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Old 02-05-04   #81
dark_duqualle
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well, my imagination would never have gone that far. ~eye's curl up in back of head~ owww. ~slaps head~ thats better. i would have to say, i am realy calm right now about this whole mess. i dont like it, i am pissed it happened so quikly but what can i honestly do? disaprove? i did that to begin with but no one listened to me. hate him, her, or both? it would make no difference. instead i am just sitting here, thinking about all those moments in my past, and how beautifull theye were to me. listening to all the sad songs of my old love, and then erasing them from the list. all my influence is........obliterated.
the photo's and notes locked away with the gifts and memories of us. i think i managed to lock my heart in thier to. i hope next time you make a decision, you make one you wont regret.

i have a semi-double date friday. finaly going to go out and do stuff. probably just gonna have them come over and watch movies and shit. seems to be an old passtime with me. nothing much else i can do, being as that i am a poor loser and the last date's i went on i had no money either. movies, and drinks. sounds good. nothing gonna happen though. one's 2 young, and the other is ust to good a friend. who knows, maybe i will cheer up a bit and be able to move on, like others. maybe i will get to adventure..lol. nah, i dont want to do anything like that. i just wanna have some good, clean, fun withought any sexual inuendoes.

other than that, i havnt got much going on. i have been writing alot of angry music. (i couldnt imagine why?) and getting alot of anger out in my notebooks. i wont post any of it though. laot of it is spiratic thought, and i dont mean alot of it. but i do tell you one thing, this deffinitely opens my eyes a little bit more to the reality that i showed everyone least spring. once again, another reason i cant get upset. that was my mess, and it was taken a few steps farther than i would of ever let. sex was never my intention, with anyone else. i just wanted to love adrian.......

speaking of which. adrian, i have decided to posibly no longer wait. you know i love you, and i would have waited that year for you, no matter what, but now i am not so sure. you understand. if you wanna call your still intittled, but.....please....please.....please.. watch the "i love you's." to all a good day, there is nothing else on forum to do right now.
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Old 02-05-04   #82
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to much work!!!!!!!!! (shoots)

:knob: well, i have reached a new low in my family life. we are being forced to call a food bank or leave till we have money. it sucks when you have to live in this hell hole and you dont have anything. i am a little happier with things, but otherwise i am a mess. my whole life has fallen apart. i just sit back and watch all that i work so hard for slip away into this nothingness, and then i feel even worse when it.........nevermind. new subject.

i talked more to nick today. he said he would lend me a track recorder to put down some digital demo's of my music ad he would write some stuff for it, and if he liked what he heard he wodl let us come into his recording studio, and we would have complete control over the sound.....sweet. a big time name in music is giving me a chance to be the leader of the band like i was made to be. the lead singer, and the front man of, "Ancient Deffiance".

lead singer/guitar/lyracist: francis pietrowski
guitarist/bassist/drummer: jim syncovich
solo guitar: mike o'malley

true, right now we are struggling with member, but ever band has its hard times and its good times.

right now we have a small library of songs.

memeory, fallen angel, subconscience, adrian song, catalyste, peace be to..., and cover's.
right now we are covering songs from such bands as, nirvana, nine inch nails, seether, chevelle, and perfect circle. but our library will grow soon enough. we just need time. with my lead guitarist being so young still, and everyone so scatter brained over dumb shit, we dont get a whole lot done when we meet. hopefully sooner than later, we willget done our tracks and have this fucking cd out by summer. :tool:
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Old 02-05-04   #83
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hey adrian. when you get a chance, give me a call, tell me if your a little more calm. if you dont, thats fine too.

i was fine and everything till about 5 minutes ago. then i was down in the dirt and i wanted to just sleep. i feel lazy and i dont want t do much. i think im gonna cancel tomarow too, im not much in a mood for company.....ugh. what the fuck! why me? why, fucking, me!!!???!?!?!?

