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Old 08-17-01   #1
Mirror
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Lightbulb-changing time!

Did I hear anyone say that there are not many Vampire jokes? *laughs maniacally*

I have got some in store...

For example:

How many mortals does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, three so far! *slurp*
How many Toreador does it take to change a light bulb?
One. She holds onto the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around.
How many Tremere does it take to change a light bulb?
Five, after the ritual has been completed (of course).
How many Sabbat does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to do it, one to frenzy over it, one to laugh maniacally about it and one to report the other three to the bishop.
How many Brujah does it take to change a light bulb?
Change your own damn light bulb. :: sulk ::

And I have lots more... *smiles*

Just one more for the spirit of the thing...

How many Brujah Princes does it take to change a light bulb?
What a sacreligious thought: A BRUJAH PRINCE?


Anyone for tennis?
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Old 08-17-01   #2
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ArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these partsArSiNiK is infamous around these parts
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how many girls does it take to change a light bulb?









why is the bitch even out of the kitchen!?
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Old 08-17-01   #3
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how many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?







two, one to change the bulb, and one to suck my dick.
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Old 08-18-01   #4
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How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?













200. 1 to hold the bulb to the socket and 199 to turn the house.

Yeah that was lame ..so what ..
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Old 08-18-01   #5
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mirror: i know theres a story about the clans and soccer...who invented it...but i cant remember all of it. do you?
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Old 08-18-01   #6
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Hmm...

Haven't heard of one with soccer, I'm afraid... I have discussions about Clan Flaws, Clan Merits, and about the Disciplines. And then the last big fight...
And pokernight at Gangrels place, of course... ("I didn't know Nos had Presence!")


Anyway, here are some more lighbulb jokes. (And I'm not really interested in them, except if they are about VtM...)

How many Brujah does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to do it and three to hold the bike.
How many Ventrue does it take to change a light bulb?
Nine. Eight to sit on the committee and one to get his ghoul to do it.
How many Salubri does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The light bulb has found peace.
How many Ravnos does it take to change a light bulb?
Light bulb? What light bulb?
How many Malkavians does it take to change a light bulb?
The FISH!!
How many Elders does it take to change a light bulb?
"Wait a second, where does the whale blubber oil go?"
How many Gangrels does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "Whatta ya mean no camp fires?"


And then here is one for all of you who like Toreadors..:

How many Toreador does it take to screw in a light bulb?
:: squeal :: Oooh! I've never done it in a light bulb before!


*bows*
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Old 08-18-01   #7
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lol mirror! ok...let me see if i remember it...

the gangrels were bored one night, so they found a leather ball and started kicking it back and forth. and they were very happy with themselves for having thought of that.

then the nosferatus saw the game, and they said: lets split them up and cause some strife. so they separated the players in two teams and let them fight each other. and they were very happy with themselves for having thought of that.

then the tremeres saw the game. theres no one to despise here, they said. so they made up a bunch of silly rules, and dressed a guy in all black and put him on the field to keep order. and they were very happy with themselves for having thought of that.

then the toreadors saw the game, and they thought: oh my...how unartistic. so they made uniforms for everyone to wear, one for each team. and they were very happy with themselves for having thought of that.

then the ventrues saw the game. we could make a fortune out of this, they said. so they moved the game to stadiums and charged the audience. and they were very happy with themselves for having thought of that.

then the brujahs saw the game. and they brought beer, drunk mortals, and called them hooligans. and they were very happy with themselves for having thought of that.

and all the while the malkavians were just laughing...for after all, it was just a silly gangrel game...
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Old 08-18-01   #8
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how many witches does it take to change a lightbulb?
Depends what yopu want to change it into...

how many druids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Druids don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in stone circles...

how many Dianic women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
That's W-I-M-M-I-N,and that's not funny!
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Old 08-20-01   #9
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*laughs hysterically.* Nice one...
And here is a great number of VtM lighbulb jokes for yer pleasure...



How many Daughters of Cacophony does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It's her fault it's broken.

How many Samedi does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The bulb will run away.

How many Malkavians does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it depends if the tomato is ripe and chicken is willing.

How many Nosferatu does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Nosferatu look better in the dark.

How many Brujah does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Brujah ain't afraid of the dark.

How many Tremere does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But it takes him eight weeks to gather up enough e.p.

How many Toreador does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it will take them an hour once they are done being fascinated by the refrigerator light.

How many Ravnos does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but he was the one who took the light bulb in the first place.

How many Ventrue does it take to change a light bulb? (LARP Joke)
One, but it will cost him two finance and one industry.

How many Tzimisce does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven. One to flesh-craft a ghoul into a glass sphere, another to flesh-craft a homeless person into bio-luminescent filament...

