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Old 04-15-03   #1
Jasen
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how can I save this relationship?

I've been with this girl for just over a year now. I've grown to love her more everyday, she is perfect to me. She really is the most important thing in my life right now.
Last night she told me that she couldn't handle the seriousness of our relationship. That her feelings had changed, she wasn't ready for this, she didn't feel the same way as I do. The whole while claiming it wasn't me, or anything I did, it was just her.
She hasn't broken up yet, but I think she is. I don't think I can handle that.
I wrote her a note today at work, mostly about how I can't change my feelings, but I will try to change my actions, give her space, whatever it takes. Hopefully I can give it to her tongiht. I just can't lose her, but I feel helpless, there's nothing I can do to stop her if that's what she wants. I hate how other people contol my life and my emotions so easily.

I guess I just felt like getting that out. There's probably no advice anyone can give me. I fell in love with the wrong person yet again, and now I'm fucked.
Or maybe I'm already fucked up and that's why no one can love me back.
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Old 04-15-03   #2
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Maybe your realationship isn't a waste.Give her time and see maybe within a few weeks you can be together again.Maybe she needs your help with a personal problem.Try to find out.


Good luck hun
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Old 04-15-03   #3
One
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The only advice anyone can give you is to let her be, yeah, i know, life sucks.........but there really is no other choice, cause if you dont, she will just learn to hate you. So give her what she needs, and maybe things will work out in the end. Good luck.
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Old 04-16-03   #4
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Yeah One is right if you let her free...and she loves you she will come back in the end.
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Old 04-16-03   #5
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I have to agree, however, if you can give her the space she wants, as you said you can, then ask her to give you a chance, and let you prove yourself to her, its not easy changing actions and things like that, however, it is a must if you really care for this girl
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Old 04-16-03   #6
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rawr
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Old 04-16-03   #7
Jasen
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I'm so freaked out. I have that icy feeling in my chest constantly now. Everytime I talk to her I have the nagging fear that she's about to break up with me. Well the good news is, she hasn't yet.
It's hard to give somebody what they want, when they don't know what they want. It's such a feeling of impotence. All you can do is sit and watch while your future is decided without you.
You know, everytime we get our hearts broken we promise ourselves we won't let it happen again. We're such liars.
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Old 04-16-03   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jasen
I'm so freaked out. I have that icy feeling in my chest constantly now. Everytime I talk to her I have the nagging fear that she's about to break up with me. Well the good news is, she hasn't yet.
It's hard to give somebody what they want, when they don't know what they want. It's such a feeling of impotence. All you can do is sit and watch while your future is decided without you.
You know, everytime we get our hearts broken we promise ourselves we won't let it happen again. We're such liars.

You remind me of my friend shadeX her on df.com....your girl and his...and shade and Leah...
















*gives you a high five*
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Old 04-17-03   #9
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I fshe wants to leave you theres nothing you can do about it, women will fabricate every reason they need to justify what they want..men do it too.

Ever had something you were supposed to do but started commiing up with reasons why you shouldnt have to and wont? same deal. My advice is to just start letting go, and looking at other women, go vry and get the hurt out of your system noone will laugh for that, but to dwell on it will be misery and she wont feel pitied and come to her senses and come back just because YOU need her. Relationships are funny that way... nothing ios ever a waste in MY opinion... see even if you date someone for 3 years then break up, its not a waste because you learned MASSIVE SCORES of lessons...and youl carry those lessons with you for the rest of your life....

some people come into our lives and stay forever, others come and stay for a while then go..but its what you take from those relationships and experiences that counts. Nothing is ever a waste...you make an emotional investment and you withdraw lessons and information on yourself and your life... you are constantly narrowing the margins for what you need in a woman. If this one leaves, youll take the negative traits SHE had that you hated but put up with and use it for your search criteria for your next woman... this is the way life works...we are learning machines and pulses of intelligence...just make sure to remember the lessons youve learned from this brief rumble in time and move on with yourself.

Back to the meat...again if she doesnt want to be with you, there is NOTHING you can do... i would ask her seriously and openly "do you still want me?" tell her your side..you want the seriousness, if she cant handle that then theres no reason to hang on to something thats sinking anyway..as i said she wants what SHE wants, and shes going to get it, wether its you sacrificing your heart for her happiness until she leaves you, or wether she just leaves you from the get go. she wants freedom it looks like, and believe me...shes going to get it. So begin to expand your options.
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Old 04-17-03   #10
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*sigh*
yes, Billy rather nailed it. I know what the logical thing to do is.
But I doubt I'm strong enough to do it. She means enough to me, that I am willing to wait, at least for some time, for her to be ready for more.
yeah, it's sad. I should just say "sorry, bitch, if you don't want me, there's others that do" and move on.
What's holding me back... I'm 29. Been dating for 15 years now. I've had my share of good, bad, ugly, dirty, boring, or wonderful relationships. I know who I am, and what I want. So at this point, for me to find a girl, and say to myself "wow, there's not a goddamn thing I want to change about her", it means something to me. Some would call me a pussy, but to me, a girl like that deserves to have her time given to her.
So long as I can keep her in my life, and she's not out fucking other people, I'll wait. Certainly not forever, I'm not a fool, but I will take the chance that patience will achieve what I want.


That is, of course, if she doesn't dump me.
Then it's time to move on.
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Old 04-20-03   #11
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there is really only a little I can say to you.

...there is always one person who loves more in a relationship... one of the two people will always be more of a giver, and one will always be more of a taker. This doesnt mean they both dont give and take, just that the scales are never balanced. In most relationships, the scales swing, as each partner gives more at certain times... but once in a while a relationship consists of a person that does most of the giving and the other person rarely does anything but take.

... those relationships are on the edge of dysfunctional, and while they do sometimes work, I wonder if that's what you want. Why live your entire life from such a young age, doing nothing but giving and getting little in return?

if she does break up with you, remember that there will be something good that comes out of it. There always is... you just can't see it yet, because you are so involved in the fear of losing her... You sound like a fantastic person to me, with a lot of possibilities for yourself... if she doesn't break up with you... try considering stepping back a bit, and becoming a little less attached... there's no harm in it, yet your eyes may open to a lot of things that you haven't been able to see while you've immersed yourself in her...


I'm being so blunt, because I am also a giver, and have had people do this type of thing to me. I know what a feeling of loss it can be and how much it can hurt... give yourself some room to find happiness with "you" again, and see how much brighter things look.

Good luck to you...

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