all i do is slouch infront of this fucking screen all day long. i stare at this screen till i get so sick of it and sign off. but ten i get back on in like 10 minutes, if i wait that long, cause i got nothing else to do. i hate my life. no part of it is good. no part. i talk to people and i feel worse because they have somehting to talk about, and i got shit.

i am on welfare now when it comes to food. i got barely any as it is, with govnmt help. christ, why cant i just be happy. someone give me a reaosn to be happy, please god give me a reason.....PLEASE!
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Old 02-05-04   #84
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<-wants to make a jim joke so bad
but i wont, i respect him
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Old 02-05-04   #85
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im sick ot my stomach. i cant keep anything down now. i just tried to eat, its just not working for me right now.
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Old 02-05-04   #86
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~~*1000'th post*~~

well, after 3 1/2 years i finaly got 1000 posts. now what? second 1000? maybe 3rd. i dont know, i am kind of exited i finaly did this...

*oscar moment*

i want to thank all that made this possible. patryn, arsinick, lenina, shotdownstar, cola, straven, silverflame, driwicked, barbkat, and all you other asswholes, and donkey dick lovers.......hehe. fuck you all!!

*runs off stage with award and presnter, till he notices its hally berry....~~woodchucks the nigger~~*

i dont know what realy to say. i guess inused all my good bitching before hand, and all my good happiness long before this moment. i was looking back at all my names, and all my posts today. everyone. i dont see why things have changed so much, but my attitude definitely did. i just wish this was a shared event.

thanks for being there guys.....


fran
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Old 02-05-04   #87
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i hope one day i reach 1,000 posts...

jk, congrats!
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Old 02-06-04   #88
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taking it minute by minute

well, i have decided to cancel my meeting for tonight with barb....
i am not in the mood for it right now. i think i will just sit around and stare at the computer like i usualy do till around 8:30, and then sign off for the night so that everyone i could talk to gets on..... i cant believe i have a parental block. what si the sence. they never do anything parental unless it fucks with my life. i am going to get a aim bar, thats what i have to do. just get one of those and just talk to people when i get bored, see him stop that shit.....haha.
wait, that wont work either...damnit!

im not realy feeling good right now. emotionaly or physicaly. thinking about sunday and wondering if the shirts were long sleeved. i dont remember..(i hope they are) thats all i am saying on that. if not i think i will have to break out an ace bandage......ugh, what an idiot.
been getting in touch with old friends lately. not old, old friends, but like old high school friends from around 4 years ago. thinking to myself, i should have just studied guitar and stayed in football. damn, i would still be in school, still be the star of the show, and still be happy. hmmmm, me and my dreams! ha, all they do is fuck up my reality. thats the thing with dreams. there only good as dream's.

thats all i am saying for right now, till i come up with something more to say.
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Old 02-06-04   #89
dark_duqualle
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blah.... just sitting here, once again, like always. watching my post count go up. i figure i am gonna try to catch up to my patrons of forum, who joined around the same time as me and get well over 4000 before i am satisfied with mypost count. pretty soon i will be making many trips to the library, after all, thats the only place i will b able to get online.......

*starts hoping for a job*

god i need money.... i need a job, and i need a car. but not to worry, this ummer i ge my money. buy a beater car, nice, but beater. pay it off and get liability insurance on it. get my lisence, and then get an appt. i will be on my own this summer come hell or high water. i am getting a new laptop, and internet. prolly aol cable internet. i like the features of aol, not the sytem, just the features. plus, ill have so much of no time on my hands it will be hard to do anything on here anyway. ill have to get a wireless lan and walk around my house doing shit as i go. get some recording equipment and work on my solo cd..... then after i get my diploma and i start ccac, or whereever i go from there, i can ty and get a record contract. well see in years to come if i ever make it big with all my connections in the buisness, it shouldnt be too hard, but i am after all a musical statistic.
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Old 02-06-04   #90
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what shirts?
hope you find a job
call barb and whatsherface and get the date back on, you need some!
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Old 02-06-04   #91
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some what????

