hints for couch potatoes

28. Mother-in-laws -- They are people, too

29. Male bonding -- Leaving your friends at home

30. You, too, can be a designated driver

31. Seeing the true you (formerly, "No, you don't look like Mel Gibson, especially when naked!")

32. Changing your underwear -- It really works

33. The Attainable Goal -- Omitting "tits" from your vocabulary

34. Fluffing the blankets after flatulating is NOT necessary

35. Techniques for calling home

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Last edited by Death's Grip; 09-05-01 at 21:29.
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Old 09-05-01   #2
IntenseIntent
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"Eyes of a fallen angel, eyes of a tragedy." ~APC
"Enrobed in endless black
It trails along behind me,
Dusting my path.
My shape is lost
Within this grand excess.
Somehow, my hands escape through holes,
Holding many roses.
I have no feet,
I can barely see in front of me;
My face has also been shrouded.
One tear is shed; still I am shocked.
The first person I ever saw die
Lies beneath this stone and dirt.
I place the roses on the mound,
Bask in the silence of the dark.
I turn, and walk away;
Unable to say goodbye. "
~Me.
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Old 09-07-01   #3
Iron's Rite
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Fluffing the blankets after flatulance is too necessary!



I know from my own expierience, that if you let it linger beneath the sheets it soon becomes a much bigger problem, but if you do wave the blankets it clears the air much more quickly.
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Old 09-08-01   #4
DeirdreMayfair
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i think spraying the room and fluffing the sheets is like a rule... but LOLLOLOLOLOLOL
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Old 09-08-01   #5
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some weren't that great but alot were
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As I lay in your arms, I think. You never could complete me, you could never fill the void, but atleast, you would never make me cry. You would never make me want to die. But is it better to be truly in love, than here with you in a world that nothing is complete, nothing is whole, because you are not him, the one I truly love.




Candy From Strangers - Sweetly Stupid
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Old 09-12-01   #6
neonwraith
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I'll be impressed when there's the seminar for a woman called

PMS your problem not everyone elses.

OR

LOGIC, YOU TO CAN USE IT IN AN ARGUEMENT
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That wishing and the crime were one
And heaven punishes desires
As much as if the deed were done.

If wishing damns us, you and I
Are damned to all our hearts content.
Come then we may at least enjoy
Some pleasure for our punishment..."

Sir Thomas More
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Old 09-17-01   #7
cain
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wow i really must be gay,
none of those really apply to me
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Old 09-17-01   #8
VampyreGoddess
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I wish they did that for real!
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PunkPunkPunk. P.U.N.K. PUNK haha


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Run, run, run. Your heart pounding ever so fast. huff and Puff through the midnight alley. You look behind you, she's still there. That dark shadow and that evil smile. Evil laugh heard within your ears. Run, Run. Untill she grabs you, and then you know that the deadly game of cat and mouse is over, as she steals your life a way.
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I am That dark hunter that stalks your every move deary, for the night is my home, and you are tresspassing.
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Old 09-18-01   #9
Duchess Nocturn
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Re: Seminars For Men (Given by Females

Quote:
Originally posted by Death's Grip
34. Fluffing the blankets after flatulating is NOT necessary
Flatulence can not take the form of a verb. Noun, yes. Adjective, yes. Verb? Never.
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Old 09-20-01   #10
FallenGod
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Umm I differ to beg, flatuate is a verb
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Old 09-20-01   #11
Duchess Nocturn
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Quote:
Originally posted by FallenGod
Umm I differ to beg, flatuate is a verb
You can beg all you want-- it won't make it a verb.

www.dictionary.com
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Old 09-20-01   #12
ArSiNiK
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Quote:
Originally posted by neonwraith
I'll be impressed when there's the seminar for a woman called

PMS your problem not everyone elses.

OR

LOGIC, YOU TO CAN USE IT IN AN ARGUEMENT
that is the funniest part of this entire thread. here's some other seminars:

1. emotions- we still don't care.

2. the glass is half empty- get me another beer.

3. diamonds and flowers- a fucking scam.

4. yes you're fat- stop asking.

5. don't cut your hair- ever.

6. appreciating lesbians.

7. how to use the gas pump.

8. the joy's of home depot.

9. sure it hurts- but it looks fun in the porno's.

10. how to drive.

11. how to drive part 2- using your mirrors.

12. how to drive part 3- backing up.

13. how to drive part 4- stop talking.

14. it really isn't that important- so shut up already.

15. swallowing- rich, nutritious and it will make your tits bigger.
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Old 09-20-01   #13
Duchess Nocturn
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Quote:
Originally posted by ArSiNiK
1. emotions- we still don't care.

2. the glass is half empty- get me another beer.

3. diamonds and flowers- a fucking scam.

4. yes you're fat- stop asking.

5. don't cut your hair- ever.

6. appreciating lesbians.

7. how to use the gas pump.

8. the joys of home depot.

9. sure it hurts- but it looks fun in the porno's.

10. how to drive.

11. how to drive part 2- using your mirrors.

12. how to drive part 3- backing up.

13. how to drive part 4- stop talking.

14. it really isn't that important- so shut up already.

15. swallowing- rich, nutritious and it will make your tits bigger.
Dude . . . I died laughing!!!

Where are the sign-ups for seminars 7 & 10-12?
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Old 09-21-01   #14
ArSiNiK
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it's a package deal. all the women folk need to take 1-15, there are no substitutions or exemptions.
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Old 09-21-01   #15
ankh_tattoo
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OMG!!!These are SO FUNNY!!!Where do you all find this stuff, I love it!!!
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Old 09-21-01   #16
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you missed a few:

when the apropriate times to cry rest

bitching- will motivate in moderation, habitual use will cause anger

the car stero- dont fuck with it

attire- you're not wearing it, i am. shut up.

failure to change pants- if they dont smell, i dont care. if people see me with the same pair of cargo shorts on for 5 days, maybe i dont need to hang around them for a few more.

i am not obilgated to pay for everything

empathy- we are different. just because i dont realize you painted your nails a different colour, doesnt mean i dont love you. im doing the best i can.
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Im so in love of my baby girl
Christel i love you sweetheart u are the light of my life today and always.

JUST ME AND YOU FOREVER.............................
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Old 09-21-01   #17
midnightsorrow
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OMFG!!!!
Grip you fucking rock deary!!
Some of those should be mandatory for all men, reguardless.
3;5;7;13;18;19 and 20 were my favorites!
I vote Grip as the Problem Lady of the Forum.


Arsinik--
Geeze man you never fail to keep me in stiches with something or someone in here.
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Old 09-21-01   #18
Duchess Nocturn
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Quote:
Originally posted by ArSiNiK
it's a package deal. all the women folk need to take 1-15, there are no substitutions or exemptions.
Bah . . . I don't need all of them.

And I'd be leading seminar #5 . . .
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Old 09-22-01   #19
LordofSLaughter
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hahahaha. its so true too
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Old 09-26-01   #20
ArSiNiK
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ArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these parts
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Quote:
Originally posted by midnightsorrow
Arsinik-- Geeze man you never fail to keep me in stiches with something or someone in here.
i'm sorry...
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