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Old 08-25-01   #1
RedMeat
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Red`s gone and like stolen jokes and stuff,yeah.

DOG PROPERTY LAWS


1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it
automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.
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Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relatively to other such matter; second, telling other people to do so.

Darkness squeezes, Satan`s platypus rises tonight! Bork, bork, bork!
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Old 08-25-01   #2
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sounds like my rules for me room!
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Old 08-25-01   #3
RedMeat
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Heh:

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realise that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days. (Garrison Keillor)
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Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relatively to other such matter; second, telling other people to do so.

Darkness squeezes, Satan`s platypus rises tonight! Bork, bork, bork!
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Old 08-25-01   #4
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Re: Red`s gone and like stolen jokes and stuff,yeah.

Quote:
Originally posted by RedMeat
DOG PROPERTY LAWS


1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it
automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.
Yup...There's my doggie for you...
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Old 08-25-01   #5
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Re: Red`s gone and like stolen jokes and stuff,yeah.

Quote:
Originally posted by RedMeat
DOG PROPERTY LAWS


1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it
automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.
11. If I pissed on it it's mine

Dark-female
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Old 08-27-01   #6
RedMeat
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Discordian Quotes:

Give a monkey a brain and he'll swear he's the center of the universe.
A man's a man all his life; a woman's sexy until she's your wife!
It feels great to wake up and not know what day it is, doesn't it?Time's fun when you're having flies
Atheists are people who have no invisible means of support
Don't knock my smock or I'll clean your clock!
Think of hummingbirds as the flying penises of flowers
ALL FANATICS MUST DIE
Time is a plaything for children and fools.
I only kill to know I'm alive.
Pain looks good on other people; that's what they're for.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. Good, bad, *I'm* the guy with the gun!
Try enjoying yourself. Everyone else has.
Do I *amuse* you? Am I a *clown* to you?
Of course I still love you. Now stop whining and let me shoot you.
Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it binds the universe together.
I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables!
Do it, or you'll be fishing yak cheese from your nostrils!
I've always maintained that one should never tangle with anything that has more teeth than the Osmond family.
Time is a spiral, space is a curve, I know you get dizzy but try not to lose your nerve.
It's not that life is too short, it's that death is too long.
All men have the right to dig their own graves, and I have the right to sell them the shovels.
Evolution doesn't take prisoners.
Anarchy -- it's not the law, it's just a good idea.
We are sorry, you have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone ninety degrees and try again.
The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and three hundred sixty-two admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision.
Never judge a man till you have walked a mile in his shoes, 'cuz by then, he's a mile away, you've got his shoes, and you can say whatever the hell you want to.
A sucking chest wound is just nature's way of telling you to slow down.
If infinite rednecks fired infinite shotguns at an infinite number of road signs, they'd eventually create all the great literary works of the world in braille.
If you have to ask, you're not allowed to know.
When the naive man admits his naivete, he is no longer naive. Thus, all people are regarded by society as either ignorant or a liar.
I need someone real bad. Are you real bad?
A good man has few enemies. A ruthless man has none.
We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.
Aborton kills, but so does McDonalds.
Kill two birds with one stone. Feed the homeless to the hungry.
Never trust a cop with a rubber glove.
For every new foolproof invention there is a new and improved fool.
If I were you I'd dance naked in the middle of the street just to embarrass you.
Guns don't kill people, I do.
Hold on to freedom as long as you can, 'cause the girl in your cell might think she's a man.
Life is sometimes like a pizza round: hot, greasy, and delivered by a guy named 'Tony'.
Happiness comes in packages marked 'Batteries Not Included'.
I have nothing to declare, except my genius.
Time is a great teacher, but it kills all its pupils.
A nudist is just a person in a one-button suit.
The only real problem in life is what to do next.
Being a doormat gets you walked on.
You know it's a bad morning when you get up out of bed and miss the floor.
Any given program, when running, needs debugging. Any debugged program is obsolete.
The most useful tool for dealing with management types is, of course, an automatic weapon.
Cthulhu for President -- for when you're tired of choosing the _lesser_ of the two evils.
Who loathes you, and who do you love? CTHULHU!
Fight crime. Shoot back.
If Cthulhu calls... let the machine pick it up.
Do not call up that which you cannot put on hold. You wouldn't be so smug if you really knew what was going on.
Death without pain is like a sundae without sprinkles.
Jake liked his women how he liked his kiwi fruit; firm yet yielding, sweet yet tart, and covered with short fuzzy brown hair.
It isn't the fall that kills the child, it is the splattering of the brain against the inside of the skull.
"But we'll never survive!" "Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has."
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Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relatively to other such matter; second, telling other people to do so.

