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Old 10-06-04   #301
SyntheticMartyr
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i feel really bad today ..... damn friggin cold and allergies and stuff. I can't function .....oh well at least i am numb right now.
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Old 10-08-04   #302
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Sick and tired of being sick and tired, hating my life more than usual very depressed and just feeling like rolling over and letting myself be cockroach food..... I'm pathetic.
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Old 10-11-04   #303
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still sick, started writing something not sure what it's going to be exactly but we'll see where it goes. depressed and a little down, hating myself for it. Hating work beyond my normal capacity wishing there was an instruction manual for life. Lonely and just plain old got the blues. hoping things get better ....
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Old 10-13-04   #304
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writing a novel, it's coming along slowly having a weird day, made a new friend today. dreading tomorrow fo all that it's worth. I have pain.
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Old 11-17-04   #305
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everything is a double edged sword..... I had a good and bad day at the same time. I am in love with someone and I feel they love me back just as fiercely, only is more complicated because this person is not a single woman. My heart yearns and burns and I can't help feeling for this girl. but she's married not happily married but there's still a ring on the finger ... morally wrong but it's not like we planned it. *sigh* I can't shut these feelings off ... and I don't want to
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Old 04-19-05   #306
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Back from the grave am I ... a little wiser a little more mature, a little more cynical about how life has screwed me time and again. But someday I will wreak havoc upon those that mistreated me, not through violence per se' but they will still get their just rewards. I have many things going on and everything has me occupied in some way shape or form that I just dont seem to have enough time to stop and smell the roses. My sister can have her baby anytime, my love life is an eye sore (dont ask long story and has nothing to do with the last comment i posted), but I'm going to change that I have big plans of meeting many people through the things i seem to be talented at.... making people laugh and feel good. Hell I even did karaoke on saturday and it was actually kind of fun and I got a fan base lol but there is much to be discussed. there are partnerships in the works and friends to see and new people to meet and of course work, and the possibility that I may just go back to school too .... many things are moving around in my head and i feel like pullin some taffy metaphorically speaking.
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Old 07-24-05   #307
SyntheticMartyr
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"nothing begins and nothing ends
that is not paid in moan;
for we are born in other's pain,
and perish in our own."

francis thompson, "daisy"
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Old 07-25-05   #308
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My breath you stole from me
To keep you warm when you were cold
My tears you drank while I wept
To keep you from becoming parched
My heart you stole
To keep you alive for one more day
My soul you did not take
For it was already dead.

I can no longer breathe
You became cold
I can no longer have tears
You became Dry
I no longer have a heart
You became empty
I still have my soul
You are dead to me.
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Old 07-26-05   #309
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Nice.
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I want to live in a world of peace
Without conflict, like the one Iíve seen in my dreams.
I just canít keep it inside
Iíve gotta say what I wanna say
Your face doesnít show your fighting pose.
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Old 07-26-05   #310
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hey Ry, i miss you hun. i miss hanging out with you during the summer, going for drives, listening to new cd's, cleaning my room and dislocating my knee , most of all i miss your company and i miss your hugs.

thats why texas sucks. (aside from the bugs and the heat).
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Old 07-26-05   #311
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thanks edge
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Old 07-26-05   #312
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Michelle, miss you too I remember all sorts of fun adventures we had.... from the time we saw the transvestite at Arby's and I was like yeah she did look rather butch didnt she lol and the time when you and Randy went running for cover into acme from the rain coming across the parking lot and I was like I'm not gonna make *shrugged my shoulders and was like eh fuck it lol. I hope you come and visit sometime if you are able for some good old Jersey fun... but bring a coat because lord knows you'll get used to that Texan heat and be like freezing here lol
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Old 07-26-05   #313
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SyntheticMartyr
Michelle, miss you too I remember all sorts of fun adventures we had.... from the time we saw the transvestite at Arby's and I was like yeah she did look rather butch didnt she lol and the time when you and Randy went running for cover into acme from the rain coming across the parking lot and I was like I'm not gonna make *shrugged my shoulders and was like eh fuck it lol. I hope you come and visit sometime if you are able for some good old Jersey fun... but bring a coat because lord knows you'll get used to that Texan heat and be like freezing here lol
i so remember ALL of that! the rain hehehe i won! i didnt get rained on and the transvestite LOL.

i hate the texan heat, ill be SO glad to get into come chilly jersey weather. might be around for xmas babe
if i am, i have plans to come see you.
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Old 07-26-05   #314
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That would rock harder than Fraggles!
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Old 07-26-05   #315
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SyntheticMartyr
That would rock harder than Fraggles!
OMFG you made me spit soda!
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Old 07-26-05   #316
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bwahahhaha it's good to know I still got that fucked up wit lol and that I can still make you crack up lol
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Old 07-26-05   #317
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you can always crack me up

*huge hugs*
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Old 07-26-05   #318
SyntheticMartyr
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*huge hugs back* thanks I needed one I got the info on my friend Nick's mother.... she had a brain anerism that popped so thursday is going to be a long day, where I have to get up at 6 am (wretches) to be at work at 8... work until 12... go home get cleaned up for the viewing at 2(am I a zombie yet? ) ... once done go back to work at 6 and work until 10 pm (*crunch crunch* mmm brains... um er how about now?)
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Old 07-26-05   #319
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bummer on that man sorry to hear.
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Old 07-26-05   #320
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it's weird ya know I really dont feel bad that someone passes, but I feel for those that have to pick up the pieces of their lives, put them back together with certain pieces missing and somehow make it all fit, and I cant imagine what Nick and his brothers must be going through as well as their father right now..... that is what makes me sad, because even though i will be there to pay my respects, there is nothing I can say or do to help them heal... and that makes me sad too.
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