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Old 01-27-04   #121
Dirge
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WOW U got a horseshoe up your butt!!!!!

Well the problem is getting solved, Im still gonna own the place adn keep it as a revenue property but I found this great apartment not 10min walk from Machine, and I have a few freinds who live in that building AND it has a pool and full on wieght room!
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Old 01-29-04   #122
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Wow sounds like a good place too bad I don't live up there I'd want to live there.

Had a day off yesterday... was okay i guess finished a scene in my script, and then went and bought a cd... some group called OGHR not bad they had Ogre from skinny puppy on featured vocals.... nifty. didn't really do much else have been rather bored.
I do have a feeling today is going to suck.... had a weird dream last night very weird and I think it has put a damper on my mood but i really can't remember it at all.
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Old 01-29-04   #123
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Skinny Puppy ! ariiiight! One of the many reasons I am proud to be Canadian! Thay and I know cEVIN cEY! Smothered Hope is their best song, havent heard much of Ogres side project tho
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Old 01-30-04   #124
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Yesterday was boring as all heck but I got a weird surprise at the end of it all.... our sick/ personal day checks came.... mega cool. We get paid out at the end of the year for any sick and personal time we haven't taken.... and then we usually get it by the end of january. It was like getting paid for two more weeks on top of the check I already got today..... now that was good..... and it's going right into the bank I'm not going to spend it. Don't really want to go to work today because it's going to get crazy.... all those super bowl people coming in for crap and it's going to be like this until sunday. I feel like doing something tonight.... very restless today.
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Old 01-31-04   #125
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hmmm kind of feeling blah today. and feel like i have a decision to make ... an important one but I don't really know what it is so i feel kind of dumb. Also not looking forward to next week I won't be off til saturday.....man is that going to be a long haul.
So many things running through my head.... man I need a good clean release from it ..... wish i could shut my brain off ..... you know like an instant lobotomy just add water works for 24 hours and wake up a whole new vegetable.....
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Old 02-01-04   #126
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I'm starting to miss people again. My head is all swimy from too many thoughts, too much stress, too much of everything. No release from it.... none. I have no escape it's like being thrown down a well ..... it's cold and frigid water only you don't go numb and there's a little 5 year old throwing pennies at you from up top. The only company you have is the mildew along the sides of the walls and all you can think about is escape. People can say to me do something creative that will help... it doesn't all it does is make me more stressful because I get picky with my work. what is this answer for release....
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Old 02-02-04   #127
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My luck has finally changed, the king has finally been overthrown and the guillotine awaits. Lost big time at poker last night, perhaps tonight I shall change my luck back. At this point in time it really doesn't matter to me anymore. I have a very bad gut feeling. I feel like I am being devoured from the inside out.... how pleasant....too many interferences.... too much doggy doo. They want me to be more assertive, eric wants me to take the correspondence courses, debating whether or not I should join an online dating service, taxes to be done on wed..... yes I do them myself, still debating whether or not I should get that surgery or not, thinking I should take a trip somewhere... british airways are having a sale JFK to london is 300 dollars round trip, thinking what should I wear to the associates dinner, should I even go, thinking I should go on a diet plan, too many more to list. the mountain is getting bigger and it's getting heavy.... no help in sight and all i keep repeating over and over is

all work and no play makes Ryan a dull boy.all work and no play makes Ryan a dull boy.
all work and no play makes Ryan a dull boy.all work and no play makes Ryan a dull boy.
all work and no play makes Ryan a dull boy.all work and no play makes Ryan a dull boy.

all work and no play makes Ryan a dull boy.

all work and no play makes Ryan a dull boy.
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Old 02-03-04   #128
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the luck came back for a brief period last night came back about 10.45 ahead, but I feel bad about it. I didn't want to wipe the guy next to me out of money, and it felt like I just put someone's dog down with a .38 special. My mind is still kind of running around in circles from the flood of decisions and funny thing is it's getting bigger. Now on top of all that above i have the decision of whether or not to get ink done. It's out of some kind of book 4 guys get together have male bonding experience decide to get tattoo's as a friendship thing. Also there is a new manager in the store and although he seems nice and all he also seems like he could very well be a drill seargent so play time is over, and now we have a special meeting with the head store manager on the whole expectation level, but it's more directed towards the part timers than myself, but I guess I'm supposed to come up with ideas on how this job is to be run more smoothly. I am also having trouble sleeping again. I really don't want to work today.