How many Giovanni does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But if he does it wrong they break his knee

How many Lasombra does it take to change a light bulb?How can you tell that the light isn't working?


How about this one then... A bit if Genetics for the interested...

What do you get from a cross between a Ravnos and a Gangrel?
Something mega-hairy with it’s pockets full of pine cones

What do you get if you cross a Toreador and a ravnos with a malkavian?
Euggh....a lousy Michael Jackson-impersonator

What do you get if you cross a brujah?
NEVER cross a brujah, d’ya hear me?

What do you get from a cross between two Ricean vampires?
Heh heh.
None, thanks to the cross.

What do you get if you cross a Brujah and a lasombra with a Malkavian?
Uh-oh.



Not as funny as some of the things I've got, but they'll do...
Utnli next episode of "Funny things", always remember...

They are Watching...
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Old 08-21-01   #10
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How many Goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
None Let the darkness rule!!!!!
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Old 08-21-01   #11
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how many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb??







i dunno they still havent figured it out....
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Old 08-22-01   #12
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Hmm?

What? Noone else has got ANY other VtM jokes?
Shame on you people!



How many Ventrue childer does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they haven't earned the right to make a ghoul yet.

How many Ventrue does it take to change a light bulb?
None, we don't DO manual labor!

How many Toreador does it take to change a light bulb?
50. One to actually screw in the light bulb and 49 to say how they could've done it better.

How many Brujah does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Let the Rabble do the dishes in the dark.

How many Brujah Idealists does it take to change a light bulb?None, he refuses to believe it is broken.

How many Lasombra does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They like it in the dark.

How many Tremere does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to do it and two to confuse the issue.

How many Ventrue does it take to change a light bulb?
None. You have an overwhelming compulsion to do it yourself.

How many Cappadocians does it take to change a light bulb?
No idea. They're too busy studying the dead one.

How many Toreador does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to do it and two to serve refreshments.

How many Ventrue does it take to change a lightbulb?
Change? Change!?!.... (One of my favourites... ; )

How many Malkavians does it take to change a light bulb?Depends whether you count the other voices.



There! Now I am all out of Lighbulb jokes. But hopefully I can come up with something else... perhaps "Top ten things to do if the Storyteller introduces Caine", or "If I ever become a Vampire credo", or "Top ten complaints of modern day vampires"?
And maybe if you are really nice, I'll put in my favourite... "You might be Sabbath if..."
THAT'S a goodie....

Well, be seeing you!
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Old 08-23-01   #13
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Thus entered Caine

Things to do if Storyteller introduces Caine

1) Makes sure 'caine' isn't a malkaVIAN
2) Make sure cain isn't fae
Make sure caine isn't an effect of ravnos chimistry.
4) Panic
5) stop paniking, start backing off and bowing
6) Don't mention Abel!!!!!
7) RUN LIKE FUN
8) Maintain control of bladder functions (It's been a long tiome since any vamp did THAT!!!)
9) Hide (futile but there you go)
10) DO whatever Ciane wants you to or die!!!!
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Some pleasure for our punishment..."

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Old 09-02-01   #14
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OK!

Allright! I'll post it! *mumble, mumble...*


Instead of saying "Oh my god, what have I done, whose eyeballs are these on my fingertips," you say "Damn. I wanted green ones this time."
You think that "Pin the tail on the Donkey" is much more fun with a real donkey.
You find yourself cheering for the zombies in "Evil Dead 2."
You get excited when viewing your own aura, and actually see a spot of color.
You know what the road to Hell is paved with.
You begin to refer to people by the number of generations they are above you, and the amount of time before you're there.
You start to like mimes. If they carry sharp objects.
You are no longer surprised when your colleagues say things like "...and then I sucked out his soul, ripped off his arm, and played a game of croquet."
You were the other player in the croquet game.
The phrase "Bishop takes Pawn" brings a stab of fear into your heart.
You can picture those PETA freaks as fur coats, and just as easily bring that picture to life.
The title of your favorite relaxation tapes are: "Crowded Tenement House Burning to the Ground in New York City."
You think true works of art must include a good amount of blood and severed limbs.
You see Charles Manson as the father of Dinner Theatre.



There? Happy? ; )
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Old 09-05-01   #15
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"He who tells too many lightbulb jokes, soon burns out."
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Old 09-08-01   #16
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where do you guys get the races of the vamps and shit....i dunno....
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Old 09-08-01   #17
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Quote:
Originally posted by DeirdreMayfair
where do you guys get the races of the vamps and shit....i dunno....
Vampire: The Masquerade, a gothic punk roleplaying game put out by White Wolf in their World of Darkness series, its not all that bad, altho Mirror I'd love to see some Baali jokes
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