Darkness squeezes, Satan`s platypus rises tonight! Bork, bork, bork!
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Old 08-27-01   #7
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I wish i really could laugh my ass off, if i could, it would be gone right now. Funny shit, keep it comin.
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Old 08-27-01   #8
RedMeat
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Second Dicordian quotes:

If at first you don't succeed, try following the instructions.
I dance around and sing a song and know that I can do no wrong.
Never attempt to distract a masturbating gorilla.
Never sign a contract including any of the phrases "sort of", kind of", or "and stuff".
Horniness is a quintessential example of hope.
Freedom is just a hallucination created by a pathological lack of paranoia.
Boxing is a lot like ballet, except that they don't dance, there isn't any music, and they hit each other.
Bad things come to those who wait too.
Acting without thinking can be awfully entertaining.
Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence.
Portions of the preceding were recorded. As for the rest of it, I'm very much afraid it was all in your mind.
I am always right. Except when I'm left, or bluffing.
Okay, everybody in this room who's telekinetic, raise my hand.
The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
So close, no matter how far... couldn't be much more from the heart. Forever trusting who we are, and nothing else matters.
Life is ours. We live it our way.
Trust I seek and I find in you, everyday to eat something new.
Greetings, lowly citizen. I seek your PEZ!
If it looks like a duck, acts like a duck, and quacks like a duck it is
probably just a tool of the conspiracy.
It would have worked, too, if it hadn't been for those meddling kids and their fucking dog!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains a popular item.
We find the defendant innocent by reason of being generally clueless.
I'll heal your wounds, I'll set you free; I'm Jesus Christ on ecstasy
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if you don't take it out and use it it's going to rust.
Of course it belongs to me, I'm a communist.
When life gives you a lemon, say 'Lemons? I like lemons. What else have you got?'
Being good at being stupid doesn't count.
Make your own mistakes, not somebody else's.
Ban Censorship!
I'm not as think as you stoned I am.
Everybody looks brave holding a machine gun.
I don't have a drinking problem... I drink, I get drunk, I fall down. No problem.
To err is human; to forgive is not company policy.
Censorship? We don't have any censorship here. If we did, I couldn't say ---- or ------ ------!
The problem with troubleshooting is that real trouble shoots back.
Quantum Express: When you absolutely, positively, don't know where it's going or when it needs to be there.
If you are what you eat, I could be you by morning.
Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry loose is not nailed down.
Welcome to Borger King. Your way will be assimilated.
That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast.
When in doubt, fuck it. When not in doubt... get in doubt!
It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up.
I may have my faults, but being wrong isn't one of them.
It is my firm belief that it is a mistake to hold firm beliefs.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Monday is an awful way to spend one-seventh of your life.
Bullshit makes the flowers grow and that's beautiful.
If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost
If vegetarians eat vegetables, I guess that makes me a humanitarian.
No matter how good it is, there's always better.
No matter how bad it is, there's always worse.
Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you.
Stop searching forever. Happiness is unattainable.
It is better to have loved and lost than to have just lost.
Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.
LSD melts in your mind, not in your hands.
Earn cash in your spare time, blackmail your friends.
reality.sys corrupted. universe halted. reboot (y/n)?
Weather's here, wish you were beautiful.
I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs and insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
A conservative is a liberal who has been mugged.
A liberal is a conservative who has been arrested.
The first step to a person's heart is to confuse the fuck out of 'em
A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.
A small mind is a tidy mind.
Don't force it, use a bigger hammer.
Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
Due to circumstances within our control, tomorrow will be cancelled.
If opportunity knocks, go to bed with your pants on.
Dare to be stupid.
He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.
He who hates vices hates mankind.
Mind your own business, Spock. I'm sick of your half-breed interference.
The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
You can't be late until you show up. Men are more sentimental than women. It blurs their thinking.
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing.
In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Question Authority -- and the authorities will question you.
You took my breath away and now I want it back.
There is no time like the pleasant.
He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
Do not merely believe in miracles, rely on them.
Profanity: the single language in which all programmers are expert.
Laugh, and the world ignores you. Crying doesn't help either.
Crazee Eddeee, his prices are INSANE!!!
I haven't lost my mind; it's back up on tape somewhere.
It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.
Fine, DON'T have a nice day, see if I care.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy
Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
The Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt not get caught.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.
Sure I believe in peace. Peace through superior firepower.
The plural of spouse is spice.
I prefer to think of them as the Ten Suggestions.
Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.
Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
Confidence: a feeling peculiar to the stage just before full comprehension of the problem.
Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.
All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time.
To criticize the incompetent is easy; to criticize the competent is difficult.
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
I like winter. I like the cold. I like the sound of flowers dying.
Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
Moderation is for monks.
The meek will inherit the earth; the rest of us will go to the stars.
The world owes all its onward impulses to men ill at ease. The happy man confines himself within ancient limits.
Wonders never cease, as long as you never cease to wonder.
Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.
It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last.
If you hit a man over the head with a fish, he'll have a headache for a day. But if you teach a man to hit himself over the head with a fish, he'll have headaches for the rest of his life.
Ignorance can be cured -- but stupid is forever.
The future ain't what it used to be.
Fidelity: A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
Early to bed and early to rise makes a man stupid and blind in the eyes.
We all know that no one understands anything that isn't funny.
No matter where you go... there you are.
He who laughs, lasts.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
Money is truthful. When a man speaks of honor, make him pay cash
Everybody is equal here. It's just some people are more equal than others.
The decision doesn't have to be logical, it was unanimous.
I'm not sure of what I should do -- when every thought I'm thinking of is you
The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility.
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
If it's comprehensible, it's obsolete.
Darwin's Law of Carcinogens: Cancer cures smoking.
It's an IBM, it's got an excuse.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
Well, it looks like blind, screaming hedonism won out.
The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
You're not really drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on.
Drive defensively; buy a tank.
Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword.
And the less I seek my source for some definitive, closer I am to fine...
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors -- and miss.
Never appeal to a man's "better nature". He may not have one.
There's someone in my head, but it's not me
I live like this 'cuz I like it; I've seen too much to pretend
My moral standing is lying down.
Don't open your eyes, you won't like what you see; the devils of truth steal the souls of the free... don't open your eyes, take it from me -- I have found you can find happiness in slavery...
I wanna reach up and touch the sky; I wanna touch the sun but I don't wanna fry
__________________
Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relatively to other such matter; second, telling other people to do so.

