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Old 07-15-01   #41
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powder, don't think you're weird, look around you. We're all like that. That's what this is all about, hun. Thank you everyone for the contributions. I was skeptical at first, thought no one would read anything, post, nothing. Thank you for proving me wrong. and thank you for sharing everythign, i know it may be painful, but you are. It means so much.
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Old 07-15-01   #42
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np bambam
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Old 07-16-01   #43
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Quote:
Originally posted by magnus1121
I just think one thing people need to keep in mind though is that self-mutilation doesn't mean you're suicidal. I think that's really overlooked by a lot of people.
i agree. its more a way to get through and keep LIVING. i dont think many people understand SI unless theyve lived it. most people just think youre a freak and that you only do it for the attention. glad to know some people understand this condition.
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Old 07-16-01   #44
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Hi everyone. I'm back so if anyone wants to talk to me about anything let me know and I'll do my best to help. Oh and mistressblack, I am really glad you too worked things out with yourself. I write as a form of coping too, but I think I said that already.
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Old 07-16-01   #45
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SSI-

I think it is absolutely wonderful that this thread has come about. I stopped Self Injuring about 8 months ago. It has been the hardest thing OCD disorder to break out of. I started SSI at about 5 years of age. In response to different forms of Post Tramatic Stress Disorder I have suffered through my life. I have a been one of the lucky ones. I have known people that have literally not had enough skin to stitch back together after a SM bout. I too am on different medications to help stablize me Bi-Polar. I can honestly say that without the support of my wonderful Doctor I would not be alive today. The only reason I quite was that I literally couldn't force myself to do it anymore. I had a fetish for razors but then it got to the point that any object was fair game. I used to view my scars as a badge of honor on how tough I was. Now I can't wait to get together enough money to have them removed. In the mean time I work in a grass roots commity for bring about awarness to the general public. And lobby the gov't for more funding for treatment programs both in patient and out patient. The only plus about having scars that are so visable is that people who won't take to anyone about this disease talk to me. That really seems to be the only way the truth about SM and SI will come to the surface.
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Somedays it isn't worth chewing through the leather straps.
Hello,
I see the assassins have failed.

"Hey Courtney, aren't you a Buddahist? The goal is to obtain Nirvana, not break them up."---Madonna to Courtney Love on SNL
No magic is ever truly destructive. For what is destruction, except creation with an agenda?
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Old 07-16-01   #46
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Good for you. I had to do a speech type thing in front of the entire school talking about depression and my expiriences. It was kind of scary, but I am glad I did it because afterwards, about seventeen people came up to me and asked me to talk to them about it. I guess I have all the symptoms of a manic depressant (bi polar disorder), but they found they could treat it as normal depression and no one would be the wiser. I wish I had a better doctor. Mine refuses to see me now because she says there is nothing she can do for me and that I need more intense therapy. At the time I was very vulnerable and it seemed like she was saying, "Nope, you're a total nutcase. There's no helping you. I'm washing my hands of you. You're hopeless. You are too crazy for me to help." That was not a good thing.
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Old 07-16-01   #47
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I've been through the same thing with Doctors. I've had about 20+ over the years---some good, some bad, and some indifferent. A few of which almost killed me because of the descions concerning my care. I've had 1 who is world renoun of her treatment of difficult patients actually tell my mother to her face. "That she should lock me away in a instiution and forget I was born. Because I could not be helped." Then after I refused to take one medication and asked for a second option she fired me!! I was incrediable lucky to find Dr. Wu. He has put up with me and all my kicking screaming ranting and ravings for the last 3.5 years. I've fired him about 6 times and everytime he just says see you next week. He is by far the toughest doctor I've ever had. I can't snow ball him like all the other, but he single handedly save my life. And has gotten me to want to save my own life. Thanks to him I have completely change my life and my thinking. Somedays even he doesn't believe the progress we've made together. My point is never give up. Keep finding and firing therapist till you find the right one. You self injury to survive your internal pain. That in its self proves how stronger you are. It is possible to surivie without cutting etc...someday it will come to you as well.
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". . . This is only the cold nose of the fuck-happy fox creature.
-Tip of the iceberg."--Denalay

Somedays it isn't worth chewing through the leather straps.
Hello,
I see the assassins have failed.

