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Old 07-18-01   #61
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I'm glad your feeling better. Um... it was sg and pd. talk to you soon, nice to hear from you.
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Old 07-19-01   #62
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Old 07-19-01   #63
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I am worried that I'm going to start again. My mom is really bothering me. Last night she had me in tears because I had friends in my room and one of them was a guy. I had a girl in there too and she still freaked out! It's not like we were fucking. Anyway, I'm trying not to, but I think I'll end up doing it again.
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Old 07-19-01   #64
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bitch hun, its ok. I know how you feel. What I do, is I think, I stop and think. I know I know, it sounds dumb, but what I do is think of people worse off then me. It sounds awful, I know but it helps me. I also read, and write poetry when I am upset. I am always here for you, my screen name is bambam2532 and you can pm me or e-mail me anytime, bambambam2000@yahoo.com. I am sorry you are going through this hun, Hope to hear from you soon.
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Old 07-19-01   #65
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this is an interesting thread...

i've never held the notion that cutting myself or harming myself would, in any way, make me feel better. generally i would view self mutilation or injury as just an outlet for attention hungry kids. however after reading all 5 pages of this thread i noticed a few things. some only do it where people can't see it, some mentioned removing themselves from a situation or out of the public eye when they do it. this suggests that it's not a form attention getting, but more of a private and personal feeling. most of the people that have posted here said that cutting makes them feel "alive." that statement just about knocked me out of my chair because i don't understand it. i can understand that cutting or burning is going to produce pain and stimuli, but i guess what i don't understand is how a person can feel so dead to the world that they would have a place for self mutilation in their life. in my ignorance of the situation i don't understand how a person can move through society have have a personal level of communication with another human and then go home feeling dead to the world.

i would be interested in knowing what age category most people that cut themselves fall into. (10-14) (15-18) (19-21) (22+) not to be prying, but just to see if most of this happens during the high school years or if it continues beyond that. i know that high school is hard (it's hard for everyone) but i know that the minute you get out into the real world you learn that high school politics and clique's don't mean shit. all of the petty things that seemingly crushed you in high school you realize was complete bullshit and you learn to become a part of society.

i'm not criticizing anyone, just asking questions.
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Old 07-19-01   #66
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I read what you said, you always have a way of captivating me. Well the average age goup is adolescent to early 20's. Ok, I am stating my own opinion. I cut not just to feel alive, but also to take away emotional pain. you see, when you cut yourself, the body sends endorphins, natural pain killers, well anyway, the physical pain takes away from the emotional. Its like when you tell someone you have a headache and they say, i know how to get rid of it, then they punch you in the arm (that has happened to me before) and you say "what the hell!?!" and then they say "now you won't think about your headache anymore. well, ig2g right now, i'll be back later. Thanks for asking questions and thanks for the no criticism thing.
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Old 07-19-01   #67
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i started harming myself when i was 8 but then again im seriously messed up so it doesnt matter
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Old 07-19-01   #68
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joiin the club hun
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Old 07-19-01   #69
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I started to do it when i was in fith grade...4 me public school and high school were both hard...and i hated them both...oh well...boo hoo 4 me
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Old 07-19-01   #70
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I am kinda a newbie to it, I started last summer, God, I wanted him so bad. It was all over a guy. And now we are barely friends. , it sux ass
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Old 07-20-01   #71
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I started when I was around 10 years old. Thats when I realized I wanted to die. I thought this was a better solution then sticking a knife in my heart.
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Old 07-20-01   #72
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yup,its definatly better than killing yourself.

