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Old 04-19-02   #1
TooDarkPark
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...nothing worth lookin' at


Fuck it..I haven't had a journal in a while.


It's 5 in the morning...can't sleep..I spend too much fucking time on this make-shift system. Maybe I'll wake up around 3 tomorrow and finish some of the yard work...
speaking of, I put a garden-pond-cascade-thingy in for my mom today. My sister's boyfriend jacked it from his Grandmother's house...lot's of interesting shit lying around outside. Especially where I've been working recently. The garden I recently placed is where my Dad had those old fucking tool-sheds and such...they were rotten. I ripped them down about a year or two ago..fuck....anyway, Gary went out in the woods and got a lot of bamboo. He's constructing a primitive looking fence around the back-yard, next to the ditch...It's pretty cool, ..it'll look much better after the vines start to grow around it...

Once again, our cat Peyote had a litter..somewhere under the fucking trailer in the insulation, which means another hole, another shit load of pink stuff..
...doesn't matter, ..our central-cooling stopped working 8 years ago and we never fixed it...I hate crawling under there. Too many 8-legged creatures...

I've been wanting to get the band back together, but I'm still kinda pissed at our guitarist/lead-vocalist/needs to come out of the closet alfuckingready/puts my guitar through the wall one more time, and I'm gonna break his neck...The bass has been sitting in the shed with Gary's drums. I haven't played it in a week. I don't know, either we get back together as we were, or Gary and I are gonna start another one....but, then again, he's leaving in September to go the fucking Air Force...grrr.

I'm depressed as always..and recently have been going back to the doctors...once more on Paxil......Different now, though, being that I'm not under-age anymore. You get much more respect from the social workers...still don't have a car, liscense, job, G.E.D, blah..
As if I'd ever have a good job, anyways...I can't stand people, I get too fucking nervous around large groups of them...I miss my old job cutting trees down. Especially Jack, ....he was the shit.
...hmm...err..speaking of the Paxil, I'm running low..I wonder when the next appointment is?

..Got kinda drunk earlier, and now I have the head-ache that usually follows...I've been off of drugs, well except for alcohol.
For about 10 months now...yep, after the last wreck I got in with Mike. I took about 12 valium and drank lots of beers....dislocated the same shoulder I broke in Houston...Mike crushed his teeth on the steering wheel, some guy in the front broke his hip, and some other guy we didn't even know about in the back of the truck got thrown out....Every one thought I was dead. My mom, who was up north at the time rushed down to make sure I was alright...My baby Bek came, too....
Well, ok...it wasn't exactly the wreck that caused me to stop doing drugs...It was after the 5 months of rehabilliation and binging on pain pills..Fucking Codeine.

later,
J.



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Old 04-20-02   #2
TooDarkPark
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Not too much happened today. Finally went to sleep at 100 this morning, and woke up at 2.

Steve came over...first time I seen him in about a year. I guess he finally got over that shit he had to see last time he was down.
Previously, when he and Pat had come over, I was really drunk, and my Mom and I got in a bad fight. They ended up braking it up...
As always, he's still smoking dope...but unlike before, he's actually keeping a decent job. Lately, I've been having the urge to get stoned...badly...I miss my old bong collection...
and my old hydroponic system...
and filling my two-chambered graffix with ice water, loading the bowl with premium kind-bud, inhaling enough smoke to fill a stadium, and hacking and coughing at the kitchen sink for thirty minutes after-wards....
My Mom leaves bud everywhere..I'm always coming across it....maybe I should try making a few dollars...hmm..
which reminds me..it's about season for shrooms again.

I'm tired and can't think of much more to talk about right now. Perhaps tomorrow.....

J



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Old 04-20-02   #3
TooDarkPark
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...fuck.....

Last edited by TooDarkPark; 04-20-02 at 15:41.
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Old 04-20-02   #4
TooDarkPark
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I think I'm going crazy...............
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