All work and no play makes Ryan a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Ryan a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Ryan a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Ryan a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Ryan a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Ryan a dull boy.
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Old 02-05-04   #129
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day off was yesterday...... it sucked. I didn't get to do anything I wanted or needed to do.... why can't people let me alone until I can get this stuff done then bug me later? why does it seem like the world revolves around them and I have to adjust to THEIR needs what about my needs??? don't they matter? *sigh* well I'll be off on sunday at least perhaps I can do what i need to do then.
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Old 02-09-04   #130
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Well hear comes that black hole coming back to swallow me up into oblivion.... can't say i missed it. I am very unhappy right now and feeling like I should've been able to do something even though none of all this is my fault. I really hate february. Everybody gets retarded then they get their ass in trouble. There are three people who I have to try and comfort and help because they are in dire need of a friend, it is very overwhelming that all three of them are having love troubles.... something that i have no authority on helping with but I do have a sympathetic ear. I hate to see bad things happen to good people.

In other news my day offs are really starting to suck. I can never get things done that I want to do and it's starting to irritate the shit out of me. It is so hard to keep optimistic when everybody seems to dump on you .....
Work is becoming a serious pain in the ass too. We got these new managers that are real hard asses and they are getting on my nerves, and pissing me off.

I want a new life.... this one sucks.
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Old 02-10-04   #131
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HMMM yes sounds like you are in dire need of a change my good man! I always get in trouble for saying this but I belive that it is good for a person to "re invent" themselves every now and then, I have done it a few times and have come through with flying colors! The person I was 5 years ago is not the person I am today and thank God for that! If you wake up tomorrow and say ' today i am going to be different" you are well on your way!
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Old 02-12-04   #132
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well I had a pretty eventful day off. Went to olive garden for dinner with my sis, and that was good. Did my taxes and I'm gettin 1400 back .... which is really good, washed my car cuz it was icky and that was good. However, certain things still haven't been able to come to a conclusion.... my friends and my sister are still having major problems. Damn I wish i could help more than just listening. It doesn't help that the crappiest of all holidays is coming up soon.
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Old 02-12-04   #133
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cheer up.



you let far too much bother you and its only stupid shit.


congrats on your taxes hun



still havent gotten around to doing mine


call me some night.



i would call you but i cant remember anyones number.
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Old 02-13-04   #134
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Thanks Michelle,

I am trying the best.

Well my friends have finally got their problems solved thank god. I may be possibly getting a tattoo this year. More on that as it develops.




Now I find myself into a new path of events one I am going to partake in.
Someone wants some man power and has requested me for the job. I think I'm going to do it. It may be dangerous but I feel I have nothing to lose. If I am hurt or worse, Know that I regret nothing I have done in life only that which I haven't done.
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Old 02-14-04   #135
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Well usually friday the 13th is good for me, but that one really sucked. i had a pet food pallet fall on me and it became a dominoe effect.... it knocked over this big display of coke which when that fell a canada dry display fell too and there was soda everywhere..... I felt very icky .... dry petfood and sprite......... covered in it. Yuck!
went home showered and went to bed.... just wanted to put the day behind me.

However, it puts me into this holiday which let me tell you.... I can't wait until it is over, I can't stand this holiday. There has been only one time it has been a decent one and that was last year when i was with someone i cared very deeply for hell I think I still have some of the candy she gave me floating around somewhere. It's not that I don't care anymore ... quite the opposite....it's just that my role as a person has changed since then.... Anyways, this holiday promises to be like all the other ones before that..... think I'm going to watch a gory movie tonight.... it's a tradition.

Someone get a vacuum cleaner because Valentine's day sucks!

"Runaway Train never going back, wrong way on a one way track...." damn song in my head make it stop make it stop!

