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Old 05-14-02   #1
*SpaceGhost*
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Human Traffic

Human Traffic1.0-

Feeling: Jaded :|

Tuesday March 14,02

A lifeless Ordinary...more boring.
Today I took my grandmother,and my sister to the store for food, and later I have to pick up my brothers. Looking upon my recent lifestyle,-post-highschool boredom- maybe i should not have drove all my friends away.why do i regret this?For my own benefit of lack of thing's to do, or because i Care for thier feeling's? A little bit of both to be completely honest. I cant watch my lil raver friend,nicki drestroy her body,and self esteem with drug's, and messing around with every guy she met.(xcept me,I know better than to even look at her in that way)So i left her,and cut off the guidance i provided to her daily, and just lost all connection's. After that, it was pretty much a domino effect with all of my other friends.Over time, I have salvaged my friendship with misty, but even now, it is a little flimsy.Upon my senior year, It finally sunk in that I cannot depend on anyone else other than myself.Too many connections,and lines of emotional trust infused to other's is,and always was a mistake.

*puffin cold mist into the air*I see Dumb people...
I see other's the same way, a way which i look at all other human's.lying,greedy,unfaithful,annoying,angry,rude,hostile,stubborn,etc,etc,the list goes on. Yet, these are not all humans,no. I am not like that...Wait, yes i am.But i would like to think i am different when the whole time,i act just the same at times. Im not an evil person in nature,i think evil is an excuse for weakness of the emotion's,and mentality. I will not let this life get the best of me. What i really dread about going outdoors,and into society, is having to witness a negative person. Which may sound a tad hypecrtical, but i do not go out looking for the negativity. it always has a way of finding me out.But when i witness a kind,compassionate person (most likely a child) i begin to apprectiate people again.Those kind of people make my day.Through out the day I ignore all negativity. I ignore my stepfather,and mother. They are but children in adult shell's.they pay for almost everything in the house,and I appreciate that.but they can go to hell.
My little brothers emotional,and mental library grows more and more everyday. I wonder what goes on in that little elementry school of they'res,and how rapidly these children have developed.


Today's show brought to you by the letter, Solace.
I mostly go outside, when im not at work. I go out on beautiful days,and lay on my back, looking at the sky. I know there are other things out there,besides this little society we all have going.We are undeveloped in almost everyway mentally. There is more intelligent beings out there that look after us, i know this much.I basically do not agree with, or conform to the human society, I like the laws of the animals,and nature,better.I just hate walking by people, i know that theyre stuborn lil minds have alot to learn about the world,and behavior.Anyone with a closed mind is humorous to me,and an embarassment to themselves.

*Song:Franka Potente & Thomas D - Run Lola Run - Believe.mp3*

Whats Luv got ta do w/ it?
I have cut off all my listening habits having to do with gothic, or industrial, or rock,even. I find it much more relaxing to listen to all types of electronica.All goth music ever did was bring me down to a low, or something..it was pathetic.Electronica rarely has any words,and when it does, they are positive.Nothing to do with some gothic vampyre bullshit eater.

I see dumb people part2
anyway,back to my hating of people. I am alone,and I like it. I have no guy friends, havent had any since the 9th grade. I dont trust them.The last one i had was david. He was exactly like me, in fact, if i haden tknown any better, i would say he was my evil twin brother come back from years apart to kill me,and take over my life. He was cool.then, he was'ent. He was a very open person,and he was a good friend.

Song: Gouryella-Gouryella

We would always stay out all night,and return to our houses in the middle of the night,spending all of our time, for him, to get adults to buy him cigs,and me,go look at the comics at walgreen's.Last time i saw him,was when he ran away from the mental hospital, his dad enrolled him in. He jumped the gates at the 15 minute outside break or something,and came to my house. I hid him there,until the cops came around. Then, we both ran out to the apartment complex across the street,and tried to lose the cops through the maze of apartment's. The last moment, was of him,telling me bye,and he jumped the gate,and took off through some field.Ah well,good luck with that, i said.

Intermisson & Time Travel
I spend most of my time,throughout the day,sketching my aliens, or thinking of a way to travel back in time.Okay, i lied about the time travel thing...maybe.
I dont believe in most. I believe in my friends,and my girlfriend,especially, but i do not believe in anything else humanity has to offer. I basically like to watch,and document behavior, rather then put myself in the crossfire.

Welcome to Dank forum
there are more things that make up me,however, I dont know if i should document them on this forum journal. Mayhaps, i will.mayhaps,no.The thing about this forum,is that..its cool.I guess. I like to dodge all of the negativity,and mostly make no sense when i post. Although, I believe its turning into a social hell. A bunch of people on one side with pitchforks,gas lanterns,and torches verbally beating everyone,trying to get on a "popular

Song:15 Cirillo - Christallo (Paul van Dyk remix).mp3

Side" or "accepted side" its very odd how some people strive to be accepted by...people.
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