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Old 07-07-02   #41
Tainted Jesus
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Heh heh, your signature says you like me. Lol. And I only push you cause your so damn pushable, duh.

And hey, I wont forget you either, who the hell else am I supposed to poke with those damn rings?

Oh, and the other reason I wont forget you, is cause everytime I see someone from the army or like their of, I'll be like, "You take care of D or I'll fuckin' kick your ass you soap dropping faggot!", then I'll run so I don't get my ass kicked. Lol.

Tj
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Old 07-08-02   #42
Demon's Eclipse
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*gathers her thoughts and sits down with a tub of Mandarin Orange Sherbert and a mind of thoughts and types away*

Do I really take advantage of what I have? All along the only thing I really want is to make others happy, and make me happy. Sometimes I forget things then later I get shit for forgetting something. I feel bad because people say I don't consider others feelings. Yet sometimes they don't realize how much pain I am in at times. I drink not because I want to get wasted, I drink to deaden the pain and get away from myself. A few nights ago, I felt as if part of me was dying. If Jarod hadn't kept me awake, I most likely would have died. Sure I threw up for hours upon end, but as I sat on the pavement, shivering, I realized that I do a lot of fucked up things in life and all I really want is something to look forward to. Right now I'm waiting to see if I get into the Air Force, I'm scared as hell I won't because of my tattoo. What would I tell my mother? What would I tell my father? How much would they be ashamed of me? Now that I have almost eaten this entire tub of sherbert...I'll write more later.
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Old 07-08-02   #43
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know Demon you said that when you go off into trainin... that it is in Texas... well that is where i'm from...man that would be great to see you... if you want to visit me... i know your not going to el paso though for that part of training... for the tattoe and air for thing... i don't know what to tell you about that... but i cross all of my fingers for you.... to see if you will get accepted... that drinking thing did not sound to cool... i hope that you don't do anything like that again... me i drink only for two reasons... one reason to get wasted and laugh talk to people... the other is when something bothers me... i don't drink all the time... like how some people may think... i hate that sometimes... it seems that how people know me by *bites my bottem lips makes a face*
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Old 07-08-02   #44
Demon's Eclipse
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To the person who knows.....

To my dearest friend,


At times in life it seems as if I take advantage of your friendship and your love, but here I write the words from my soul, expressing how much you mean to me and how you have changed my world. There are people in your life that come and go, some decide to stay longer than others, some stay with you forever. You are one that will always and forever be in my heart. In times of need, you always seemed to make the pain a bit easier to deal with. You always made a smile appear across my face when the tears were still there. Many times I have taken forgranted what you represent in my life, and I apologize for forgetting about that at times. Sometimes I forget the things we talk about, the things that mean something to you. Remind me. I do love you. I love you with all my heart. At times I get carried away with my own problems and I don't realize that they also affect you. For everything in my life, you're the one thing that makes it all worth while. Having your friendship is the best thing in my life and for everything you've ever done for me, thank you.


Sincerely,
Dalynda
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Old 07-15-02   #45
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sexual attraction lost

I know I've done wrong in my life, but this is completely eatin me up inside. There's always one person in your life that drives you wild. No matter how far you are from them they just get to you. You fantasize over them and what it'd be like to have them, just once. Yet something always stands in the way. There's times when you are with someone and they just know how to hit every spot, but then there's others that you love with all your god damn heart but just can't do it for you. At night I go to sleep crying...thinking to myself, why can't he do it right for me? Why don't I have the guts to ask, so there I lay as he's sleeping like a fucking rock and I'm rolling over my feelings, saying to myself, be happy you pleased him, that's all you need.....to survive. Why can't you admit to yourself that you need to change, be more vunerable to men, let go of your anger towards them. I'm a tramp and I know it....deep down inside I know it. No matter who I'm with I'll always be one. I've cheated, I've done wrong, but how could I ever look at him straight in the face and say, "i've done it....again." You'd think the best sexual relations would come from the ones with experience, but the one who never did, was the best in my life. Now facing another problem. Nothing makes sense. How do I tell him? How do I show him? Even so far apart, something seems to always stand in the way. I love him, is that all I need? Just to know I please him, is that good enough? Or should I ask for more? All along, I've done it all for them. Not myself. What do I want? Above and beyond sexual attraction, I want a soul mate. I want a lover who cares about how I react to things, I want someone who can please me as much as I please them. Do things like that even exsist? Phone calls don't work, though they seem to for him, I try my hardest to hold back the tears but tonight they broke loose. He didn't notice....does he even love me? Does he even care? Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and wonder if I can even see anything I like about myself, I hate myself....I hate the slut I am. I hate what I see with my eyes....I hate me. I hate who I was, I hate who I am...If he loves me as he says he does, why can I love myself as I am?
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Old 07-15-02   #46
Demon's Eclipse
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How do I live with myself now? How do I tell myself to get over it and move on? Holding a secret inside means nothing to the outside world, but it will sooner or later tear me apart once again, I'll give in, lose all once again, then wish to die? I never understood myself...never understood love. I am broken. I feel broken. Nothing makes me happy anymore, but to see him happy. Why does it hurt so much, why could I have just died so long ago, when I had the guts to cut deep, why couldn't have the drink taken me away....why do I have to live like this?


just wish i'd sleep and never wake.
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Old 07-15-02   #47
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wow you have some heavy deep thoughts in side your head demon... i don't even know where to begin.... i have read all three post of your just know... look even though you have done wrong things in your life... it is best to learn from your misteak and move on... never hold thoughs misteaks inside your self...you are not a slut... i don't know why you keep on saying that to your self... a nice person like you... itsn't a slut... you should look into the mirror and see what a beautiful person that you are... think of how well you have treat others in life and on the computer as well... another thing don't hate your self... always be proud of who you are... accept it like that... cause if you don't then its going to be hard to live on through life... thinking that way about your self... you have people that love you and care about you... you know i do... you could see it when i write these words and talk to you... i know that you feel the same way back about me... you know i'll be here to talk to ya... get you back up on your feet... not letting you sink into that black hole... shit i'm kind of bad at helping others out... i don't know if i have help you out any... but i do know this... i know that i have made you feel a little better... keep a smile for me friend never let the dark side take your smile away from me...
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Old 07-15-02   #48
Oezoem
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open up
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Old 07-17-02   #49
sicness0298
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you know this is the first time i've ever been in here i think...and i guess i missed a lot..i just wish you'd come to me if you want to talk instead of hiding it all indside...there is nothing i want more than to help.
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Old 07-17-02   #50
Demon's Eclipse
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Have you ever tried to hard to make people happy in your life and you try so hard you forget about yourself? That's how I am, that's what I've become. All along I took care of mom when dad left, I took care of dad when mom would send me away, I did everything I could to make them smile. But nothing seems good enough for them. Now I have looked back upon my past and realized I did everything wrong. All the relationships, I did for them. I never thought about what would make me happy, nor what would make me smile. People call me selfish, people think I don't listen, but no one's told me what to do, nor how to change, or showed me how to change. So I stay the way I am, trying to make sense of the world. So many people I've hurt, so many still care, but what do I think? I don't understand why people even waste their time. I feel pointless, I feel worthless, I don't understand. But I guess that's me.
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