Worked on my script this morning now have about ten pages done total. It's coming along slowly.
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Old 02-15-04   #136
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Today was way too long ..... put a fork in me I'm done. Tired, and my wrists hurt. I am procrastinating again on everything. I want to talk to people... don't feel like it. Want to finish the book I was reading.... not sure if I want to read it right now, my script want to but don't want to blah! that's right.... Blah! Blah blah blahdy blahdy Blah! and all that rot! I have to call this Marlene person back too. Have to call Dave. Have to call Kim. Ugh at least those first two won't be a one sided conversation... Kim on the otherhand.... she's my friend and she's nice but Cheese and Rice woman! let me talk every once and a while and get off the same subject I ain't dear abby. and I was supposed to call Michelle too. Damn me Damn me all to hell! *grabs a spork and jabs in my skull* It's lobotomy time!!! Thaaaaaaaat's right boys and girls! everybody grab their proper brain scooping devices and jab like so.... see it's fun!!! Now how bout we dance while you sit and vege..... and do the lobotomy!!!! Yay! Fun for everyone with balloons and big cash prizes. Thanks for Playing and we'll see you next time bu-bye.
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Old 02-16-04   #137
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Well last night was a procrastination fit. Although I did finish the book I was reading and I can't wait for the books I ordered to come in the mail!!!! I got these books on the Complete Encyclopedia of Serial Killers from A-Z. It sounded interesting so i figured why not? Kim called too and damn that was like a chainsaw...... she kept talking and talking and talking ....about the same thing over and over..... and I kept saying do what you want you never listen to me anyway.... why should anything I say matter? Who the hell am I to tell someone how to live their life? If I had all the answers I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't be having the same lifestyle. Work promises to be crappy as usual with chances of total hair ripping chaos ... and as you can see a very intense pressure system is moving on so you might want to chain yourself to a bed or something in your basement. This is the weather and now back to you Bob.....
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Old 02-17-04   #138
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Well had poker last night and won another 15 bucks or so ..... big whoop dee doo. So I am an excellent gambler and can comand a table. I quit drinking too. Tonight I'm dumping all my booze down the drain. I already called dave yesterday or the day before and told him to dump my stash down the drain ... unless of course he's keeping it which he said he wanted it so whatever. One more vice gone one more inner demon slain. I still see a mountain to climb though. a big one. There are a lot of things still swimming in my head. I quit drinking because my friend is trying to quit and I don't want to tempt him for starters the second was a very personal reason. It's one less thing for me to be ashamed of myself for.
Kim came in yesterday at work to apologize for not calling me back the night before.... I was like there is no need for apologies.... I'm not mad because there is no need to be that way. I was only bitter because I felt the world owed me something when in fact it owes me jack shit. I am a guest on this planet not an owner. So I need to try and I mean really try not to fuck up that I get evicted off it.
I sprained my ankle last night again..... it hurts. Hmmm there is much on my mind and no time to take the weight off.


The way to losing the big picture is to stare at everything up close.
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Old 02-18-04   #139
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My stomach hurts... I breathe and i get pain lots of pain. Work was a bad day.... the new manager talks down to me like i'm some kind of idiot and that really pissed me off, not to mention he says things to me about expectations and all this junk and I'm like everything you asked me I have somebody already doing what's the problem???? anyways enough about that big jerk. I got my books I ordered today!!!! Hurray!! they got here fast i ordered them a couple days ago and they already came..... The complete Encyclopedia of Serial Killers from A-Z. Now there's a coffee table book.... *laughing* I decided to buy it for my research for my scripts. Not only that but it's just morbidly interesting. Well I need to go do something because i refuse to let my day off go to waste in this house so ...... This me signing off and that's how the cookie crumbles......
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Old 02-19-04   #140
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Well yesterday was an okay day off I guess. However I couldn't sleep very well last night and my stomach was very bad.... I woke up this morning feeling worse..... I think I either ate something bad and gave myself food poisoning or I am getting sick.... I just puked while I was in the shower, and I have been going to the bathroom quite frequently.... I'm going to try to go to work.... but If I start puking again I'm going home..... I haven't eaten since 6 last night. I can't eat .... feel like garbage.....

Saw Dave last night..... his dog died..... =( ....... it had a tumor and it's heart just stopped beating. At least it's not suffering anymore.
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