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Reload this Page Having a Bad Day? HA I don't think so.
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Old 09-08-01   #1
Darling Apathy
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Having a Bad Day? HA I don't think so.

THE NEXT TIME YOU THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY:

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete
with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask. A post-mortem revealed that the person died not from burns, but from
massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive
identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a
fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was
revealed that on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast some 20 miles from the forest. The fire-fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and then flown to the forest fire and emptied. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the
Pacific, the next he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Apparently he extinguished exactly 5'10" of the fire. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

This article was taken from the California
Examiner, March 20,1998

STILL THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY?

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio
and his wife was in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle when it accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handle bars, was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him, and the shattered patio door. The wife ran to the phone and summoned the ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of stairs to the street to escort the paramedics to
her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the
man to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas was spilled on the floor, the wife got some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The man was treated and released to come home. Upon arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped
it between his legs into the toilet bowl while seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her
husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his
legs, and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone to call the
ambulance. The very same paramedic crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on to the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street
accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the
paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them slipped and tipped the stretcher, dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs and broke his arm.

Taken from a Florida Newspaper.

Having a bad day? Just remember, it could be
worse.....

1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into
the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

2. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running
from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places.
Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

3. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of
sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

And finally.......

4. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a
letter bomb. It came back with "return to ender" stamped on it.
Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
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Old 09-08-01   #2
DeeeeShevil
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ack!
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Old 09-08-01   #3
posthuman
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....

those are ssooo damn funny....

keep them coming vamp....
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Old 09-10-01   #4
LordofSLaughter
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hahaha, stupid diver. that would really suck
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Old 09-12-01   #5
Evil Cheese fry
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lol those are funny but that would suk
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"Thou hast bred hate where there dwelt none
And for this grave mistake
How thou art fallen Morning Sun
The proud will be abased"

He would not heel nor fake a bow
Murmur curses to the wind
And lo, the wrath of god swept down...

"Thou art no more an angel filled
With light, but a leech to be abhorred
And thou shalt suffer My burning will"...
Quoth this raven: "Nevermore"

Nevermore
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Old 09-15-01   #6
Jesus's Cadaver
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The return to sender bomb is great...boy, he had to be a real dip shit....I WANNA TRY IT!
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Phuck the Duck with Luck.
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Old 09-17-01   #7
thumbs101
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go right on ahead jesus's cadaver...

(slowly backs out of room)
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