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Old 08-14-01   #1
magnus1121
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Men vs Women

M: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
F: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

M: Is this seat empty?
F: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

M: Your place or mine?
F: Both. You go to your place, I'll go to mine.

M: What do you do for a living?
F: I'm a female impersonator.

M: Hey baby, what's your sign?
F: "Do Not Enter"

M: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
F: Unfertilized.

M:Your body's like a temple.
F: Sorry, there's no services today.

M: I would go to the end of the world for you.
F: Would you stay there?

M: If I saw you naked, I'd die happy.
F: If I saw you naked, I'd die laughing.
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Old 08-15-01   #2
errantrogue
which one, though?
 
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thats harsh man
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"But this is America, where we unapologetically bastardize other countries' cultures in a gross quest for moral and military supremacy." L.G.
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Old 08-15-01   #3
Matter_Of_Shame
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Dude, that was very nongroovy
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Old 08-15-01   #4
amphitrite
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LOL

that was soooo funny.lol
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Old 08-15-01   #5
DeeeeShevil
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hahaha..that's funny
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Old 08-15-01   #6
magnus1121
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Females: Thanks.

Males: Get over it. Most of you have told at least one anti-female joke in your life.
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Old 08-15-01   #7
rhpscolumbia
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lmao, that was some funny stuff
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Old 08-15-01   #8
RedMeat
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"WOMEN SEEKING MEN"
Classifieds:
CODE WORDS
40-ish 48
Adventurer Has had more partners than you ever will
Affectionate Possessive
Artist Unreliable
Average looking You figure this one out
Beautiful Pathological liar
Commitment-minded Pick out curtains, now!
Communication important Just try to get a word in edgewise
Contagious Smile Bring your penicillin
Educated College dropout
Emotionally Secure Medicated
Employed Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home
Enjoys art and opera Snob
Enjoys Nature Bring your own granola
Exotic Beauty Would frighten a Martian
Feminist A Ball buster
Financially Secure One paycheck from the street
Free spirit Substance abuser
Friendship first Trying to live down reputation as slut
Fun Annoying
Gentle Comatose
Good Listener Hard to pull a word from her
Humorous Caustic
Intuitive Your opinion doesn't count
In Transition Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills
Light drinker Lush
Looks younger If viewed from far away in bad light
Loves Travel If you're paying
Loves Animals Cat lady
Mature Will not let you treat her like a farm animal in
bed, like last boyfriend did
New-Age All body hair, all the time
Non-traditional Ex-husband lives in the basement
Old-fashioned Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded Desperate
Outgoing Loud
Passionate Loud
Poet Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional Bitch
Redhead Shops on the Clairol aisle
Reliable Frumpy
Reubenesque You can figure this one out
Romantic Looks better by candle light
Self-employed Jobless
Smart Insipid
Special Rode the small schoolbus w/ tinted windows
Spiritual Involved with a cult
Stable Boring
Tall, thin Anorexic

Tan Wrinkled
Weight proportional to You can figure this one out as well height
Wants Soulmate One step away from stalking
Widow Nagged first husband to death
Writer Pompous
Young at heart How about the rest
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Old 08-15-01   #9
RedMeat
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Girlspeak To English Dictionary

She says English
--------- -------
You want: You want
We need: I want
It's your decision: The correct decision should be
obvious by now
Do what you want : You'll pay for this later
We need to talk: I need to complain
Sure...go ahead: I don't want you to.
I'm not upset: Of course I'm upset, you moron.
You're...so manly: You need a shave and you sweat
a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight.: Is sex all you ever think
about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not..: I'm on my period.
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Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relatively to other such matter; second, telling other people to do so.

Darkness squeezes, Satan`s platypus rises tonight! Bork, bork, bork!
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Old 08-15-01   #10
RedMeat
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Continuing Education Courses for Women

Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before.
The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits.
Combating the Imelda Marcos Syndrome: You Do Not Need New Shoes Everyday.
Parties: Going Without New Outfits.
Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After the Game.
Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.
Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His.
Valuation: Just Because It's Not Important to You . . .
Communication Skills I: Tears-The Last Resort, Not the First.
Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking.
Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want, Without Nagging.
Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire.
Party Etiquette: Drinking Your Fair Share.
Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up.
Introduction to Parking.
Advanced Parking: Reversing Into A Space.
Overcoming Anal Retentive Behavior: Leaving the Towels on the Floor.
Water retention: Fact or Fat.
Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter.
Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not For Human Consumption.
Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People.
Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully.
PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His.
Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To.
Sex-It's For Married Couples Too.
Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have.
Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice.
Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together.
Ballet: For Women Only.
Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both.
Learning to "Go" in Public Restrooms.
Appreciating the Humor of the Three Stooges.
"Do These Jeans Make My Butt Look Big?"-Why Men Lie.
TV Remotes: For Men Only.
Sexy Lingerie For Any Occasion.
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Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relatively to other such matter; second, telling other people to do so.

Darkness squeezes, Satan`s platypus rises tonight! Bork, bork, bork!
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Old 08-15-01   #11
EvilAngelX
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magnus those were goooood lol
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Old 08-15-01   #12
RedMeat
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....heaven?
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Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relatively to other such matter; second, telling other people to do so.

Darkness squeezes, Satan`s platypus rises tonight! Bork, bork, bork!
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Old 08-16-01   #13
errantrogue
which one, though?
 
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thank u red... i feel a bit better now for it...
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"But this is America, where we unapologetically bastardize other countries' cultures in a gross quest for moral and military supremacy." L.G.
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Old 08-16-01   #14
RedMeat
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No problem.
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Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relatively to other such matter; second, telling other people to do so.

Darkness squeezes, Satan`s platypus rises tonight! Bork, bork, bork!
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Old 08-17-01   #15
Queen Akasha
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LOL! Magnus: I got that through email a few months back but I still love to read it! RedMeat...you sound so like a friend of mine. All of the so-called "courses", etc. etc. is the same crap he gives me day in and day out! I gotta say though, I liked that girlfriend remote...that was hilarious!!

~Queen Akasha~
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Old 08-18-01   #16
RedMeat
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I dont believe these things I just copied and pasted them here.
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Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relatively to other such matter; second, telling other people to do so.

Darkness squeezes, Satan`s platypus rises tonight! Bork, bork, bork!
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