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Old 09-03-01   #1
Death's Grip
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Women's Rules For BJ's

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1- so if you get one, be grateful.

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to come on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3- No, I DON'T have to swallow.

5. My ears are not handles.

6. Extension to rule #5- do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?

7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.

8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week"- get it through your head- I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.

9. Extension to #8- "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls-if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.

10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked" it for you.

11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.

12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.

14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep our mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.

16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".
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Old 09-03-01   #2
midnightsorrow
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*pulls herself off of floor after laughing her ass off*
OMFG you ROCK Grip!!!!!!!
About damn time some woman came up with that list!!!!!! It is hysterical because by God it's sooo true.
Bravo and I salute you in posting that list.
I might have to add to it in time myself....
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-Tip of the iceberg."--Denalay

Somedays it isn't worth chewing through the leather straps.
Hello,
I see the assassins have failed.

"Hey Courtney, aren't you a Buddahist? The goal is to obtain Nirvana, not break them up."---Madonna to Courtney Love on SNL
No magic is ever truly destructive. For what is destruction, except creation with an agenda?
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Old 09-03-01   #3
bambam=o(
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that was funny shit! Luved it hun. So true. lmao~*
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Old 09-03-01   #4
Death's Grip
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thank you

it's true

i got this in my email, but if u know something else, add to it
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Old 09-04-01   #5
thumbs101
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dude, thats funny
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Old 09-04-01   #6
miztressblack
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I should hand that out to every guy I've ever dated...LMAO...
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Your mouth is like a suicide Talkin like you never died Automatic charisma For your chemical mind I'll suffer for you I'll suffer for you You're kissing me like benzocaine w/your Sleeping pill eyes Melting me down and suck, suck, sucking my brain I'm gonna hate you tomorrow Because you make me hate you today...Marilyn Manson "Suck 4 Your Solution"
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Old 09-06-01   #7
SWITCHBLADE666
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thats some funny shit, girl.
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Old 09-06-01   #8
jaded silence
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lmao,thats grand.:p
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Old 09-07-01   #9
ankh_tattoo
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Hey, Death's Grip, you rule!!!I need copies of this....
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Old 09-07-01   #10
neonwraith
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The above sound strangely familiar

Have you been talking with my girly?
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If wishing damns us, you and I
Are damned to all our hearts content.
Come then we may at least enjoy
Some pleasure for our punishment..."

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Old 09-07-01   #11
EbonyDragyn
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OMG I haven't laughed this hard in my life!! Hahah I gotta copy this shit out
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Old 09-07-01   #12
phoenix the cat
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LMAO

Thats funny and so true

Take care
Cat
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Old 09-07-01   #13
Iron's Rite
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A man's rule (My only one.)

Lady's.

Don't "demand" that I go down on you and then refuse to return the favor.

Remember; everyone loves oral.
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Old 09-07-01   #14
midnightsorrow
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Not really in Etiquette For Outlaws the bible for the proper subculture devotee I shall read a driect quote....and this was written by men!

Oral Pleasure For Men
(polishing the clown)
"Guys, don't beg for it, don't demand it. Receiving fellatio is a privilege, not a right
Respect the "gag" rule. That means don't ram it down her throat, or grab her head and hold it there. She's the driver; she's in control of the stick. Any thrusting should be gentle.
Let her know when you are about to climax. That way she can make an informed decision about wheyher ot not she chooses to recieve your mojo.
Don't be a wuss about kissing her afterward. It;s a nice way to equalize the exchange of bodily fluids. It also makes you look progressive.
Gals, watch the teeth. And, if possible, try to swallow. But if you're just not in the mood, try not to pit it out in front of him. Excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. rinse or flush if necessary" Pages 63-65
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". . . This is only the cold nose of the fuck-happy fox creature.
-Tip of the iceberg."--Denalay

Somedays it isn't worth chewing through the leather straps.
Hello,
I see the assassins have failed.

"Hey Courtney, aren't you a Buddahist? The goal is to obtain Nirvana, not break them up."---Madonna to Courtney Love on SNL
No magic is ever truly destructive. For what is destruction, except creation with an agenda?
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Old 09-08-01   #15
DeirdreMayfair
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LOLOLOLOLOL hahahaha shit that's funny.... it's really true...
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Old 09-11-01   #16
beloved misery
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*prints off copy for stupid chics at the club* I think they could use it as the new handbook
hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe hehehehehehehe
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Old 09-11-01   #17
morrison_hotel
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where do you folks live?
is it really this sad over there?
and doesnt a girl enjoy it at all?
grim you make it sound like theres
no love in the world
i would frenchkiss my girl all day if
she wanted me to
(...and if i could finally go see her)
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Old 09-11-01   #18
Death's Grip
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Quote:
Originally posted by morrison_hotel
where do you folks live?
is it really this sad over there?
and doesnt a girl enjoy it at all?
grim you make it sound like theres
no love in the world
i would frenchkiss my girl all day if
she wanted me to
(...and if i could finally go see her)
Males don't appriciate things here
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