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Old 05-27-02   #1
Moans in the Night
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darwin awards

true story from the book "darwin awards". enjoy!


"A premed student from the University of Arizona was hoping to score with his date on a Friday night. To put the woman in the mood, he drove her to a secluded spot on Mount Lemmon, which overlooks the city of Tucson. They walked to an open knoll and admired the city lights.

Lulled by the romantic locale, the lissome lass succumbed to his passionate pleas. They tore their clothes off, made a bed of their garments, and began to make love. The heavy storm clouds rolling overhead mingled with the low rumble of thunder inside them. The excited lovers never looked up to see the charred skeletal remains of trees on the knoll.

Their idyllic clearing was a hotbed of electrical activity that night. With a blinding flash, a bolt of lightning struck the high point on the knoll, which happened to be the premed student's ass, and sought the path of least resistance straight down. Incredibly he survived, albeit in excruciating pain.

The heat of the bolt had fused together flesh and latex so that the two lovers were now stuck together by their most intimate parts. The woman unfortunately did not survive the lightning strike. When the student looked down into the vacant eyes of his girlfriend and realized she was dead, his immediate repulsion caused him to jerk away from her. When he found that he couldn't, a wave of pain and nausea made him vomit into the girls face and open mouth. The horror and pain of the situation caused him to black out.

Attracted by the smell, a bear made it's way to the lovers and began to lick semidigested pizza and buffalo wings from the dead girls face. The student roused from his stupor. When he saw the bear, he realized that there was nothing he could do but remain silent, petrified with fear.

To his horror the bear became dissatisfied with just a lick and started to eat the girl, loudly crunching her facial bones just inches from his ear. The bear also sampled the student, scraping the back of his skull with its teeth, before moving on.

At 11:35am a group of hiking Girl Scouts arrived at the lovers' tryst, where the premed student's car was parked. Minutes later three shrieking girls discovered the student, who had regained consciousness several times in the night and had managed to drag himself and the partially eaten girl several meters toward the road. Doctors managed to separated the student from the corpse.

A hospital source reported that his penis resembled "a small piece of cauliflower" in its flaccid state. the first hint of arousal resulted in so much ain that the student was unable and unwilling to achieve an erection. Since his traumatized organ will no longer function in a procreatiory sense, he is eligilble for a
Darwin Award."
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Old 05-29-02   #2
Lurks in the Shadows
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Old 05-31-02   #3
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*giggles softly*

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Old 06-01-02   #4
21st Century Digital Boy
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Good Gods! C'mon Thor--that's MEAN! Just KILL the poor sap! Oh, geeze...

That tops my story about the guy on the tower...
there are only 10 kinds of people in the world: those that can read binary, and those that can't.

you know what? i still want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket. (%)
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