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Old 06-14-01   #1
Duchess Nocturn
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What the hell am I?

A few years ago, my friends and I screwed around with each others' blood. One of them was pretty much a vampire & the other was supernaturally 'enhanced'. With the passing of time, I've been exhibiting more and more vampiric qualities. I stare at people and fantacise about tearing their flesh & draining their life & energy while I feel my teeth sharpening inside my mouth. Though this is the answer to the dreams of many, I can't have a predatorial lifestyle. I'm a devoted Christian & I worry that I hurt people. It's accidental, but I can tell that I drain life force from those around me. There are infinite details to this whole affair & it concerns me because I don't want to hurt people. For those who are either themselves vampires or well versed in vampires, is there a way of ameliorating my vampiric proclivities?

--Adrienne
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Old 06-14-01   #2
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Well Duchess, I think you have successfully frightened away, or disgusted all posters in this forum. Kudos to you. As for your question... I'm no official on these types of matters, sorry. Though I know what it is to feel like you're becoming a monster and everything you do inadvertently leads to the destruction of your own worthless soul and the souls of your loved ones. As to the alleviation of such a dire strait... call me when you have it figured out. Because no matter what I can think of... isolation, death, separation... I'll still hurt them. In the end, pray that the seed of light in your soul is stronger.
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Old 06-14-01   #3
RedMeat
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I understand where you`re coming from duchess when i first found out I was into S and M I was sure that I would end up hurting people but it never ended up that way. It maybe difficult but you can control your desires until you find someone who will enjoy it too ok
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Old 06-15-01   #4
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Duh and double duhhhh... refer to my post on another thread of the same context..
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Old 06-25-01   #5
sweetgrief
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Your not a vampyre, you would be dead" vampyre" means dead one,dont believe your friend, because for all the people whom clame themselfs to be vampyre;s, well hell this world is full of them then, but for you wanting to drink some one's blood, i have that craving also , but they are hard and dangerous to controll at times and i mean to hurt people. it's all in your head trust me, and blood is very tasty but it does not make you at all a vampyre. many murders had that fetish and also a lot of people.
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Old 06-25-01   #6
cross
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people are able to believe in their own (made up, thought up) stories..dunno..vampire?! believe what you want.
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Old 06-25-01   #7
sweetgrief
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true, people can believe in lies and tear them sselfs apart like this kid is doing.But really, live a lie go for it, but i dont believe in living a lie.
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Old 06-26-01   #8
DarkCwbyWeird
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I say: Go with the flow! Ha.
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Old 07-11-01   #9
thirddarkness
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The internal battle

You are torn between the light and the dark ~ok, so that was bloody obvious, so sue me~ Your christian valued are what you've grown up on and the darkness is a new and exciting aspect of your life...but which to embrasse?
Should you choose the darkness, you loose the light for eternity. Believe me, God will never take you back. Should you stck with Christianity, the darkness will fight you for eternity. It is a very powerful infulence in this world. Who knows, maybe you will be one of the few who can balence the two powers that be....
I wish you the best
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Old 07-11-01   #10
malefic
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Re: The internal battle

Quote:
Originally posted by thirddarkness
Should you choose the darkness, you loose the light for eternity. Believe me, God will never take you back. Should you stck with Christianity, the darkness will fight you for eternity. It is a very powerful infulence in this world.


thirddarkness, you speak as though Christianity were the only light, and darkness something bad, wrong.

Most people have a Christian morality only because it's all they know, all they've been taught. But if you're not Christian, morals based on Christian teachings are as foreign as thumbs on a cat :)

Remember, darkness can't exist without light, or light without darkness.

To live in the shadows, the boundary between the two, is what 95% of the population do on a regular basis. Grey is easy. Follow the "rules" you agree with, ignore the ones you don't, cheat on your income tax, or your partner, donate to charity once a year, be nice to dogs and small children. They usually aren't even aware that they do it.

To knowingly and honestly choose the darkness and live there is a hard path, but choosing the light is equally as hard.

I knowingly walk the shadows, my morals are of my own making, and I see no conflict between Duchess Nocturn following a Christian teaching *and* embracing the darkness that's within her. She only needs to find the balance that suits her.

Duchess ... don't fight what you feel, but examine it, learn from it, and channel it into outlets that make you comfortable and keep you sane. Fanticise all you like; write about it, paint it, make it creative and part of you.

