Darkforum.com - Dark Stories, Dark Art, Poetry, Photography, Debates and Discussions
Home Register FAQ
Go Back   Darkforum.com - Dark Stories, Dark Art, Poetry, Photography, Debates and Discussions > Welcome > Socialize
Reload this Page Twisted Jokes
 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 09-02-01   #1
Dark_Insanity
Thy Raven Wings
 
Dark_Insanity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Manchester/Hull England
Posts: 1,260
Dark_Insanity
Credits: 27,273
Twisted Jokes

Learning Adult Words

The kindergartners were now in first grade. Their teacher wanted them to be more grown up since they were no longer in kindergarten. She told them to use grown up words instead of baby words. She then asked them to tell her what they did during the summer.


The first little one said he went to see his Nana. The teacher said, "No, no, you went to see your Grandmother. Use the grown up word."

The next little one said she went for a trip on a choo-choo. The teacher again said, "No, no, you went on a trip on a train. That's the grown up word."

Then the teacher asked the third little one what he did during the summer. He proudly stated that he read a book. The teacher asked what book he had read. He puffed out his chest and in a very adult way replied, "Winnie the Shit."


********

The following are actual statements found in insurance forms where drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words.

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother- in-law, and headed over the embankment.
I attempted to kill a fly, and I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been driving for forty years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
An invisible car come out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull.
The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.
In indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray dogs.
The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.


*********
The Ten Comandments


1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)

2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)

Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)

4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)

5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)

6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)

7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)

8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)

9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")

10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave'm in the middle)



:p :p
is Offline   Reply With Quote
 


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Recent Threads
Much love
1 Day Ago 15:08
Last post by Sic Simon
1 Day Ago 15:39
what surprised you today?
04-11-13 17:55
Last post by Sic Simon
1 Day Ago 13:53
What Are you Listening...
03-21-05 06:40
By Cucking Funt
Last post by Sic Simon
1 Day Ago 12:55
I'm not 15.
08-13-18 12:39
Last post by Sic Simon
1 Day Ago 12:27
MiaOw and Lenina
07-19-18 03:05
by Kendra
Last post by Crypt
1 Week Ago 16:11
fucking mutant children
11-14-07 22:55
by ArSiNiK
Last post by DarkWind
1 Week Ago 22:28
Rainy days
2 Weeks Ago 16:27
Last post by Sic Simon
2 Weeks Ago 17:57
I'm gonna be the one...
2 Weeks Ago 16:14
Last post by Sic Simon
2 Weeks Ago 16:14
Online Users: 16
0 members and 16 guests
No Members online
Most users ever online was 1928, 06-09-15 at 18:20.
Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.0 RC2


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com

© 2006 - 2016 Dark Forum | About Dark Forum | Advertisers | Investors | Legal | A member of the Crowdgather Forum Community