"Hey Courtney, aren't you a Buddahist? The goal is to obtain Nirvana, not break them up."---Madonna to Courtney Love on SNL
No magic is ever truly destructive. For what is destruction, except creation with an agenda?
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Old 07-16-01   #48
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you guys all kick ass. Thank you for opening up. Its now been about 2 weeks for me. I hope all of you are doing well too. Thank you all for sharing, its not easy.
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Old 07-16-01   #49
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i'm so scared but still it
never bleeds enough
i'm so happy but
only for a while
i was tought that nothing can last
nothing can last
the taste, it fades
the pretty color,
it only leaves an ugly crust
i'm so hungry
but i hide
i wish i felt something
i wish i was real
but my wishes they crumble
and so it's your thoughts i steal -
only to have something beautiful
only for that moment that last a little bit longer
than all the rest



sorry, couldn't stop myself.
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Old 07-16-01   #50
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nice cross, nice.
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Old 07-17-01   #51
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Hi!

I use to but I haven't for a while. I don't know what that means. LALALALA. I go now.
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Old 07-17-01   #52
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i used to cut myself and i'm about to start doing it again

i hate being pitied

i hate being hated

i dont care if you hate me just dont piss me off

thats what pisses me off

i need help and no one answers

i hate people.. (only certain ppl i dont hate)

i want this all to end... email me or pm me or something

anyone who actually gives a fuck in this situation
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Old 07-17-01   #53
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I'm here Kittie-
But I don't know what to say to you.*huggles kittie to pieces*Just know for sure you're not alone in this struggle.
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". . . This is only the cold nose of the fuck-happy fox creature.
-Tip of the iceberg."--Denalay

Somedays it isn't worth chewing through the leather straps.
Hello,
I see the assassins have failed.

"Hey Courtney, aren't you a Buddahist? The goal is to obtain Nirvana, not break them up."---Madonna to Courtney Love on SNL
No magic is ever truly destructive. For what is destruction, except creation with an agenda?
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Old 07-17-01   #54
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thx babe.. i'm glad someone understands meh

i'm off to beddy bi now..

*huggles lots*
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Old 07-17-01   #55
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Sorry I missed saying Goodnight/morning to you Kittie.
Peaceful dreams....
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". . . This is only the cold nose of the fuck-happy fox creature.
-Tip of the iceberg."--Denalay

Somedays it isn't worth chewing through the leather straps.
Hello,
I see the assassins have failed.

"Hey Courtney, aren't you a Buddahist? The goal is to obtain Nirvana, not break them up."---Madonna to Courtney Love on SNL
No magic is ever truly destructive. For what is destruction, except creation with an agenda?
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Old 07-17-01   #56
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I used to be into self-injury, but now I'm not *shrug*. I don't need it anymore.
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Old 07-17-01   #57
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Quote:
Originally posted by (antihero)
I used to be into self-injury, but now I'm not *shrug*. I don't need it anymore.
thats really wonderful- im happy for you...getting past SI is really tough.
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Old 07-17-01   #58
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Quote:
Originally posted by CelestiA


thats really wonderful- im happy for you...getting past SI is really tough.
Thanks Been about a year and a half now. It's weird, but I can't even get in that frame of mind anymore. Maybe I was possessed by the demon of cutting stuff... meh.

Last edited by (antihero); 07-17-01 at 10:50.
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Old 07-17-01   #59
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anti, I never knew, I am glad that you stopped, it takes a lot good for you.

Kittie, hun, we're all like you here, (with the exception of about two people who think they're funny, but really aren't) but the rest of us know what you're going through. We're all here for you, need anything? name it hun, it's going to be ok. *hugs Kittie* talk to you soon.

Everyone else, thank you for sharing, I can't thank you enough.
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Old 07-18-01   #60
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Quote:
Originally posted by bambam=o(
Kittie, hun, we're all like you here, (with the exception of about two people who think they're funny, but really aren't) but the rest of us know what you're going through. We're all here for you, need anything? name it hun, it's going to be ok. *hugs Kittie* talk to you soon.
thanks bammie.. *hugs* who are the ppl who think they are funnie? i cut myself in 3 dif places today just to look like it wasnt intentional.. i feel kinda better
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Last edited by immortal kittie; 07-18-01 at 04:49.
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