what i need is peace of mind..........(hint)
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Old 02-06-04   #92
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well, i was scimming through the forum, and ran by this thread on those magickal board games. im not gonna try and spell it right, so bare with me here....weegee..lol. anyway, i was thinking about using mine all the time, and how i never get any answer's. i miss my father, and i would realy like to talk to him. i knwo it most likely wonthappen, but you never know. i still try....

for years i have been withought him, and now i am just.....lost.
nothing goes right anymore, so i just turn to the quikest solution.
i am pondering drinking again....and stuff..............

i dont know. it owuld make me care about the past less, so i dont know. ill have ot think about that one.
hopefully i will have a good time so i will stop thinking about this........stuff in my head.....yeah, all im saying on that subject.

i am listening to twizted right now. old school pervert....oh yeah!
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Old 02-06-04   #93
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well, my day has taken a turn. i wont hurt myself barb, i am hurt enough. i went for a walk when i found out you werent comming over, and i fell on this big patch of ice, now i have an interesting scrape cut and bruise on my side. it hurts.....(touches) ow!

besides that, my day has been like the usual. boring, and uneventfull. i am leaving this house this weekend, and i am not comming back. i think i will find someplace to stay intown. maybe around with someone, i dont wanna be stuck out here anymore. i dont care if i dont have internet, as long as i can eat food. sunday i am going to andrew's in bridgeville and i am going to sit around on my ass and.......yeah.

bring on the nonsence and bullshit.....

choose, stone sour.....good mood song.
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Old 02-06-04   #94
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sorry she didn't come over, hope sunday cheers you up.
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Old 02-07-04   #95
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yah, a car ride with your mother who i know is gonna say something to me like, "dont call my house anymore" or she'll try and be nice, strike up a convo. then i get to go to my favorite place in the world (non-sarcasm) and see all my past looking at me. nothing like being teased by the sight of my ex, and then pretending like everything is fine...............can i bring a gun for myself?

barb is gonna try and come up today, but i am very doubtfull. besides, i am too miserable to be around right now anyway. i couldnt even be in a good mood watching rocky horror. what is wrong with me? i know, but there is no cure.................. :asshole:
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Old 02-07-04   #96
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aparently, i am the only one on forum withought a life. i get to sign on everyday at about 9:30. log on to forum, and then sit here and wait for things ot be posted so i can say stuff and watch my post # go up. but it seems that because either it is early, or its saturday, i am one of 4 people i have neer seen on here before...... strange?

i woke up today to the sounds of "jed the fish" on the X because of the countdown. i was hearing al this angry punk music, and what song realy woke me up was the darkness's song. i woke up singing it, and then screaming it..........

last night i was in this conversation about rocky horror. people seem to think that because of my voice i would be casted as the doctor, but because of my body i would be rocky. i think because of my hair i would be casted as brad, but i would love to be riff raff. he is my favorite character.......

"he didnt lik me...he never liked me!"

hehe, i dont know. i am bored out my mind so i am gonna post in here to myself for a while. prolly work on a nother chapter to my little story of aexious for people to enjoy, if people even look at my stories besides jordyn....thank you jordyn!

~huggs and kisses~

ugh........ listening to the usual mix to. a little metallica (...and justic for all) some nine inch nails (downward spiral, fragile) and mudvayne (all albums) got a little alice in chains going on, and some nirvana. a little seether, and god knows what else. r.e.m, guns and roses, and wrestling theme's.....im such a dope......

thinking about getting myself into ccac this spring. rethinking alot of stuff now that i know what my options are...not realy caring about much anymore, right now......

~hear's rae yelling at him in his head~ fine, ill get my damn diploma. jeezzzzz!
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Old 02-07-04   #97
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ugh....i dont think that was a good idea.

runs to the sink~~~~~~~~
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Old 02-07-04   #98
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yah, nothings different. just the day...............
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Old 02-07-04   #99
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Wait.. When you think of getting a diploma you think of Rae? well, my past year has been a waste.
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Old 02-07-04   #100
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shame??? shame???
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