Darkforum.com - Dark Stories, Dark Art, Poetry, Photography, Debates and Discussions
Home Register FAQ
Go Back   Darkforum.com - Dark Stories, Dark Art, Poetry, Photography, Debates and Discussions > Welcome > Socialize
Reload this Page lol! would you like to ride on your own ass?
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-22-02   #161
doebathory
the poet
 
doebathory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: well the estate agent said it was a semi/det. des. res. in need of some work but to me it looks like a complete sht. hle.
Posts: 5,564
doebathory is on a distinguished road
Credits: 185,622
The Tale of the Gloves

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his sweetheart's birthday. As they had not been dating very long, he decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of gloves would strike just the right note: romantic but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to a prominent department store and bought a pair of beautiful white gloves with a very thin lining of fur right to the wrist. At the same time noting that a sale was in progress, the sister purchased a pair of frilled lace panties for herself. When the clerk closed the sale and wrapped the packages, the two items were somehow mixed up. The young man, unaware that the items had been switched, had the package delivered to his sweetheart, along with the following note:

I choose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. They will add a degree of warmth and protection from the harsh winds. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she tells me that the short ones are easier to remove.

These are a delicate shade. The saleslady from whom I bought them showed me the pair of bright red ones that she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled at all! I had her try these on for me and she looked really smart.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time. Since I can't be there, I guess many hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, I understand that it is a good idea to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

I look forward to kissing them many, many times in the coming year. I hope that you will wear them for me on Friday night.

All my love,

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down a bit with a little fur showing.
__________________
Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

No...wait...I take that back...I have no problem with the horse you rode in on.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-05-02   #162
doebathory
the poet
 
doebathory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: well the estate agent said it was a semi/det. des. res. in need of some work but to me it looks like a complete sht. hle.
Posts: 5,564
doebathory is on a distinguished road
Credits: 185,622
Criminal Incompetance


45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to the police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.

Portsmouth, R.l. Police charged Gregory Rosa, 25, with a string of vending machine robberies in January when he (1) fled from police inexplicably when they spotted him loitering around a vending machine and (2) later tried to post his $400 bail in coins.

Karen Lee Joachimmi, 20, was arrested in Lake City, Florida for robbery of a Howard Johnson's motel. She was armed with only an electric chain saw, which was not plugged in.

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walk away.

David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I., after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind.

The Belgium news agency, Belga, reported in November that a man suspected of robbing a jewelry store in Liege said he couldn't have done it, "because he was busy breaking into a school at the same time." Police then arrested him for breaking into the school.

Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because of "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself.

Dave so-and-so of Anniston, Alabama, was injured recently after he attempted to replace a tube like fuse in his Chevy pickup with a 22-caliber rifle bullet (used because it was a perfect fit). However, when electricity heated the bullet, it went off and shot him in the knee.

A courteous thief left a business card after robbing a Winn-Dixie store in DeBary, FL.

Tracy S. Preisler, 33, handed the supermarket clerk $2 for a pack of cigarettes. Once the cash register opened, he pushed the clerk and grabbed an undetermined amount of cash. As Preisler was leaving the store, a business card fell out of his pocket. Investigators called a handwritten phone number on the back of the card and discovered it belonged to a woman who met Preisler hours before the robbery. The two had exchanged numbers. Preisler was charged with robbery and assault.
Source: Daytona Beach News-Journal
__________________
Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

No...wait...I take that back...I have no problem with the horse you rode in on.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-17-02   #163
Lost_Journey
Moridin's Tigress
 
Lost_Journey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Wrapped up warm within Moridin's arms.
Posts: 343
Lost_Journey
Credits: 12,743
ROFL!
__________________
- http://the_jade_tiger.tripod.com/main.html

- The cold, the snow, the midnight winter solstice. These things I have in my soul. And I have learned use them... become them.

- Birth. Become. Evolve. Destroy. Yourself.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-03   #164
doebathory
the poet
 
doebathory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: well the estate agent said it was a semi/det. des. res. in need of some work but to me it looks like a complete sht. hle.
Posts: 5,564
doebathory is on a distinguished road
Credits: 185,622
How to bake a Christmas cake

Ingredients:

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
nuts
4 bottles of Vodka
2 cups of dried fruit

Method:
Sample the vodka to check quality.

Take a large bowl, check the vodka again.
To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point it's best to make sure the vodka is still OK.

Try another cup .... just in case

Turn off the mixerer.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick fruit off floor.

Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a sdrewscriver.

Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.

Who giveshz a shit.

Check the vodka.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven and piss in the fridge.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the cat.

Fall into bed.

CHERRY MISTMAS!


who cares if christmas is over, i've only just got my internet connection back
__________________
Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

No...wait...I take that back...I have no problem with the horse you rode in on.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-03   #165
doebathory
the poet
 
doebathory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: well the estate agent said it was a semi/det. des. res. in need of some work but to me it looks like a complete sht. hle.
Posts: 5,564
doebathory is on a distinguished road
Credits: 185,622
How to learn Chinese in five minutes

1) That's not right ......................... Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harbouring a fugitive?............. Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me ASAP................................ Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man ................................ Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse ............................... Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach? .................. Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table .............. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift .............. Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here .................... Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet ............. Wai Yu Mun Ching?
11) This is a tow away zone .................. No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao?
1 Staying out of sight ..................... Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile ............. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive .............. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great .................................... Fa Kin Su Pah
__________________
Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

No...wait...I take that back...I have no problem with the horse you rode in on.
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-03   #166
IdleParis
The Way Out Is Through
 
IdleParis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: The Hollow Hills
Posts: 13,164
IdleParis is on a distinguished road
Credits: 193,404
LMAO!!!!!!!!

~spluds~
is Offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Recent Threads
Are you mother fuckers...
5 Days Ago 22:47
Last post by Dark Messiah
22 Hours Ago 23:54
I forgot why I posted...
1 Day Ago 20:08
Last post by Dark Messiah
22 Hours Ago 23:54
Girlfriends suck
12-27-03 18:09
Last post by thefr0g
2 Days Ago 08:01
E=mc vagina
1 Week Ago 18:07
Last post by Dark Messiah
4 Days Ago 13:34
What Are you Listening...
03-21-05 06:40
By Cucking Funt
Last post by Sic Simon
5 Days Ago 22:31
Science Disproves...
11-01-10 14:38
by Pahu
Last post by Pahu
6 Days Ago 10:20
What if anarchy?
3 Weeks Ago 23:51
Last post by Sic Simon
1 Week Ago 16:53
kids react to avenged...
1 Week Ago 19:48
Last post by Sic Simon
1 Week Ago 17:53
yeah im insane
1 Week Ago 21:26
Last post by Sic Simon
1 Week Ago 21:26
Stuff I'm thinking about
2 Weeks Ago 04:21
Last post by Sic Simon
1 Week Ago 18:53
Online Users: 58
0 members and 58 guests
No Members online
Most users ever online was 1928, 06-09-15 at 18:20.
Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.0 RC2


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com

© 2006 - 2016 Dark Forum | About Dark Forum | Advertisers | Investors | Legal | A member of the Crowdgather Forum Community