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Old 08-19-01   #1
midnightsorrow
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News of the Weird!!!

Ok in the Tampa Bay area we have a local tradition of laughing our asses off every Thrusday when the Weekly Planet comes out. Why are we laughing cause in black and white in 1-2 pages full of true stories about people and things far stupider then us Floridians.(after all it's our states fault Bush is the "pres"??..please odn't hate me I had nothing to do with it)
So this is my thread dedicated in bringing you the stupid of the stupid. Every week I shall try to bring you up to date on how the people in the shallow end of the gene pool live and die*smirks*
Feel free to post your own bit-o-stupid in this thread.
Remember this is ALL TRUE!!!
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". . . This is only the cold nose of the fuck-happy fox creature.
-Tip of the iceberg."--Denalay

Somedays it isn't worth chewing through the leather straps.
Hello,
I see the assassins have failed.

"Hey Courtney, aren't you a Buddahist? The goal is to obtain Nirvana, not break them up."---Madonna to Courtney Love on SNL
No magic is ever truly destructive. For what is destruction, except creation with an agenda?
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Old 08-19-01   #2
midnightsorrow
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Aug 16-22 2001

Lead Stories!!!!!!!!!


July marked the apperance of a glossy, 32-page publication, Mainline Lady, funded by the Health Ministry in the Netherlands and designed to resemble a newsstand fashion mag, for the purpose of helping drug-addicted women feel better about their health and apperance. Included are articles on rejuvenating herion-ravaged dry skin, putting on weight and disguising needle marks with makeup, as well as an upbeat horoscope colum tailored to everyday problems of drug addicts.
Chuck Shepherd

In 1998 John and Narda Goff's 10 year-old daughter was sexually molested by a an using his finger for penetration, an attack that at the time was, under Ohio law, merely "assault" and not "rape". The Goff's campainged and finally persuaded the Ohio leg. in 1996 to broaden the law to include any forced penetration. In July 2001 the Goff's were charged with violating that very same law, having impregnated the same daughter in 1998 with stepfather John's sperm (using a syringe), allegedly because Narda is infertile and the couple wanted to a baby "together".(Actually, according to the daughter, John Goff was sexually molesting her before that, even during the time the Goff's were crusasing for a stronger rape law.)
Chuck Shepherd

Can't Possible Be True-----


According to a June report in Britian's The Guardian, at least 2 schools in Belgium's Limburg province will begin serving a kind of very-low-alcohol beer in public school cafeterias beginning in Sept., in an effort to wean kids ages 3-15 from sugary sodas and fruit juice.
Chuck Shepherd

At the Innovate 2001 expo in London in July, British inventor David Morrow introduced the "Consent Condoms," designed to protect men from the charges of date rape in that each condom comes with a fingerprint-sensitive tab of paper on which the man's partner can acknowledge that the act is consensual. Morrow says the fingerprint is more reliable then oral assent and that, unlike a signature, is deliverable while in the throes of ecstasy.(Among Innovate 2001's other exhibits was the "Ice Baton", billed as a "natural way" to relieve hemorrhoids.)
Chuck Shepherd

Malaysia, had shut down a food stall and arrested its proprietor because he was boiling dirty underwear in pots with food, which he said, according to legend, improved the taste of the food. Said a health official, "(T)his is an untrue belief and must be stopped."
Chuck Shepherd


Thinning the Herd

A 22-year-old man was killed when he stopped his car in traffic, walked back to the driver behind him to express his road rage and was fatally hit by a driver in the next lane (Columbus, Ohio, May). A 19-year-old student at the University of Texas at Austin, notorious for playing fire related prnaks on his friends, was killed after apperantly starting a prank fire that destroyed his apartment (May). An 18-year-old man was killed when three sticks of dynamite that the man habitually carried around (for no apperant reason) in a backpack exploded (Winnemucaa, Nev., June)
Chuck Shepherd


Also, in the Last Month-------

A barrom gunfight was averted when an inebriated man, waving a pellet gun in his prosthetic arm, watched as the arm came off and fell to the floor (El Paso, Texas).
Chuck Shepherd

And you thought you're life sucked.............
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". . . This is only the cold nose of the fuck-happy fox creature.
-Tip of the iceberg."--Denalay

Somedays it isn't worth chewing through the leather straps.
Hello,
I see the assassins have failed.