Darkness squeezes, Satan`s platypus rises tonight! Bork, bork, bork!
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Old 08-27-01   #9
RedMeat
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Final quotes:

Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
The reason people get lost in thought is because it is, to many, rather unfamiliar territory.
Better to have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.
If you're so special, why aren't you dead?
Don't knock masturbation; isn't sex with someone you love the best kind?
You're about as subtle as a tank.
Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy ANYTHING.
This town needs an enema.
Chaste makes waste.
Virginity can be cured.
A thousand lips, a thousand tongues, a thousand throats, a thousand lungs... a thousand ways to make it true, I want to do terrible things to you
Therefore, knowing that you are merely human, do not assign yourself merit.
No man is an island, but then no man is a potato salad, either.
Oh for the wings of any bird, other than a battery hen...
When you're a god, you don't have to have reasons.
I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs -- like customs officials.
Reality is the temporary resultant of the struggle between rival gangs of programmers.
The more it stays the same, the less it changes.
If I was a woman I'd stay at home all day and play with my breasts.
Last time I was stoned, I tried to eat an airport.
You can't lick the system, but you can certainly give it a damn good fondling...
"What did Medieval people do before television?" "Had tea, I suppose."
Don't worry. Baldrick has a cunning plan.
Smile, and the whole world thinks you're laughing at them.
On a scale of 1 to 4, what are your feelings about the colour green?
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Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relatively to other such matter; second, telling other people to do so.

Darkness squeezes, Satan`s platypus rises tonight! Bork, bork, bork!
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Old 08-27-01   #10
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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving deffinately isn't for you...
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Heck is a place for people who don't believe in Gosh.
A squirrel is just a rat with good P.R.
I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.
I do whatever my rice crispies tell me to.
Jesus is coming. Look Busy!
My family is more dysfunctional than your family.
God Please save me from your follower.
Yes I have the body of a god: Buddha
Jesus saves! By using double coupons & shopping wisely.
Jesus Loves You.. but everybody else knows you're an asshole.
Bet you could drive better with that cellular up your ass.
Practice safe hex.
I'm doin my part to piss off the religious right.....r u??
Ankh if you love Isis!!
Domineering, coldhearted, vicious bitch seeks submissive, warmhearted, caring man for INTENSE love/hate relationship!
He is YOUR god, They are YOUR rules, YOU burn in Hell!

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted,then used against you.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane, going the wrong way.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest. And be proud of it!
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands....
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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Old 08-27-01   #11
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hAhA lmFao.
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Old 08-29-01   #12
RedMeat
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My first day of school:
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Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relatively to other such matter; second, telling other people to do so.

Darkness squeezes, Satan`s platypus rises tonight! Bork, bork, bork!
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