once when i was littler i cut myself real close to a vein,and i thought i was going to die...but i just sat in my room by myself an cried,i didnt bother telling anyone cuz at that point i didnt care weither i lived or died.
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Old 07-20-01   #73
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One time this girl on my street pushed me into the ground while I rode my bike and I skidded. I ended up skinning both my elbows and lost alot of blood. The girl ran away while I just stared at myself bleeding. My sister went to get my mom and that was the first time I realized I loved the site of blood. I was mesmerized by it so then I started to get hurt more often just to see my blood. Then it sort of became addicting that I started to peel my scabs to see myself bleed. Then the time when I wanted to die was when I started cutting myself.
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Old 07-20-01   #74
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sometimes ill hold a razor to my rist,and while i do ill think to myself...just one slash will end it all,thats it,one slash and its all over...but then ill just cut my arm cuz i dont think im ready to leave yet.
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Old 07-20-01   #75
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wow, that's actually a lot younger then i would have expected, but like i said, i'm ignorant when it comes to this topic. i have seen quite a few people on here who mention that they've wanted to just cut their wrists and end it. i just thought that i should point out that cutting your wrists is one of the most ineffective ways of committing suicide. over 98% of suicide attempts that cut their wrists fail. i just thought that i would throw that into the conversation. i do understand that cutting brings about some tangible feeling or rush, but again i don't understand how someone can interact with people all day long on an interpersonal level and then somehow still feel dead to the world. perhaps it is just the pressures of school and the pressures of needing to fit into a category, but like i said, every single person who is currently still in school is going to graduate and look back on those "problems" and laugh. seriously. you're going to understand that because johnny love-of-my-life decided to hang out at the mall with suzie slut-bitch, it's not nearly the end of the world. again, i'm not downplaying anyone's emotions, i know exactly what that is like, i remember high school. what i'm trying to get across is that even though the problems seem massive, in truth they are tiny and you will look back at a lot of those situations and wonder why you even gave a shit.
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Old 07-20-01   #76
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I started SI and SM at the ripe old age of 7. But then again I had a lot of other problems going on at home to drive towards my chosen methods. About high school and the the problems not being so serious as you get older I don't agree with. Most of my major psych problem started then withih the first year. I'm not talking about asshole boyfriends and not being popular. I'm talking about becoming a heroin addict. And having friends blow their brains out over the pain of their home life and drug problems. School was just a nail in the coffin for me. I know now that reason I had to work so damn hard to get my life back together was the torture I faced in my high school years. Now I look back and I wish I could have had an ass hole boy instead of a boyfriend who was a heroin dealer so I could bitch about the normal shit. About acting "normal or Fine" to the rest of the world and falling apart behind the scenes I know that all to well. No one knew I even had a problem with drugs or being sexually abused until I was already over the edge. I even got straight A's in gifted while pushing drugs and shooting up at home and in the bathroom between classes. I could have won an academny(ms)award for the best actress in a real life.
In short looks can be very deciving. I'm sure alot of people won't understand why I did those things. But I won't go into them on a public forum cause I don't need the grief and attitude over it. I only tell the details of my story to people who need to know.
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Old 07-20-01   #77
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Thank you for sharing, it means a lot
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Old 07-20-01   #78
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Thank you arsinik, for trying to understand, for caring, and also for not passing judgement. It means a lot, thank you for the interest.
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Old 07-21-01   #79
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Old 07-21-01   #80
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i cut myself. i don't show off about it, i don't tell anyone, but only two people i know know what i do. sometimes when i'm the lowest of low i just wanna show my mom my scars (there are so many) and say 'look at me, bitch, look what you've made me do, look what you've driven me to'. I'm a 13 yr old, and all of a sudden, since my birthday, she's been so mean to me, so strict, because i'm 'a teenager and you have to learn'. shes driving me insane. she's so into 'treating me like a teenager' that she's forgotten about showing love, caring, being nice. it's been ages since she said she loved me. i wish she'd give me a hug, just hold me for two seconds, but she thinks i'm 'too grown up'. she's told my nan to give me half as much pocket money as i usually get, becausei spend it on clothes and jewellery instead of going out with my friends. i mean, it's MY money in the end, why can't i spend it on what makes me happy? anyway, none of my friends want ot go to town with me or to the cinemas incase i do 'crazy psycho shit'.

Well, i'm done. theres one other problem though. that isn't all. but just for you fine people, i'm gonna stop right now.
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