"Hey Courtney, aren't you a Buddahist? The goal is to obtain Nirvana, not break them up."---Madonna to Courtney Love on SNL
No magic is ever truly destructive. For what is destruction, except creation with an agenda?
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Old 08-21-01   #3
Iron's Rite
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Very funny, I like the one about the drunk guy who's arm fell off.
You should check out http://www.theonion.com if you havn't.
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Old 08-21-01   #4
midnightsorrow
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Thanks for stopping by Denalay, and I'll try the site.
__________________

". . . This is only the cold nose of the fuck-happy fox creature.
-Tip of the iceberg."--Denalay

Somedays it isn't worth chewing through the leather straps.
Hello,
I see the assassins have failed.

"Hey Courtney, aren't you a Buddahist? The goal is to obtain Nirvana, not break them up."---Madonna to Courtney Love on SNL
No magic is ever truly destructive. For what is destruction, except creation with an agenda?
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Old 08-21-01   #5
neonwraith
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Some new stories

British Tabloid Newspaper the Sport (18th june 2000)

Reported that a heavily pierced man (well his member was anyway) wandering under a very powerful Electro-magnet was suddenly given a 'rise' when the nickel plated iron was excited. However, the same effect also cut of blood to the effected area for several hours causing necrosis and eventualy ganagrene neccessititaion removal of ALL effected tissue.

(owch!!!!)


Along a similar line a friend of mine who works in male urology has recently treated a patient who tried an African pleasure enchancer to increase his staying power discover to his dismay that the effect created a permenant errection which lasted for 4 days. Although the errection was long lasting and he was quite happy at this cheap and apparently legal version of viagra, due to the fact that the tissue damage was so extensive, the errection faded leaving the whole member unable to function again......

(Again owch!!!)

Finally

Vice Police in Barsfield were surprised by the genuine excuse of a man who was found in a comprimising position with a live rodent trapped up his anal passage.

HIs excuse was that the creature (which is fit and well after it's ordeal) was a natural at catching flies and as he beleived he had a bee trapped up there he decided to send the rodent.

He claimed he'd got the inspiration from the song there was an old woman who swallowed a fly.

He said he thought it was an old folk remedy!!!!!
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"I've oft been told by learned friars
That wishing and the crime were one
And heaven punishes desires
As much as if the deed were done.

If wishing damns us, you and I
Are damned to all our hearts content.
Come then we may at least enjoy
Some pleasure for our punishment..."

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Old 08-21-01   #6
Iron's Rite
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Poor Rodent, that's "scared for life."
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Old 08-21-01   #7
midnightsorrow
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Screw the life part I'd just say scared.
How do you ever live that down as a mouse???
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". . . This is only the cold nose of the fuck-happy fox creature.
-Tip of the iceberg."--Denalay

Somedays it isn't worth chewing through the leather straps.
Hello,
I see the assassins have failed.

"Hey Courtney, aren't you a Buddahist? The goal is to obtain Nirvana, not break them up."---Madonna to Courtney Love on SNL
No magic is ever truly destructive. For what is destruction, except creation with an agenda?
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Old 08-23-01   #8
Iron's Rite
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Not "Scared" I.E. fear. I meant scarred as in physcologicall scars.

And I don't think you can live that down. Can you imagine the comments and new nicknames from other Mice?

"Hey stinkie, find any new burrows latley?"

"Find anything Illegal?"
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Old 08-23-01   #9
jaded silence
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lmao,dude thats awful.
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Old 08-23-01   #10
midnightsorrow
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Ahh ok Denalay.


I shall be a bit late with this weeks News-o-Weird hopefully by tomorrow night I should have it posted.*snickers*aI wonder what will happen this week..........
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". . . This is only the cold nose of the fuck-happy fox creature.
-Tip of the iceberg."--Denalay

Somedays it isn't worth chewing through the leather straps.
Hello,
I see the assassins have failed.

"Hey Courtney, aren't you a Buddahist? The goal is to obtain Nirvana, not break them up."---Madonna to Courtney Love on SNL
No magic is ever truly destructive. For what is destruction, except creation with an agenda?
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Old 08-24-01   #11
Iron's Rite
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I can't imagine. A lot can happen in a week you know.
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Old 08-24-01   #12
midnightsorrow
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LOL--
Damn straight!!
I'm editing the list down right as I speak to you all Lovely people.
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". . . This is only the cold nose of the fuck-happy fox creature.
-Tip of the iceberg."--Denalay

Somedays it isn't worth chewing through the leather straps.
Hello,
I see the assassins have failed.

"Hey Courtney, aren't you a Buddahist? The goal is to obtain Nirvana, not break them up."---Madonna to Courtney Love on SNL
No magic is ever truly destructive. For what is destruction, except creation with an agenda?
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