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Reload this Page Stuck between a nightmare and a dream...
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Old 05-09-02   #1
LdG13
Face in the Mist
 
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Stuck between a nightmare and a dream...

As the night gets closer and brings a blanket of darkness and storm with it. I sit here listening to the thunder and wonder if writing this will really matter...

So be it this is what it is... The Journal of the Living Dead Girl.

"I drained my heart and burned my soul."

For years my heart has been drained. I learned at a early age that if I didn't learn to control my emotions I would be considered weak. I see the nightmare of what I am inside now and a dream of what I could be if I fight it all... I am so tired of trying to be strong but if i show anymore weakness . There is to much control I could loose.

Now as I am about to enter my last year as a high school student I am rapidly loosing the grip on my life I use to so tightly have. Emotions are slipping through my fingers and I don't know how to deal with them uncontained... I know I'm slipping, I know I'm slipping away.

The dream of what could be seems so far away... its so hard to see but maybe someday I will get a glimps of it.

~LdG~
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Old 05-13-02   #2
LdG13
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Thats not nearly all...

So... 2 weeks left of this hell only to go into another... summer break.

Do you believe it is possible to love and hate something both equal in strength towards the same thing?

I love my family deep down I know I do... But... I hate the fuckers in my life right now. I have yet to figure out what purpose it serves to try and make my life as shitty as theirs except for the fact that misery loves company... heh if that was true then why do I hate having company?

One of my teachers approached me and told me out right that she thought my outter behavior didn't reflect what was in... she says that I have alot of rage in me... she says I play it cool on the outside...

I say what the fuck am i suppose to do? If i can't truly handle the rage with in me... how the hell is someone else? Its all gonna come out sometime but that time isn't now. I control the beast the best way I can and for right now it is working until I get to weak .

Do you ever get tired of being responsible?
I sure as hell do... what would be wonderful would be being the one no one counts on sometimes... instead of the one the world counts on...

isn't it strange to have the worlds trust ... and never trust the world...

anyway that is enough for now.
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Old 06-06-02   #3
LdG13
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grrrrr!!!


maybe i just fuck up everything i touch... probably my destiny to be alone and still not know what the fuck is wrong with me... and of course someone has always gotta assume its their fault ... well fuck that...

Why do i end up making things so complicated?

I have yet to figure it out... for whatever reason i loose the people around me some how... they always end up leaving me... maybe i am not strong enough to keep them ... or i am to weak and push them away...

alone in a room of millions
__________________
On ThE eDgE wInDoSiLl...
pOnDeRs HeR mAkEr,
PoNdErS hEr WiLl... To ThE StReEt BeLoW sHe JuSt AiN't NoThIn' BuT sHe'S gOt A gReAt ViEw...

~~I wanna kill myself,
I'm still debating In front of a Baptist Church masturbating,
Praying to Satan~~

I wanna live, I wanna love
But its a long hard road,
out of hell
You never said forever,
could ever hurt like this
I drained my heart and burned my soul
I'm dying,
I hope you're dying too...

~~A different face but the words never change

I don't want you and I don't need you

THERE'S NO TIME TO DISCRIMINATE,
HATE EVERY MOTHERFUCKER
THAT'S IN YOUR WAY!

don't you want some of this?

Take your hatred out on me...
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