:)
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Old 07-15-01   #11
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ok...first explain 'supernaturally enhanced'...that one confused me... as for the fantasies...honestly, you dont think fantasizing about death and destruction are limited to 'vampires' only? please... you might want to see a therapist for the fantasies, if they bother you that much. as for the 'life draining' part, pm me. i might have a fewideas, but im not going to put it up in the open unless people really wish me to do so.
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Old 07-15-01   #12
DeirdreMayfair
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I think it's probably just a fantasy of your mind. People's minds control an incredible amount, as you would know and you can change yourself to need whatever you mind thinks you desire. If you believe that you desire blood and you make your mind believe so as well, you will desire such. We only see what we want to see, and feel what we want to feel, if you are not willing you can block out all of reality and live in an entire dream world, and it will seem as real to you as reality. Therefore, I think that this is more psychological rather that physical need. These urges are just something psychological, also if you believe something it will start to happen in your eyes and maybe in others eyes as well. If you can relieve your mind from such desires, which is possible, then you won't actually have to hurt people blah blah. I also know I've completely strayed off topic, so now I will say something that more suits this. Well...ya like blood so... don't hurt people just control the urge, you don't wanna turn into a damn animal do you? Just go wait and find someone that has the same desire as you.
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Old 07-16-01   #13
midnightsorrow
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I think you are for the most part Duchess normal. Hate to burst you bubble or vein for that matter. So many books have been written on Psychosamatic feeling of Vampierism it isn't even funny. The whole theory of feeling your fangs and life forces draining from someone if a form of your sub conscience manipulating you int to think you are a changing. Though it is possible for you reactions to be real and or some response to some supernatural phem. Most likely it is a direct result of your repressed attitude towards most things in your life. In short I suggest you hit the local book store or get a therapist.

By the way to Thirddarkness---God will always take you back. If you truely repent and ask for forgiveness. To the best of my knowledge one can only be turned away from God and lose their "salvation"only when the Holy Spirit leaves that person. I will quote the scripture for it when I find my scholar books. But even then it can be debated.
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Somedays it isn't worth chewing through the leather straps.
Hello,
I see the assassins have failed.

"Hey Courtney, aren't you a Buddahist? The goal is to obtain Nirvana, not break them up."---Madonna to Courtney Love on SNL
No magic is ever truly destructive. For what is destruction, except creation with an agenda?
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Old 07-16-01   #14
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Mmmmm

Yeah, I do not know what your thinking. You know it says no other God greater or equal too. You can be a freak and a Christian. I beats being a freaking Christian.
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Old 07-16-01   #15
midnightsorrow
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You lost me Abby.
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". . . This is only the cold nose of the fuck-happy fox creature.
-Tip of the iceberg."--Denalay

Somedays it isn't worth chewing through the leather straps.
Hello,
I see the assassins have failed.

"Hey Courtney, aren't you a Buddahist? The goal is to obtain Nirvana, not break them up."---Madonna to Courtney Love on SNL
No magic is ever truly destructive. For what is destruction, except creation with an agenda?
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Old 07-17-01   #16
CelestiA
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someone mentioned something about God taking you back.....when you are truly saved, God forgives you of your sins- present, past, future...mind you, i said 'truly'
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Old 07-17-01   #17
midnightsorrow
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That was the point I was trying to make Celestia. Thank you for doing a better job at it then I.
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". . . This is only the cold nose of the fuck-happy fox creature.
-Tip of the iceberg."--Denalay

Somedays it isn't worth chewing through the leather straps.
Hello,
I see the assassins have failed.

"Hey Courtney, aren't you a Buddahist? The goal is to obtain Nirvana, not break them up."---Madonna to Courtney Love on SNL
No magic is ever truly destructive. For what is destruction, except creation with an agenda?
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Old 07-17-01   #18
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Sure

It is not so much what you believe, but being happy with yourself. If you can be happy and do the things that make you happy you do not need to die, to know heaven.
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Old 07-18-01   #19
deathlord
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vampire

have you seen strainge "monsters" in your dreams do you have pail wite skin do you remember the most depresive thing that has ever hapened to you when you look into the sun do you eat a lot and not gain any weight are you becoming stronger than you have ever been befor without working out if you are please E-MAIL ME AT CRASH_OVERIDE3@HOTMAIL.COM OR MY ADRESS HEAR IANKULPA@DARKSITE.COM
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Old 07-18-01   #20
midnightsorrow
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That sounded like a promo for a Jerry Springer show. You know at then end when he begs for new guests....Hmmmmm--make you wonder....
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". . . This is only the cold nose of the fuck-happy fox creature.
-Tip of the iceberg."--Denalay

Somedays it isn't worth chewing through the leather straps.
Hello,
I see the assassins have failed.

"Hey Courtney, aren't you a Buddahist? The goal is to obtain Nirvana, not break them up."---Madonna to Courtney Love on SNL
No magic is ever truly destructive. For what is destruction, except creation with an agenda?
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